by Donna Alward
Quiet descended on them, uncomfortable and heavy. Ian stared out over the bay, hurt written on every feature. Lizzie waited, and as the seconds ticked on she wished he’d say something so they could move forward.
Finally he sighed. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay. I get it. Ouch, but I get it.”
Her face relaxed slightly. “Thank you, Ian. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. It’s just … it’s really over, that’s all.”
“And the job?” he asked. “Are you still coming back? We could really use you. It wasn’t long ago that you were the best doctor in the department. You’re young and ambitious and smart and your career is just beginning.”
Funny, her dad had said the same thing on her first day on staff at the hospital. He’d been so happy and proud and she’d been happy, too, seeing that light in his eye. His approval and encouragement had meant so much.
What would he think of the woman sitting here today? Would he feel disappointment? Pride? Did any of it matter? He was gone. Really, really gone.
She missed the pace and challenge of working in an emergency department. But she wasn’t sure she fit in in Springfield anymore, either.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” she asked. “I’m here covering Charlie’s mat leave, and she hasn’t even delivered yet.”
“Surely it wouldn’t be hard to find a replacement for a few months.” He chuckled. “I’m not sure why this place needs two doctors anyway.”
She didn’t like the way he said it. As if Jewell Cove were barely worth mentioning.
“I can’t just up and leave. Besides, she’s my best friend. I want to be here when her baby’s born.”
“So come back and visit.” He frowned. “Besides, what about your mom? Don’t you hate being so far away from her?”
It was a direct hit to Lizzie’s conscience, but it also made it easier for her to step back. “I’ve been visiting, don’t worry. My mother isn’t any of your concern. You were the one who forced me out. If I need some time to think about your offer, I’m going to take it.”
He finished his drink and put down his can. “I see.”
“Did you think I would leap at the chance to return?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Actually, yes. I think I did. You’re different than I remember, Lizzie. If I didn’t know better, I’d say this town has gotten to you.”
If Josh or Charlie or even Jess or Sarah had said such a thing, it would have been a compliment. Lizzie knew Ian didn’t mean it that way. God, had she been this snobby when she’d arrived? No wonder Josh had been cool at first.
She stood. “I’ll think about it, Ian. That’s all I can promise right now.”
Ian stood, too, but she’d underestimated his persistence. “Is there a place in town I could book for the night? I’d like to take you to breakfast in the morning. We could talk some more.”
Lizzie was at a loss for words for a minute. He’d planned on staying in Jewell Cove overnight? And he hadn’t booked a room, which meant …
He’d been planning to stay here. Presumptuous much?
“There’s a motel on the main drag into town, but it’s a little, um, plain for your standards. There’s an inn a few streets up from the harbor that would probably be okay. It’s a busy time of year, though.”
She didn’t offer to let him stay at the cottage—certainly not in her room, and not in the spare room, either.
“I’ll try there,” he replied. The strain between them multiplied as Ian accepted the cue that it was time for him to leave. “Breakfast tomorrow, though, before I have to head back?”
It was awkward, but really, she didn’t have bad feelings. Breakfast was no biggie. “There’s a café called ‘Breezes’ that serves a great breakfast. Let’s meet at nine?”
“Nine, then. And think about what I said, okay? You’re a big asset to the department. I’d like to see you return.” His gaze met hers. “Regardless of our personal status.”
“I will,” she said, leading the way to the door.
When he was gone she took out the container of pasta she’d brought home. She’d been hungry then, but she wasn’t anymore. Now she didn’t know what she felt. It was all so confusing, jumbled up together. The problem, she realized, was that she no longer knew what she wanted. She knew she wanted to be back in an emergency room, but she didn’t know how or where. That it might not be in Springfield was something she hadn’t considered.
So she put the dish down and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing felt as good as running on Fiddler’s Beach when her mind got working overtime. Maybe then she would have a few answers. And her appetite back.
CHAPTER 19
Breezes was doing a bustling business the next morning. Lizzie’d slept poorly and then missed her alarm, and now she was late. Ian was waiting at a table when she walked in, and she smiled and asked Linda for a coffee refill on the way by the counter, giving the waitress her stainless travel mug. Ian, as usual, was dressed impeccably, in entirely appropriate business casual, his pants precisely creased and his shirt without a single wrinkle.
“Sorry I’m late,” Lizzie said, sitting across from him. “Did you find a place all right?”
He nodded, his finger hooked through the handle of his coffee mug. “The inn is surprisingly nice,” he offered. “I got the last room, and it was a little small, but the bed was comfortable and it’s very quaint.”
The backhanded compliment irked her. “I’m glad it met with your approval,” she replied, relieved when Linda arrived with her coffee and a pair of menus.
“Here you go, Doc,” Linda said, putting down the mug. “You want me to bring a carafe over and leave it?”
“That’d be great, Linda, thanks.” Lizzie smiled at Ian. “I’m afraid my love of caffeine is a matter of public record now.”
Ian’s smile was small and he looked at the single-page breakfast menu. “Do you eat here often?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Well, there’s here, the Italian place, and the Rusty Fern, which is the local pub. The clinic’s only a hop, skip, and a jump away, so the café is perfect for a quick bite.”
He scanned the menu. “I was kind of hoping for some eggs Florentine or something. The menu’s kind of plain, isn’t it?”
“Try the blueberry pancakes with the maple ham. They’re local and delicious.”
He frowned. “I don’t usually eat that many carbs for breakfast.”
Lizzie put down her menu. “Ian, I get it. You think I’m wasting my time here. It’s not fancy or high-class or whatever you’re used to. I was the same way at first, but really, this is not the armpit of the universe.”
He looked taken aback. “I never said it was.”
“I like it here.” She’d thought long and hard last night, and while she hadn’t come to any big conclusions, she’d mulled over her decisions the last few years and why she’d made them.
What she’d come up with had caused her to toss and turn a good portion of the night.
How many of her decisions had been made because of what was expected of her? Had they been what she really wanted? Or had she been trying to be the person she thought others wanted her to be?
That she wasn’t sure hinted at the answer. And it was damned scary to think about. Who was she if not that person?
Her whole identity had been wrapped up in two things. Being a doctor and being Russ Howard’s daughter. Living up to his reputation. Wanting him to be proud.
And then she thought of Charlie, who’d found the courage to ignore familial expectations and instead had found so much happiness.
God, she was so confused. Worst of all, she realized that the only person to burden her with those expectations was herself.
Ian was watching her curiously. “Lizzie, are you all right?”
“I’m fine. It’s just been a lot to think about, Ian. Let’s order, okay? I think better on a full stomach.” She tried a smile and knew it fell flat. He wanted an answer, and she wasn’t going to be able to giv
e him one today.
She ordered a ham and mushroom omelet with a fruit bowl while Ian pursed his lips and finally decided on oatmeal with maple sugar and berries. Linda disappeared again just as the door opened and a line of people came through. A glance outside showed a bus of tourists disembarking for a midmorning coffee break. Linda was going to have her hands full.
“Lizzie? I asked you if you’d made any decision about the job.”
She looked at Ian. Really looked at him. He was good-looking, successful, smart. The hospital had become her home away from home. She’d enjoyed the staff, the work. But she wasn’t ready to go back yet. She’d made a commitment and she had to honor it, at least for a while longer. “I’m sorry, Ian, but I haven’t. I told you I’d think about it, and I will. But I promised Charlie that I would be here for when she had her baby, and I made a promise to Dr. Collins, too. I can’t just ditch them because you say it’s all over and I can come back.”
He balled up his paper napkin. “For heaven’s sake, Lizzie. This is your career we’re talking about. If Charlie is your friend she’ll understand. And haven’t you had enough of playing doctor at a rinky-dink family practice? Come on. You can’t tell me you find it stimulating enough for you.”
The noise in the café grew louder as the crowd increased. Lizzie’s patience was fraying. “Charlie’s my best friend and she shouldn’t have to understand. And as far as this practice, the ER isn’t all glamour, either. Know what? It’s been nice in a way, because it’s not just about patching people up to move them on. It’s getting to know people, having them trust you with their care.” She leaned forward. “The mayor had a heart attack a while back. And while the emergency got my adrenaline up again, I’ve enjoyed the weeks since, too, working with his cardiologist, watching his progress. I don’t usually get to see that part of it. When I say I need time to think about it, I’m not just putting you off. I really do want to think about it, because my next move is an important one. I won’t be rushed. And if that doesn’t work for your time line, so be it.”
She finished, sat back, and took a restorative drink of coffee.
“Lizzie! Hi!”
Lizzie turned her head to see Sarah heading in her direction. “Oh, hi, Sarah.” She could see the woman’s gaze fall on Ian, so Lizzie instantly performed introductions. “Sarah, this is Ian. Ian, Sarah. Sarah is the sister of the doctor I’m working with. And Sarah, Ian’s my old boss.”
Ian held out his hand and shook Sarah’s, getting out of his chair about halfway before sitting down again. “Yes, I’m just in town trying to convince Lizzie how much we need her back.”
Lizzie looked into Sarah’s eyes. “He stayed at the inn last night. Said it was quite comfortable.”
“Well, this is the best breakfast in town.” Sarah smiled brightly, not knowing of course that Ian already had disparaged the variety, or lack of it. “Enjoy yourselves.” She looked at Lizzie again and then her smile turned quizzical. “Hey, I’ve seen that mug before.” She was looking at Lizzie’s stainless one that said, “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor.” “I think Josh had one just like it at the hospital when Jess had her baby.”
Lizzie’s heart froze. Right. The morning after they’d slept together. She’d made him the coffee before he left, and he’d returned the mug to the office. Leave it to the ever-diligent Sarah to notice. Great timing, too.
Lizzie couldn’t think of something to say, and the beat of silence was all it took for Sarah to catch on. Her eyes widened and her smile was a little more forced. “Um, anyway, I was going to grab something to eat, but with this crowd I’ll just head home. I’ll see you around. Nice meeting you, Ian.”
“Likewise.”
When she was gone silence fell once more while conversations erupted all around them.
“Josh?” Ian finally asked.
“He borrowed my mug one day. His other sister was in labor and he went to the hospital.”
“You’re not looking at me. Don’t tell me you’ve started an affair with the other doctor in town.”
“Frankly, what I do in my personal life is none of your business. Not anymore.”
He cursed. “What the hell, Lizzie? You call this getting your life back on track? You know, the case with that baby … I can understand that. Everyone misses something now and again. Everyone makes mistakes. But since then your life decisions have been so … ugh, I don’t even know what.” He threw his napkin on the table in disgust.
Lizzie didn’t need any more time to think. The carefully planned career she’d envisioned didn’t exist and she didn’t even feel that bad about it. Maybe she’d regret it later, but she straightened her spine and looked at him.
“You know, I don’t think I need more time. I’m sorry, Ian, but I won’t be returning. You can feel free to hire someone in my position if you’re short-staffed.”
His mouth dropped open. “Lizzie. Don’t be stupid.”
Was that really what he thought? She wondered how she could ever have found him attractive or thought they’d had so much in common. She’d changed. No, not changed. It felt like she was finally waking up to the person she wanted to be. She didn’t know if that person wanted to be in Jewell Cove or make a fresh start somewhere else; there was a lot of soul-searching to do. But cutting ties felt good.
“No, this is good. I can’t have a do-over, but I can make a fresh start. I really don’t think it would work, Ian. I can’t imagine taking orders from you anymore.”
The volume in the little restaurant had reached a fever pitch, and Lizzie looked over to find a very frazzled Linda trying to manage everything with only one other waitress. “Breakfast is on me, so enjoy it. And good luck, Ian.”
He reached out and stopped her with a hand. “Lizzie, you’re making a mistake.”
She pulled her hand away. “Just add it to my list, then,” she replied. She left him sitting there and went to the counter.
Linda looked up. “I’m sorry, Lizzie. We didn’t find out about the bus until the last minute. I know it’s taking a long time—”
“Don’t worry about it. You can cancel my order, and I’ll pay for my guest’s now.”
“You’re sure?”
“Oh,” Lizzie said, “I’m positive. Thanks, Linda. I’ll see you later.”
Lizzie shouldered her bag, clutched her travel mug, and left him behind.
* * *
Josh stuck the brush in the bucket and took it out again, dripping with water and soap, and scrubbed along the side of the Constant with hard strokes.
His lawn was mowed and the garbage at the curb for pickup and he’d been dying to find something to do. So washing his boat was it. With the storm tracking northward, there was a good chance Maine would suffer a direct hit by the weekend. And even if it didn’t, the hurricane would make for some dangerous surge. He’d want to keep his boat out of the water in any case.
Besides, the physical labor kept him from getting angry.
But when a car door slammed and he looked up to find Lizzie standing at the end of his driveway, he knew it would take a lot more than scrubbing at some fiberglass to get rid of his edginess.
She came down the short paved drive carrying a white bakery box in her hands. Peace offering? he wondered. Because he knew who’d been in town and knew they’d had breakfast together this morning.
And he hated that it bothered him so much.
“You took the boat out of the water,” she observed, smiling at him as she approached.
“Storm’s coming. Last thing I want is her smashed up against the dock. Lots of people taking theirs out in the next day or so.”
Lizzie’s smile flickered a bit at his sharp tone. “The latest forecast says we’re in for it.”
“Not the first time,” he said. He knew he was being curt but couldn’t seem to help it. She didn’t want him. He wasn’t good enough, was he? And barely any time after she walked away, her old fling was in town. She hadn’t wasted any time.
“I brought you some cinnamon
rolls,” she said, holding out the box.
They were his favorite. It irked him that she knew it.
He didn’t take them. “Are they to cushion the bad news?”
“Bad news?” She pulled her hands back in, retracted the offer, holding them now while her face took on an entirely too-innocent, confused look.
He dipped his brush again and scrubbed with renewed vigor. “I know who was in town, Lizzie. When are you leaving?”
“What?”
He looked over his shoulder at her. “That is why you’re here, isn’t it?”
She didn’t answer.
He put down the brush, measured his breath. He’d been thinking about her all afternoon, ever since Sarah had gone home. He knew his sister meant well, but she’d poked her nose into his business again and he wished she hadn’t. That stupid travel mug, an insignificant detail, but Sarah picked up on it. Knew it was Lizzie’s, knew he’d shown up at the hospital at four thirty in the morning with it in his hand. Sarah had said with all the looks he and Lizzie had been sending each other over the summer, she figured he’d spent the night.
And she was concerned because she’d seen Lizzie with her old boss and it had sure looked like they were more than coworkers. Good old Sarah, looking out for her big brother Josh.
He’d kept his cool, thanked her for the concern but insisted it was nothing, and sent her on her way so he could stew about it in peace.
Hours later he was still stewing.
He couldn’t look at Lizzie, not yet. “Did he offer you your job back?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“Does he want you back?”
A pause. “Yes,” she replied.
“And when do you leave? I’ll have to advertise for another replacement.”
She came forward and put the bakery box down on the ground, a few feet away from him. “I never said I was leaving.”
He finally faced her, hoping to God he wasn’t giving himself away by doing so. That day on the island, when they’d argued, he’d known their brief … whatever was over. He’d known today was coming. But it still hurt. He’d wanted to believe in her. He’d cared. He’d started to feel things he hadn’t felt before.
