Playing Autumn (Breathe Rockstar Romance Book 1)

by Mina V. Esguerra

  “What's on Saturday?” he asked.

  Haley let out a deep, nervous breath. “Big date. I think he's going to want to get back together.”

  She said that with certainty but without any kind of excitement. He felt sad for her, realizing that even though he'd been writing songs about people's lives for years, he hadn't bothered with anyone else's except his own.

  She wanted away from this, hence Tampa.

  Oliver nodded. He wasn't from here, wasn't part of their lives, and shouldn't be interfering with what looked like the natural course of things. He was just passing through.

  Chapter 9

  Like a hurricane.

  Oliver was being nice, Haley knew, but he didn't realize how being nice was making things complicated. She knew a weekend fling would be nothing to him. It wouldn't lead to love, or any certainty about her life.

  Anything she started with anyone else would seem like another way of avoiding the question: Why not Logan?

  Cass had said that, when they were high school juniors, at a pool party in Logan’s house. “Why not Logan?” Haley and Logan had been flirting around each other for a while, and she’d so far refused to date him because he liked dating, liked girls, and never stuck with one for very long.

  Cass was encouraging the relationship though, because she thought Haley was living in her “other worlds” too much.

  “I’m supportive. I am. I love you and what you do. But maybe you could, you know, work on your balance?”

  “Balance?”

  “Help me out here. I’m trying not to sound like a jerk. Can you, like, live in the real world a bit more often? Our world?”

  Cass meant hang out with us real people more often. As opposed to the online fellow fangirls, the once-a-year music festival group, the string of informal music teachers/friends, those other groups she flitted in and out of while everyone else was at Logan’s house or Roger’s games or the diner where Tracy worked. Cass remained a friend throughout Haley’s flakiness because it wasn’t about Cass, it was about music, something none of her “real friends” were into.

  “You’re staying in Houston for college, right? I’m not. But most of the people at this party are. You’re not going to be able to get rid of them, Haley. Might as well be nice.”

  It had been a continuing discussion with her parents, but the conclusion was, they’d pay for her college education if she stayed close and absolutely did not study music.

  Logan didn’t have to tell her what the “special dinner” was about. Being himself, being deliberately present in her life even as she tried to make a new one somewhere else, was a loud enough signal.

  This is your real world. We are your real people.

  Maybe they were right? She was about to lose her job, and refuse someone's offer of security, and have to defend this and more to parents who had tolerated her missteps without making her feel like a failure.

  But then again, Oliver seemed to be interested…

  Down, fangirl.

  It was so, so, so tempting to take advantage of interested and ignore the realities of this weekend. Except it would solve nothing and in fact blow up everything in her life, crap and all, and for sure she'd be left with the post-hurricane cleanup.

  They made it back from dinner in time for Victoria’s meeting with the mentors at the Lake Star’s café/restaurant. No one else outside of the festival participants, volunteers, and mentors were checked in at the boutique hotel, so they had all the facilities to themselves, including the dining area. The students had all been checked in and dismissed for the day, so it was time for the “adults” to find out what they had to do.

  It was amazing, by the way, what Victoria was able to accomplish all for a few days in the fall every year. Sitting around the interconnected tables at the first mentor meeting, every year, were people Haley would come to admire and respect. Since taking over the festival, Victoria liked to mix it up every year with people from different aspects of the industry, and recently she had even started to invite successful Breathe Music alumni.

  Like Trey Lewis.

  Remembering him made Haley laugh inside, a little bit, as she took her seat beside an esteemed producer and a big-name Houston-based music blogger. Trey had been fourteen when he was first part of this, and she interacted with him very little. She had been… seventeen at the time? He was cute even then and might have tried to hit on her, but she set him straight gently like a big sister. Back then the three years seemed like such a huge difference.

  Now he was Trey Lewis, big music star, and he waved at her from the other side of the table. She did too.

  There was a noise and a bit of movement nearby; Oliver had pulled up a chair to squeeze beside her and was already introducing himself to the music blogger.

  How was she going to focus on anything with this guy around her? He seemed keen on attaching himself to her hip. Because he thought she was still Hot Piano Girl, or something.

  “…for the first time ever, we have a security situation…” Victoria was saying, and Haley perked up because that sounded serious.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  Victoria, standing over at the other end closer to Trey, acknowledged her arrival with a nod and set her clipboard down on the table. “Teenage girls. That’s the situation.” She let the smattering of laughter die down before she continued. “Yes, we have a legitimate security issue, for the first time ever at Breathe Music, because of Trey’s girls. I told you to keep your involvement here quiet, didn’t I?”

  He did not look at all apologetic. “I didn’t say anything! But they know everything about my schedule.”

  “Thankfully,” Victoria added, “Trey’s manager will be springing for additional bouncers and security around anywhere Trey will happen to be in until Sunday. In the meantime, don’t be surprised if you see teenage girls camping outside the hotel starting tomorrow. There was a call on Twitter to do that, and some girls are traveling all the way from Austin. Try not to run over them.”

  Haley caught Oliver’s eye at this, and he shrugged. “Kids,” he said under his breath.

  “You had that too,” she reminded him, barely above a whisper. He had the girls (and some guys too) camping outside of record stores when he was around for signings. Oliver had crowds outside TV studio buildings whenever he made appearances. Haley was never able to travel to places where she could have done that for him, but she totally would have. Back then.

  “Past tense,” he replied, very close to her ear.

  Haley shook her head and managed to catch Victoria’s eye a moment later. Victoria had a smug smile on as she announced her reminders.

  ***

  “I don't know, I think he actually likes you,” Victoria was saying.

  “Shut up.”

  “He’s not going to hear me. There are walls!”

  “Thin walls. And who knows who’s listening? Who’s on this floor?”

  “Oliver’s not hearing us right now.”

  “You totally set me up.”

  Haley wanted to catch up with her friend, so she tagged along to Victoria’s room after the meeting. An hour later and they were on the hotel bed alongside a pile of papers and a calculator. While having this conversation, Victoria’s fingers were punching out a string of numbers, and Haley was amazed at how Victoria could do that, talk about everything and manage to work at the same time.

  “I make things happen,” she said, quoting one of the slogans of her events business. It didn’t sound at all like she had only been out of college a few months. But this was Breathe Music, and she was its queen even before she got her diploma. “Actually no, this one was a lucky break. I was surprised that he called back to confirm, so maybe I underestimate my power. It could also have something to do with his new manager being from my old high school. But anyway—the fact that he actually knows who you are? You know what this means, Haley? ‘If there's no other time, when your life curves into mine…'”

  “Don't. Even!”
Haley threw a pile of paper at her friend's face, lovely voice notwithstanding.

  Victoria was laughing so loudly. “Why are you being such a tightpants about this? I thought you'd be happy. I thought you'd be in his room ‘making music' right now or whatever it is people do.”

  Oh, she would think that. Victoria was not burdened by the same things. Her parents never expected her to stick to an instrument, much less a relationship. And yet she was committed and steadfast about other things, like Breathe Music, and her job, and their friendship. Except when she wasn't trying to throw Haley into embarrassing situations.

  “What's the deal with Logan by the way? He was being extra in my face today,” Victoria said. “I hope I didn't ruin anything with Oliver. Logan really wanted to know where you were. I forgot that you might have wanted to hide a bit.”

  “He just said hi. Drove us back here. Reminded me about Saturday.”

  “What's on Saturday?”

  To be fair, Logan did not act like an assy ex-boyfriend. However, he acted as if he were never an ex-boyfriend. If he didn’t believe her when she wanted to break up, she was hoping the move to Tampa was the clear sign that she meant it. But the Saturday dinner plans were a clue that he thought differently.

  “I want you to recognize that this is how it's going to be,” he had said, and even though it could have been sweet and was intended to be, it had to her the undercurrent of a threat. “You know where to go when you're done with Florida.”

  “You don't know what you're saying,” she had told him.

  Because the way Logan saw it, it was his inability to stop hitting on random waitresses that was keeping them apart. That if he proved that he could stop doing it, she would have him. She tried to explain that this wasn't the case at all, that she wasn’t with him because she wanted it that way, and it didn't matter to her whether he committed to her, to a tree, to malaria eradication. Her being in another state wasn’t at all about him and his waitress flirtations.

  “I think he's actually going to do it,” Haley told Victoria.

  “What?”

  “Woo me back. He’s been really in touch since I left.”

  “Shut up. This is insane. He really thinks you'll give up and give in?”

  Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. “He doesn't see it as me giving up. He probably thinks I'll think it's romantic.”

  She scrunched up her nose. “Romantic my ass. Is there a chance you'll actually do it?”

  “It depends on how vulnerable I am.”

  “He’ll want you to move back.”

  “Of course.”

  “Stay strong, babe.”

  “I think I'm about to get fired.”

  “You can work with me.”

  “You can't afford me.”

  “What the hell are they paying you? You teach little kids ‘Chopsticks,' right?”

  Ellen Lee was in fact already at Juilliard, and Sophie would have followed if not for actually wanting to take pre-med. Haley was not going to come across the same kind of job, or pair of students with parents of that stature, for a while.

  “I was in a bubble,” Haley said. “Maybe it's time to live in the real world, finally.”

  “You’ve been out of college for like a second! Don’t give up yet!”

  “I can’t help it. It’s not like anyone else is doing so well, right? Following this crazy dream?”

  This was a conversation that they’d already had and that she knew Victoria was tired of. But even her best friend couldn’t tell her that it wasn’t tough and heartbreaking. Years of working at this festival and seeing people come and go…

  Victoria snorted. “Trey is.”

  “Right. Trey, the youngest, prettiest guy in our group. I don’t think I’m cut out to do what he’s doing.”

  “Ha, they’re probably already replacing him. Somewhere in a smoky room there are people deciding who the next dancing pretty boy will be.”

  “Obviously not me.”

  “The real world's always going to be here,” Victoria said. “Believe me, you don't want to be in a rush to greet it.”

  “Victoria, I’m trying to tell you something important.” Haley had to put a hand on her friend’s arm so the multi-tasker would hone in on this alone. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “No…”

  “I think this should be my last time mentoring.”

  “No,” Victoria shook off her hand. “You’re a natural at this. The kids always love you.”

  “I’m not anything. Maybe I used to deserve a spot as a mentor before, but I’ve done nothing lately to deserve it.”

  “You are tired, and your nerves are confused because of the rock star next door. Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

  But she did mean it. If Haley had her way, she wouldn’t have been around for this weekend; she didn’t plan for it. “I’ll do my job this weekend, don’t worry. But please don’t ask me to do this again. Please don’t ask me to be peppy and encouraging to talented kids who will have every opportunity to do this and not be stopped by every other person in their lives.”

  “Hey.” Victoria leaped up off the bed and into a position to shake sense into Haley via her shoulders. “No pity. Didn’t I say no pity? I’m not telling you to sell your belongings and sing on the street. I want you to be able to do this, even if it’s once a year, because you do it well and we need people who can connect to the students that way.”

  “It hurts,” Haley admitted.

  “Suck it up. It’s a weekend. And then you get good feelings that last you a year.”

  To Victoria, it was only a weekend, sure. A busy one, but it truly was a break from her regular life. She had already let go of this dream and was an events-person year round. Haley needed to make that break herself, on her own, and she hadn’t yet. Being in Breathe Music every year did delude her into thinking she could be like one of these kids. She needed a clean break, something permanent, something that would stick.

  “I’ll get through this weekend, but you can’t make me show up next time. I quit. I quit.”

  Victoria released her and dropped back onto the bed. “You’ll feel better about this on Monday, and we’ll do this again next year.”

  Chapter 10

  Almost midnight, and Oliver had half a song in his head. Something about being a storm that was let in a house and then blowing it apart. He was going to need to work on the imagery.

  He thought about her on the piano, sometimes singing his song, but not necessarily, because eventually the words and music became a blur and it was just her, and her talented fingers, and her eyes, and the sound of her voice. He noticed on the schedule that mentors would actually have to perform on the last day. Oliver's spine and other parts of him tingled at the thought of seeing her then.

  It would be different, of course, if she took the stage. There was an intimacy to her videos, her and a tiny screen, talking directly to the viewer (to him), that he felt would be lost when he watched it from among an audience of over a hundred. Part of him didn't want to share her, which didn't make sense when her videos had already been seen by thousands. Hundreds of thousands.

  There was a hesitant knock on his door, and he was almost certain that he had willed her into his room by thinking about her that much.

  Yes, it was her.

  “I’m good,” he said.

  She was still in what she was wearing from the flight this morning. “What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing, I…you weren’t in your room just now?”

  “No. I was at Victoria’s. Can I come in?”

  He didn’t know it until that moment, but yes, that was perfectly okay with him, and he was annoyed that he didn’t come up with the idea first. Because he was thinking about a song. What a dumbass.

  “You and Victoria go way back?” Oliver said as Haley took small steps into the room and looked for a place for herself.

  “Yes,” she said. “I met her at Breathe, the first time I ever joined. She’s a
wesome.”

  “She gets things done.”

  He watched her sort of start to go for the chair and then stop. And hover within arm’s reach of him, still standing. It was still the exact same day—he didn’t know her at all twenty-four hours ago. But now, as his mind worked to put a song together, he kept thinking of the blanks there were to fill.

  “Haley,” he said.

  “Yes?” Dark brown eyes, misty, overwhelmed.

  What the hell. It was that kind of day. “Why are you here?”

  “I have a confession to make.”

  There was that familiar stomach lurch until he contextualized it and knew that anything confessed by Haley would not be as ridiculous as anything he’d heard in recent years. Like when he discovered his girlfriend and his manager were sleeping together. Or that some of his friends knew this, or expected it. (That friend unfortunately got a fist to his face.)

  She cleared her throat. “I’m a huge fan of yours.”

  That didn’t sound so bad. He assumed as much based on the Hot Piano Girl videos. “So…?”

  “Huge. Forums, posters, T-shirts…”

  “Thank you for buying the merch.”

  That threw her off, and her sigh sounded frustrated. “It doesn’t bother you? You’re supposed to avoid people like me, right? Your manager would want extra bouncers around if he found out about my…history. I was like a Trey Girl. But the mailing list was called the ‘Olivettes.’ I would have camped outside for you if you were in this very hotel, and I was…thirteen years old.”

  A few years ago it would have been a legitimate concern, but right now it was laughable. Especially considering the state Oliver’s career was in.

  “‘Olivettes.’ That’s funny.”

  She wasn’t done yet. “Oh, and I didn’t buy your last album. Yet. I mean, I haven’t bought it yet.”

  “Don’t worry about it. A lot of people haven’t.”