Breaking Masks

by Josh Aterovis

  “Well, I don't think....” I was cut off again.

  “You guys will look so cute together,” she went through the door and I stopped. If she thought we were going out and that's we'd look good together, then he must be gay. And she knew how I was, so that meant that Jake must have talked about me. Cute together? This girl was one of Jake's confidantes! She just told me Jake likes me. He's interested! In me!

  I turned from the building and walked back to my apartment with a grin plastered on my face. Jake liked me! Jake Sheridan really likes me! She thought we'd look cute together, so he was gay and he likes me!

  I took the stairs to my floor two at a time and burst into Nick's unlocked apartment. I heard the shower running and poked my head into the bathroom.

  “Jake likes me! Jake Sheridan likes me!” I danced out of the room and I heard laughter from the bathroom as the shower shut off. I twirled around the living room with a grin plastered to my face. Maybe this time I had a chance! Nick came out wrapped in just a towel and I hopped off the couch and hugged him.

  “Jake likes me!”

  “Yeah, I figured when you said it a minute ago!” he laughed. I let him go and gave him a huge smile. “How did you find out?”

  “I took your advice and went to the dorms. This girl he talks to, she gave it away. She said we'd look good together and asked me if we were going out tonight. Jake told her he was interested in me! I might actually have a chance with him!”

  “That's awesome, Kody!” We bumped knuckles and he went to get changed. I went to my apartment floating on cloud nine.

  I walked around my apartment straightening knickknacks and moving small things so that they were arranged just so. I whistled as I did so, checked my watch and danced a little from spot to spot in my living room. I was hoping to see Jake at the concert tonight. That single thought ruled my mind. I checked my watch again before straightening some books. I sat down, checked my watch, and then stood back up. The nervous energy in my body wouldn't allow me to rest. I finally locked my apartment and walked next door, checking my watch once again and realizing dimly only twelve minutes had passed. I went back to my apartment and forced myself to wait ten more minutes before going next door. I entered Nick's apartment with a quick rap on the door.

  “So? How do I look?” Nick turned for me. Nick had chosen a silky green button up to accentuate his eyes. Cream colored cargo's with ox-blood loafers and a choker of small white seashells completed the outfit. His chest was hinted at, and the pants were enough to make you interested in what they actually concealed.

  I placed my hand on my chin, appearing to be in thought. “I dunno, turn again?

  “Ass! Let's go!”

  ***

  Washington Park was in downtown Albany, located just a few blocks from Lark Street

  . Nick explained that Lark was significant because it was the gay section of the city. Each year they held the Larkfest which was like a block party with rides and food. This free concert was part of an effort to revitalize downtown and, by association, Washington Park.

  Continuing his tour guide act, Nick explained that Washington Park was the home of the Park Playhouse, an outdoor theatre that provided free shows throughout the summer months. A small amphitheatre provided seating space and lawn chairs were in place for the corporate sponsors. The playhouse was done for the year, but the park was still green and the weather-in the mid sixties-couldn't have been more accommodating.

  We strolled up Central Avenue

  , past Deja View and various other businesses. We chatted idly, people swarmed around us to catch their busses home or rushing to their cars. Posters dotted the lamp posts on the way to the park, advertising the food, beer and live music. A banner stretched across the intersection of Lark and Central, again advertising the event.

  We crossed the street at the intersection with Lark and walked up Central a couple more blocks before turning left onto Henry Johnson Boulevard

  . The park stretched out before us. The stage loomed in the distance as we headed towards the east side of the park.

  “Steve said we could meet by the middle of the park on the east side. I guess his apartment is just off the park.” Nick scanned the crowd for his date, unconsciously wiping his hands on his pants as he did so. It was kind of funny to see someone like Nick nervous, someone normally so confident and outgoing.

  “Nick!” Steve waved to us and Nick smiled widely in reply. He waved back and called a greeting as we closed the distance. Steve had a couple people with him. I had to admit he was pretty darn attractive. Couldn't hold a candle to Jake, of course, but, all in all, he wasn't bad.

  I quickly faded to the edges of the group, introduced and forgotten. Steve was turning out to be quite the gentleman and, since it seemed that Nick didn't need me to do anything drastic, I decided to look around. The astute observer might think I was just looking for Jake. Well that would be completely true. I wandered into the crowd, stopping to get a soda from a vendor. $4.75 for a soda? No wonder the concert was free! The soda was worth its weight in gold!

  I turned, soda in hand, and spotted the banner for tonight's band. Jake. Well, if I was looking for a sign, you can't get one more to the point than that, now can you? The girl who seemed to be the lead singer attempted to get the crowd warmed up before launching into their first set. They rocked out a nice sound--strong lyrics and a driving beat.

  I spotted Roy in the crowd, easy to identify with his stiff movements, making him look like a creature made of stone and brought to life. His head swiveled mechanically; I imagined small ball bearings and a grease fitting at the nape of his neck to keep it all in working order. He waded through the sea of mingling, dancing bodies. Didn't he know you were supposed to dance while on the dance floor? I headed towards him as the band broke into a slow lament. The concert-goers separated allowing me to see Jake next to Roy. He was in profile to me, the setting sun in the west glowing like a corona round him. The sunset paled in comparison to my Jake, for I knew for once in my life that I had a chance, that it wasn't just some idiot fantasy.

  I steeled my nerves as I walked to him while the song played. The sweetness of the lyrics rang true, the end of the song as it hung in the evening air still clings in my memory.

  And I need to know the way to take you there

  Despite the rage in spite of my fear

  I need to know the way

  To say it out loud

  There's a 1000 years between us now

  I watched him as I approached, framed by the sunburst behind him, and all I could think was that, of all the things made by nature, this was the most beautiful. Of all the boys I had seen, he was the sweetest by far. Of all the times my heart has swelled....this time it was real, this time I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep.

  As I closed the distance, I began to raise my arm and finally placed it on his bare forearm. The skin was as smooth and warm as I had imagined it would be, but somehow even more so. He turned to face me, his eyes so blue and shimmering with unshed tears. My heart broke for the lost expression on his face, a look that declared he was adrift in a sea of emotions. I felt our eyes lock, and my body was frozen in place as the song trailed off. Cheers went up in the crowd and a new song started, some of the moment broken, but not all of it-not by a long shot.

  “Hi,” I said to him. He blinked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

  “Hi.”

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, um, better now.” His face broke into a smile that showed the love Mother Nature put into making this boy.

  “That's good.” I returned his smile, feeling so lucky to have him here.

  “Definitely.”

  I stared into his eyes, mesmerized by his presence. My mind was screaming to ask him out, but what if I was wrong? What if he said no? I noted his face, his beautiful face and realized that he was tongue tied as well. What if he said yes? What then?

  “So, um, Jake would you like to go get….um, something to eat
….with me?” I looked up at him with my stomach having more than butterflies-maybe more like birds. Or Pterodactyls.

  “That sounds….um, great.” Jake smiled at me, and I felt my joints weaken a bit. I smiled at him, and my heart soared. He said yes!

  Jake said yes!

  Chapter 11

  Breaking Masks

  Josh Aterovis and Dave Dabeagle

  © 2004

  "Jake"

  “Hi,” Kody said.

  “Hi,” I responded wittily. He'd caught me off guard. I hadn't expected to see him, and here he was with his hand still on my arm. His touch was surprisingly warm and tingly, as if energy was flowing from his body into mine. I stared down at his hand, unable to believe that he was actually touching me.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  I snapped out of it and grinned. “Yeah, um, better now.”

  “That's good.” He smiled back at me, and I forgot we were standing in the middle of a crowd of people. For that moment, we were alone.

  “Definitely,” I agreed.

  He shifted nervously. “So, um, Jake would you like to go get….something to eat….with me?” He was so cute. As if I could say no to him!

  “That sounds great.”

  He looked surprised that I'd agreed. “Uh, where should we go?”

  I shrugged. “I don't really know anywhere except The Morning Rush.”

  Kody made a face. “Ew. No, definitely not.”

  “We can just wander until we see something we like,” I suggested.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  We'd started walking away before I remembered Roy. I turned back to find him trailing along behind us with a proud smile on his face. Great, just what I needed for my first date with Kody, a three hundred pound chaperone.

  Before I could decide what to do about Roy, I heard someone calling my name and turned to see an arm waving above the crowd. I followed the arm down to find Erin grinning at me, with Carlos at her side. I stifled a sigh and pasted a friendly smile on my face. Why was this happening now? I just wanted to be alone with Kody.

  Erin and Carlos were pushing through the mob towards us, and I noticed Toshi following in their wake. Great! The more the merrier.

  “Hey!” Erin shouted to be heard over the music and crowd as she approached. “I was hoping we'd run into you. Carlos said you invited him so we decided to come check it out.”

  “I thought you were working.”

  “I was, but then one of the other RA's asked if I would switch with him and work tomorrow morning. I said yes so he took over-” She broke off as she seemed to notice Kody for the first time. “Hey, Kody! I see you found him all right. I didn't know where you'd disappeared to earlier. One minute you were right behind me and then, poof, you're gone.”

  I felt my eyes grow wide. Kody and Erin had met already? I looked to Kody, who was blushing and looking very guilty. I turned my gaze to Erin. She hadn't missed my expression and was now trying her best to look innocent. She didn't fool anyone.

  “Okay, what happened?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” Kody and Erin chorused.

  I gave them my best skeptical look, but let it slide-for now. I'd be sure to bring it back up later.

  “Isn't this band great?” Carlos asked in an attempt to change the subject.

  “They really are,” Toshi agreed. “And they have the same name as you, Jake! How cool!”

  Just then, the band went into a slow number.

  “Oh! I want to slow dance!” Toshi cooed. “Carlos, dance with me!”

  Carlos blinked in surprise.

  “Hey, watch it, buster. Carlos is mine,” Erin teased.

  “I promise to bring him back unmolested,” Toshi replied with a serious face.

  Erin pretended to think about it for a second. “I guess it's okay then. Go ahead.”

  “Hey! Don't I get a say in this?” Carlos protested, but he was grinning.

  “No!” Toshi and Erin said together as Toshi began to drag Carlos off towards the area where everyone was dancing.

  Erin watched them go with a wickedly amused gleam in her eye.

  “You're enjoying that way too much,” I joked.

  She laughed and turned to eye the rest of us. “Well, I'm not going to just stand here like a wallflower. Come on, Roy, we're going to go dance.”

  “Uh, me?” Roy asked, his voice filled with something akin to fear. “I don't know how to dance.”

  “Don't worry. I'll teach you,” Erin said as she grabbed his arm and started pulling him away. Erin looked back at me with a meaningful glance, then flicked her eyes in Kody's direction. Roy looked back in panic.

  Once they were gone, I turned to Kody, who was looking at me with an anxious expression. I wasn't sure if he was nervous that I'd ask him to dance, scared that I wouldn't, or a mixture of both. The opportunity was too good to pass up, however.

  “So, can I have this dance?” I asked as I held my hand out to him. He looked down at it like it was a snake about to bite him. The panic was clear on his face. Crap! I'd moved too fast. With Kody, I felt a bit like someone trying to coax a wild animal to eat from their hand. I had to avoid making any sudden moves or I might spook him. “Never mind-” I started to say, but he surprised me by interrupting with his soft voice.

  “Okay.”

  He took my hand and started towards the dance area, towing me along in shock. I barely had time to register that he was holding my hand before we reached the edge of the dancing couples. He turned to look at me, his face clearly saying “What now?”

  I gave him a reassuring smile and stepped closer to him, sliding my arms gently around his waist. I heard him suck in a breath. I knew how he felt. My heart was hammering and I could barely remember how to dance. He slowly lifted his arms and placed them around my neck. His face was flushed and he looked like he might pass out at any second. We began to move to the music, awkwardly at first, but gradually finding the rhythm of the music and one another's bodies.

  I couldn't tell you if people were watching us or not. All I could think about was the way it felt to be in Kody's arms again. It was better than I remembered it. He wasn't drunk this time; he knew exactly what he was doing. His eyes were locked on mine, and what I saw there filled me with a strange jumble of hope and fear-hope that I might have something real and deep with Kody, but fear that he wouldn't accept me if he knew the truth.

  Kody leaned into me and rested his head against my shoulder. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed having his body touch mine. “I've never danced with a guy before,” he said.

  “I have...but never like this,” I said.

  The song ended too soon, and the band jumped into another fast song. I reluctantly released my hold on Kody and he stepped away. I thought he looked a little disappointed as well, but maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see. Now, more than ever, I just wanted to be alone with Kody. I had to get rid of Erin and the gang-but how? Then I remembered where we were going when we ran into them in the first place.

  Erin, Carlos, Toshi and Roy made their way over to us, Erin beaming her approval of Kody and me.

  “See, didn't I say you'd make a cute couple?” she said to Kody.

  “Okay, explain this now, please,” I said. “When did you two meet?”

  “Well...” Erin looked to Kody.

  Kody sighed. “I kind of went looking for you earlier today.”

  I blinked. “You did?”

  “Yeah, um...I didn't know what building you were in so I was just asking around. Erin just happened to come in and overhear me asking and she figured out who I was.” He shrugged.

  “So I offered to show him your room, and one minute he's behind me and the next he's gone,” Erin added.

  “You probably scared him off,” I said dryly and everyone laughed. “Well, it's great that you two are already acquainted and all, and I'm sure we'll have more to discuss about that later,” I gave Erin a dirty look, “but Kody and I were just about to go find somewhere to eat befo
re we ran into you.”

  “Hey, that's great!” Toshi jumped in. “I'm starving and Carlos was just saying how hungry he is in between whispering sweet nothings into my ear.”

  “Ha! You wish!” Carlos laughed. “Oh, and Erin, let's just say he did not return me unmolested. That boy has wandering hands!” Toshi leered in Carlos' direction and we all laughed again.

  “There's a great place near here,” Erin said. “It's called Quintessence and it's on the south side of the park, across from the Lake House. We can walk there from here. You guys will love it,” she added to Kody and me.

  I wanted to say that what I would really love is some alone time with Kody, but that idea had obviously been steamrolled by our well-meaning friends. Just then, Nick walked up with a tall, dark and handsome guy by his side. The party just kept getting bigger and bigger.