“Hey, Jake! Hey, Kody!” he said. “What's up?”
“We were just getting ready to go to Quintessence,” Kody said.
“Cool! Mind if we tag along?”
“The more the merrier,” Erin said, echoing my sarcastic thought from earlier. “Since these guys seem to have forgotten their manners, hi, I'm Erin and this is my boyfriend Carlos. The one with the drool running down his chin is Toshi, and the strong, silent type in the back is Roy. I take you already know Jake and Kody.”
“Hi, Erin! I'm Nick and this is Steve. I live next door to Kody and I met Jake at a party last weekend. Actually, I met Roy then too.”
“Kody punched Foster,” Roy added helpfully.
Erin raised her eyebrows as she took in Kody's small frame and Kody blushed furiously. “Wish I could've seen that.”
“It was quite a sight,” Nick said.
“How about you give us all the gory details at the restaurants?” she suggested.
“How about we don't?” Kody put in.
“Oh, come on, it was pretty impressive,” Nick kidded. “You should be proud.”
“Right. It was my proudest moment.”
“Can we argue about this while we walk?” Toshi asked. “My stomach is about to eat itself, I'm so hungry.”
The group started to move and Erin naturally took the lead. She was a born leader and seemed to feel most comfortable when she was in charge. Everyone argued good-naturedly, joking and trading mock-insults as we walked. I was trying not to pout, but it was a losing battle. Kody finally makes a move and the moment gets ruined. The old saying “two's company but three's a crowd” was so true-and if three was a crowd, what does that make eight? My sulking was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Erin at my side. While I pouted, I had slowly moved to the back of the group. I was surprised that she'd give up her lead-dog position to come to the back of the pack.
“So what's eating you?” she asked softly.
“Nothing,” I said unconvincingly.
“Uh huh, and I'm Mrs. Claus. Ho! Ho! Ho!”
“I think it's Mr. Claus that says that.”
“Come on, Jake. What's wrong? Are you mad at me for telling Kody you'd make a cute couple?”
“What? Oh. No. Well, maybe a little. But not really.”
“Clear as mud. Then what's up?”
“I guess...”
“Spit it out already!”
“I guess I'd just like to be alone with Kody,” I admitted.
“Oh. Oh! And we're cramping your style. Duh!” She slapped her forehead. “Sometimes I can be so dense. I'm so sorry Jake!”
“It's okay. It's just...you know, I really don't know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Date someone normal. I've never been in a real relationship. I've never done the whole dating thing. I mean, I've been with a lot of guys, but never anyone like Kody. I'm so afraid I'm going to do something wrong and hurt him or scare him away.”
“Trust me, sweetie, I don't think you could scare him away if you tried. I've seen the way his face lights up when he talks about you or the look in his eye when he stares at you.”
“Really?” I asked hopefully.
“Really.”
“He stares at me?”
“Yep.”
I sighed. “Yeah, but you don't know the whole story...”
“Then why don't you tell me?”
The funny thing was I wanted to. I wanted to tell her the whole sordid story. Something told me she wouldn't pull away. Maybe she wouldn't understand-how could she?-but she'd at least try to. But now was not the time.
“Hey, what are you two doing back there?” Carlos yelled back suddenly.
“Maybe I'll tell you some other time,” I said quietly to Erin, then yelled back to Carlos, “We're talking about how fine your ass is!”
A series of cat-calls from the assorted gay guys present took the attention off me and Erin as we rejoined the group. I caught Kody giving me a thoughtful look, and I'm sure he suspected we'd been talking about him. I gave him what I thought to be a reassuring smile and was rewarded with another adorable blush.
We arrived at the restaurant and managed to get seated together. As I sat down next to Kody, he leaned in close to me and whispered, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?” I asked innocently.
“You just looked like you were upset back there.”
“Everything's great. I'm here with you, aren't I?” He blushed again and I couldn't help giggling. It was almost becoming a game-make Kody blush.
We ordered our food and sat around shooting the bull while we waited. I watched Kody as he relaxed and opened up, and I realized that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to have everyone else along after all. He definitely seemed more comfortable with Nick there. I felt a twinge of envy, but that was just silly. Nick was with that guy Steve. He and Kody were just friends. No matter how many times I told myself that, though, the jealousy was still there.
Man, I had it bad. I hadn't felt like this about a guy since I was fourteen. It made me feel like a dumb kid again-which was weird, but not entirely a bad thing. That was the last time I'd felt even close to innocent. My whole life had been ripped to shreds about that time, and I was still trying to piece it together four years later.
“Jake?” Kody asked.
I blinked and realized he'd been talking to me while I was lost in my thoughts. “Sorry,” I said with a rather shaky smile. “I guess I zoned out there for a minute.”
“Are you sure you're okay?” His voice was filled with so much concern I almost fell apart right there.
“Yeah, I'm fine.” I didn't even convince myself. I could see my strained face reflected in his worry-filled eyes.
“Jake...” he started.
“I'll be right back,” I said suddenly as I stood up. I had to cut him off before he said another word. If I hadn't, I would have started crying. What the fuck was happening to me?
I rushed to bathroom and tried to pull myself together. I was splashing water on my face when Roy came through the door. “Jake?” he asked.
“Hey, Roy,” I mumbled through the rough paper toweling I was using to dry my face.
“Are you sick?”
“No, I'm okay.” I was getting very tired of saying that, especially when I so obviously wasn't okay.
“Then why'd you run out like that?”
“I just needed to get away for a minute.”
“Did Kody say something to make you upset?”
“No! I just...I started thinking about something that happened a long time ago and it...I guess it still upsets me. I'm ready to go back out now. Let's go.”
We walked back to the table, where everyone was carefully trying to pretend like nothing had happened. Only Kody was acting any differently. He had pulled back into himself and was sitting quietly with a haunted look on his face.
I slid back into my seat and turned to him. “I'm sorry.”
“Was it something I said?” he asked.
“No! I promise. It's just...I'll explain later, okay?”
He nodded, but his cheery mood from earlier was gone now. I felt like an ass for ruining the night for him. He remained quiet while we ate. I tried to draw him into the conversation again, but he had withdrawn completely.
I was feeling like a complete and total heel when Erin slipped around to my side of table and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “I'll fix it. Just follow my lead.”
“Huh?”
“Hey guys,” she said brightly. “Have you guys ever been down to the Corning Preserve after dark?”
“Yeah,” Carlos said, receiving a dirty look from his girlfriend for his effort.
“I don't even know what it is,” I replied, hoping I was following her lead. I wasn't quite sure what that meant.
“It's this cool park in the middle of the city, right on the river.”
“That would be the Hudson River?” I asked.
“Right. Want to go?�
��
Maybe this was the part where I was supposed to play along. Did that involve saying yes or no? Was she trying to get all of us to this preserve place or was I supposed to say no and they'd go, leaving Kody and I alone. I liked the idea of that last scenario the best and since we'd been talking earlier about how I wanted to be alone with Kody, I decided to try that one.
“Not really...” I started, but a sharp glance from Erin quickly let me know I'd chosen the wrong door. “...er...I mean, sure.”
“Great! There's a bus that stops there. We can go as soon as we settle the bill.”
“I think Steve and I are gonna duck out if you don't mind,” Nick said, staring deep into Steve's eyes. I had a feeling I knew where they would end up before the night was over. I waited for Erin to argue with him, but she just smiled and nodded. I guess they weren't essential for her plan.
“I think I'm gonna skip out too,” Kody said softly, and I spun around with dismay.
“Come on, Kody,” Erin said. “It'll be fun.”
“No thanks,” he said.
“Please?” I whispered. His eyes met mine and he stared into them, as if trying to read my intentions. I gave him my best puppy dog look and I could see him giving in.
“Okay,” he said with a sigh.
I gave him a big smile. I didn't know what Erin's plan was, but as long as Kody was along for the ride, it couldn't be all that bad.
After we settled the bill, we said goodbye to Nick and Steve, and then caught the bus towards the Corning Preserve. Kody was quiet the whole way there. When we arrived, I looked around with a little disappointment. It wasn't what I had expected at all. When I hear the word “preserve”, I think of some wooded area teeming with wildlife. The Corning Preserve was a narrow strip of trees, bordered by the river on one side, and the highway on the other. Don't get me wrong. It's a pretty little park, just not what I'd pictured.
“So why are we here again?” Toshi asked as we walked down the footpath towards the river.
“I just thought it would be nice,” Erin said defensively.
“It is nice,” Carlos placated, as he slid his arm around her waist. “You know what would be even nicer? If we walked down to see the Slater.”
“Who's that?” I asked.
“Not who, it's a what,” Erin said, rolling her eyes.
“She's a decommissioned World War II Navy destroyer,” Carlos enthused. “The city keeps her moored near here. They offer tours and stuff.”
“She? Her? Why do boats and cars always have to be women?” she said in mock-testiness. “Besides, not everyone wants to see some big boat. Right, Jake?”
“Huh? Uh, right.” I was being honest. I couldn't care less about a boat right then. I couldn't take my eyes off Kody. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight, standing at the railing overlooking the Hudson River. From the looks of things, he wasn't paying any attention to the conversation.
“But if you want to see it, we'll walk down there,” Erin continued. “Come on, Roy and Toshi. You can walk with us.”
“I'll stay here,” Toshi said.
“No, walk with us,” Erin insisted.
“I don't really want...”Toshi started.
“Yes. You. Do,” Erin informed him firmly, as Roy caught Toshi's arm and started tugging him along in the direction Carlos was heading.
I turned to find Kody still leaning against the rail. I wondered if he even knew the others had left. He seemed to be in his own little world. I walked up and stood next to him.
“Hey, you okay?” I said softly.
He looked up and gave me a little smile. “Yeah. I'm okay.”
“You've been really quiet since the restaurant.”
He shrugged and looked back out over the water. “I'm sorry if I said or did something wrong.”
“Huh?”
“In the restaurant, I'm sorry if I said or did something to upset you.”
“You didn't, Kody. Honest!”
“Then what happened? One minute we're talking and everything is fine, then you get this funny look on your face, and the next thing I know you're running from the room.”
“It's...complicated.” I wasn't ready to go into details, but his disappointed expression made me realize I had to tell him something. “Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Kody, there's a lot you don't know about me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Duh. There's a lot you don't know about me too.”
“No, I mean there's a lot you don't know about me. I have a pretty...unpleasant past. I guess you could say I come with a lot of baggage. When we were sitting in the restaurant, I was actually thinking about how much I like you.”
His eyes grew round. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I said as I began to blush.
He grinned ear to ear. “I guess it's safe to tell you that I like you too.” Suddenly, he frowned. “But that doesn't explain why you ran away like that.”
“Well, that's where my past comes in.” It was my turn to face the river to avoid eye contact. “I haven't felt like this about someone for a long time-since I was a kid. Some really bad things happened to me then and as one of my counselors put it, I disassociated my emotions so I wouldn't get hurt like that again. I haven't really let myself feel things for a long time so this is all very new to me. Feeling this way about you made me remember the last time I felt like this, which made me think about the bad things that happened around the same time.”
“What...what bad things?” Kody asked tentatively.
I tried to suppress a shudder but failed. “I'd rather not talk it,” I whispered. “Not yet.”
Kody nodded.
I cleared my throat. “I do want to get to know you better, though,” I told him as I faced him once more. “I really do like you.”
He smiled. “What do you want to know? I'm pretty much an open book.”
I was relieved that he was so willing to let the subject drop and move on. “Everything!” I said with a grin. “Start at the beginning.”
He giggled. “Well, I grew up at a truck stop.” I laughed. “No, I really did,” he insisted. “My grandfather raised me after my dad died when I was little. I never even knew my mom. My grandpa ran this little motel and diner on the highway. I lived there until I was about fourteen, and then one day, this guy broke down in our parking lot. His name was Dave and he was a really nice guy. I didn't have a lot of friends, living in the middle of nowhere, so I kind of latched onto him. I followed him around and probably pretty much made a nuisance of myself, but he was too nice to say so. I figured out that he was gay when he told me he was moving to Baysville, which is a really gay-friendly town, and I told my grandpa. My grandpa already knew I was gay, and that it was going to be really hard for me in the tiny little town where we lived. Dave and my grandpa spent a lot of time talking while he was there, and when he left, I went with him. My grandpa wanted me to have a better life. I have an adopted little brother who is gay too. So we're just one big gay family. There. I don't think I left anything out.”
I stared at him open-mouthed. Kody watched me, nervously awaiting my reaction. His story was almost as incredible as mine. “Wow,” was all I could manage.
“My dad, my adopted dad, went to college here, so he really wanted me to come here too,” he went on when I didn't say anything else. “It's really far from home and I miss Dad and Charlie, but I guess it's good for me.”
He was started to babble so I thought I'd better say something before he started telling me what kind of underwear he wore. “Charlie!” I said latching on to the name.
Kody blinked at me. “What about him?”
“When I called you one time, you yelled at me and called me Charlie. I wondered who Charlie was. So he's your little brother?”
Kody flushed a fetching shade of scarlet. “Yeah, um, he's my brother. I'm, uh, really sorry about that. Charlie had been teasing me...” He trailed off with a sudden look of horror.
“Teasing you about what?” I couldn't resist asking, although
I thought I had an idea from his expression.
“N-nothing,” he stuttered.
“Come on, tell me,” I teased.
“He was, uh, teasing me about you,” he said and his face blazed even brighter, if possible.
I grinned. “Oh really?”
Breaking Masks Page 16
