Breaking Masks

by Josh Aterovis

  “Hi, Dad. It's Kody.”

  “Hey buddy! How's everything in the great northeast?”

  “Going pretty well. Classes are okay, all except Economics, which is so boring I can't even tell you.”

  “Yeah, I hated Econ too. Boring stuff. You'll have to buckle down to pass that one, Son.”

  “Yeah, I know. I'm calling for a reason this time, though. I need a little help, Dad.”

  “What's up?”

  I felt my cheeks reddening already, but I was committed now and plunged ahead.

  “I have a date tonight and I need to know how to cook something impressive but not too hard.”

  “Oh, I see. You're cooking dinner?”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  “Who is this guy?”

  “It's Jake, the one I told you about the first week of school.”

  “Oh, Kody, you can't be serious?”

  “It's not what you think, Dad. It turns out he's gay, and he's interested. We met up at this free concert last night, and we walked in the park together and talked, and he's really nice, Daddy, and he said he liked me too.” I felt like a small child, almost afraid my dad would forbid this guy to come into the house, my apartment, three thousand miles away.

  “Well, you're on your own now, Kody. I can't tell you what to do,” Dad sighed. “I hope it works out this time.”

  “I hope so too, Dad. He's been really sweet so far, and we have some stuff in common.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, like the fact we are both out at home. We are both from single parent houses, `cept I'm sure his mom is a little more feminine than you.” I giggled.

  “Laugh it up. What else?”

  “Jeez, I dunno,” I thought to myself, “Neither of us is into the drinking or party scene really. We like the same music, sort of. The band at the park played a really good song. I wonder if that would be, like, our song?”

  “So! Did he kiss you yet?” I wondered to myself if dad was a little uncomfortable with me and Jake. Well, of course he is, he can't be here if something goes wrong.

  “Dad!”

  “Okay, I guess not. That's good, means he didn't do anything else either.”

  “Dad! That is so not funny,” I grumbled at him.

  “Well, I guess you're trying to get to his heart through his stomach, huh?”

  “No, I'm trying to get a date since I told him I don't kiss on the first date!” I felt as if the embarrassment clearly showing in my cheeks could have lit the room-and then some.

  “So we are trying for a first kiss?” Dad chuckled.

  “Yes, Dad, we are. I want him to kiss me, and then I want him to take me to the couch and kiss me some more, and then I want him to find the bottle of lube and the condoms I stashed in the coffee table drawer, and-“

  “Kody!”

  “Well, you make it sound so dirty!”

  “I do not. I was just curious. You go so whole heartedly into these things. I just don't want him to take advantage of you. I can't stop it from happening though, so I hope you are right about this boy.”

  “I am, but I need a recipe, Dad! I'm supposed to cook dinner tonight!”

  “Okay, alright. Let's see...You have a pen and paper? Copy this down then.”

  * * *

  I walked down to the bus stop and caught one that goes to the Price Chopper on Delaware Avenue

  . The place was crowded, but I darted in and out of aisles with the list Dad had given me. I was making Coq Au Vin, a French chicken dish with a cream sauce. I had borrowed a dry white cooking wine from Nick, who was plainly happy to be rid of it.

  I grabbed some garlic and onions, chicken and a few spices before catching the bus home. I started working quickly, following the directions as best I could and praying I didn't do anything majorly wrong. The chicken was browning and I started cutting up the big ass onions. Holy shit! My eyes were watering like crazy. I'd always thought that was some kind of old joke. I washed my hands and my eyes began to clear once out of range of those venomous onions.

  Oh shit! The chicken was only supposed to get browned, not deep fried! Oh, damn it! This was looking more and more as though I'd have to order a pizza. After rescuing the chicken, which maybe wasn't as bad as I'd thought, I put it and its sauce in the oven. As I started to fry the onions, knuckles rapped on my front door, and Nick popped in.

  “Damn, something smells good in here! Can I come over too?” He smiled as he walked over to me.

  “I am not slaving over a hot stove to get my first kiss from you, mister!” I said as I tried to make light of my situation.

  “For just one piece of that chicken, I'll clean your tonsils, Kody!” Nick chuckled and made a mock attempt to kiss me. I just laughed and pushed him away.

  “No, this is for Jake. Make your own dinner.”

  “But I can't cook, Emeril!” he whined at me while sitting down at my small kitchen table.

  “What, I look like a chef here? Bam!” I giggled as I slammed the frozen veggies on the counter to break them up from their icy slumber.

  “Well, it smells good, whatever it is.”

  “I am so nervous. In Home Ec, I once made these muffins that smelled so good...until you actually tried to eat one.” I shot Nick a meaningful glance before continuing, “I put in salt instead of sugar. They tasted like a big, fluffy salt lick.”

  Nick howled with laughter and I smiled at him. The story was true enough, what I hadn't told him was that after I knew how bad they were, I gave one to my math teacher. I'd hated that bastard.

  Nick and I chatted aimlessly while I cooked, then I asked him to watch the stove while I took a shower. As I was leaving, he asked if he should pick my clothes out again. I stuck my tongue out at him for his efforts.

  After showering, however, I really did wonder if I shouldn't get Nick to pick something for me. I settled on a tight black button up and jeans that were somewhat snug in the back. I pulled on my anklets, and put on my Jake & Co underwear-for good luck. I didn't plan on him ever seeing them, not tonight anyway.

  I walked out in my stocking feet to the kitchen where Nick was putting the lid on the vegetables. The rice was simmering and everything was just about set. I grabbed some nice plates from the cabinet. Once, they might have been part of a big set, but these two orphans were all that was left at the Goodwill store. I put some paper towels down as napkins and a battered butter tray with chipped salt and pepper shakers. I grabbed two bowls and two thin tapered candles from the top of the fridge and my catch-all drawer respectively.

  I lit each one, dripping candle wax in the bowl and then seating the candles on the hot wax. After blowing them out, I left them to cool in place.

  “Do you think he'll notice that all this stuff doesn't match with just the candlelight?” I asked Nick worriedly. I slowly adjusted the table cloth as I realized there were more threads than I remembered dangling at the fringes. I readjusted the setting once the offending strings were hidden on my side of the table.

  “I'd be surprised if he notices anything after he sees you, Kody.” Nick smiled at me. “I saw the looks he was flashing you. I think you are pretty safe in getting noticed tonight.”

  “Flattery will get you nowhere. Okay, get out! Jake will be here soon and I need to finish things up here.”

  “Okay, good luck,” Nick said. He paused and pecked me on the cheek. “Jake's lucky, don't you forget it.” Then he was gone. I tried to settle my nerves and finish getting things done around the apartment, like picking up dishes from the living room, empty chip packages off the coffee table and my shoes from in front of the couch.

  I had this old lamp that was red fading to white with gold leaves glued to it. It was interesting because it had two bulbs, one on the top where the main source of light was, and one on the inside of it where you could have a nightlight type of glow. I set the lamp on its dim setting and eyed the room critically. Well, it looked better draped in shadows, more as if things went together.

  I went back
into the kitchen and waited for the chicken to finish. I also checked the rice and veggies, deciding I should put them in bowls for the table. I was so nervous. Why was I so nervous? We had talked already, I knew he liked me! There was no reason to be acting like a ninny!

  I put the veggies on the table, and as I turned to get the rice it occurred to me that the veggies would get cold if he wasn't on time. I couldn't serve a cold dinner to Jake, but what was I supposed to do with it in the meantime? Shit! Why was this so complicated? I really shouldn't have to go through all this to get one kiss from the guy who already told me he liked me. Maybe I should just lay one on him as he came through the door and get it over with! Maybe then my nerves would settle down!

  I grabbed a pot top and placed it over the veggies, then proceeded to do the same with the rice. I glanced at the clock and noted it was five after seven. What if he didn't show? Oh my god, that would be disaster! Jake wouldn't do that, would he? Maybe I had been too forward this afternoon. Maybe he didn't like that. I was consumed by a paralyzing fear of Jake not coming for dinner, and had a nasty image of giving the whole thing to Nick. Just at that moment, when my panic was turning to despair, there was a knock at my door. So help me god, if it's Nick he's going back to his apartment in a body bag!

  I quickly lit the candles and dashed to the door, pausing at the mirror to check and see if my hair was still okay. I grabbed the door handle and took a deep breath before trying my best to open the door smoothly. There was Jake wearing a dark blue button up shirt with the top few buttons undone. The dark blue set off his eyes and made them seem brighter. His hair hung down to caress each side of his face, and his black jeans gave him a rock star look.

  “Kody? Helloo?” He waved his hand in front of my face and I started suddenly as I was brought back to the real world.

  “Hi Jake, sorry, you just…you look...really nice,” I said. I swallowed all the other terms that came to mind, in case they were too forward. I am almost certain edible would be considered too forward.

  “Thanks, you look pretty nice yourself,” he smiled and stepped into the apartment. I noted a small curl at the edge of his mouth as he took in the room.

  “You really set a romantic mood, Kody.”

  I almost said it was to cover the mismatched furniture, but I then realized that having a romantic atmosphere was better for getting my first kiss.

  “Glad you like it. Dinner is ready, if you are.” I ushered him into my little kitchen and pulled out a chair for him. He grinned at me and sat down in the proffered chair. I put a trivet on the table and opened the stove up to get the chicken out.

  “Mmm, Kody, looks good. I mean, smells good!”

  I realized I was bent over in front of him as I removed the chicken. Thank God I didn't drop it out of shock! I set the chicken on the stove and half-turned to look at Jake. He seemed quite amused by all of my preparations, a cute smile sitting on his face. Well, that's all right I guess, as long as he's pleased. I put the chicken on the serving plate and brought it to the table.

  I served him his chicken on a bed of rice, and added some of the sauce from the pan. He still had this slightly amused look on his face. I was shooting for something more than amusement. I really hoped this wasn't all just for his amusement. Maybe I just needed to try a little harder.

  He murmured his thanks as I set the main course down on the trivet and spooned him some veggies. I then took my seat across from him and put some food on my plate-but not too much! I didn't want him to think I was a pig. Am I over-thinking this? Maybe.

  “So…dig in,” I said with a smile. He grinned at me and forked a piece of chicken, which was tender enough to break away from the bone easily, and popped it in his mouth. I waited for his response, praying it was good, and also praying he wouldn't pull that horrible routine he did when I suggested he try my favorite coffee.

  He must have taken pity on me. “Hey, this is good!” he said. I smiled in relief, finally able to eat a bit myself.

  “I called my dad this afternoon for a recipe,” I admitted. “I realized after I got home I didn't know what I would make for you.”

  “Take out would have been fine with me. This is more than I expected.”

  I just smiled and watched him eat, extremely pleased with myself that I had made a good impression. He wasn't mine yet, I knew that, but I also knew that he was mine to lose. I just needed to keep showing him I had some value, and then I would have a chance to keep him-maybe for a long time.

  “What are you smiling at?” he asked.

  “I was thinking about you…in ten years.” I grinned at him as his jaw dropped open a bit. It was over the top, but it was worth it to catch him by surprise. I giggled at him.

  “Ten years, huh? What did I look like?” Jake grinned, rising to the bait.

  “Handsome...and well fed.” I giggled again.

  “You trying to say I got fat?” he pouted.

  “No, you get plenty of regular exercise.” I flashed an appraising look at him. My father would kill me if he could hear me. In fact, I was beginning to embarrass myself. Better change the subject. “So is life at college everything you thought it would be?” I asked.

  “It's starting to look better,” he said, giving me a meaningful look, “but it didn't start out that way. I wanted a fresh start, new place and all, and I got that, but I was a little lonely at first. Then this chick Becca tried to pick me up the first few days I was here. She turned out to be a real piece of work. She was really persistent and eventually I had to turn her down, but she showed me where the Morning Rush is, so in a way I guess she did something good.”

  “Oh, so that was the girl I saw you with,” I commented without thinking.

  “When did you see me with her? She only took me there once and I don't remember seeing you.” Jake sat looking at me with this unreadable expression, and I began to squirm in my seat.

  “Do I have to answer that?” I asked sheepishly.

  “Well, no...” Jake toyed with his food. “...but I think you should.”

  Oh, this sucked. I had to open my big mouth. He was slowly finding out I had been watching him for a long time, completely smitten. He would think I'd stalked him if I told him how often I saw him and just stopped in my tracks. Wouldn't he? Better to be honest, I guess, than try to hide things from him.

  “Okay, I was walking down to the shop, and you two were up front by the window. She was flirting, tight shirt and no bra, and you were sitting there with your...” I choked on the words. Jake simply raised an eyebrow and I muttered out the rest. “...with your legs spread in baggy jeans.” I knew I was cherry red. I could be Rudolph the Red Faced Fag for Halloween this year! I'd never been so embarrassed!

  “I had…I had no idea.” Jake said quietly. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. “So, when did you first see me, actually?” he asked. I looked up at him, not sure what he was getting at.

  “The day we had orientation,” I confessed. He gave me a quizzical look and I sighed. May as well finish filling in the blanks. “You came running out the door from the admin building, and I was opening the door as you were coming out.”

  Jake appeared to be in thought and I started to forget I was supposed to be embarrassed.

  “I first remember you behind the counter at Morning Rush, but I kind of remember almost mowing someone down on my way to orientation. That was you?” He asked. I merely nodded in response, feeling dumb for having said anything.

  “I think…” Jake appeared to be in thought again, and then smiled what could be called shyly at me before continuing. “I think I really noticed you the day I tried your favorite way of making coffee. You have a beautiful smile.”

  Now I knew I was as bright as a red beacon, but I also had a very, very large smile on my face.

  “See? There's the proof,” Jake chuckled.

  “Eat. Your food is getting cold,” I replied, still smiling at him.

  “Yes, Mom,” he laughed and resumed his meal.

  We fi
nished eating with comfortable conversation, Jake telling me about surfing, and me picturing him on his surfboard...in his wetsuit. We discovered I liked sports a lot more than he did, and that he had a passing interest in video games. He told me more about his best friend, Killian, and how they met. I could tell their bond was deep. He smiled the whole time he talked about Killian.

  I could feel the pain Jake still felt when he spoke of Killian as his first love, and I admit I was the tiniest bit jealous, but Jake was pretty firm about there being no future outside their extremely close friendship. I was suddenly ashamed of myself and thankful for Killian. He was Jake's most loyal friend and confidante, and I had a feeling that if someone didn't measure up in Killian's view as an appropriate match for Jake…Well, I hoped I would make the cut.