Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  I opened my eyes and slowly raised my eyes to meet his. He had moved closer and his face was inches away from mine. I sucked in a breath and waited. He slowly, so painfully slow, leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. The briefest kiss, but it was beautiful. I knew he was worried about me and didn’t want to take advantage of me, plus my stupid age, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with a dusting of a kiss.

  I leaned toward him pressing out my frustration and desire in a kiss. He groaned as his hands reached my cheeks holding me in place. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved closer. Heat rose through my body awakening something I didn’t know I was missing.

  He pulled away breaking the kiss too soon. I opened my eyes and saw my desire reflected in his.

  “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I never should have crossed that line.”

  “I’m not sorry, Carter.”

  He groaned again as he threw his head back. “We can’t do this. You’re seventeen and your brother would kill me. Literally kill me. I’m sorry.”

  Before I could speak again he stood and walked back inside. I flinched when I head the front door close. He was gone. He might have regrets, but I had none. Being with him was so right. Kissing him was perfection.

  Chapter 25

  “Are you kidding me?”

  I bumped into the back of Mckayla as she stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway. I thought she was mad at me for zoning out and not paying attention to whatever she was rambling on about. I had other things on my mind. Like Carter. And his lips. And what it all meant. I looked up ready to apologize for not listening when I saw she wasn’t looking at me. Well, not the me that was standing next to her. She was staring at one of the Winter Formal posters promoting me and Luke. My picture had grown horns and a mustache overnight.

  “Hmm interesting interpretation. Although if they were going for originality they failed.” I began walking away but Mckayla grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

  “We both know who did this and she can’t get away with this! She’s trying to sabotage you!”

  “I think most people will see this and know how pathetic she is. I’m not worried about the court thing anyway. If she wants it this bad she can have the crown.”

  “Aubrey, that is not the point! She vandalized your image, and she can’t get away with it. Don’t worry I’ll come up with a plan!”

  “Alright crazy, go to class. I’ll see you at lunch.”

  I finally broke away from her and turned back to see her already on her phone. Alerting the others I’m sure. It didn’t make me angry that Sydney had drawn on my picture it just made me feel sorry for her. If Winter Formal Court meant this much to her it meant she had nothing else to look forward to or validate her.

  I put it out of my mind through the rest of my classes, but when I sat at our table for lunch the girls were fuming. Apparently Mckayla had rallied the troops and they were planning the next take down.

  “Did you see the other posters? Every single one of them has been drawn on. Some even have some choice words which could really get her in trouble.”

  “Talia please. I know what she did was wrong and immature but it’s not a big deal. I don’t think drawing me into a devil is going to convince the student body I am in fact evil.

  “We’re going to get back at her I promise.”

  She and the other two were already talking strategy. I was trying to ignore them hoping they would lose interest, but when Mckayla shrieked my eyes shot to her.

  “I’ve got it! We are going to spend the next few yearbook periods following her and we will get embarrassing shots of her and put them in the weekly newspaper!”

  “Doesn’t that come out every Wednesday?”

  “Yeah so?”

  “Mckayla, today is Wednesday. Doing it next week won’t really change anything for the dance if that’s your goal.”

  “This week is the special Winter Formal edition. It’s coming out on Friday instead. I’m not dumb Aubrey, I’ve thought this out.” Clearly she has lost it. “The newspaper staff asked the yearbook staff for help with pictures of the nominees. I have some connections over there that like Sydney even less than we do. We can totally ruin her.”

  “By getting a shot or two of her picking something out of her teeth? I don’t think this is the right thing to do. The girl lives for attention . . .”

  “Exactly, she’s the type to think there’s no such thing as bad press.”

  “But doing this is putting us down on her level. We’ll be just as sad and desperate as her.” I really thought that would get to them, but I could see the fire in their eyes.

  Mckayla sighed and shook her head. “You just don’t get it Aubrey.”

  I looked at Alexis, the only one who hasn’t said anything, pleading with my eyes for her to back me up. She looked guilty for a moment then shook her head.

  “They’re right Aubrey. You can’t let her get away with this. You can’t let her push you around.”

  Well there goes my chance of another voice of reason.

  “Fine, whatever guys.”

  ☀☀☀

  We set our things down in the yearbook room and Mckayla took off to ask Mrs. Gonzalez for permission to take pictures. I stood back praying for the first time that she would refuse and make us stay in class. Of course not. Irresponsible, lazy, enabling teacher.

  Mckayla grabbed a camera and pushed me out of the class.

  “What exactly are you hoping to find Nancy Drew?”

  She shot me a stern look and continued walking. “Sydney has dance this period and I have it on good authority that she is always fifteen minutes late and sneaks in when the teacher is starting stretches. I want to know what she’s doing during that time.”

  Horrible images assaulted my mind of things we could find. We reached the gym and walked around the back to where the dance room and lifting room were. Mckayla signaled me to stop behind her and put a finger to her lips. She had completely lost it. I’ve witnessed the final straw snap in my cousin’s mind. I shook my head hoping we could hurry this up.

  Mckayla leaned forward to peak in the back doors and paused while she looked around.

  “She’s not in there and she’s had plenty of time to change into her dance clothes. Let’s go around to the weight room.” She tiptoed her way past the glass doors that looked into the dance room as I followed her I waved to a girl from my English class. She looked back and glared at me.

  “What are you doing? We need to keep a low profile!” I think she was trying to whisper but her volume was too high and her tone too harsh. I laughed and shrugged.

  “Emily saw me so I waved. We’re walking around campus during class—we kind of stand out right now.”

  “Hush!”

  She kept her back to me and crept forward to look into the weight room’s window. The last thing I wanted to see were sweaty boys acting like Neanderthals so I pretended to keep watch while she scanned the room.

  “Oh my gosh! That little cheater! This is so much better than anything I could have imagined!”

  I hated myself for being interested, but that sucked me in. I turned and looked through the window and saw Sydney wrapped around a guy I didn’t know, but it certainly wasn’t Ryan.

  Before I could stop her, Mckayla had the camera up and was snapping pictures of the compromising situation. She looked down at the screen of the camera for a few moments then smiled at me.

  “Alright I got it!”

  Her joy in this moment was alarming, but I knew there was no stopping the mad man that had taken over her body.

  “I’m going to run this to the newspaper staff now so it can be in the paper. I can see the headline now, ‘Formal Princess caught with the wrong Prince Charming.’”

  “You go do that. I’m going back to class.”

  She was so caught in the moment she missed the disappointed look I gave her before I turned. I knew this was going to come back to me and I deserved it since I didn’t do much to stop her.
>
  ☀☀☀

  Luckily, I had dance after school to take my mind off things. I pushed myself harder than I had in weeks and it was noticed by my instructor, Miss Amy. She told me to keep it up and I would be showcased in the upcoming competition next month.

  I left feeling pretty much on cloud nine. I was a few blocks from home when a certain boy caught my eye walking away from me on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to him and whistled like a creepy construction worker. Gage turned with a confused look on his face but smiled when he saw me.

  “Hey there little thing, how ‘bout you get in and I show you a nice time.”

  He laughed at my lame impression and got into the passenger seat. “Please don’t ever do that again. It’s probably the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to yourself.”

  “You seriously underestimate me. I once asked my neighbor, who was about six years older than me, to be my boyfriend in front of every kid on our block. He told me he wasn’t into seven year olds and ran off. Everyone laughed at me for weeks.”

  “That’s not embarrassing for you. That idiot lost his chance with you.”

  I looked at him out of the corner of my eye as he smirked.

  “So what are you doing?”

  I looked down at my leotard and shorts and then back to him. “Seriously?”

  He laughed at himself. “Sorry, duh. You were obviously just leaving football practice.”

  “Ha ha clever. Are you busy right now or do you want to hang out?”

  He seemed to pause and think about it for a minute. “Alright I guess I can spare you a few.”

  I laughed despite my determination not to feed his ego. “Oh you are so gracious! Let’s go get ice cream.”

  “Aren’t dancers supposed to have strict diets?”

  “Maybe professional ballerinas. None of my coaches or teachers have ever mentioned anything to me about my body, and they definitely would if they see anything wrong with me.”

  “I wasn’t saying you need to! I was just curious since you seem pretty committed to dance.”

  “Gee thanks. I do pay attention to what I eat, but I enjoy running and dancing too so it all balances out.”

  “Got it . . . I swear I wasn’t trying to tell you to go on a diet or anything.”

  “Gage honey, I know.”

  “Honey?”

  “You love it.”

  He watched me park before speaking. “I do actually. I just don’t know how Luke or Mike would like to hear you call me that.”

  I sighed and threw my head back. I sat there staring at the ceiling while I thought. “I don’t belong to either of them. Luke has been off this week, he barely talks to me. Mike has cooled off since I talked to him last weekend though.”

  I turned my head and saw him watching me. “What do you want Aubrey? Don’t think about anyone else, not Mike or your girlfriends, what do you want?”

  “I came here to start over. I want a chance to begin again, without my past haunting me. I just got here a few weeks ago and already so much has happened. I think I want everything to slow down. I want a chance to take it all in.”

  He nodded urging me to continue.

  “The only time I’m completely happy is when I’m dancing. I want to focus on that. I want it to be my future, in college or maybe I’ll join a professional company.”

  “I understand that. I admire you for finding something you’re passionate about. So you’re not that into Luke?”

  “He’s so nice and I always have fun with him, but I feel like he’s holding back. I don’t think he wants to be with anyone besides Marley, his surfboard.”

  We both laughed and I knew he understood.

  “Come on let’s go in. I’m buying.” I followed him in and told myself he was just being a friend. There wasn’t anything else going on with him.

  ☀☀☀

  I pushed open the front door and stopped when I inhaled the aroma of real food. As in homemade, not from a restaurant, food. I peeked into the kitchen and saw Brandon standing by the stove glaring down at a pan.

  “Hey bro, everything alright?”

  He spun around looking embarrassed. “No, I ruined dinner.”

  I crossed the room and looked down at the disaster. There was a charred looking lump in the center with burned sauce sticking to the pan. Yikes.

  “What was it?”

  He sighed again and shrugged. “It was supposed to be chicken parmesan. I wanted to cook for you since I don’t think we have had anything homemade since you moved here.”

  “Don’t feel too bad. I get a good meal every time I go to the Pages’ house.”

  I smiled but he just sighed again.

  “I have an idea. Let’s order food from Chen’s and we can use our plates and silverware. No one will ever know the difference.”

  He rolled his eyes but agreed.

  Once we had our food and settled on the couch—because that’s where you eat dinner when you live with your brother- Brandon turned on the TV but left it on an infomercial. I should have known then to run.

  “We haven’t really caught up lately. How are things?”

  Was this an attempt at a parental discussion? Fail.

  “Things are fine. How’s Liv?” Ha! We’ll see how he likes having the table turned in his direction.

  “She’s good. We haven’t been able to go out for a few days, but that’s alright. We’re not here to talk about me though. Are you still having those dreams?”

  “I was doing really well, until the night I thought I saw Morgan. But I’ll take a few bad dreams as the only scars from everything that happened. I guess I’m lucky that’s all I have to deal with.”

  “I wish there was more I could do for you.”

  I smiled and shrugged. “You’re already more than I could ask for.”

  That came out pretty cheesy but I meant it. He just laughed. “Aw shucks, Aubrey.”

  “Now if you’re interested in helping me out in the boy department we could be here for hours.”

  He quickly picked up the remote and found a football game. “Nope! Sorry I don’t talk about that stuff with my baby sister.”

  I laughed and we finished eating without me bringing it up again.

  Chapter 26

  I wasn’t expecting Luke to be so cold toward me, but now it was day three of nods and small waves. I planned on cornering him at lunch but he mysteriously disappeared. I asked some of his friends if they had seen him, but the stupid loyal jerks wouldn’t tell me anything.

  I knew he wouldn’t ditch class so I got to the room as fast as I could after yearbook so I could catch him on his way in.

  It worked. I could have sworn he hesitated when he saw me but he walked over to me and gave me a signature smile like everything was normal.

  “Hi Aubrey.”

  That’s it? Days of ignoring me and he just says hi. Jerk.

  “Hi Luke, I’m surprised you remember me.”

  “Look, I know we haven’t talked much. I’ve just been really busy with some surf competitions and stuff.”

  “Competitions on weekdays? Luke are you mad at me or something?” I hated sounding like a desperate clinger, but I thought we were friends.

  “It’s not you.” Famous last words. “I just have a lot to focus on right now, like the competition on Saturday. It’s huge for me and there’s all this drama going on. I don’t want to get dragged into it.”

  “You said you would be back in time for pictures and the dance, though. Luke, if you had this going on why did you ask me?”

  I wasn’t panicking about the dance so much as I was angry he would put us both in awkward positions.

  “I wanted to go with you. I still do. But everyone is talking about us, and the nominations, and asking me if we’re a couple. It’s too much. I’m not into drama.”

  “Neither am I. I had no idea there would be posters of us, or that I would even be nominated.”

  “It’s not your fault. I just think it would be best if we ke
pt things simple. We can be friends, but I don’t want more rumors going around about us.”

  What rumors? “Okay, that’s fine.”

  “Maybe we can hang out tomorrow after my competition. I’ll call you.”

  I just nodded as he walked by me and into the classroom. I knew the posters were over the top, especially after Sydney got ahold of them, but was Luke blowing everything out of proportion? Dumb boy.

  ☀☀☀

  If only boys were as easy to understand as dance. In the studio I know my place. I know what’s expected of me and I know what the results will be. There are only a few surprises or things that can mess with your mind.

  That is why I love dance. It’s simple and straightforward.

  I repeated that to myself through the hours of practice I had. I pushed away all thoughts of Luke, Gage, Carter, and Mike. Wow four guys. How did my life become so complicated? Up until moving here I was a one-man woman.

  Apparently I was more focused on my thoughts than the moves since I was called out by Miss Amy multiple times in my first class.

  In my contemporary class Miss Sandi walked us though a new routine including a kick. She demonstrated a high kick that led into an arched back. It was beautiful, but challenging to fit in with the rest of the routine.

  I was either distracted or feeling overconfident when I did my first run through. I stepped into the kick on relevé. I learned quickly that being on the ball of one foot with the other in the air and arching my back could lead in only one direction. Down . . . to the floor. I crashed—horribly ungracefully—to the ground in front of the entire class. It was like time stopped as everyone turned and gawked at me. A few girls snickered, but most looked horrified.

  Miss Sandi stepped in front of me and offered her hand. Pulling me up she smirked. “In all my years I have never see such extension and length. It was beautiful until that moment.” She turned to the rest of the class. “And that is why we do this move with a focus on balance. You need to be grounded to pull it off.”

  “Sorry.” I barely whispered it as I walked back into the formation.