Underestimated u-1

by Jettie Woodruff

  I started taking three instead of two of Starlight’s all natural sleep aids. It helped. I slept sound without being haunted from my past. It had been almost a month since I had woken trembling, and scared.

  Dawson and I, Lauren and Levi all got together at Star’s for Thanksgiving. We had a lot of fun yelling at the television at our favorite football teams. Star was an awesome cook, and I think everyone ate more than their fair share. We didn’t leave Star’s until almost midnight, and I went home with Dawson, only because neither of us wanted to be woken by my annoying neighbor who we both loved dearly. We just wanted to sleep in.

  We went right to bed and for some reason Dawson decided that I needed to talk again. I was extremely annoyed with him. We had a great day and had just made beautiful love together, and he wanted to go and ruin it.

  “You still haven’t told me how you got away from Drew,” he said with a soft kiss. I was glad that it was dark, and he couldn’t see me roll my eyes.

  I rolled over to my side, and he snuggled up to my back.

  “I’m too tired for that,” I stated. I wasn’t tired at all. I just didn’t want to end a perfect day with that.

  “You can’t avoid it forever, Ry.”

  “I could if you would shut up about it.”

  “But, you know that I’m not going to.”

  I sat up. I was pissed. I didn’t know where it was coming from because I didn’t have that emotion. I was never allowed to have that emotion. I didn’t care. If he wanted to do this then that’s what we were going to do.

  “Fine, Dawson. What would you like to know? Would you like to hear more about how fucked up my sex life was or were you thinking more along the lines of when he beat the shit out of me?” I asked, angrily.

  “Riley, uh-uh, we’re not doing this. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Damnit all the way to hell. Why did he have to be so good to me?

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized, and he pulled me to him.

  We lay quietly for a long time. The only noise was a dog barking down the street somewhere, and his occasional kiss to my head every now and then.

  “Rebecca came into my room once I was allowed out of the gym,” I began, and I felt Dawson hold me a little tighter. “I didn’t feel well. My face was pretty busted up, and my ankle was black and blue. She got close enough when she sat my supper on my night stand so that she couldn’t be heard through Drew’s security system, and whispered.

  “I have a plan.”

  I looked at her, and she looked back with eyes that told me not to speak. She winked and left me with a little bit of hope.

  A week later Derik drove us to the library and for some reason followed us in. I assumed it was because Drew had told him to.

  That didn’t stop Rebecca. She got a magazine and pretended to point and talk about an article.

  “You need to take some of his money,” she started.

  I looked at her with a, you’re crazy expression, and she gave me a look to turn back to the book.

  I turned back to the magazine. “How the hell do you propose that I do that?”

  “I know where he keeps the key to his office. We’ll wait until he is out of town and go in.”

  “And do what?”

  “I have been in that office numerous times. We can get on his computer. We’ll open a fake account, and you can start moving some money.”

  “You’re nuts. What the hell am I supposed to do with it once I have it?”

  “I have been talking to a lady that is going to help you get a new identity.”

  I looked up at her again, and she tapped the page and pretended to laugh, knowing that Derik was watching us.

  “He’ll find me, Rebecca,” I assured her.

  “Not with a new identity and a move someplace in the middle of nowhere.”

  I looked up to her again, but this time she didn’t point at the magazine. She smiled a warm, it’ll be okay, smile.

  “I’m scared,” I admitted.

  “You are scared every time you see that bastard come home. Would you rather be scared with him or without him?”

  I thought about what she was suggesting nonstop. I tried all evening to read the book that I had gotten from the library, but my mind kept going to her plan. Could I really just disappear and become someone else? The thought of it caused a flood of adrenalin. I wondered where I would live, what my new name would be, having my own car, a job. I could have a job and not be forced to stay home all the time.

  I jumped when Derik and Drew walked into the living room, arguing about losing a big account. I closed my book and started to leave them alone.

  “Don’t move,” Drew demanded with a pointed finger in my direction. He never looked at me and kept going with the conversation. I listened closer. Maybe I should start paying more attention. If I was somehow going to steal his money, I should probably know a little more about it.

  “It’s not dead yet, Drew, just calm down,” Derik said, sucking up to him.

  “He’s looking at a two hundred thousand dollar cushion cut diamond with 2 trapezoid cut diamonds on the sides totaling 1.63 ctw. I have nothing of that magnitude.”

  “I’ll find something,” Derik promised. I hated him.

  “You better hope you do,” Drew threatened. “Get out of here, I need to relieve some stress,” he demanded. I was about to be his stress relief.

  Drew walked over and closed the pocket doors behind him. He sat on the couch and took my book.

  “John Grisham? Didn’t he make a movie?”

  Yeah, a bunch asshole.

  “Yes, a few.”

  Drew pulled my back to his chest and handed me the book. “Read it to me,” he demanded, spreading my legs.

  Why? You’re too ignorant to understand it anyway.

  “Read it to you?” I asked.

  “Morgan,” he warned. “You know that I hate it when you repeat stupid questions. Yes, start from the beginning and read it,” he demanded.

  It was an older book, but I had never read it before, but always wanted to. I was only allowed to check one a week out, and I wasn’t allowed to download anything on my Kindle. He took care of the books that I was to read on it. All of a sudden I was happy to be reading The Rain Maker to him. I would have hated to read the smut from my Kindle to him. I was thankful that he never thought about it.

  Drew sat up a little and removed his shirt, and then slid to the far end of the couch. He patted the sofa between his legs and I slid in. I hated being nestled into his bare chest. There was nothing sexy about it at all. I don’t mean him. He was sexy as hell, but only on the outside.

  I started from the beginning as he pulled my sundress over my legs and caressed the inside of my leg. I swear if I could disown my vagina I would have. I had no idea what I was reading. The closer his fingers came to my sex that I was sure was already wet, the harder it was for me to read. I stopped when his fingers slid up me.

  “Keep reading.”

  Fuck…

  I knew my breathing was becoming erratic, and I didn’t even know if I was reading in order. I could have been reading the same sentence over and over and wouldn’t have known it. My eyes closed briefly when he applied soft circular motion to my bullet.

  “You’re all wet, Morgan,” he whispered to my hair.

  You think?

  I don’t know if it was guilt from the light bruising still on my face or what it was, but Drew was a lot more attentive that night than he normally was. I was trying my damnedest to focus on what I was reading and not the way his fingers were antagonizing me.

  “Come for me,” he requested, picking up speed.

  I was afraid that it was a trick. I kept reading.

  He moved from behind me to in front of me, spreading my legs on each side of him. I squirmed into his fingers as he slid his middle finger inside of me while his thumb tortured my clit.

  “Keep reading,” he said when I stopped.

  He did let me come, but it was
n’t easy. I wasn’t allowed to stop reading, not even when I was breaking and spiraling from my reached ecstasy.

  Drew stood and removed his dress pants and told me once again to keep reading when I stopped. He lifted my legs to my chest. I knew he wasn’t paying one bit of attention to what I was reading. It was nothing but a mind game. I stopped reading again when he came between my legs on his knees and entered me. Again, he reminded me that I was to keep reading.

  I didn’t want to read. I wanted to come again, and I knew that the chances of me being allowed to do that were slim to none. Drew moved in and out of me while his thumb circled my core, and I tried my best to focus on the words in front of me.

  Chapter 11

  “Okay. Stop talking about the sex, and get to the part where you left,” Dawson interrupted.

  “I am getting to that part,” I replied, but didn’t want to get to any more parts. I wanted to have an orgasm.

  “No. you’re not. You are going to stop any second now and tell me that you need for me to take care of you.”

  Shit…

  “I kind of like that idea better than talking,” I admitted, trying to be sexy. I wondered if I could take control. Could I lead him rather than him always leading me? I would have never tried it with Drew. I knew from the bottom of my heart that Dawson would never hurt me, physically or emotionally. Not intentionally anyway. I decided to try. Hey, I was already miles away from my comfort zone any way, might as well add another milestone.

  I straddled him leaning against the headboard, and his hands went to my hips, grasping the satin material in his hands. Okay. Maybe I should have thought about it for a few days before I acted on it. I didn’t know what to do next, and I felt self-conscious, and ashamed of myself for some reason.

  Dawson sensed it. I swear that man could read my thoughts.

  “You can start by kissing me,” he smiled as if he knew what I was struggling with.

  I did kiss him, and his hands ran up my back and sides, lifting the material as they traveled. I moaned in his mouth and ground into him. He rolled me over, and I was glad. I wasn’t ready to take the lead. I had wanted to give him a blowjob for months now, but he wouldn’t ask for it or better yet demand it. That’s what I needed him to do, but he would never do that. That, I was sure of, although I had a feeling that he would enjoy it. I was somewhat of an expert at it. I knew that it wasn’t going to be that night. I couldn’t work up the nerve to do it.

  Dawson towered over me, kissing and whispering how beautiful I was, how much he loved me, and how much he loved making love to me. I loved him too, but at that given moment I just needed a fire put out.

  “Tell me what you need, Ry,” Dawson’s warm words spilled out just below my ear.

  I didn’t know how to respond. I knew he wasn’t saying it like Drew had when he would make me tell him to fuck my pussy or tell him that I wanted him in my mouth, or sick shit like that. It was more attentive toward me, but I still didn’t know what I wanted. Well, I knew what I wanted I just knew that I couldn’t say it out loud.

  “Touch me.”

  What? Where the hell did that come from?

  Dawson slid his hand down my body and across the silk of my panties. I moaned and thrust my hips into him. I knew I was wet, and he could feel it through the cloth, but I didn’t care. I wanted to take them off anyway. He moved his fingers around the elastic on my right leg and I felt faint. Holy mother of Pearl, did he feel good. He slid me out of my panties and continued his task. I finally worked up the nerve to release him from his own constricting jeans, and moved my hands to between us. I didn’t let the contact of our lips break. I needed that distraction.

  I worked my hand up and down him while his continued pleasing me, beneath him. It was a small step, but I felt proud. I wished I could get enough nerve to tell him to do that thing that he did so well with his tongue and mouth, but I would surely die of embarrassment.

  “What are you thinking right this second?” he whispered to my lips.

  “I don’t know, Dawson,” I panted with a heavy breath.

  “Yes. You do. Tell me what you need, Ry?”

  “I can’t. I just need for you to do it.”

  “I can’t read your mind.”

  “I beg to differ. You’re always reading my mind.”

  “And I think I know what you want, but you have to tell me. I want you to be open with me, and I want to give you your every desire.”

  We kissed some more, and I was hoping he was done with that request.

  “Tell me, Riley.”

  “I want you to go down on me.”

  There. I said it.

  I meant to say that he was already doing everything right, but for some reason those words just fell right out of my mouth.

  “That’s my girl,” he smiled with one more kiss as he made his way ever so torturing down my body.

  We both moaned at precisely the same time. Drew could have never made me feel like that. The orgasms weren’t even the same. Orgasms with Drew were just that, an orgasm. With Dawson they were a mixture of emotions, love, sensations, feelings, senses and affection, all tangled up in one.

  As soon as I felt Dawson sensually slide his finger into me, I let go, clinching the sheet and arching my back from the release.

  Dawson made his way back to my lips and then moved to my side.

  Um…What are you doing?

  I was puzzled briefly as he pulled me close and whispered that he loved me.

  “I love you too, but don’t you have something to finish?” I bluntly asked. We hadn’t had sex yet.

  “You did finish. I’m sure of it,” he smiled.

  “You didn’t.”

  “I don’t need to. This wasn’t about me.”

  “Bullshit, Dawson. You have a hard on.”

  Dawson laughed at my boldness. “I wasn’t planning on taking care of me. I want you to know that I will always take care of you without asking for something in return.”

  “Okay. That’s just great,” I said, feeling my anger evolving.

  “What. Ry?”

  “You. You’re not a God damn shrink. Stop trying to fix me. That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Why couldn’t you have just made love to me? Why do you have to go and investigate everything?”

  “You’re mad because I am trying to show you that I am here for you?”

  I blew out a puff of air and dropped back to the bed. It was over. I didn’t want to have sex anymore anyway, and if he brought up one thing about finishing my story, I swore, I would punch him.

  He didn’t. He never said another word. He snuggled next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. I presumed he didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to say. I just knew that I was tired of the constant Dr. Phil attitude. It was driving me crazy.

  * * *

  “You okay?” Starlight asked as I dropped the refill of the Styrofoam cups for the second time.

  I wasn’t okay. I had a horrible headache, and just wanted to go home to my couch alone. I didn’t want Dawson there, and just wanted to be alone. I knew he had planned on coming there. We hadn’t spent a night apart in months, but I needed a break. I needed to breathe without him up my ass.

  “Yeah. I’m fine, just fighting a headache is all.”

  Starlight walked over to the shelf and looked through the different teas. She filled my peace mug with hot water and seeped the teabag.

  “Drink this. It’s lemon balm, it’ll help. I have some good news for you, well maybe. I hope it’s good news anyway.”

  Star stopped talking when a tourist couple came to pay for their novelty items, coffee and Danishes. I thanked them after ringing them up and turned back to Star.

  “Drink,” she said first, wanting me to drink the herbal tea. “I just got the schedule for the next swap meet. We’re going to Vegas, baby,” she said excited.

  I was actually excited this time. We had such a great time when we went the last time, once I relaxed and knew that I w
asn’t going to run into Drew, that is. I thought that Dawson and I needed a break.

  “When?” I asked.

  “March.”

  Great, that was almost four months away, a whole winter.

  “I can’t wait,” I said, trying to sound excited. She talked on and on about it, and was going to make hotel reservations right away to insure we got closer to the expo this time.

  “Why don’t you go on home? I’ll close up.”

  I looked at the clock, and it was almost three. I knew she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with customers, so I took her up on her offer and left, stopping at the grocery store on my way.

  “Hi,” I answered my cellphone.

  “Hey, you still mad at me?”

  “I’m not mad at you, Dawson.”

  “I’m sorry, Ry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “It’s fine, Daw.”

  “Where are you?” he asked, when he heard a car horn blow, figuring that I wasn’t at the shop.

  “On my way home, I left early.”

  “Why? You okay?”

  I rolled my eyes. I loved that he cared about me. I loved that he loved me, but his constant badgering was almost more than I could take. I couldn’t forget my past because he wasn’t about to let me. If he wasn’t continuously asking me if I was okay, he wanted to talk about it, or me talk about it rather.

  “Just a little headache, I’m going to go home and take a nap.”

  “Okay. I’ll bring supper home.”

  “Dawson, can I just be alone tonight?” Why did I just ask him permission to be alone? I was a twenty six year old woman. I didn’t need his permission.

  “Please don’t push me away, Riley.”

  “I’m not, Dawson. I am still going to marry you, and I still love you. I just need some alone time.”