Lethal Cruise: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 9)

by A. R. Winters

  “At least you can only see the face.”

  There was a chattering, clicking noise behind me, and I realized that Shaun was shivering violently. The cool morning, fresh pool water and shock of the dead body clearly weren’t agreeing with him.

  “Why don’t you get a towel?”

  “For the body?” he asked wide-eyed.

  “No, not for the body. Don’t touch it. In fact, try and step back carefully—without falling in again. This is a crime scene and we can’t touch anything else. The towel is for you. You’re shivering.”

  “Am I?” There was a half-second pause. “I am!”

  Stepping back carefully, I pulled out my phone and put in a call to Ethan.

  It looked like we would have more to deal with this cruise than just the missing Phytox and checking out Keith McDonald.

  Doctor Ryan arrived with Cece, and Ethan arrived with four of his security team who immediately got to work sealing off the area and documenting everything they could. This wasn’t their first rodeo.

  Cece marched over to me and poked me in the chest.

  “You owe me one breakfast with Ryan.”

  “Me?” I asked her incredulously.

  “Yes! You and your dead bodies. You ruined my romantic breakfast. We were at the Croissant Club!”

  “Oh, the Croissant Club? Then I am sorry.”

  She glared at me for another couple of seconds before her look softened.

  “Who’s the stiff? Do you know him?”

  “Yep. I’d even been keeping my eye on him because I thought he might be a criminal. Not that he’d be a victim.”

  “I thought you were the expert on killing people,” said Cece accusatorily.

  “I am not! I just try and help out when I can.”

  “You know, you’ve seen more dead bodies than guys you’ve dated on this ship.”

  “That’s not fair. I’ve only dated one guy!”

  “Just teasing. Can I help?”

  We both stopped to look around the scene.

  Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Tape had been put up to seal the area, the nearest bulkhead doors had locked up and signs posted, and we’d both just received a mass text message and email on our phones announcing the temporary closure of the pool deck due to a technical difficulty. Apparently, the process of dealing with murders had become a well-oiled machine on the Swan of the Seas.

  Cece and I were then joined by Shaun Anderson.

  “Why are you dressed as a mummy? It’s not Halloween yet,” said Cece upon seeing the towel-encased pool boy.

  “Ha, ha,” he said sarcastically. “I fell in the pool.”

  Cece smirked, enjoying the irony of a pool boy falling into the pool.

  “And I’m a murder suspect.” He breathed out a deep sigh. “I’ve never been a murder suspect before.”

  “Neat. That’ll make you more interesting,” Cece said.

  “What do you mean?”

  Of course Shaun had not been privy to the conversation Cece and I had with Sam when she told us she thought Shaun was a bit boring.

  “Nothing,” I said sharply. “Did Ethan say you’re a suspect?”

  Shaun shrugged and the uppermost of his towels, which was wrapped around his shoulders, nearly fell off until he clutched at it.

  “He asked me questions. Like, how did I find the body. That kind of stuff. I am a suspect, right? Since I found it? I mean him.” He looked puzzled. “Or is it ‘it’ now? I don’t think I’m very good at this.”

  “It’s normal for the person who finds the body to at least be considered. But you didn’t even know Bruno, did you?”

  “No.”

  “Any reason to want him dead?”

  “No!”

  “Then you’re probably not going to be high on our suspect list.”

  “Oh.” Shaun sounded a little disappointed, as if being a murder suspect would have been quite a thrill for him. Perhaps it was the most interesting thing about him, I mused. I wasn’t quite sure if it outweighed his excellently toned physique. I’d leave that judgment to Cece, who was more of an expert on these matters.

  “Why don’t you go and get changed? Someone will contact you if we need to speak to you again.”

  We watched as Shaun shambled away, the towels wrapped around him hindering his gait. The weather had already warmed up, and I figured he’d be over his shivering before too long.

  I turned back to my friend who was now eying one of the loungers like she might decide to take a nap on it instead of going to work.

  “How was your dinner date? Did he like your dress?” I asked Cece.

  “It was going fine until you interrupted it,” she said again.

  “But that was this… oh.”

  “So, pretty good,” said Cece brightly. “Maybe this will be a thing.”

  “Relationship.”

  Cece shuddered like she’d just found a dead body. She wasn’t a big fan of the word.

  “What now?”

  “Don’t you have to get to work?” I looked over to where Ryan was now preparing the body to be moved down to his sickbay. “And I guess I’ve got something else to keep me occupied. Oh, by the way, if you hear of any passengers offering cheap Phytox injections, or see a stack of vials anywhere in your travels, let me know?”

  “Someone stole the Phytox?”

  “Yep. We’ve got a crime wave going on here.”

  “I’ll keep you posted. Catch you later!”

  A few minutes after Cece left, Ethan told me to meet him in his office in an hour to discuss the crime. Until then, I had yet another report to type up. On my way to my cabin, I grabbed a bagel and cream cheese, a coffee in a paper cup, and then sat down to type up my report on finding the dead body with Shaun.

  After I loaded up my word processor, I opened up the last report I’d written on the exact same subject to use as a template.

  I was getting pretty fast at this, unfortunately.

  Chapter Eleven

  When I arrived at Ethan’s office later that morning, the orderly outside waved me in right away. Inside, Kelly was sitting on one of the sofas beside Ryan. Ethan had pulled over one of the chairs from in front of his desk and put it at one end of the coffee table.

  “Hi, Addy!” Kelly said cheerfully. “The captain will be here in a minute!”

  “The captain?” Our previous captain had let Ethan deal with all the crimes that had been committed aboard the ship. But now that I thought about it, a murder was probably something that the captain should be keeping careful tabs on. It would be nice if this new captain actually showed some competence and interest in running his ship, unlike the last one. “Glad to hear he’ll be joining us.”

  “He’s very good,” Kelly said brightly.

  A moment later, the door opened, and a red-faced man in a captain’s uniform appeared. He looked to be in his late thirties and had a happy, somewhat innocent face with the slightest hint of wrinkles around the corner of his eyes. His uniform seemed a little too big for him, in contrast to Ethan’s that seemed to be tailored to exactly fit his frame.

  “Good morning, everyone!” His voice boomed through the cabin, and after his greeting he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath, leaning forward with his hands resting on his thighs. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I’ve just had a thousand things to do this morning.”

  “I know what that’s like,” Kelly said. “You should see my to-do list!”

  The captain stood up straight and grinned at Kelly.

  “Sir? Have a seat,” said Ethan, offering the captain the high-backed chair that would put him at the ‘head’ of the little coffee table.

  While the captain sat down on the chair, Ethan and I sank down into the leather sofa opposite to the one Kelly and Doctor Ryan were on.

  “So what’s this about?” asked the captain, head swiveling back and forth as he looked at the two pairs of us in rapid succession. “I got some strange message that must have been garbled. It sounded like murd
er. I guess that should be maintenance? Something about the pool deck?”

  “No, sir, I’m afraid there’s been a murder,” said Ethan. “The body was discovered by our social media director—that’s Adrienne here—and one of the pool boys before breakfast.”

  The captain shot to his feet. “A murder? On a cruise ship?”

  “I’m afraid so, sir.”

  “Whoever heard of such a thing? That’s awful! What do we do!?” The captain looked around the room and then seemed to realize that perhaps he should know what was to be done, being the captain and all. “I mean, umm, let’s put together an action plan! Ethan!”

  “Sir?”

  “You’re head of the security team, right? I want you to put together a plan!”

  “Already on it, sir. Everything’s under control. This meeting is to keep you informed. We already have a procedure in place.”

  “You do? You have a procedure for what happens when there’s a murder? Goodness, you do think of everything!” The captain sat down on his chair again, seeming to calm a little.

  Kelly started giggling and then clapped her hands together with a loud smack.

  The captain looked at her, bewildered. “Is there something funny?”

  “Of course they have a procedure, they’ve had enough practice.”

  “Practice? You’ve been training for this, have you, Ethan? Normally I’d say that was a waste of time—but apparently not!”

  “Ah. Not training, as such, sir,” Ethan said.

  “We have murders all the time,” Kelly said, giggling again. “Stabbings, shootings, bludgeonings, poisonings. We’ve seen it all.”

  The captain peered at us all incredulously, perhaps thinking we were performing some kind of hazing prank on him. “Is this a joke?”

  I was very glad that Ethan was there. He had enough gravitas that when he said something, people listened, and they believed him. If it were just Kelly giggling away and me sitting there in awkward silence, I’m sure the captain would have walked out in disbelieving annoyance at us.

  “Sir, it’s not a joke. We’ve had an unfortunate spate of criminal passengers aboard the ship. All of them were caught and handed over to the authorities though. Luckily, Swan has managed to keep a lid on the mini-crimewave.”

  “Mini-crimewave? More like a mega-crimewave!” Kelly said with another high-pitched laugh.

  “I’m finding this all very hard to take in. So what happens now? Who is the victim, and have you caught the killer yet?”

  “First, we’ve not caught the killer yet—” Ethan had barely begun when Kelly interrupted again. She was very eager to share her knowledge with the captain.

  “It always takes them a few days,” she said, sobering up suddenly. “They never seem to catch them red-handed. I guess it’s more fun that way.”

  I glared at Kelly. “It’s not fun, and we try to catch them as soon as we can. It’s not easy, you know.”

  The captain turned to look at me now. “You’re social media, right? You’re not putting this out on the internet, are you?”

  “No. While my main job is social media, I, umm, sometimes help Ethan.”

  “She’s helped solve just about every crime aboard this ship,” said Ethan and I basked in his praise, though it made my cheeks flush red.

  “Right. And the victim?”

  “His name is Bruno Jones,” I said. “He was traveling alone, but we believe he knew one or two of the other guests. We saw him bothering a couple of passengers, and we were keeping an eye on him.”

  “You knew he was going to be killed?”

  I shook my head. “Not at all! I was worried he might be up to some form of no-good himself. I saw a couple of people looking upset after talking to him, but I don’t know why.”

  “And you’ll be looking into that, I suppose.” The captain leaned back. “Do we know of the cause of death?”

  We all turned to look at Ryan, the handsome young doctor who ran the ship’s medical bay and dealt with the bodies. When he wasn’t keeping Cece entertained, anyway.

  “Although I don’t have all the tools and equipment of a full lab, I can make a very good guess. I examined the body thoroughly, and there are two points of interest. First, he had been struck on the head with some kind of blunt object.”

  The captain winced. “How awful. And that’s what killed him?”

  “Maybe. But most likely not. I also found approximately two dozen needle marks in his neck.”

  “He was a drug addict too?”

  “No, no. At least I don’t think so. I think he was knocked unconscious and then the killer injected him with something to make sure the job was completely done.”

  Injected. I looked at Ethan, who had his eyebrows raised at me. We were both thinking the same thing. Phytox.

  “Do you know what he was injected with?”

  “I can’t be entirely certain, as I say, I don’t have a full lab here. But I had a look at a blood sample drawn from the injection site, and I believe it was some kind of neurotoxin.”

  “Phytox?” Ethan and I asked simultaneously.

  Ryan looked startled for a minute, clearly not having heard about the theft. “Yes, that could certainly be it. Why…?”

  The captain stood to his feet violently, sending his chair flying back. We all stared at him.

  “I’ve got it! Listen to this! There’s a nurse on board who has Phytox. She injects people with it. I read it in the advertising brochure. We have to arrest her at once!”

  Ethan slowly rose to his feet and walked behind the captain, picking up the chair.

  “Excellent thinking!” Kelly said.

  I stared at her. She knew the Phytox had been stolen; she was the one who’d told me!

  “Yes, excellent idea,” I said through gritted teeth. “However, the Phytox was stolen from the nurse’s cabin yesterday.”

  “Oh,” said the captain, looking more crestfallen than I could have expected. He almost looked like he could cry. He slowly sat down again on the chair Ethan had helpfully picked up for him. “I thought I had it…”

  If all crimes were that easy to solve, my job aboard the ship would have been a lot easier.

  If only.

  “If the nurse was the killer, she wouldn’t use the Phytox, would she? It would incriminate her, wouldn’t it?” I was trying to be as diplomatic as possible about a theory that didn’t hold much water with me.

  Kelly shook her head in defense of the captain’s theory.

  “Not if she was clever! It could be a fake-out—she could use the Phytox, and then claim that it couldn’t be her because it would be too obvious! The theft could have been staged.”

  The captain clapped his hands together in a brief round of applause.

  “Bravo, Kelly. That’s some excellent thinking.”

  Was it? It seemed like a lot of work for greater risk than me. Why not just use a knife or something and avoid the eye of suspicion altogether?

  “We’re going to consider every angle,” Ethan said carefully. “We’ll get to the bottom of what happened, don’t you worry.”

  “That’s all very good,” the captain said. “But if you need to come to me for any advice, please don’t hesitate. I’m smarter than I look, you know.”

  Suppressing a small smile, I looked at my new boss. I wasn’t sure if I really believed he was smarter than he looked, but at least he was pleasant.

  “Yes, sir.” Ethan looked around at all of us. “Kelly? You’ll make sure that all the events planned for this cruise run as smoothly as possible, despite the setbacks. I’ll take care of the pool deck and get it open again as soon as we can. And Ryan, if you find out anything else about the body, or if something more occurs to you, get in contact right away.”

  When he’d finished speaking Ethan stood up, looking at the other guests in turn until they all did the same, rising to their feet on cue. He was good at getting people to do what he wanted them to do without having to order them.

  “If ever
ything’s under control, then I’ll leave you to it. I’ve got a thousand things to do,” the captain said with put-upon weariness.

  “Me too! A thousand and one,” Kelly said as she fell in beside the captain as he headed toward the door.

  Doctor Ryan was right behind them, and shortly after it was just Ethan and I left.

  “Interesting,” I said. “The captain seems nice.”

  “Yes. That’s the word. Nice. I just hope the thousand other things on his to-do list keep him busy enough that he doesn’t feel the need to assist us too much.”

  “Right. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Speaking of which, I’m going to meet Keith McDonald shortly in the kitchens.”

  “Let me know how that goes. Now, what do we think happened to Bruno? Who do we have in the way of suspects?”

  “This morning I saw him saying something to a woman named Tessa that seemed to upset her, but she wouldn’t tell me what. I’d like to put her on the list.”

  “Okay, Tessa.”

  “And then last night he followed Miffy and the two models. We assumed he was following Miffy, but what if he wasn’t? Maybe all three of them should be on our list.”

  “Okay. And Nurse Jessica. Even if we do think she wouldn’t be dumb enough to use the Phytox, perhaps she might know who is trying to frame her.”

  “Yes. And I guess we can’t completely discount the captain and Kelly’s theory that she would fake the burglary to draw suspicion away. I’ll see what I glean from her when I next see her.”

  “Anyone else?”

  “There is someone we should at least talk to. A lady named Brenda seemed to greet him when they were boarding. She knew him. I don’t know if that makes her a suspect, but I’d be interested to hear how she knows him and whatever else she can tell us about him.”

  “Okay then. So that’s Tessa, Jessica, Miffy, Tuff, Canyon, and Brenda?”

  “Yep, that seems to be it. Tessa and Brenda have partners too, though I didn’t see either of them talking to Bruno. But if he had some history with the women, then their husbands may have found out and gotten jealous.”

  “What were their names?”

  I had to think for a moment to recall them.