By Heart

by Sasha Kay Riley

  “But not really in the offline world,” Vince argued. “I just wonder if it would help people feel like they aren’t broken, or that they can be in fulfilling relationships even if they aren’t as sex-focused as the rest of the world. If anyone would be willing to publish that, I want to talk about it.”

  Dustin smiled and kissed him. “And I’ll support you.”

  THEY BEGAN next day by visiting Xander for a few hours. When they weren’t spending time with him, they helped Mary. Vince once again rode some horses for her, and Dustin helped the stable hands keep the place clean and maintained. Now that Vince had competed and done so well, he got even more of Mary’s students asking to talk to him or get autographs. Which was still weird, but he went with it.

  “You know, Mary was on the team too,” Vince told them at one point. “She also won gold.”

  “Yeah, and we all celebrated with her, but she is all about our own training when we’re with her,” one of the students reminded him. “If you hadn’t managed to stay on and keep your horse focused when your stirrup broke, none of you guys would have won it. Well, you could have still gotten a medal, but not gold.”

  “Or silver, because there still would have been the time fault,” another student pointed out.

  Vince smiled and shook his head. “Okay, I guess you win. But I bet she still could have done the same thing. And what I did was more foolish than anything. I was too superstitious about my saddle to do the right thing and get a new one. Always check your tack.”

  “Absolutely,” Mary herself replied as she walked down the barn aisle toward them. “Now come on, girls. Don’t harass him.”

  “They were fine,” Vince assured her. “But go on to your lesson. Work hard.”

  Mary patted him on the shoulder. “I like you. You’re a good role model.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  THEY SPENT a good deal of time finalizing wedding plans while Xander was in quarantine. They’d done some things before leaving New York, mostly in regards to the food and who they were inviting, but there was still work to be done.

  “I wonder if that nice saleswoman is still working at the jewelry store at the mall near Wellington,” Dustin commented one night when they realized they still had the small detail to work out about what rings they wanted.

  Vince had hoped to do that before they left home, mainly because New York was a little better about such things than Florida, in general. It didn’t matter that gay marriage was now legal in all fifty states—Florida still seemed to be full of conservative retirees. From Vince’s personal experience.

  “I wonder if you worked with the same lady I did,” Vince replied thoughtfully.

  “Actually she did say I wasn’t the first guy she’d seen buying an engagement ring for his boyfriend,” Dustin told him with a laugh.

  “Glad that didn’t give anything away,” Vince chuckled.

  He was sitting on the couch with his laptop and decided to search for jewelers in that area of Florida. He clicked every website that popped up on the first page, but it wasn’t until he checked out the last result that he got anywhere.

  “This place actually advertises that they will ‘happily work with same-sex couples looking for wedding sets,’” Vince announced.

  “Let’s check it out,” Dustin suggested.

  They did just that the following day after visiting Xander at the quarantine facility. The small jewelry shop was in a nice, though small, shopping center across the street from a national chain big-box store. There was a handwritten sign in the window that read Happy to Serve Same-Sex Couples (Unlike the Other Guys). The window on the door had been replaced by plywood, but a sign on it told them the store was open.

  Inside, it looked like a typical jewelry store. It was well lit and contained several cases of glittering jewelry. There was a woman at the counter who appeared to be cashing out, and a middle-aged man at the register told them to look around and he’d be right with them. So they browsed the cases until the woman left and the man joined them five minutes later.

  “Welcome to Jerry’s,” he said as he walked up to them. “I’m Jerry. What can I do for you?”

  “We saw your sign,” Vince replied. “And the advertisement on your website.”

  Jerry smiled. “Ah, welcome! You’ll want to check out this case here,” he said, motioning to one case in particular. “Men’s wedding rings. I decided to make separate cases for the men’s and the women’s, aside from some inevitable matching sets that can’t be sold separately per my vendor agreement.” He rolled his eyes. “So when’s the wedding?”

  “The first of October,” Vince answered, looking over what was in the case. There was every kind of metal, and every type of stone from real diamond to synthetic to stones he’d never expected in a wedding ring, like opals and rubies.

  “Good time for a wedding,” Jerry commented. “Local?”

  “Actually we’re heading back to New York,” Vince explained.

  Jerry nodded. “What brought you all the way down here, if you don’t mind my asking? It just helps to get to know people before you try to show them jewelry, simply hoping they’ll like it. I like to give people options based on what they like and who they are.”

  Vince was glad the guy seemed interested in selling them the right rings, not just anything. It was a good feeling to be respected by someone whose real job was usually only to make sales. Dustin nudged him lightly, and Vince smiled. Apparently he was going to do all the talking for the moment.

  “My horse is actually in quarantine for a few more days,” Vince explained. “We, uh, just got back from Rio. We were on the equestrian team.”

  Jerry’s eyes widened, and then he squinted at Vince. “I know who you are,” he declared, waving a finger at him. “Wait there.”

  He vanished through a door behind him and came back holding one of the major gay sports publications that had interviewed Vince. This was the Olympic preview edition, and it was the same publication that would interview him for the Olympic overview edition in the next few weeks.

  Jerry pointed to his picture and the paragraph about him. “I knew you looked familiar, but you look different in regular clothes. I saw online you did really well. Congratulations.”

  Vince smiled. “Thank you.”

  “So I take it you’ll be wanting something simple that will hold up to daily life in a barn,” Jerry commented, setting the magazine aside.

  Vince nodded. “Our engagement rings tend to collect dirt around the stones and grooves.”

  “So much cleaning,” Dustin agreed. “But we wear them so the gossips don’t ask, ‘Oh my God, what happened?’”

  Jerry chuckled. “I’ve got some simple ones you can take a look at, in a lot of different metals. And I will say I am genuinely happy for you guys. Maybe if things had been different thirty years ago, I would have gotten to stay with the love of my life and not had to marry someone who still won’t divorce me because she’s ‘a good Christian woman.’”

  “That doesn’t sound like a happy life,” Dustin commented when Vince was too taken aback to respond. At least that explained why he would have the magazine.

  Jerry shrugged and pulled a few trays out of the case. “It is what it is. I tried to leave her, but she won’t let me. Said she’d rather I cheated on her than we get divorced. But I don’t have it in my heart to do that to her. Especially after finding out I’ll never reconnect with Dave because AIDs got him about ten years after he left me.”

  “I’m sorry,” Vince told him honestly. It seemed like the guy really needed to talk, and Vince was strangely okay with that.

  “No, I’m sorry,” Jerry said, shaking his head. “I don’t mean to tell you guys my life story. It’s all just very fresh back in my memory.” He pointed at the boarded-up door. “Some kids broke in here last night. Had me running to the home improvement store for wood and a rug to cover where they spray painted ‘fag’ across the floor. Might have done more, but
there was a cop nearby when the alarm went off. Luckily I lock my inventory in safes at night too. So the world’s not perfect, but it’s still better than it was when I was figuring myself out, and it makes my heart happy to see the younger generations have a better chance at happiness and love than mine had.”

  By the time they chose their simple silver rings and Jerry engraved them while they waited because he had no other orders to work on at the moment, Vince and Dustin both insisted Jerry take twice the quoted price of the rings.

  “To help fix the door and the floor,” Vince insisted.

  “I have insurance,” Jerry argued. “That’s far too much.”

  “If you don’t want to use it, you can donate it,” Dustin suggested. “Or make sure Dave’s grave is taken care of.”

  Jerry smiled softly then and finally nodded. “Thank you. I don’t find many people who care nowadays.”

  “We care,” Vince assured him. “We care about what you’ve been through and who you are. We have a lot to thank you for too.”

  Jerry hugged them. “Take care of each other.”

  “We will,” Dustin told him.

  THEY WERE halfway back to Mary’s property when Dustin asked simply, “What do you think of hyphenated last names?”

  Vince shrugged. “I don’t think I really have an opinion.”

  “Because I was thinking of how nicely our names would flow together if we changed them.”

  Vince pulled the truck into the next parking lot he saw, parked, and turned to stare at Dustin, who looked a little pale now.

  “Why didn’t I ever think about that?” Vince questioned. “That’s perfect.”

  “Really?” Dustin asked. “Because you just scared the shit out of me.”

  “Really,” Vince replied. “I love it.”

  “What about when you compete?” Dustin questioned. “And your branding when it comes to taking students and retraining thoroughbreds?”

  “The world will get used to it,” Vince replied with a shrug. “It’s not like I’m drastically changing anything. Just adding a name.”

  Dustin nodded. “Your name has to go first, though. That way you’re just tacking a name onto the end of your name, not inserting something in the middle. It’ll be less confusing for your fans and the writers who follow you. And show officials who know you.”

  “That makes sense,” Vince agreed. “I really do love the idea.” He leaned over and kissed Dustin firmly. “And I love you.”

  Dustin smiled. “Love you too.”

  THE NEXT thing they did was celebrate Vince’s twenty-eighth birthday. Mary insisted on taking them to dinner at a fancy restaurant after they visited Xander for the day. Xander was starting to get bored with mostly stall rest, so Vince spent extra time grooming him that afternoon.

  Mary then passed them off to, of all people, Jason, who had driven almost an hour to take them to a gay club.

  “I’m thinking back to my twenty-first birthday,” Dustin shouted at him as they walked in the door.

  Vince was also thinking of that night when their friends at home ended up taking them to a gay club to celebrate Dustin reaching the legal drinking age. It took several drinks for Vince to be able to finally dance with Dustin then, and it was no different this time. Except Dustin didn’t make him leave the corner booth they had tucked themselves into.

  “It’s your birthday,” Dustin told him, leaning very close. “We can stay right here.”

  They did. And after several drinks, they were even making out in the booth. Jason fluttered in and out of the booth, clearly not wanting them to feel abandoned, but most of the time Vince caught glimpses of him dancing with guys, and the occasional girl, on the dance floor.

  Vince and Dustin had just gotten fresh drinks when Jason reappeared at the booth, looking a little flushed and out of breath.

  “Okay,” he declared as he slid into the seat across from them. “Got what I came here for. Now I’ll hang out with you guys. Wanted to give you some alone time too.”

  “Do I want to know what you came here for?” Vince questioned.

  “No,” Dustin declared. “You don’t.”

  Jason sipped his own drink and shrugged. “Sure you don’t want to hear about the gorgeous guy who had me up against the bathroom wall and fucked me senseless?”

  “I really don’t,” Vince replied. “A stranger? In public? In the bathroom?”

  Dustin nudged him in the side. “Your indifference to sex is showing.”

  “I know,” Vince stated. “Not appealing to me in the least. And what happened to your boyfriend who designs cross-country courses?” he asked Jason.

  “Broke up with me via text message while I was flying back,” Jason replied. “I was expecting I would be coming home to a guy who might want to go on a date or something as soon as I was back, only to switch off airplane mode and find a text telling me he’s sorry, but he found a guy who wasn’t pretending to be gay when really straight. That’s how he thought of my bisexuality. It’s really depressing how a lot of guys don’t want to be involved with guys who are also attracted to women or who have ever been with a woman before. Oh no, I must be confused and straight, because I like women almost as much as men.”

  Dustin glanced at Vince. “Good thing I don’t share that way of thinking. You might not be bi, but the fact that you have a son means you’ve been with at least one woman in your life.”

  “One,” Vince reminded him. “But one man too. But that might only be because I was confused for a while.”

  “Until you realized you were asexual,” Dustin replied.

  “Which is probably why the thought of someone having sex in a public bathroom with a stranger doesn’t appeal to you,” Jason said with a nod. He held up his glass of clear liquid and declared, “To us, the invisibles. And don’t worry, this is just water. I am driving, after all.”

  Vince chuckled and tapped Jason’s glass with his own. “Should we take over the world while no one is noticing?”

  “Only if I get to help,” Dustin stated.

  “You can be our sidekick,” Jason said with a laugh.

  “Better than nothing,” Dustin replied.

  They offered to let Jason spend the night in the other bedroom of the guesthouse so he didn’t need to drive an hour back home so late at night. When they got up the next morning, Jason had already left. There was a card on the kitchen table with a gift card to a national coffee chain tucked inside, and a note scrawled in a different shade of blue ink from what Jason had signed his name with.

  Sorry I forgot to give this to you last night. Happy birthday! See you for the wedding!

  EXACTLY ONE week after they’d landed in Florida, Xander got cleared to leave quarantine. Vince and Dustin picked him up and brought him back to Mary’s stable with her horse, Tex. They spent another two days there, mostly so Vince could exercise Xander and let him relax in the pasture after a week of more stall time than usual and before the days of riding in a trailer back to New York that loomed before them.

  Finally they began the journey back home. Four and a half days later, after frequent stops for rest, food, gas, and sleep, they finally arrived in town. Vince pulled into the parking lot of the local grocery store.

  “Be right back,” he said as he hopped out of the truck.

  “Hey, can you grab me a donut?” Dustin asked before Vince shut the door. “I missed their donuts here.”

  Vince smiled. “Of course.”

  He returned ten minutes later with a dozen donuts and a bouquet of flowers.

  “Mom?” Dustin asked, taking the flowers.

  Vince nodded. “I can’t not stop.”

  “I know,” Dustin assured him, and kept his hand on Vince’s thigh during the short drive that followed.

  Vince parked in the main parking area of the cemetery and took a deep breath.

  “I’ll stay with Xander,” Dustin offered. “You go ahead.”

  Vince nodded. “Thank you.”

  He took the flowe
rs and stopped quickly at the trailer to find one of the two little medal-holder trophies he’d been given. Then he started walking the familiar path up the hill to his mother’s grave. He knelt there for a moment, placing the trophy and the flowers at the base of the headstone, then pressed his hand against the sun-warmed stone.

  “I don’t know if you got to see it,” he said quietly, “but I did it, Mom. I went to Rio, and I won for you. I wish you had been there. I wish you could have hugged me like you used to when I competed. It still feels like you’re missing. Even after all this time, I’m still not used to it. And even with Dustin there. He’s so important to me, but he’s my partner, not my mom.”

  He took a deep breath and ran his hand over the headstone before letting it fall away. “I hope I made you proud,” he whispered. “I miss you, Mom.”

  After another few quiet moments, he stood and made his way slowly back to the trailer. He needed to get back to Anderson Stables. Xander needed some pasture time, and Dustin needed to see Tally. And Vince wasn’t sure what he needed. A hug, maybe. Or just to feel like he was home again.

  Dustin stood outside the truck, rubbing Xander’s nose through the trailer window. When he saw Vince, he left the trailer and met him for a tight hug. When they parted a moment later, Dustin lifted his hand and brushed away the tears Vince hadn’t realized had escaped his eyes.

  “Let’s go,” Vince declared.

  “THEY PUT more gravel down,” Dustin observed as they pulled up the driveway and didn’t need to avoid the holes that were scattered along its length when they left.

  “Thankfully,” Vince commented.

  As they got closer to the barns, he noticed something odd about the parking space. The top of the driveway seemed to loop now, and a new sign sat in the middle of where the parking area started before, surrounded by flowers and freshly painted. It was white, and “Anderson Stables” was spelled out in red. One arrow pointed to the left and said “Horses,” while another pointed to the right and said “Students.” When he looked to the right, he decided the new barn was definitely much bigger in person than it looked in the blueprints.