SURVIVAL (Fire & Ice Book 2)

by Karen Payton Holt

  “Hey,” Rebekah croaked, as sleep rolled away.

  “Hey, back,” he said softly. The subdued lighting cast black hollows below his white cheekbones as he sat motionless. The eerie sense that he could only be seen because he chose it, was etched into every line of his preternatural face. His silver gray eyes found hers, and she smiled.

  Connor was at a loss. He had never felt indecisive in his life, alive or dead, but now, looking at her face with the dark circles under her eyes, he had so much emotion that he could not speak. The thought of Sebastian punched a hole in his chest. What did he do to her?

  Rebekah sat up, reaching out to touch his face. His thoughts were swimming in the turbulent gray of his eyes as she whispered, “Don’t talk, Connor.”

  He overwhelmed her as always. As the words left her mouth, his cool lips sought hers and he kissed her, rolling her down gently and laying out beside her. His fingers traced over the healing indents of Sebastian’s teeth on her collarbone, the mark on her breast, and moved to soothe the inside of her thigh, where the bruising stained her with yellowed rainbow hues.

  Finally, Connor placed his fingertip over the pinprick wound in her arm where Julian had taken blood. He looked into her face. “You didn’t have to.” He kissed her lips and breathed, “But thank you.” His brow furrowed as, holding onto the pain stabbing through his center at her thick honey scent, he dragged his lips over her mouth and molded his body carefully to hers.

  But his closed eyes could not unsee the bruises on her body and the images nibbled away at him like a boiling current in a tranquil sea.

  Rebekah gripped his hair with her good hand. “I’ve missed you, Connor,” she whispered desperately. There was something in him that scared her. His pensive expression screamed at her that he was holding back and something was wrong. A tear rolled down her cheek.

  Connor moved up onto his elbow and looked down into her face. His gut curled as his demon stirred the acid in his stomach, and Sebastian’s face leered at him; ‘You’ll not be enough for her now’.

  He brushed his thumb across the purple bruise under her eye and put the salty tears to his lips. “I don’t want to hurt you.” His eyes softened as he stroked his hand over her hip.

  “Are you leaving me?” Rebekah croaked.

  “Am I leaving you? Never,” he hissed, pulling back to bore his gaze into hers. “How can you think that?”

  “You don’t seem happy.” Her tone was anguished. “I feel it.”

  Connor took a deep breath. “I’m scared.” His smooth features crumbled for a moment. He moved his hand onto her thigh again. “I don’t know what he did. I don’t want to hurt you... to remind you of him.”

  Rebekah put her palm to his firm cheek as she pulled his hand up and moved her thigh, so he could cover her and feel her damp heat burning his palm. “He didn’t touch me. I would have died first.” She watched his eyes darken as his cool fingertips trembled. “No one, but you, Connor, no one.”

  His jaw clenched as his fingers stroked and he watched her eyes melt. Relief eased his tight muscles, and, clamoring for the infusion of her heat, he finally moved his body over hers.

  As she closed around him, taking him deep into her fiery core, he froze, and with every tremble that swept through her, he felt whole again. The rush of each ruby blood-cell pounding through her heart and flushing her skin played like a symphony inside him. The pleasure swelled to intense pain as his hips twitched and he ached to add to her bruises. He dug deeper into revival sleep as, finally, he moved, and the molten heat of her trailed wild fire through the synapses of his brain.

  He drowned in her soft sighs, feeling the ghost of Sebastian being exorcised with every breath she took. Immersing himself as the trembles of release raced through her, and he began to believe. In the delicious afterglow, he took her into his arms and cradled her beside him, and pulling the branding heat of her thigh across his stomach was the sweetest torture he had ever known.

  As he lay drawing strength from the after-quakes of desire disturbing the rhythm of her body, he hitched up onto an elbow and stared down at her flushed face.

  Resting his hand over her heartbeat, he said, “This is so hard for me. I need you to know that... don’t take this for granted.” He kissed her surprised, open mouth, dipping his tongue inside to taste. “Your scent claws at my stomach, and my thirst for you is no less now than it has ever been.”

  Connor sighed, stroking over the puncture wound in her arm as he remembered the feeling of her blood melting through his tissue.

  “I wondered if having your blood flowing through me would make it easier.” He quirked his lip. “But afraid not, honey, still wanting to tear your throat out.” Connor suddenly looked into her eyes. “Sorry, that was blunt.”

  “No, it is good that I know. So, I’ve have a tiger by the tail, huh?” Rebekah smiled at him.

  “Well, not only his tail.” He growled at her and gently rolled over, bracing his body over hers. He rested his forehead on her brow and, feigning a lecherous grin, he proceeded to demonstrate the other parts of him which she could claim as her own.

  Finally, as she was drifting off to sleep in his arms, she lifted her head and murmured, “Will you be here when I wakeup?”

  He savored the warm breeze her breath fanned over his skin for a moment. Regret laced his tone as he said, “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve got to go. But I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “But you’re supposed to be dead now.” Rebekah tried to nudge sleep back to find a clear thought.

  “I know, but London is a big place, and I need to know what is going on. I can’t leave Julian to face the music alone.” Connor smiled into Rebekah’s hooded sleepy gaze. “You never know, maybe I can persuade Julian to play ‘Little John’ to my ‘Robin Hood’, and we can all leave London for good.” His words were flippant but there was a touch of sober consideration. “But don’t worry honey, I’ll be back before you know it,” he whispered. If only I could stay... I should stay. Wisps of Sebastian’s ghost unfurled tentacles inside him and tainted his thoughts.

  Chapter 13

  The wind whistling through the train station whispered of dark thoughts and foreboding. At least, that was Connor’s perception from where he stood buried in the darkest shadow, waiting for Julian’s daily report. He had been in London too long, and his unease at leaving Rebekah grew stronger with every passing day. When Sebastian had her, she thought her life was over. She needs me. “If Julian still has no news on the bastard, I shall bite the bullet and leave London,” he muttered. After all, vampire coma can last anything between days and months.

  Connor held up a hand in salute as he first felt, and then saw Julian arrive. The flash of the gesture in the shadow was enough to draw Julian’s gaze.

  Julian agreed. “There is nothing you can do in London without being seen,” he said. “And as much as I enjoy the sights of Clapham Junction, I can’t say I’ll miss it if I don’t have to visit here for a week or two.”

  “Anthony seems calmer, now that he knows the whole picture.” Connor’s raised eyebrow acknowledged the white lie. Anthony knew of Rebekah, and Connor’s commitment to her, but Leizle and the rest were complications they decided not to burden him with.

  “You saved my bacon there. Serge making inquiries about your dehydration levels was rattling Anthony. You came back just in time. He’s had time to get used to the idea now.”

  “You know, I never meant for you to risk so much.” Connor frowned fiercely. “And now, involving Anthony is a situation I feel responsible for.”

  Julian snorted in annoyance. “I involved Anthony. The rescue plan was all mine. But trust me, he was glad to do it. Like it or not, vampires are not as callous as we’d like to think.” He paused thoughtfully. “Hope is not such a bad thing, Connor. It’s eternal boredom which is the real killer.”

  “And what about Sebastian? When do I get to kill him?”

  “I’ll know when he surfaces. Serge will act, and I will shut him down
in council. That will not be the end of it, but, we’ll know he’s about to make his next play. And then, Sebastian is all yours.”

  Connor grunted his satisfaction.

  “I’ll look out for Anthony. He trusts me now. It’s Rebekah who needs you, and you should go.”

  Connor took one more moment to consider. “You know where I am, and hopefully we won’t see Sebastian for a while.” With a final nod, he left.

  A copse of silver birch trees, their bone-like trunks glowing in the moonlight, marked Connor’s progress. Unease crawled through him. They reminded him of bad luck and dark times. Being further away from this place has to be a good thing. He gladly left them behind and covered a few more miles until, finally, he picked up speed and made the final approach to the new eco-shelter. As he passed silently through the tunnels, he was surprised by a feeling that he was ‘home’. So, I already have ‘a place’, he thought as he paused on the threshold of Rebekah’s cavern.

  His skin was chilled by the cold night air, and Connor warmed it with the friction of his palms. Pushing his hair back from his face, he paused with his fingers interlaced over his head as he absorbed the details of her face. Her sleeping figure was a familiar sight which ignited a glow inside his dead chest, and he put aside the regret that he had not come back sooner.

  Connor eased into her bed and took her into his arms. He kissed her shoulder, and when her sleeping breath faltered, he smiled against her skin. His smile faded as he breathed her in. Her aroma, the pheromone-blend which, like a perfumier, he could list the ingredients of, had an accent he did not recognize. He frowned as his palm drifted down over the contour of her hip, and then he felt her heart jolt, fear spiked inside her, and she jerked away from his embrace.

  He let her go, partly because restraining her would add to her bruises, and partly because his mind was battling with the altered composition of her scent. Sebastian’s venom? That surely would have dissipated by now?

  He expected her to see it was him, and return to his arms, and when she didn’t, his mind reeled.

  Connor sat up, a crooked grin tugging at his lips. He held up his hands as if she pointed a gun at his chest, and said, “Hey, I’m sorry, honey. I should have let you sleep.” His gray eyes darkened, confusion moving in their depths. “I guess I couldn’t wait.” He smiled apologetically. “It’s been a while. But I’ll be good, I promise.” He flooded with remorse as he looked at her tired face, noticing that the circles beneath her eyes were dark purple, now. “You’re exhausted.”

  But she didn’t relax. His expression shifted to concern as he took a deep breath, and froze. His nostrils flared, and for a heart-stopping moment, Rebekah thought he suspected. Smelled it, tasted it, or whatever the hell he does. She hoped she would not have to tell him.

  “What is it?” he whispered.

  Her brain screamed, ‘say something’. “Nothing, you just scared me.” Her mind skittered around, looking for the words to make this come out right.

  Connor reached out to touch her, to bring her back to him, and instinctively she folded her body away. If he touches me, he’ll sense it, and he’ll hate himself.

  Everything he thought he knew crumbled. Shock bleached his face, and his voice was harsh as he said, “What did I do, what has changed?”

  His thoughts moved into territory which terrified him. And then, the last thing he ever expected was the only thing he could think of.

  “Sebastian.” The devastating conclusion burst from him as a ricochet.

  The horror on Rebekah’s face made his nightmare a reality.

  His face twisted in torment and, in the seconds their eyes met, his distress swelled to ferocity. He reared up from the bed and slammed his fist down onto the bedside cabinet, showering them both in splintered wood.

  Rebekah cowered as the storm of his fracturing control broke over her head.

  Connor shot to his feet, putting the yards between them which kept her safe. He reeled around, exiting the cavern and staggering away. In the silence of the tunnel, he leaned against the wall and hung his head. His tormented mind chased the images of the horror on her face until anguish overwhelmed him. His snarling roar echoed through the caverns.

  “I stayed away too long.”

  He took off along the eco-town corridors, his demons snapping at his heels.

  Rebekah’s bruises had faded to a dull blush while he had been gone. He thought Anthony’s support and safeguarding Julian’s standing on the council was important. I should have listened to my gut. I should have stayed. She’s strong and she’ll be my Rebekah again, thought Connor with determination. As much as he loved her heat, he was relishing doing battle with her for all eternity. But before he turned her, he would lay the ghost of Sebastian. I’m not about to spend an eternity with him inside her head.

  But, at this moment, Connor felt powerless. Spiraling out of control, he charged out into the night and took in a lungful of woodland scented air. He inhaled until he thought he would burst but, for once, he needed to cleanse every cell of Rebekah’s scent.

  Her addictive odor was driving him insane, and a vampire without sanity was worse than one in grave sleep. He embraced the red wave of bloodlust which eroded conscious thought, chasing away his futility.

  I reminded her of Sebastian. Blood didn’t scare him, but that thought did.

  Connor’s civilized facade fractured, stripping him of the veneer of humanity as he wrenched his shirt from his shoulders. He needed to hunt, not dine, but to stalk prey that could end him. He needed to go where the hunt filled so much of his mind that thinking of this, of her, was no longer possible.

  He disappeared into the distance.

  <><><>

  Rebekah shivered uncontrollably. I hurt him. Her thundering heart ached as she pressed her palms over it. She knew now what true terror felt like. There was a moment, before he fled the cavern, when she thought he would lose control. He said I had a tiger by the tail, and I almost experienced the Connor who would tear my throat out.

  “You could never hurt me,” she whispered vehemently into the empty space where moments ago his face had been. But in that split second, she was truly terrified of him, and the guilt of that stunned her.

  Connor’s gray eyes had glowed with the dull ash of anguish. His ferocious white face had looked truly preternatural when he towered over her and battled to hold himself in check. Yes, he had been terrifying.

  Rebekah knew that every moment they spent together balanced precariously on Connor’s control. When his desire peaked, and his hands could not bear to leave her skin, his ability to not break her human bones was a measure of his restraint. I know every moment we have is only possible because he loves me. Tears filled her eyes and she slapped them away.

  “Oh God, he thinks he reminded me of Sebastian,” she whispered, as the tunnels still echoed with his ferocity. “And, I let him.” Sinking back onto her pillow, she covered her face with her hands. She knew this moment changed everything. She wanted to call him back, but the distance between them would already be miles.

  She hugged her body. How could I have let him think something so terrible? But how could I tell him the truth? It was a truth she didn’t know for certain, just a small spark of light which she nurtured. It was a daunting concept that she couldn’t find the words to acknowledge, even to herself.

  But, damn it, I didn’t mean to hurt him. The bloody man moves quicker than I can think.

  Connor always surprised her when she was sleeping. The safest time for him to travel was in the dead of night, and it was a talisman she held on to, a little like her own Christmas Eve. Every night she climbed into her bed wondering, will it be tonight? Waking to find his body curled into her back, and feeling his fingers restlessly stroking her thigh or cupping her breast was part of the fabric of their dream. It was another facet of his adoration that he could not bear not to touch her. It was not always about physical release, often, holding her close and absorbing her heartbeat was what he hungered for. Loving
and being loved was the bedrock of everything he suffered.

  It always sent a frisson of alarm through her at first, to find him there, as consciousness struggled to push back the blanket of sleep. And she knew that thrilled him. The satisfied growl rumbling in his chest was evidence of it. But when his hand splayed over her belly, and he stroked the heat between her thighs, trembling of a different kind would flood through her.

  And so it had been this time. And that was the problem, they had only that one night together since Connor rescued her from Sebastian. As her need for his reassurance grew, so had her fears. His hand moved over my hip and I freaked out.

  Rebekah could still see his stunned confusion. “How can I get him to come back? Make him listen?”

  If she had the time all over again she would just do it. How hard is it to just say the words. Connor, I’m pregnant? Very hard, when she knew he would bury himself in self-loathing. Damn it!

  She had been sure the fatigue was the effect of Sebastian’s venom. But exhaustion transformed into tranquillity somewhere along the line. She was so relaxed lately that sleep was a constant lure.

  And then she realized she couldn’t remember when she last had a period.

  That made her sit up and take notice. If he had been here I would have blurted it out. But he was away, and her fears grew like a malignant fist of tension inside her until the knot was so tight it strangled her thoughts.

  “God, what a mess,” Rebekah sighed. I’ve never rejected him, so, of course he thinks it’s down to Sebastian. Even if the truth shocked him, it would have been a relief.

  “Where does that leave me?” she whispered.

  Rebekah rolled over and swung her feet onto the floor, but as she tried to stand, it took more strength than she had. The lethargy weighing her down since Sebastian’s venom had tainted her bloodstream washed over her like waves crashing onto a rocky beach. In the end, she turned onto her back and stared at the domed ceiling until her eyes closed and sleep solved her problems. When I wake up, he’ll be here.