Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  “Nice job! I think Sandra has a new favorite. What will I do now?” Cassie fake pouted as we walked to our lockers.

  “I hope she likes me enough to put me on the team next year. I’m not used to only forty minutes a day. I need to find a studio I like ASAP.”

  “You should come check out mine! I have lessons four days a week and after watching you today I know you would love it.”

  “Really Cassie? That would be perfect!”

  “Meet me after school and you can follow me over.”

  ☀☀☀

  I walked to AP history grateful that the day was half over. I saw Sean sitting in the middle of the class and headed in his direction. When he saw me he lifted his backpack out of the seat next to him.

  “Thanks for saving me a seat.”

  He gave me a shy smile and shrugged. “I thought it would be convenient if we have any group work today.”

  Mr. Copland greeted the class after the bell rang. “We will be discussing the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt today. Then I will have you get into groups to debate his policies.” Sean caught my eye and I smiled trying not to laugh. After the lecture we turned our desks to face each other. He was all business, but I knew this was my chance to ask him about Mckayla. I interrupted him midsentence hoping to catch him off guard.

  “So you and Mckayla go way back?”

  His head shot up. He was definitely not expected this. “Oh . . . uh . . . not really. We were lab partners last year that’s all.”

  “Really? It seemed like there was something between you two yesterday.”

  “Awkwardness? We barely speak to each other anymore.”

  “Why? She seems to like you and you’re a nice guy. Why don’t you ask her to hang out?” He looked taken back by that question, like the possibility never crossed his mind.

  “Because she’s Mckayla Page. She’s popular, beautiful, and perfect. I’m an invisible compared to her. She doesn’t hang out with guys like me. Why would she? She could have any guy at this school in a heartbeat.” This guy was blind. He definitely needed my help.

  “She doesn’t care about any of that. She’s kind of oblivious to how pretty she is and I know she thinks you’re really cool. I’m not saying to make a huge spectacle; I just think you should try talking to her about something other than the science department’s schedule.”

  He seemed to be taking in what I said. “I’ll think about it.”

  I smiled for the rest of the class. It might be a minor victory but I was willing to accept that for now.

  ☀☀☀

  The rest of the day passed without incident. I saw Luke during chemistry but only from across the room. I guess at some point teachers actually have to try to teach us something. It’s a shame since playing games or just talking is way more interesting. I met Cassie after school and followed her to the studio where she dances.

  I saw the sign ‘The Dance Academy’ and was struck by the originality, or lack thereof. I got out of my car hoping the name was not a representation of the classes and instructors. We were greeted by a pretty woman in her late forties standing behind the front desk.

  “Hello Cassie, you’re early today.”

  “Hello Mrs. Simons. I’m actually here to show my friend, Aubrey, around. She just moved here from Chicago and is looking for a new studio. I saw her dance today and she’s amazing. I know she’ll fit right in.”

  Mrs. Simons smiled at me and asked us to follow her down the hall to the left of the front desk area. “Welcome to the Academy, Aubrey. Here we specialize in ballet and jazz but offer classes of all styles. You can observe some classes down this hall and if you’re interested in enrolling you can talk to me back at the front.” She gave me a warm smile before turning, leaving Cassie and me alone.

  “She seems really nice. This place is beautiful too. The rooms are huge! I love that. Can you ever come after hours to rehearse alone?”

  “Well the girls that are on the competition team with me and a few of the advanced girls can come on our own, but you need special permission. I’m sure she would let you if you asked.”

  Cassie smiled as she directed me to a ballet class that was warming up at the barre. Seeing the other girls I wanted to run in and join them. “I have been here for five years and I love it. The girls are great and drama doesn’t happen very often.”

  “When are tryouts for the company team? Is it too late to join?” I had already fallen in love with the studio mostly because it reminded me of my last one. I was desperate to get back into a routine before I fell behind the other girls my age.

  “I think they are coming up later this month since it’s a new year. Everyone has to try out even if you’re already on the team so its perfect timing!”

  “This is perfect! Thanks so much Cassie!” We met back with Mrs. Simons so I could sign up for classes and put my name down for team tryouts.

  Chapter 11

  I was hurrying to class after meeting the girls between classes when I felt a hard bump into my shoulder. I staggered at first and looked up to see what or who I ran into. Sydney was glaring at me surrounded by her minions.

  “Watch it new girl!”

  I didn’t want to cause more of a scene so I ignored her and continued walking. She put a hand on my shoulder yanking me back. The memory of Morgan doing the same thing ignited my anger, but I tried to just move past her.

  She stepped in front of me cutting me off. “I mean it. You need to stay out of my way.”

  There was no way I could walk away from her after that. I turned to fully face her and glared down at her.

  “I don’t know what your problem is but don’t ever touch me again.”

  I kept my eyes on hers, but I could feel a crowd forming around us waiting for a fight to break out. Just what I needed.

  “You’re my problem. You walk around this school for two days and you act like you own it. Take you’re Midwestern trash out of here.”

  I was ready to start a fight after that comment but I felt someone step up behind me.

  I recognized Mike’s voice. “Get out of here Sydney. Jealousy is not a good look on you.”

  “Stop pretending like you care about her, Mike. She doesn’t belong here and its time she learns that.”

  Mike put a hand on my back and guided me past her and down the hall to my class.

  “Just ignore her, Aubrey. She’s a brat that’s used to getting her way. She’s just threatened by you.”

  “She has no reason to be. I’m not trying to take her place.”

  “You might not have meant to, but you kind of already did.”

  I was confused and it must have shown on my face.

  “You have been here for less than a week and you have a reputation of throwing parties everyone comes to, you got a spot in the dance class she wanted, and all the guys are fascinated by you. The best part is that you don’t even notice.”

  “I just wanted to blend in. Getting attention was the farthest thing from my mind.”

  He opened the door for me to my class. “There’s no way a girl like you could blend in. You stand out against these girls. You’re real, genuine, and you don’t try to be like the rest of them. You’re unique.”

  ☀☀☀

  I came home from school to an empty condo so I headed out to my favorite seat on the balcony. I was thinking back to what Brandon said about Mom. Things were tense between us and we definitely didn’t leave things on a positive note. I still thought it should be the parents’ responsibility to reach out to their child, but he was right. Mom was probably worried about me being too angry with her to even take her call. We might not get along all the time, but I realized I actually missed her bickering and reminders of parties I was expected to attend to represent the family.

  I took my phone out of my pocket and pressed on her icon. She answered after a few rings and actually sounded relieved.

  “Hello Aubrey, I’m so happy you called! I miss you terribly. How are you?”

 
; I smiled at hearing her voice. “Hi Mom. Sorry I haven’t called. Things have been busy with getting settled and starting school, but I really like it here so far. I’ve met some new people and I found a studio I really like as well.”

  “That’s great honey. I’m glad things are working for you there. I expect you to maintain your technique, no slacking off. We didn’t work this hard for you to be lax now. You might have a few more months before universities will accept early applications but you need to keep pushing yourself. ”

  Ah here is the mom I remember. She gave me about ten seconds before laying into me.

  “Of course, I start classes next week don’t worry.” I tried to cover the sigh that escaped, but I couldn’t believe that after not talking to me for a week all she wanted to do was lecture me. Isn’t she worried about my new school or me making good friends? She didn’t ask about my car or living with Brandon. What did I expect? She was never the type to gush over how much she loved me or take interest in my personal life.

  I hesitated in bringing up the subject but I needed to know the answer for my own peace of mind. “I was wondering if you heard anything about Morgan. Has he been to trial yet?”

  “Don’t worry about him, Aubrey. He’s taken care of and you shouldn’t worry about ever seeing him again.”

  I released the breath I was holding waiting for her response. I was so relieved he was behind bars. I wanted him away from me, and anyone else he could hurt.

  “Oh, one more moment dear. Peyton would like to talk to you.”

  I heard Peyton take the phone and run up the stairs before she spoke. “Hi Aubrey. I miss you.”

  I could hear the loneliness in her voice. I felt bad leaving her alone, but at least she was the chosen child.

  “I miss you too, Pey. How’s school going?”

  “It’s fine . . . Aubrey? Did you leave because of me?”

  I could tell now that she was choking back tears. I felt so bad that she felt like that.

  “Peyton of course not! I love you. I just needed to start over and Brandon offered to let me start here.”

  “So you didn’t leave because of what I did at the Christmas party? I know it was bad, but my friends dared me and I didn’t want to chicken out. I’m really sorry. Mom even grounded me, like really grounded me. No TV, iPod, iPad, phone, or friends. She’s never grounded me before!”

  “I know you’re sorry. You shouldn’t have done that, especially in front of all those people, but I’m not mad at you anymore. I love you girlie.”

  “I love you too. Thanks for not hating me.”

  After hanging up I sat looking out over the ocean realizing how lucky I was to get away from everything back home. I love my family but I felt so smothered in that house. The expectations were too much for me. I couldn’t be everything my mom wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried. I would continue to train and dance, but I could feel the freedom now to do what makes me happy.

  ☀☀☀

  Brandon walked in later carrying bags of take out from the Mexican food restaurant around the corner. The delicious aroma took over the kitchen and living room in seconds.

  “Yum! I’m so glad you came bearing food. My stomach has been growling for hours!”

  He chuckled as he emptied the bags onto the counter. “And you didn’t make anything because?”

  “Because I knew my awesome brother would know how starving I was. You even picked my favorite!” I snatched up the plate of enchiladas without asking if they were his.

  “Mighty presumptuous little one.” He smirked as he unwrapped a burrito and bit in.

  “I know you well enough to never get between you and a burrito.”

  He struggled to swallow as he laughed. Shaking his head he looked up at me. “You know, when it was decided you were going to come live with me I was nervous about what I was getting into.”

  “What do you mean? Parenting a teenage girl?”

  “Well that too. I was more worried about the state you were in. I thought I was going to pick up a complete wreck from the airport, and that was before I knew what you had gone through, but you are the strongest person I know.”

  “I don’t know about that.” I felt uncomfortable discussing this. I preferred the joking relationship we had over discussing my feelings.

  “You have thrown yourself into school and dance. You already have a busy social life. I was convinced I would be dragging you out of bed every day.”

  “Well for all of Mom’s failings she did one thing right.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’ve been in therapy since I was twelve.” I chuckled lightly at his reaction.

  “Well I guess some things didn’t change back there. I started when I was ten. Apparently, mom thinks that’s all it takes to make up for her lack of parenting skills.”

  “Dr. Martin has definitely helped me through this. She calls me every few days to make sure I’m doing alright here.”

  “That’s great, I didn’t realize you were talking to her still.”

  “Well, I don’t go around advertising it. She keeps track of my nightmares too.”

  “Nightmares? I didn’t know about that.”

  “They started around the time the notes and photos were getting bad, but after Morgan attacked me they’ve become a nightly occurrence.”

  “You never mentioned anything. Is there anything I can do?”

  I shook my head. “They have been getting a lot better since I got here. Dr. Martin said moving here could help, and so far I’ve been getting fewer.”

  “Oh, well I’m glad you have someone you can trust to talk to.” Was there a double meaning behind that?

  “I talk to you too . . .”

  “No, I know you do. That’s not what I mean. I really am shocked by you, that’s all. I’m glad you are working through it in a healthy way. You’d let me know if there was anything else. Right?”

  “Yes, Brandon. Thanks for believing it me, it means a lot to me. I love you.”

  A smile broke out across his face. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 12

  After school on Friday, Mckayla came home with me to help me decide on a date outfit that was appropriate for a sort-of-fake date. Mike had been tight lipped the whole week about what we were going to do so I had no clue how to dress. Mckayla did some recon work on his past dates and girlfriends and found out that he usually makes the first date ultra-romantic.

  I was more than a little nervous about the date. Mike seemed like he could be a good friend, but I didn’t want to get into another relationship. Maybe it was just a relationship with Mike that I wanted to avoid.

  Mckayla curled my hair into loose waves a la Victoria’s Secret models as I did my makeup. I was relying on her opinion since I hadn’t been on a first date in over a year. She told me a dress would be a safe choice and it would add a little shock value. I stepped into a plum sleeveless dress that had a hint of vintage flare. It flattered my fair skin and dark hair. Finishing off with nude pumps I felt ready. I checked myself out in the mirror and Mckayla fussed over details before declaring me date worthy.

  “You look hot. Mike is going to die.” She smiled and winked once. “Maybe this doesn’t have to be a fake date, you could be the one to break him of his womanizing habits.”

  “I doubt that will ever happen. It’s nice to feel pretty again though. Derek kind of killed my self-esteem when he cheated on me with a life-sized Barbie.”

  “Don’t you dare think about that d-bag! Just have fun tonight, okay? Call me tomorrow to give me the details!” She left and just a few moments later the doorbell rang.

  “Aubrey! Your date is here!” Would Brandon ever consider walking the ten steps to my room to tell me rather than screaming? I stole one more glance in the mirror before meeting them in the living room.

  I’m not sure what reaction I was expecting from Mike, or Brandon for that matter, but I was pleasantly surprised with what I got. They both turned toward me as I entered the r
oom and once they saw me their mouths hung slightly open. They were mirror images of each other. I laughed lightly to mask how uncomfortable I was.

  “Hey guys . . . ready Mike?” The look they were giving me was making me nervous and I wanted to get out of there fast.

  “Wow. Aubrey you look beautiful.” Mike looked amazing too in dark jeans and a light blue button-up that showed off his sculpted arms. He didn’t seem nervous at all which bugged me a little, but he’s the ladies’ man so I guess he’s more experienced than me in the dating department. Derek and I had been together for so long I forgot what it was like to worry about what I was wearing or go on a surprise date like this.

  “Yeah you look really good, sis. You guys have fun tonight and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Brandon smiled like he has been waiting his whole life to say that to me.

  “Thanks, I’ll see you later.” Mike held out an arm and I hooked mine through as we walked out the door and to the elevator.

  “I really mean it Aubrey. You are beautiful. Not that I didn’t think that before, but jeans and a shirt do not do you justice. This just further proves that your ex is an idiot for letting you go.” We got off at the parking garage and he directed me to a sleek, black sports car. He opened my door for me and waited as I got situated before closing it. I looked around the luxurious interior as he made his way around to the driver’s side.

  “I always wanted a Mercedes, but Brandon converted me when I moved here to BMW. He got me that one after I moved here.” I pointed to my pearl baby that was parked a few spaces down.

  “That m3 is yours? I saw it parked at school and just about had a heart attack! What is a girl like you doing with a car like that?” He pulled onto the street and headed toward the bay where most of the local shops and restaurants were.

  “I like to go fast! Actually I just wanted a convertible and that one caught my eye. It just happened to be the m3.” I smirked so he would know I was kidding.

  “A pretty girl that appreciates cars. I think I’m in love with you.”