Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  “Your own parents sent you away? For a first time offense?” I was shocked. My parents were strict, but they would never do that to me . . . unless sending me to California to live with my brother counts. My parents sent me away. This wasn’t juvy, but the point was the same.

  The betrayal was the same.

  “I needed it. I would have kept hanging out with those kids and wasted away. A few weeks straightened me out.”

  I interrupted him without meaning to. “So you have a horrible reputation for a stint at juvy during freshman year? Either nothing happens at this school or there’s something you’re not telling me.”

  He gave me a half-smirk and shook his head. “I was getting there. I came back to school and did my best to stay out of trouble. I got my grades back up so I could get into AP classes the next year. The summer between freshmen and sophomore year I met Julia. She was beautiful and sweet and popular.” He paused smiling to himself.

  “So what happened with her? Are you guys still together?” He looked at me like I had obviously missed something.

  “No, we’re not. We did date through the start of the next school year. Everyone was shocked she was with a guy like me, but Julia didn’t care what other people thought. She knew the real me and accepted my past mistakes.” He paused again as his expression darkened.

  “I took her to an outdoor concert for her birthday, some stupid boy band she liked. We were driving home late at night. We were almost to her house, just one stop light away. I was turning left when a drunk driver ran the red light and hit us. Just behind Julia. She should have been okay but the impact was too much. She died instantly. I was hospitalized for a few weeks with some internal problems, and the other driver walked away from the accident without a scratch.”

  I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to comfort him somehow but I didn’t know how to cross that line with him. “That’s awful, Gage, but it wasn’t your fault.”

  “You’re the only one to think so. Her parents, her friends, the whole school blamed me. Even my parents said I could have done something, anything, differently.” He sat there looking so dejected liking talking about this brought him back to that time. “No one at school has forgotten what happened. That’s why I’m a loner and people hide their children around me.”

  He was being dramatic now, but I finally understood his tough, elusive exterior. “I have my own issues, trust me. I know what it feels like when no one has your back, even my parents. I don’t know your whole story and you don’t know mine, but I think we can be friends.”

  He looked at me like I just grew another head. “Why would you want to be friends with me? You’ve been claimed by Mike Thomas, your best friends are the three most popular girls at school, and you went on a date with Dreamboat Keller.”

  “I was just thrown into this. Mckayla’s my cousin so she and her friends just accepted me into her group by default. I don’t know what I did to make Mike turn into my personal bodyguard, but he’s been so nice to me so I can’t exactly tell him to back off.”

  I don’t know why I was so defensive. I’ve been lucky to make friends so quickly and to have people accept me without any effort, but Gage had tainted that.

  “Are you mad that people have befriended me but still ignore you?”

  “No, I’m just not going to feel bad for you when you’re life is perfect.”

  Now it was my turn to be mad. “You have no idea about my life, but I can tell you right now it’s far from perfect!”

  I stood to leave but he caught my wrist and pulled me back.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I, of all people, should know not to make assumptions about people.”

  The only thing that kept me in the seat was how genuine he seemed in that moment. I didn’t know what to say to him. I just sat and listened to him without judgment and he insulted me the first chance he got. I sat back and glared at him waiting for him to continue.

  “I’m really sorry, Aubrey. You’re the first person to make an effort to talk to me in over a year. I guess I’m not used to having a friend anymore. Let alone a friend with the entire football team at her beck and call.”

  That got my attention. “What are you talking about?”

  He seemed just as surprised as me in that moment. “I’ve been getting threats since the first day back to stay away from you. Half the team has personally come up to me and warned me. That’s not including some of the lacrosse team and even the volleyball guys which was pretty entertaining. They might be tall, but they’re not exactly intimidating.” He laughed like it was no big deal, but I was freaking out.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about! Why would any of those guys care who I talked to?”

  “Mike tends to get very protective over his girls, which includes your friends and now you.” He seemed amused by this which infuriated me even more.

  “Who does Mike think he is?” I could feel my face reddening.

  “Whoa calm down, crazy! I don’t listen to them and neither should you.” He smiled at me for the first time. His smirk made him look arrogant, but his smile softened his features and showed how striking he was.

  “You should smile more.” I paused, stunned those words slipped out without me thinking.

  He laughed and returned to his smirk. “Nah, people would get the wrong idea about me. They might think I’m actually a decent guy.”

  I shook my head. He was better than decent. Why did he walk around with a mask on? If he only talked to people they would forget about whatever happened in the past and see who he really is. I stood to leave and picked up my mostly untouched smoothie. “Want to walk me back?”

  “You would dare be seen in public with me? I think you’d better get a red A ready to wear.” He laughed at his own cleverness, but stood up and threw away his cup before opening the door for me.

  Chapter 17

  I was expecting to be ambushed when I got to school but it seemed like nobody had seen or heard about Gage and I hanging out. I knew enough about the school to not get too comfortable thinking people didn’t care, so I spent the whole day on edge. I wasn’t ashamed of being friends with him, but I knew it would cause drama.

  I did my best to act normal around Mike but Gage’s words were in the back of my mind. Was Mike really going around staking claim of me? I had only been here a few days and already I had enemies and a clique. This wasn’t in my plan to avoid drama. I was lost in thought when I finally realized my name was being repeated. I looked up and saw Mike staring at me waiting.

  “Sorry, what did you say?”

  “I was just asking you what you’re thinking about. You’ve been in your own world all morning.”

  “Oh . . . sorry I didn’t realize.”

  He laughed quietly. “You don’t need to apologize. I was just concerned. Nobody is giving you trouble right?”

  He said it as a joke but after talking to Gage I wondered if he took it more seriously.

  “No, not at all. I just have a lot on my mind with dance tryouts coming up and stuff.” There was no way he would tolerate that answer.

  His ever-present smile grew. “Oh good, I’m glad it’s nothing bad.” Or not.

  We worked together to finish the assignment in class and luckily he didn’t push for much conversation.

  I sat in each of my classes waiting and listening for whispers about me, but by the time lunch came around I realized we were in the clear. I never mentioned it to the girls since I knew their feelings toward Gage.

  I only saw him in passing after fifth period and he gave me the slightest nod before continuing past me. I knew he was doing it for my benefit, or at least he thought he was, but I was hurt he wouldn’t talk to me at school.

  I was so drained by the end of the day I didn’t bother meeting up with anyone after classes were out. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone, so I hurried home and took my place on the couch.

  I woke later to the sound of Brandon unlocking the door. I sat up pretending I hadn’t
just taken a nap.

  “Hey Sleepy, are you ready for dinner? We’re going over to the Pages’ house.” Apparently I didn’t hide my napping well enough.

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll go change then we can go.”

  ☀☀☀

  Dinner preparations were in full swing when we walked in. I headed into the kitchen to see if there was anything I could do to help. Mckayla and her mom were chopping vegetables next to each other at the island and Steve was standing facing the stove. I looked around for Matt as I said hi to the others.

  Diane caught my eye and tilted her head to the side. I followed the direction and saw Matt sitting alone on the patio staring down into a book. It was a normal enough thing for him, but judging by the look on my aunt’s face I knew something was off.

  “We have a little while until things are ready for dinner. Why don’t you go try to talk to him? He’s been quiet all day.”

  He didn’t look up when I took a seat next to him. I leaned over to see what he was reading and recognized some of the pictures of various beach formations.

  “Science is much more interesting here than it is in Chicago. You have things to study in your backyard.”

  He barely raised his eyes to look at me before returning to the book. Strike one . . . he wasn’t up for my lame attempt at a conversation.

  “What’s wrong Matt?”

  This time he barely made the effort to look at me. Strike two . . . the direct approach didn’t work either.

  “Is this about a girl?”

  He gaped at me and slammed the book. “How did you know?”

  Third times a charm! I smiled at him and pushed my chair back to stand up. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  We headed down the beach a little way before either of us said anything. He finally sighed and shook his head.

  “I just don’t get girls. They don’t make any sense.”

  I laughed a little. “Well consider yourself lucky that you figured that out so young. What’s going on Matt? Is there a certain girl giving you trouble?”

  He didn’t say anything at first. He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at me. “There’s this girl. She’s in some of my classes and is really nice and really smart.”

  “Sounds like a winner.”

  He ignored me. “She talks to me in class and wants to be partners, even when her friends are there. But today some guys were making fun of me at lunch for being in classes with the older kids. They were calling me a freak. I’ve heard of people calling me a geek or a nerd but not a freak.”

  My heart was breaking for him. Matt was a sensitive child when he was little, but since I’ve been here he seemed confident and comfortable with his own identity. How could kids be so cruel to each other?

  “Katie, that’s her name, just stood there and laughed at what they were saying. I thought she was my friend.” He looked down at the sand dragging his feet.

  I stopped and turned to him putting my hands on his shoulders. “Matt, please listen to me. You are a brilliant and kind young man. I am so sorry those kids were mean and Katie didn’t stand up for you. I can imagine that was what hurt the most.”

  He nodded, still looking at the ground.

  “Bullies target anyone who is different, and you are definitely different from them. That isn’t something to be ashamed of. You would never talk about other people or try to put them down right?” He looked up at me and gave a small shrug.

  “It might be hard now, but you should be proud of who you are. You’re the smartest person in your grade. Think about when you guys are in high school. You’ll be hanging out with all of the older girls since you’ll be in their classes.”

  I winked at him and he laughed as a blush rushed to his cheeks.

  “You’re going to finish top of your class and go to whatever university you want while those mean kids will be left working fast food jobs.”

  He laughed harder evidently enjoying picturing that. It took me this long to figure out that I was giving him advice I needed. Who cares what people at school said about me? Sydney and her minions could say whatever they wanted, but in the end it doesn’t matter. High school is such a short amount of time, and I probably would only see the girls after graduation. I promised myself I wouldn’t care what people say anymore. If Matt could do it then I could too.

  “You have your best friends, right? Be grateful for them and ignore the other kids and their comments. If they say anything about you again just picture them wearing really dorky uniforms for the rest of their lives.”

  He nodded finally accepting what I was trying to tell him. “Thanks Aubrey. You’re pretty funny.”

  “Thanks kid. Now that everything is probably done, let’s go back and have dinner and see if we can get out of helping clean up too.”

  ☀☀☀

  After dinner Diane asked me to go out to the patio with her. It did get me out of cleaning up which earned me a glare from Matt as I walked out. Diane smiled at me as I sat down next to her facing the ocean.

  “How are things going, Aubrey? I feel bad I haven’t checked in with you very often.”

  My own mother has never in all my years sat me down to just talk. I glanced at my aunt and saw a look of pure love. Another thing I never got from my mom.

  “I’m doing really well actually. School is going okay. Luckily, I have a friend in math and AP History so they help me out whenever I struggle.”

  “I’m glad. Mckayla mentioned you’re fitting in with the kids there.” She wore an obvious smirk.

  “Yeah, I guess. It helps that Mac and the girls have accepted me.”

  “So tell me about the boys!”

  Shocked at her abruptness I turned and looked at her. “What?”

  Diane laughed and nudged me with her shoulder. “You think I brought you out here to talk about classes? Please, Aubrey. I know you had a 4.0 at your old school. I’m not worried about that. Mckayla and the girls all love you and I knew the kids at school would see how amazing you are. I want to know about the good stuff! Tell me the boy drama!”

  My jaw dropped. Who was this woman? This is the third thing I’ve noticed during this conversation that set her apart from my mom.

  “Seriously? You care about that?”

  “Honey, of course! I want to know about school and dance as well, but I want you to know you can talk to me about everything. I know all about Sean and Justin, and even Mark. That’s saying something because Talia is a vault about who she likes.”

  “Huh. My mom never asked me about this kind of stuff. Well there’s Mike, my friend from math, he’s been so nice to me since the first day of school. He introduced me to all his friends and made sure I knew he had my back. He took me on a really nice date, as friends. I had a really good time, but he never brought it up again.”

  “Have you brought it up?”

  I sighed, life was too confusing at seventeen. “No. That weekend I also went surfing with Luke.”

  “Oh right. You guys came over here that morning.”

  “Yeah, things were really fun with him too. I think I really like him. His smile . . . it’s amazing. I get butterflies just thinking about him.”

  She grinned and laughed lightly. “Sounds like someone has a crush.”

  “I guess. He seems so perfect but he hasn’t asked me out again either.”

  “Boys are slow at your age. Most of the time they need help figuring out what you want. I bet they’re dying to ask you out again, but they are waiting for you to let them know that you want them to.”

  I laughed at how true that was. “You’re right, but there’s one more.”

  One of her eyebrows shot up. “Another one? Well done!”

  “Yeah, but he’s by far the most difficult to figure out. He’s not friends with the girls, or really anyone. He’s got a bad reputation at school, but I’ve talked to him and I think people are just being cruel. He’s been blamed for something that wasn’t his fault, but nobody will forgive him. Not even Gage.”

 
Diane sighed and looked away from me. “Gage? As in Gage Vincent?”

  “Yeah.” I sat there panicking. What does she know about him?

  “Aubrey, I want you to be careful with that boy. I know about the accident. It was a very unfortunate event, and devastating for the community. He wasn’t at fault, but trouble seems to follow him. I’m glad you have become friends with him. I’m sure he needs one, but just please be careful. I love you too much to see something bad happen to you, even a broken heart.”

  I turned and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 18

  Thursday’s announcements chimed in after the bell started first period. The principal announced that during lunch nominations for the winter formal court would begin. The top nominees would be announced tomorrow morning during the announcements.

  After the lecture I turned to Nick and Mike. “Winter formal court? I thought that was just for homecoming and prom.”

  Nick smirked and shook his head. “Oh no, here at Bay View we take every opportunity to encourage elitism and flaunt popularity.” I couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it sounded.

  Mike laughed too and learned toward me. “Don’t worry though, this week is just nominations. Next week is when people start campaigning, but nobody really does that. Except for Sydney. She buys her votes, not that she’s ever won. People are more than willing to take her candy bars every year though.” He and Nick starting laughing.

  She must have radar for her name because right as the guys started laughing she stood up and crossed the room toward us. “Don’t bother worrying about formal court, new girl. This is my year.”

  “I’m not interested. In fact, good luck I hear third time’s a charm.” I smiled at her waiting for her to catch on.

  It took her a moment but she figured out that I had insulted her.

  “I didn’t even try the other years!” Mike and Nick had been laughing through our conversation but that caused them to lose it.

  “No one would nominate you anyway.” I was expecting Sydney to stick out her tongue at that point.

  She finally walked away and Nick turned to some of the other guys. I looked over to Mike hoping he would offer anything about Luke. He didn’t even look up from what he was reading. Sighing I turned to face him. “Were you able to find out anything about Luke?”