Super (Book 2): Super Duper

by Jones, Princess

  Don’t imagine him in the shower. Don’t imagine him in the shower. Don’t imagine him in the shower.

  Inside, he disappeared into the bedroom, presumably to grab the check. I stood awkwardly in his living room. “So how’s your disposal working? Everything still OK?” I asked to break the uncomfortable silence.

  He came back into the living room with is checkbook and a pen. “Yes. Any more problems with the washers? Do I need to bring you home tonight?”

  “Nope.”

  He handed me the check with a smile. “Looks like everything is going great for us.”

  “Yeah.” Just then I heard a faint barking sound in the hallway. “Did you hear that?” I asked Mike.

  Mike nodded. “Yeah. Sounds like a dog or something in the hallway. But there aren’t any pets in this building.”

  “Exactly!” I yanked open his apartment door and rushed out into the hallway. Mike trailed behind. I peered down the stairway but no one was there.

  Mike scratched his head. “You know, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that. I always thought it could have been someone’s TV or one the Pham kids’ toys.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe it was in one of these apartments.”

  I knocked on 3B but didn’t get an answer. Before I could knock on 3C, the door opened and Mr. Umberson came out, holding a large gym bag. “Oh, hello,” he nodded to both of us.

  Mr. Umberson was an older man on the large side. He had a mostly bald head with white fringe at temples and a thick white beard. He had moved in right when I took over super duties for the building. I didn’t have much contact with him. He paid his rent on time and he worked a lot. In fact, he was hardly home at all. I got the impression that he was newly divorced.

  “I was just about to knock on your door. Did you hear a dog out here?”

  Mr. Umberson nodded. “I did. I think it came from up there.” He pointed to the stairs that led from the third floor to the roof.

  “But that just leads to the roof,” Mike said.

  Mr. Umberson adjusted his bag under his arm and shrugged. “I don’t get it, either, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard it. I’ve got to go. Good luck.” He hurried down the stairs and out of sight.

  Without thinking, I ran up the stairs to the roof access. I’d never been up there before. But I figured I should check it out. I opened the door and stepped out onto the roof. It was only then that I noticed was right behind me. “You didn’t have to come.”

  “And let you investigate the Case of the Unauthorized Pet on your own?” He grinned. “I’m curious, too.”

  I propped open the door with a brick we kept nearby just for that purpose. “OK, fine.”

  Like most of the buildings in Brooklyn, this one’s roof doubled as a sort of patio for the tenants. There were a couple of deck chairs and some tables out there. Mrs. Demaray from 2A kept a few plants out there she liked to pretend was a rooftop garden. There was a safety fence around the edge of the building to keep anyone from falling off and a number of signs telling people to watch their step. On a Saturday afternoon, there might have been a few people laying out. On a Friday night, there might be a couple, huddled up together under a blanket watching the stars. On this particular Monday night, it was deserted.

  I turned to Mike. “You see a dog?”

  He shook his head. “No dog.”

  “Oh well. I tried. Let’s head back. . .” I trailed off because I had turned back to the door and seen that it was closed. The brick was nowhere to be seen. When the roof door was closed, it automatically locked from the outside. It was on my list of things to fix. I ran to the door and yanked on the handle but I knew it was no use. We were stuck on the roof.

  * * * * *

  “I bet you wish you hadn’t followed me out here, huh?” Mike and I were sitting on one of the lawn chairs that tenants used to lay out on the roof. We’d already tried all of our best options. Mike tried to break force the door open. We had yelled down to the street for help but no one heard us from so far up. Finally, Mike remembered that Mrs. Demaray came up to water her plants every night around ten when she got home from work. We just had to wait for her to get home. So we settled down on one of the chairs and did just that.

  But it was getting cold on the roof. I was still wearing a thin shirt and Mike was in a tank top. It was fine for a quick in and out, but sitting on the roof was making me shiver. Mike found a blanket someone had left up there. I hesitated when he offered to share it with me but it was that or be cold. We crowded under it to wait for a rescue.

  He wrapped the blanket a little tighter. “I bet you wish you had fixed that door.”

  I laughed. “True. But, to be fair, I have a lot of stuff on my plate already. And you may have notice that I’m not exactly mechanically inclined.”

  He nodded. “I noticed. How did you become a super anyway?”

  I sighed. “It’s a long story. But the short version is that I knew the owner when I was a barista and he offered me the job.”

  “Do you like it?”

  I hesitated. I knew he was asking me about being a building manager but my mind was stuck on being a Super. “Yeah. Most of the time I’m just waiting for something to happen. I can’t think of anything else I’d want to do, though. Do you like being a detective?”

  He sat up to face me, too. “The short answer is yes. I like helping people. I like figuring stuff out. I get enough wins that the losses don’t overwhelm me. But the paperwork sucks. The fact that lots of guilty people get away with stuff sucks. The Old Boys Club sucks. The bad apples that make everybody else look bad suck. I’m not going to let all of those things keep me from something that I actually feel good doing.”

  I breathed in and caught the combination of his sweat and deodorant. It smelled like heaven. I felt the sudden urge to kiss him. “I feel the exact same way.”

  He smiled. He had a great smile. “About being a super?”

  “Yeah.” If I just leaned in a little bit, my lips would be on his lips, I thought.

  “What are you guys doing up here?” We both turned around to see Outside Bob, standing at the roof door, holding a telescope.

  “Don’t close that door!” Mike and I both cried at the same time.

  “I know!” he yelled back. “It locks.” He held up the brick. “But you gotta put this down to keep it from closing.”

  I threw off the blanket and ran over to the door. “But I did!”

  “You have to be careful with it,” Bob scolded. “If you put it too close to the hinge side, the brick will slide away.”

  I felt stupid and didn’t know what to say. Mike walked over to us. “Well, I still have to take that shower. Audrey? You got it from here, right?”

  “Yeah. Thanks for coming up here with me. It was nice to have company.”

  “Any time.” He gave me a little wave and left.

  “So what were you guys doing?” Bob said with a knowing smile.

  In an instant, I was very annoyed with the whole situation. “Nothing! What are you doing? You’re not even supposed to be up here.” Never mind that him coming up there is what saved me from spending the night on the roof.

  He held up the telescope. “Mars is visible tonight. Pretty exciting stuff. Wanna check it out?”

  “No, getting stuck out here was enough excitement for me tonight.”

  Bob shook his head and began setting up. “Only you, Audrey.”

  “Yeah, well, this is my life, Bob. It’s shitty a lot of times. Sorry I can’t be a cool homeless guy with a telescope like you.” It sounded mean even to my own ears but I was too mad to take it back.

  For the first time since I’d met him, Bob didn’t correct me when I said “homeless.” “Is it really your life?” he asked as he fiddled with knobs and dials on his telescope. “And if it is, maybe should change it if it’s not what you want. I used to have a big, busy life, too, Audrey. But I couldn’t stand it. Now I’m free. Some people may call it homeless but I’m really free to call a
nywhere I want home. You’re the one who is has all of this stuff holding you down.”

  Suddenly, I felt bad. Bob was right. I had a lot of things holding me down. Maybe it was time for me to let it go. “Bob, you can stay up here tonight. Enjoy your view of Mars.”

  “Thanks.” Just as I turned to go, he said “Wait! I forgot. Someone just delivered something for you.” He reached into his camouflage jacket and pulled out an envelope.

  “When did this happen?” I didn’t have a watch on me but it had to be after nine. It was too late for deliveries.

  He handed me the envelope. “Just now when I was coming up the stairs.”

  I tore it open. It was from the Council, summoning me to report tomorrow morning at 9am for my licensing hearing. My audit was over and it was time for a decision.

  Chapter 16

  I left Bob on the roof and came back down to my apartment. Once inside, I was left with nothing but my thoughts and the sounds of my stomach rumbling. I couldn’t do anything about the thoughts. But the food problem was easily solvable.

  I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed out to the bodega on Lefferts. It was late but if I sweet talked Rafi I could maybe get that bacon, egg, and cheese I had missed out on the other morning.

  Walking in the cool night air, I tried to clear my mind of all of the thoughts bouncing around. On the forefront, I was thinking about my hearing tomorrow. I knew somewhere Miss Fine was sleeping soundly thinking about how she was gonna rip me to shreds in front of the Licensing Board. And what could I say to them that would make them consider me instead of an official Auditor? I didn’t know.

  I also thought about my conversation on the roof. First with Mike and his odd question. He really threw me for a loop. And I threw myself for a loop, too because I didn’t know I really felt that way until I’d said it. Even Outside Bob had me second guessing myself. Was being a Super my calling or was the very thing that was trapping me? And would it even matter after tomorrow?

  I shook it off as I walked into the bodega. “Hey Rafi. Can I get a bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll?”

  “I’d do it, Audrey, but we’re out of eggs until tomorrow.” He really did look apologetic.

  “How about a roast beef and pepper jack on a roll?”

  “No problem. Mayo, lettuce, tomato, and pickle?”

  I nodded. “Yes to all of that. And slide me an extra piece of cheese on that while you’re at it.”

  “Extra cheese. Got it.”

  “No,” I said. “I want as much cheese as you can give me without having to charge me for extra cheese. He shook his head at me and went to work. I wandered to the back of the store, picking up various snacks along the way. I was contemplating the pros and cons of cream soda versus the root beer when I heard the familiar jingle of the bells on the door.

  “Don’t move, motherfucker! Just give me the money!”

  I turned around to see a guy standing in front of Rafi holding a gun. He probably hadn’t seen me in the back of the store because I could barely see him from my position. I crotched down a bit so he wouldn’t notice me and inched a little closer to the front.

  Rafi inched away from the grill and back to the register. He didn’t say anything, as if this were something that had happened to him a few times. He just deftly put the money into a paper bag and put it on the counter. I moved a little closer down the aisle.

  Even from my position, I could see the guy’s hand shaking. Just take the money and go, I thought. By now, I had inched close enough so that I was just maybe five large lunges away from him. There couldn’t have been more than two hundred dollars in that bag but he already had it so he should go before something bad happened.

  But he didn’t leave. “Turn around,” he said to Rafi. When he didn’t move fast enough, the guy with the gun yelled “Turn the fuck around!” Rafi did what he asked. The guy with the gun picked up the bag and stuffed it into his sweatshirt. Then he raised his gun a little higher, aiming it for the back of Rafi’s head.

  I had no plan. My hand grabbed a family sized can of corn and lobbed it as hard as I could at the back of the robber’s head. He fell to the ground with groan and a thud, knocked out cold.

  As I reached down to pick up the gun and point it at the guy, Rafi turned around. “Call the cops,” I said. “And get my sandwich off of the grill before it burns up.”

  He scrambled for the cordless phone and dialed frantically. “Oh, man. You can get extra cheese any time you want it, Audrey.”

  * * * * *

  “You’ll never believe what happened,” I said to Crash as soon as I walked back into the apartment. After the cops left with the robber, Rafi made me a really fat sandwich with tons of cheese and gave me a bunch of snacks at no charge. He even told me not to bother deciding between the cream soda and the root beer. He gave me both. Believe it or not, it was the best reward I’d ever gotten for Super work.

  Back at home, I recounted the whole story to Crash, who seemed completely unimpressed. But I didn’t let his lack of enthusiasm dampen my way excitement. As I curled up in on the couch under a blanket with all of my booty and munched away quietly, I thought about how funny it was that an hour ago, I was so sure that I wanted to do one thing. And now, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I never feel quite like I’m doing anything right, I thought. Until I something like that happens.

  “I think I want to be a Super,” I said out loud. Crash shook his little fishy head back and forth. “Yeah, you’re right. And no, I don’t know how to fix it.”

  Chapter 17

  The next morning, I woke up before my alarm. I’d never done before. Or rather, I’d never done that before and not gone back to sleep.

  I wanted to be dressed appropriately but most of my wardrobe consisted of jeans and hoodies. I did find a black dress that had seen funerals, dates, and interview in the back of my closet. And I threw a blazer over it. I wasn’t sure where it had come from. I think I stole it from Ella one time and just never gave it back. I pulled my hair back into a puff and even put on a little lip gloss. If I was getting locked up today, I would look nice doing it.

  I fed Crash on the way out and put my face close to his bowl. “Hey, I might get locked up today. If I do, I’ll use my one phone call to ask Ella to come get you. She might not want to do it because she got stuck with Din-Din. So try to look cute and easy when she comes, just in case.” He turned his back to me and swam away. Obviously, he was in denial. I locked up and left.

  On the stoop, I spotted Mr. Umberson walking toward the building. He was carrying the same gym bag I’d last seen him with. This time, he paused and lifted a small black and white spotted dog of the bag. I stopped in mid-step and called out “Good morning, Mr. Umberson. What’s your dog’s name?”

  He hadn’t seen me. Now that he realized I was there, he swallowed carefully. “What dog? I don’t have a dog.” Well, that just pissed me off. He was obviously holding a dog. Why did everyone think I was an idiot? “Mr. Umberson,” I repeated sternly. “What is your dog’s name?”

  “Harry,” he admitted. He was my dog with my exwife. She got him in the divorce but then she moved back to Florida with her new husband and said I could have him. But I’d already moved in here.” His face deflated and I felt a stab of empathy. I had told a lie or two to my landlords over the years. Mostly, it was about how I was gonna pay the rent. But at least Mr. Umberson was always on current.

  “Listen, this never happened. You understand?” “Wha-What do you mean?”

  I gestured to the dog. “I never saw Harry. And I’m

  not gonna see Harry again. And if anyone ever finds out that Harry is here—like the owner or my sister—I’m gonna say that I didn’t know about him. Got it?”

  He looked confused. “Your sister?”

  “Yeah. Looks like me except a lot snootier and a lot less wrinkled. You see her or the owner, you better make Harry scarce.”

  “No problem. Thank you, Audrey. Thank you!”

  Mr. Umberson and Harry went i
nside and I started to walk to the subway. I was just about to go down the stairs when I saw Mike coming up the stairs. “Hey!” he said.

  I never see anyone from the building unless I’m actually in the building, I thought to myself. And today, it’s like every tenant is waiting on the sidewalk for me. I waved at him and tried to walk past him down the stairs.

  “Hey,” he said again. “I was hoping I’d see you today.” “Is your garbage disposal broken again?”

  “No,” he smiled. “And if it was I know you can’t fix it anyway.”

  He had a point. “Well, you’ve already paid your rent so I can’t think of anything else.”

  “Actually, I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed being trapped with you last night. And I think—”

  “I’m sorry, Mike,” I interrupted. “But I need to stop you right there. You don’t want to ever be trapped with me. I am trouble. I am a mess. And you don’t want to get any of this mess on you.”

  He seemed amused. He smiled a bit and his eyes twinkled. “How do you know what I want?”

  “You’re right. I don’t know so let me rephrase this,” I explained. “I have enough mess and I don’t want to bring anyone else into it. Now, for the first time in a long time, I’m actually on time. And I want it to stay that way. So I gotta go. But if you need anything else tenant related, let me know.”

  I basically told him to get lost. And with that, I turned and rushed down the stairs to the waiting 2 train without looking back to see if he took my advice or not.

  Chapter 18

  “We’re here to determine whether Ms. Hart should keep her license. Representing the Council, we have Miss Fine. Miss Hart will be representing herself.”

  It was nearly three PM and I had spent the entire day in the Council building in midtown. Apparently, the starting time on the Council notice was just a suggestion. I wasn’t the only case slated for that day. For once I was on time for something and I had to wait for a ton of other hearings to finish before I could go into mine.