by J. H. Croix
Emma gasped his name, arching into him. Trey lifted his head and almost lost control just looking at her. Her hair had come undone, falling in loose waves on her shoulders. Her lips were swollen and full, her eyes bright with passion. Her tongue darted out as she licked her lips. Trey forced himself to breathe. He tried to tell himself he meant to take his time, but his mind had little say in the matter. When Emma unbuttoned a tiny button and her blouse fell apart to reveal a tiny scrap of lace covering each breast, what little control he had shattered.
The dusky pink of her nipples was visible through the thin white lace. He shifted forward and sucked a nipple through the lace. Emma’s voice broke when she gasped his name again. He turned his attention to the other nipple, pulling back just long enough to unhook her bra and push her blouse off of her shoulders. Her nipples pebbled in the cool air.
“Trey?” Emma asked, her voice breaking into the fog of passion that had enveloped him.
He looked into her eyes, a question within them.
“Yes?”
“I know we said we wanted to see what happened, but this…” she paused for a breath “…is happening pretty fast…”
Trey held still, forcing himself to think. He knew that on any other day with any other woman, he’d have wholeheartedly agreed. But this was now, this was Emma. All he knew was it didn’t feel like anything between them was anything other than right.
He held her eyes for a long moment. “I suppose, rationally speaking, we may be moving a little too fast.”
He forced himself to step back. Seeing as they were plastered against each other, creating even inches of space felt like an effort.
Emma chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t want to slow down, but…” she finally said with a small laugh.
Trey closed his eyes and took a measured breath. It didn’t do much to help. “Look, I get anywhere near you and all I want is you. But the last thing I want is to push you too far, too fast.”
He saw something flash through Emma’s eyes. Whatever it was held pain, but it was gone as quickly as he saw it.
“I just don’t want you to regret this,” she said.
Though it was only a blink, the pain he witnessed in Emma’s eyes gave him pause. Not because it lessened what he felt, but because she already meant too much to him, and he couldn’t ignore what he saw. He took another breath, attempting to slow the beat of lust pounding through him.
Emma remained quiet. Trey finally took another step back, reaching to help assemble her clothing again, carefully slipping the scraps of lace over her breasts. He had to close his eyes for a moment to keep from kissing her again. After she’d buttoned her blouse again, Trey reached over to tie the flimsy bow. When he was finished, he glanced up to find Emma watching him, her eyes vulnerable and guarded at once. Though his body had a different opinion, he knew it was right he’d managed to stop. Emma needed to know this wasn’t just a fling for him.
He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips, which were plump from the ravishing he’d given them a few moments ago. “I won’t regret this, but perhaps a little pacing would help.”
Emma laughed softly and nodded. Hard as it was with her closeness a magnet, desire lingering in the air around them, Trey took another few steps back, leaning against the counter across from where Emma stood. Her chest rose and fell in a deep breath. Though the flash of pain in her eyes hadn’t reappeared, Trey felt her worrying over something. He wanted to ask what, but he sensed now wasn’t the time.
“Thank you for today and tonight. I enjoyed everything,” Emma said, her voice cutting into the quiet.
“I should be the one thanking you. You made Stuart’s day—and mine,” he said with a wry smile.
“Tell Stuart I said thank you when he gets up tomorrow. And…you pretty much made my day too,” she said with a blush. “I should get going.”
Trey pushed away from the counter. “Before you go, when can I see you again?”
Emma shrugged. “Whenever you want. I’m not the busiest person around. Oh, except I’m going to Anchorage next weekend with some friends.”
“How about dinner sometime this week? Stuart would love it, but we have to eat early enough he’s in bed by eight o’clock.”
“That’ll work. What time do you want me to come over?”
“Is six too early?”
Emma shook her head. “That’s perfect.” She pushed away from the counter and looked around for her purse. He savored a long look, her hair in tousled disarray, her lips still swollen and her eyes bright.
Trey followed her outside, walking her to her truck. When he automatically reached to open the door for her, Emma threw him an incredulous glance.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m just trying to remember the last time a man opened the door for me. I didn’t know anyone did that anymore.”
“Maybe not, but I was raised to have some manners,” he said, holding the door while she climbed into her truck.
Before closing the door, he leaned forward, sliding his hand under her chin and pulling her close for a long kiss. In a flicker, the intense yearning he felt for her roared back to life. Her mouth opened under his and he groaned in relief, stroking his tongue deeply inside. Emma gasped when he slipped his hand up into her hair and trailed his lips down her neck. He forced himself to stop, although it took all of his discipline. Gentling their kiss, he slowly pulled away. In the soft evening light, he held onto the promise of the feeling he saw in her eyes—desire and hope.
Chapter 8
Emma looked across the small coffee table in her office. Stella was slouched into the corner of the couch, furiously twirling her hair around her index finger. Waves of hurt pulsed from Stella, and it was painful to sit with it.
“I hate recital practice,” Stella said, her eyes trained on the wall.
Emma waited quietly. Stella had been here several minutes and aside from choking out a hello, this was the first sentence she’d spoken.
After a few more quiet moments, Stella switched from twirling her hair to chewing her nails. “So I was hoping this recital thing would be fun. And the music part is fun. But one of the jerks who’s friends with asshole of the year is in the recital too. Mrs. Cooper didn’t tell me he’d be there.”
“Okay, just so I keep things straight. If I recall, asshole of the year is the vice-principal’s son, right?”
Stella nodded vigorously. “Yeah, Byron Landers. And his dumb friend is in the recital. Parker Schmidt,” Stella said emphatically.
“So what do we know about Parker other than who one of his friends is and that he’s in the recital?”
Stella shrugged. “That’s it.”
“What instrument does he play?”
Stella rolled her eyes. “Okay, you got me. He plays drums.”
Emma chuckled. “I wasn’t trying to get you there, I was curious. So tell me more. Has he done or said something to you?”
Stella pursed her lips and shook her head.
“So he’s a jerk because of his friend?”
Stella nodded. “That’s all it takes. Byron was ready to let me get charged just because he hid his drugs in my locker. And I used to see him and Parker together all the time at school.”
“Okay, I get why you’d be angry with Byron. And maybe Parker is a jerk. But even if he is, are you going to let him ruin the whole recital for you?”
Stella dropped her hands to her lap and finally made eye contact, her dark brown eyes tinged with shades of bravado and vulnerability. “No, no, I don’t want him to ruin it. It’s just that ever since that whole thing went down last year, half the school pretends like I’m not there. I just had the wrong locker. Byron’s popular. I’m not. I’m worried Parker’s going to make the whole thing not fun for me.”
Emma’s heart clenched at the pain she heard in Stella’s voice. She’d yet to work with, or even know, a teenager who didn’t share some variation of what Stella felt—different, alone, and desperate fo
r the approval of their peers. But she knew telling Stella that wouldn’t change how she felt. For Stella, her journey up to this point had involved climbing up and over one obstacle after another. Though Janie was doing her best to create a foundation for Stella, she was doing so from the ground up.
“I can see why you wouldn’t feel good about Byron’s friend being in the recital with you. What if you just try—and I know it won’t be easy—to play it by ear? You’re saying Parker hasn’t done or said anything to you, so what would it hurt to try to not worry about it until he does something you might need to worry about?”
Stella started chewing her nails again, but only for a few seconds, before she looked back over at Emma. “It wouldn’t hurt, but it won’t be easy.”
“Did I say it would be easy?”
Stella rolled her eyes and abruptly changed topic. “Janie couldn’t come today.”
Emma had been waiting for Stella to mention Janie. After last week, Emma had called Janie to ask her to come for the appointment to support Stella to talk with Janie about being adopted. Earlier today, Janie had called to let Emma know that Stella had demanded she agree not to come today. Janie had thought it best they let Stella call the shots on this, which Emma readily agreed with.
“Yeah, Janie called to let me know she wouldn’t be coming today. Do you want to talk about that?”
Stella shrugged. “I’m still thinking about it. I told you before that getting adopted when you’re sixteen is weird.”
“You did. It’s your decision,” Emma replied, knowing in the end, no matter how much she thought it might help heal a part of Stella’s heart for her to be adopted, it had to be Stella’s decision. Though her heart wanted Stella to belong somewhere, she knew it had to be on Stella’s terms.
Stella gave her a skeptical look. “You keep saying that.”
“Well, it’s true. It is your decision. You know Janie wants to adopt you, but she’s not going to force it on you.”
Stella started to twirl her hair again. “I think maybe it’s too much to try to do this recital and decide about that. I barely have time to think these days because I’m at practice so much. Just like I said, Janie’s in heaven. What is it with her and the activities?” Stella asked, air quoting her last word.
Emma chuckled. “I think you know the answer to that.”
Stella rolled her eyes, letting go of her hair again. “Yeah, she thinks I’ll make friends and that music is healing. You don’t see that side of her much, but she gets all spiritual about stuff like music. I keep telling her I just like to play piano,” Stella said with a laugh.
***
When Emma got home, Sula greeted her by twining around her ankles and purring madly. After she filled Sula’s food bowl and gave her fresh water, Emma served herself from the pizza she’d picked up at Glacier Pizza on the way home and settled in for a quiet night of television. Aside from outings with her sister and friends, her evenings were quiet, which she savored. The peace of solitude was such a marked contrast to the tension and anxiety she lived with during her years with Greg. Quiet was often the precursor to an explosion, or to hours of simmering tension.
It was Tuesday, which meant she’d get to see Trey tomorrow. The only reason she hadn’t thought about Trey non-stop was work tended to keep her so busy she rarely had time to think of anything. After she got home Saturday night, she’d lain awake for hours, replaying the moments on the boat with him when she had the first orgasm she ever had with anyone other than herself. Leaving Saturday night had taken all of her willpower. She’d wanted to curl into him and stay.
Before Greg, she had a few semi-serious relationships, but none lasted long enough for her to get comfortable. With Greg, relaxing enough to find her own pleasure had been impossible. That was why she’d been so stunned by what happened with Trey. When they touched, all apprehension dissolved. The comfort and intimacy between them didn’t make sense rationally, but it felt so right and true. She tried thinking about it from her therapist mind, but it was hard to be objective about herself.
As she nibbled on a slice of pizza, her cell phone rang. After she said hello, there was a long silence.
“Hello?”
Emma stomach clenched, a cold chill racing through her. The silence lengthened. Though she wanted to believe there was no one on the other end of the line, she could hear faint breathing. She didn’t wait any longer and quickly hung up. Checking her phone, she saw that the call was listed as private. After setting the phone back on the coffee table, it rang again. She stared at the screen, the word ‘Private’ flashing with each ring.
Emma ignored it. She tried to eat, but her appetite had fled. Ever since she left Greg, even a full three years later, she still got random calls like this every few months. She changed her number a few times, but it didn’t stop the calls. No matter how she tried to talk herself out of it, she was convinced it was Greg. All the way through the divorce, she figured he let it happen because he didn’t like anything that happened publicly. Court was public, so he had to lie low. He also nursed grudges. During the time they were together, she heard repeatedly about former girlfriends and friends he believed had wronged him. She knew beyond doubt she was high on his list of grudges. Though she was clear across the country, she didn’t know if she’d ever stop worrying about whether he might force himself back into her life.
Having thoughts of Greg collide with her fantasies about Trey made her tired. This was why she’d known from the start that she needed to steer clear of Trey. Her past would keep intruding. The passion and longing she felt for Trey had caught her off guard. She had to find a way to gracefully back out. She could imagine the look in his eyes if he knew about Greg and how long she stayed. He needed someone without that kind of baggage, especially because of Stuart.
A tear slid down her cheek, cool on her skin. Sula silently leapt onto the couch and nuzzled her hand. Emma stroked her absently and tried to collect herself. She’d been silly, thinking she could explore what lay between her and Trey. She just hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to shut the door on it. The other day and night had been so…good. Not just the intimate moments between them, but the comfort of being with him and Stuart, of being a part of something. As much as she loved Diamond Creek, loved her sister and her other friends, she always felt slightly apart. It wasn’t being in a new place, it was how she felt ever since she’d moved in with Greg and then just allowed herself to be boxed in. Even before she and Greg had moved to Connecticut, he created a wedge between her and her parents. Her shame about staying with him amplified her emotional isolation.
The other day with Trey and Stuart had been a balm. Stuart was so earnest, so pleased to have her around. And Trey, well the electricity between them was one thing, but his tenderness and silent understanding after they kissed had reached into her heart and grabbed hold. For the first time in far too long, she felt like she belonged. And now, she had to remember why it wouldn’t, couldn’t work.
Her phone rang again, this time Trey’s name flashed on the screen. Her hand appeared to have a mind of its own, reaching to pick up the phone even as she tried to tell herself now wasn’t the best time to talk to him.
“Hey there,” Trey said, his voice threaded with warmth. Emma could see his eyes in her mind, crinkling at the corners.
“Hey,” she replied, her heart lifting to hear him.
“I know we planned for dinner tomorrow, but I just wanted to call anyway.”
Emma felt conflicted. The part of her that so desperately craved the possibilities Trey offered was ecstatic. The realistic part of her reminded her there were many things she could change, but her past wasn’t one of them. But you can change how you think about your past, her therapist voice said, a hint of mocking to the tone. Emma shook her head and forced herself to focus on Trey.
“I’m glad you called,” she replied, the bald truth coming out before she could think of anything else.
Trey chuckled softly. “Well, that’s good
. Perhaps I should have called sooner, seeing as I’ve wanted to every day.”
Emma’s heart stuttered and leapt. She couldn’t hold back a smile. He wanted to call her…every day. “Really?”
“Really,” he said bluntly. “Stuart finally gave me a reason. Before I forget, he asked me to ask you to bring Sula over. He tells me Sula is your cat, and he wants her to meet Tootsie. Just so you know, I explained to him cats don’t always get along and some cats don’t even like riding in the car. But I promised him I’d ask you.”
Emma laughed and glanced down at Sula. “I told him about Sula when he was giving me the house tour. As for bringing her over, she’s actually pretty friendly with other cats, but she hates being put in her kitty kennel for car rides. Can you tell him we’ll have to pass on that, but maybe he can come over here to meet her sometime?”
“You got it. Now that we got that out of the way, how have you been?”
Emma couldn’t stop the warmth that stole over her. Despite her worries about Greg and how she knew she couldn’t let this keep going, she couldn’t stop herself from savoring the joy of Trey calling her and asking how her day went. Despite the fact that the call lasted maybe five minutes, her pulse was racing and she was hot all over when she hung up. Trey said he needed to get dinner ready for Stuart. And then… “Before I go, let me just say this: I haven’t forgotten where we left off the other night,” he said, his voice low.
Emma flushed head to toe at his words. “I haven’t either,” she whispered, her belly fluttering. She was so undone by his words she didn’t remember saying goodbye. Falling asleep later, it occurred to her that instead of her night being ruined by one of those random silent calls, Trey’s call had taken her mind off of them.
