Banishing Shadows

by Lorna Jean Roberts

  It was becoming harder and harder to remember why she should resist him.

  She trusted him to stop if she wanted him to. But she had to remember that this was all physical. Physical attraction. Physical trust. Love had no part to play.

  “Ready to go?” Cord stepped into her office and she looked up, amazed to see it was five o’clock already. Cord had actually left her on her own in the office for a few hours. Not that she’d been truly alone. Both Quinn and Joe had ducked their heads into her office at least once.

  Perhaps Cord was finally starting to realize that she wasn’t in any danger. That thought brought relief and disappointment. If there was no threat in her life, there was also no reason for Cord to stick around.

  “Ahh, sure, just let me pack up.”

  She snuck a quick glance at him, her breath catching sharply. Strong muscles rippled as he moved about the room, dressed in dark jeans and a tight, black t-shirt. She tidied up and shut down her computer before following him out to his truck. He drew her in close behind him and she knew he was alert for trouble. Trouble she didn’t think would ever come.

  Cord helped her into his truck.

  “Everything okay?” he asked as he turned out of the parking lot. “You’re tense. Did something happen?”

  “I’m fine,” she replied.

  He stared over at her. “You look exhausted. I want you to answer me honestly. How often are you having nightmares?”

  Kayla was startled by the question. “Ahh, I don’t know.”

  “Best guess.”

  “Well, they were a few times a week. But now, since the incident at The Rusty Hammer, sometimes they come every night.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I figured. Listen, honey, you need to talk to someone about what happened.” He parked, turning to her, his face serious.

  “I’m fine.”

  He snorted. “Sure you are.”

  “Don’t do that,” she said angrily.

  “Do what?”

  “Dismiss what I say like it’s not important, like I’m speaking rubbish.”

  “I’m sorry if you think I’m not listening to you. I am. But you’re not being sensible, Kayla. You’re exhausted because you’re too afraid to sleep. You only eat because I force you to, and you won’t speak to anyone about what happened.”

  “This has nothing to do with you. You’re only here because you and my brothers ganged up and bullied me into letting you stay with me. You have no say in anything I do.”

  “It’s my job to look after you.”

  “No, it’s your job to protect me, and since nothing has happened in nearly a week, I don’t think I need your services anymore.” Pain speared her at the thought. But perhaps this was the best. Push him away before she got too attached.

  Cord jumped out and sauntered around to get her door. “You firing me, angel?”

  “Yes.” She glared at him. “Get lost, will you?”

  He chuckled and took her hand. She attempted to tug away but he held on easily.

  “Let me go.”

  “Not on your life.” He unlocked the door to her apartment and pulled her inside. “Wait here.”

  She tapped her foot, waiting as he checked inside her apartment. When he gestured her inside, she walked straight past him.

  “I’m going to go and have a shower. I’ll expect you to be gone by the time I come out.”

  She stepped into the bathroom, locked the door and breathed in deep, trying to fight off tears. He needed to go. She wasn’t in any danger.

  Well, she was. But the only threat to her was him.

  * * * * *

  “You’re still here,” Kayla snapped as she walked from the bathroom.

  The cheeky devil gazed down at himself in mock surprise. “So I am.”

  “Urgh.” She stomped her foot. “Nothing has happened in days, no one is after me. You’ve overstayed your welcome. Get out.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” Lord, he was frustrating.

  “Because you need someone to take care of you.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “So you’re going to see a therapist?” he asked calmly.

  “No.”

  “You’ll talk to your brothers, then.”

  Kayla crossed her arms over her chest. “No.”

  He sat on the sofa and patted the seat beside him. “Talk to me, then.”

  “You’re my bodyguard, not my shrink. I’m not in any physical danger so you can leave.”

  He slouched back against the cushions. “Sit down, Kayla.”

  “Damn it, Cord. Stop ordering me around. You are not the boss of me.”

  “Maybe not, but I’m the right damn person for the job.”

  She turned away but he grabbed her hand, tugging her down to sit beside him.

  Her skin tingled, burning where it touched him. Longing raced through her body.

  “Don’t run, Kayla,” he spoke soothingly. “You need to talk about what happened.”

  “Why would I talk to you? You’re not a friend. You’re not family.”

  He remained calm, unshakable. Kayla had the feeling she could hurl insult after insult at him and he wouldn’t even blink. Having an argument was hell when the other person refused to participate.

  “We’re friends. Tell me about the attack, angel, please. I’m worried about you. I want to help you. If you can’t talk to me, I think you should talk to a therapist.”

  “I saw one a couple of times, but it was weird, talking to a stranger.” Kayla shrugged, embarrassed. “I figured I could get through it just as well by myself and save some money.”

  “So your ‘getting through it’ is to hide away? To quit a job you love to go work for your brothers? To barricade yourself away where no one can touch you?”

  Kayla glared at him. “Well, it seems if that was my aim I failed. You’re touching me right now!”

  “Why won’t you talk to anyone, baby?” Softer—a request rather than an order. Her wrist tingled where his thumb rubbed it.

  “Because I’m scared.”

  “Scared? Why?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to have to relive it. Not that I don’t think about it constantly. I do. I was doing better until last Friday night. Then all the fear, all the terror, it came rolling back.” She choked back a sob. “I’m having trouble sleeping. Each time I close my eyes I feel their hands on me, I see that van rolling toward me and I’m frozen, I can’t move. It’s terrifying.”

  “That’s no way to live, angel.”

  “I let them win, didn’t I?” she murmured, ashamed. What a coward. A braver person wouldn’t have let her life degenerate this way, wouldn’t have hidden herself away.

  “Kayla.” With one hand he reached up and cupped her cheek. “It’s just a battle. You’re going to win the war. I promise.”

  “How do you know?” she whispered, wishing for a fraction of his confidence.

  “Because I’m going to help you fight. And, Kayla, we both know I never lose.”

  Leaning close, he kissed her. She found herself melting into his touch, his lips awakening her nerves, rocking her unstable world further as she grabbed hold of his shoulders.

  “Talk to me.”

  Kayla bit her thumbnail.

  “Kayla.” He grabbed her hand, tugging it from her mouth, clasping both her hands in his. “You can tell me anything, I hope you know that.”

  She pulled her hands back, folding her arms across her chest. “About four months ago I came home to my old apartment after having dinner with some friends. The door was locked, I didn’t realize… Inside there were two men waiting for me. They grabbed me. I couldn’t even scream before one had his hand over my mouth.” She shuddered, swallowing audibly. “I tried to fight. They were going to rape me—I could see it in their eyes.” She took a deep breath, peering up at him. “They tied my hands, but made the mistake of leaving my legs free. I guess they didn’t expect me to fight.” She snorted.

&n
bsp; “It’s a bit of a blur, I remember kicking, fighting. I must have bit the hand over my mouth, because he let go and I screamed as loud as I could. The next thing I was being thrown against the wall. There was pain, then nothing. I don’t remember much else. Luckily my next door neighbor was home. If he— If he hadn’t heard me and broken down the door, I think I’d be dead. Garth’s not a big guy, he said he tried to stop them but it was two against one. They winded him and when he got his breath back they were gone. He gave a description to the police but it wasn’t much better than mine. When I woke up I was in the hospital. They got away.”

  “Could you see their faces?” His eyes had grown cold and she shivered.

  “No, they had masks on. I could see their eyes, but nothing else.”

  “When did the panic attacks start?”

  “About two weeks after the assault. I couldn’t stay in that apartment anymore. My brothers moved my stuff out, put it in storage, and I went to live with Luke. For a while I couldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t be alone, I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I swore Luke, Joe and Quinn to secrecy. I didn’t want Jed to know, there was nothing he could do. And I didn’t want you to know.”

  “Why?”

  Kayla shook her head. “I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t being rational. I hated the idea of you seeing me so weak. I’m such a coward.”

  “Hey.” He gripped her chin, forcing her face up. “Don’t speak about yourself that way again. You understand me, Kayla? You are not a coward. You are not weak. You were traumatized. The fact that you can now live by yourself, work, go out in public, baby, that takes courage.”

  She took a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted to speak of any of this, especially to Cord, yet now she felt this sense of relief, a weight coming off her shoulders. “If I feel out of control or threatened I start to panic. I don’t like to be touched or held, I start to feel smothered.”

  “Kayla, be honest with me. Did they touch you sexually?”

  “They didn’t rape me,” she said quickly.

  “That’s not what I asked,” he replied. “I want to know if they touched you sexually.”

  Her gaze skittered away. She hadn’t told anyone. So why was he pushing this?

  “Didn’t Luke tell you?”

  She didn’t want to tell him, but at the same time, she didn’t want to lie either.

  “Luke told me you weren’t raped or attacked sexually. But I want to hear you say it.”

  “Why?”

  “Kayla, answer me. Where you sexually assaulted?”

  She took a shuddering breath then nodded.

  He swore harshly, making her flinch. His fists clenched. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he reopened them, his face was calmer, his voice gentle. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  “I was too ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “Ahh, baby.”

  “I felt like such a freak, a burden. I withdrew into myself. It wasn’t until over a month later that I got angry. I decided then that they weren’t going to take my life from me. But when I went to tell my brothers everything I just froze. It brought it all back, when all I wanted was to forget it. To forget the way those men had grabbed my breasts, that they’d put their fingers in-inside of me,” she sobbed.

  Cord gathered her close, rocking her. “Do you get scared when I touch you?”

  She wiped her eyes. “No, I’m letting you touch me now.”

  He tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. “That’s not what I meant. Did I frighten you last night?”

  She blushed. She could tell him that yes, his touch, his caresses terrified her. She knew he’d back off, give her time.

  But it would be a lie.

  “No. I don’t know why, but your touch doesn’t terrify me. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to you. You were a jerk two years ago. You boss me around now. You-you annoy me, you irritate me, you—”

  “Arouse you, excite you, make you feel safe.”

  “Piss me off—”

  “You trust me. You wouldn’t let me close if you didn’t.”

  She rubbed her arms, thinking. “I trust you not to injure me physically. I know you think I was just a child two years ago, but you really did hurt me when you practically run off after we…you know.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry. I should never have reacted that way. I was supposed to be the mature one yet I acted like an idiot.”

  She nodded.

  “I may still be an idiot sometimes, but Kayla, I honestly thought it was the right thing to do. I have no intention of hurting you again. I don’t wish to scare you but I want you, baby, so much I ache. The way you touched me last night, Kayla…I nearly came as quickly as a teenage boy.”

  She blushed. “I shouldn’t have done that…I know it didn’t mean anything…I know it was just about sex. It’s just that I’m a woman and available.”

  “You think I’d want any woman? That you’re simply the easiest for me to find?” His voice was incredulous and she gulped, realizing how that sounded, but what other explanation could there be?

  “Honey, I had to have a freezing shower to try and cool my need for you. It didn’t work. I care about you. I’m attracted to you. I know I caused you pain before. But I swear I was trying to do what was best for you. You trust me to protect you. Trust in what I say. I’ve never lied to you, have I?”

  No, he’d never lied to her. She was also achingly aware that he hadn’t mentioned a relationship or love or dating. Just that he wanted her. Just sex. It was no more than she expected and yet she couldn’t help but feel a stab of disappointment.

  “No, you’ve never lied.”

  “Angel, I need you so much that right now I wish I’d worn sweats instead of jeans.”

  She stared at him, puzzled for a moment before blushing. “You’re sexy, gorgeous, I can’t help but be attracted to you,” she admitted. “But I’m not the same person. I’m scared.”

  “I know,” he whispered. “But just listen to your heart, your body.”

  She stood, feeling a little panicky.

  “I-ahh-I—”

  “Kayla.” He grew silent and she glanced down at him.

  “There’s no pressure, I promise. I’ll give you all the time you need. I don’t want you to be frightened of me, of anything we do together. We go as fast or as slow as you need. Just think about it. That’s all I ask. Okay?”

  She stared at him, speechless, her brain working hard, trying to process his words.

  “I have to think. It’s a lot to take in.” She was confused, fear and arousal fighting each other for dominance in her body.

  “Take what time you need. I’m staying here, angel. I’m not going anywhere.”

  * * * * *

  He licked her folds, driving her insane. Arousal grew, pounding through her blood as he teased and tempted. One thick finger entered her, thrusting back and forth, a poor substitute for what she really desired. He surrounded her hips with his hands, drawing her closer as he lapped at her clit.

  Almost there, almost there, almost…

  Loud sirens. Piercing. Blaring.

  Kayla sat up with a scream just as Cord slammed into the bedroom, shocking her into silence.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said calmly. “It’s the fire alarm. We need to go.”

  Picking up a sweater, he pushed it over her head. Kneeling at her feet, he helped her slip on some sweatpants and shoes before standing.

  “Stay next to me,” he ordered, taking her hand. “Don’t let go.”

  She nodded, adrenaline surging through her body. They swiftly exited the apartment. Panicked people raced down the corridor to the stairs.

  “Where is it?”

  “Where’s the fire?”

  “Get out! Everyone out!”

  Around them people jostled and pushed. Kayla held tight to Cord’s hand.

  “Run!” someone yelled. “The place is on fire.”

  “Idiot! Everyone calm down!” Cord roare
d. But the damage was done. Kayla’s hand was ripped from Cord’s as people stampeded down the stairs. Someone fell into her from behind. She grabbed the railing, barely managing to keep on her feet. Frightened, smothered, close to an anxiety attack, she scanned the crowd frantically, trying to find Cord.

  Kayla tried to force her way back up the stairs. Someone slammed into her. Luckily she still had a tight hold on the railing.

  “Oh dear, I’m so sorry.”

  Kayla reached down and helped up the elderly woman who’d bumped into her. The woman was pale, frail and Kayla knew she couldn’t abandon her.

  “It’s all right. Come on, I’ll help you down.”

  Kayla wrapped an arm around the older woman’s slight waist, supporting her as they made their way carefully down the stairs and into the cool night air.

  “Thank you for your help, dear.”

  Kayla smiled, nodding distractedly as she searched the crowd for Cord. He wasn’t there. Fear pounding a tempo in her head, she was turning to reenter the building when someone grabbed her arm.

  She spun. An EMT stood behind her, his hand grasping her elbow.

  “Sorry, miss, didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said, his gaze intense. “Come with me, I’ll check you over.”

  “I’m all right, I’m not injured. My friend—”

  “We need to check everyone, miss. Come with me now. You can look for your friend later.”

  “No, I have to go back.”

  She tried to free herself but the man tightened his grip, tugging her away. Where was Cord? Had something happened to him? Fear stabbed her, deep and hard.

  “Hey, you’re hurting me, stop it,” she protested. His touch made her skin recoil. Nausea churned through her stomach. She needed to find Cord. Now.

  “You’re being silly. I’m just doing my job, come with me—”

  “Kayla!”

  Relief made her lightheaded as she heard Cord yell. She swirled, spotting him straight away. He was searching the crowd, blood running down the side of his face.

  “Cord!” She yanked herself free from the man’s hold and raced over, throwing herself into his arms.