by Dee Ellis
“Are you real?” Levi whispers back, taking one step towards me.
“Really real. Really here,” I repeat his words, my voice trembling as I say the last two words that seal my fate, “Really yours.” I barely get the words out before his mouth is on mine, his knee shoving mine open.
“Damn right. Mine. All. Fucking. Mine.” Levi says between rough kisses that sear the truth into us both.
I don't argue that I can't stay his. Because I think I always will be his. Whether I stay here in Chicago or am forced to hightail it back to Boston. I am his. I want to be his. And for him to be mine. Amelia, too. I want both of them to be mine.
For right now, right then in the sunlight, I don't think about that. I don't think at all. I just feel. I feel his weight press against me. Feel his hands lace with mine, shoving my arms over my head. I feel his hot breath at my skin, his wet lips, his tongue. Feel his teeth sink into my shoulders, my neck.
Heat sizzles through my veins, my skin damp as I become restless beneath him. As he kisses me, tongue and teeth, one of my hands break free. I touch the line of tattoos that curve down his left arm. Tangle my fingers in his thick sandy blonde hair. Bite at his shoulder, loop my legs around his waist, tugging him closer. Needing him closer.
“Levi, please.” His thick, heavy cock is bobbing between my legs, the head nudging my swollen sex.
“Please what, honey? Need to know, Brynn. Tell me what you need.” His mouth whispers this against my breast before his lips close around my nipple. Sucking, biting, tongue swirling and pooling molten heat between my legs.
“Oh God. Please. Touch me.” I feel his mouth hike up in a smile against my breast.
“Am touching you baby. You need more? Need my touch somewhere else? Fuck knows I want to feel how wet you are for me. Because, you are, right, honey?” I nod against the bed, eyes fluttering closed as his mouth moves to my other breast.
His hands aren't touching me, though. One still pins my arms above my head, the other angling his big body over mine. Just enough that only his hardness is touching me. Driving me insane.
“Yes. I am. Touch me and see, Levi. Please.” Lifting his head, he smirks at me, eyes dropping between my legs.
“Oh, I think I will.” Before the words can make sense in my foggy head, he moves.
Hot, delicious wetness closes over my aching folds.
“Holy Jesus!” I cry out before I yank at his hair, locking eyes with him.
Levi smirks against my folds, one long, slow lick making me buck off the bed. His thick arms hook around my thighs, stilling me. Both my hands thread in his sandy hair, my hips slowly circling as he feasts on me. Nips and licks, sucks and bites have me seeing spots of light behind my lids in moments.
Then two fingers spread me open before he swirls his tongue around my throbbing clit. The same fingers press inside me, gently at first, twisting and turning, pumping and pulling. I am bucking wildly now, my breath coming in strangled gasps. I am grinding my hips against his face but he seems none too bothered.
“Oh shit, Levi!” Somehow, he reaches his arm up, his big hand covering my mouth.
“Hush honey. As fuckhot as those sounds are— and they are, trust me, they make me hard as shit—I am nowhere near done with you. Be quiet for me while you come on my tongue, Brynn.” This is all murmured as he watches me, those blue eyes inky and hot with need.
I simply nod my head. The weight of his hand doesn't go away because he knows I'm lying. I don't mind it. I need the pressure anyway, because moments later, his fingers pumping slow and deep into my pussy, his teeth tugging and tongue swirling at my clit, and I go nuclear.
Dozens of moans mingled with curses are panted against his hand. Screamed, really. I feel like I'm levitating off the bed I buck so hard as I come harder than I ever have. My thighs tremble for long moments as aftershocks ripple through me. Before I can recover, Levi moves his big body over mine, hand covering my mouth until I quiet to quiet whimpers.
Without a word, his other arm shoots out, tugging at the bedside table. I hear the crinkle of foil and heat sizzles through me again How? Just how can I want more? Because Levi, I suppose. Because four months of wanting him, followed by two months of having him in this strange, complex way left me greedy.
“Look at me, honey.” I tear my eyes from watching him expertly roll the condom on, my mouth watering at the sight of his length.
“I want to taste you.” Levi groans, his head tipping back, eyes closed.
“Fuck. Not gonna happen right now baby. I doubt I last more than a few strokes. I want you so fucking bad, Brynn. I never stopped wanting you, not from the first moment I saw you. I won't waste another moment pretending otherwise. I wanted you here for me too, and that's selfish as fuck, but I won't lie to you. Tell me you know what it means when I take you now.” He nudges his cock against me, sliding it between my aching folds and we both moan
“I do, Levi. It means us. It means we are happening.” I don't care about Boston or my parents or what I owe to anyone or anything. I owe something to Levi. To Amelia. And to myself.
I owe us this chance and even if I can't have it for long, I am taking it.
“It means us, honey. You and me. Us and Amelia. It's happening the second I make you mine again. You’ve been mine since that night, though, haven't you?” Again, he rocks his hips hitting my clit with the swollen head of his hardness.
“Yes, baby. I never stopped being yours even if I pretended otherwise. I am good at pretending.” My arms are free and I curl them beneath his, tugging his body against mine.
“Not as good as you think you are, honey.” Levi lowers his head, brow against mine, both of us breathing heavy.
Then he changes everything, thrusting once. I moan, his mouth covering mine to quiet me. No one has touched me since that night in Hunter's car, and my body aches from the press of him at first. It's painful until he begins to move. Slow, deep thrusts that press his hips into mine. The muscles of his defined chest rub at my sensitive nipples.
The leisurely press of his body against mine is so perfect tears sting my eyes.
“Goddamn it's so perfect with you. I almost forgot how good it could be, Brynn. Look at me honey. Show me those pretty eyes.” Sunlight lights him up in silhouette and it's so beautiful, the tears slide down my temples. Levi has beautiful ruined me.
We don't talk because what words could we say? It's too soon for the words I feel, but I wonder if even that's true. For moments far longer than a few strokes, Levi makes love to me. It’s not fast and dirty or wild like the first time. It is so much more and words would ruin it.
“So fucking beautiful when you become mine, honey. So beautiful.” Levi's words come heavy and full of emotion as we come together.
I shudder beneath him, taking his mouth in a kiss that I know promises more than I can give. The more than I am going to give anyway. I cradle him to me for a moment, pressing kisses to his neck, his damp shoulder and chest, feel his heart thundering beneath my lips.
Levi is the first to let go, just long enough to clean us both up and dispose of the condom. We get a few moments in post coital bliss, cuddling naked on his massive bed before real life intrudes. Levi lets Amelia cry for about a minute before he shoves from the bed to dress.
“Let's try this again, shall we? You start breakfast and I'll get the nugget.” Levi offers, leaning over the bed as he tugs a shirt on with some sweats.
“I can do that. Trying to kill me with the gray sweats?” I reach out, wrapping my hand around his bulge and Levi growls.
“Behave, honey. Give me something.” I giggle as he repeats the words that got this entire thing started.
I do give him something, though, just a little kiss. Levi lingers but Amelia cries and he twists away to go tend to her. I stretch in his big bed, and then it hits me. I am living another woman's life
My first few weeks here, I waited for Isabel to come back. Claim her family and leave me with nothing. As I got familiar with his home, I
noted signs of her lingered. The bed we had just made love in, for instance. It’s a big sleigh bed and matches the side tables and massive dresser. All her choices, I have no doubt.
The wall hangings in the living room, void of any signs of their ill-fated romance, but screaming a woman's touch. The bathroom has pretty folded peach towels and seashells on cute shelves. No doubt Isabel. I have a sudden urge to tear every reminder of her out of this place and burn it.
I hear Levi laughing with Amelia and my heart seizes. I love that baby. Love her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. Anything except give her and Levi up. Not now, not after they have becoming mine. They were not mine to take, but I am taking them anyway.
Climbing from the bed, I dress in a pair of Levi's boxers and steal another CFD shirt. As I pad barefoot down the hall, more Isabel touches leap out at me. The color choices. Pretty flowers on the mantle of his fireplace. Candles. I don't want to just burn out her memory. I want to replace it with me.
I so easily slid into the place she had left vacant.
Now, I wonder if it was too easy. For us both. Was it easy for Levi to let me take the place of the woman who broke his heart? Abandoned him and his daughter and ruined the life he'd tried to build for them. Am I setting us both up for more heartache when we realize this is nothing but a fantasy?
It feels pretty damn real, though. Real and right, and so easy. Levi joins me in the kitchen with Amelia. Beside me at the stove, he cooks eggs, cradling her in one arm, cooking with the other. Beside him, I prep the bacon and some crepes, laughing when he twists mid-stir to kiss my face. Let Amelia kiss my face too. Like we had spent a dozen mornings together just like this. Easy.
The first few weeks, it was not so easy. Holding Amelia, getting used to that giggle, to the way she clung to me, it was almost too much. Until it suddenly felt right. One night, after I started staying for dinner but before I started staying in Levi's bed every night, it just changed. Felt different.
Levi got off of work, tired and dirty. I was cooking fried chicken—I’d learned it was his favorite—and Amelia had been a perfect Princess all day. The moment he saw his daughter, Levi lit up, then again when he found me in the kitchen cooking.
My heart melted—pretty sure my girl parts did some melting too—as he scooped that baby up, brought her to me and hugged us both. If I thought I had a chance of walking away, or walking away without leaving us all in ruins, I knew better that night.
Soon after, I couldn't bear to leave. Couldn't be bothered to tell Levi to behave when he lingered in the kitchen. Becoming all hands and sweet words and taunting kisses. This morning, and yesterday, they were always going to happen. Levi and I were always going to happen.
“Tell me what you're thinking, honey.” Levi whispers beside me, his mouth at my ear again.
Between us, Amelia giggles and wraps my hair around her fist, yanking me closer.
“You. Me. Her. This. It's....kind of too easy.” I winced as I took the bacon off the burner.
Levi lets out a sad sigh and twists away, hooking Amelia into the bouncer balanced on the island. After a quick kiss at her head, he comes back. Before I can make my stand, tell him that no matter what we want, it can't happen, I am hoisted into the air.
Levi takes the plate of bacon from my hand, stealing a slice as he shoves between my legs. I shoot a look at Amelia, steadying her bouncer and setting it to bounce as she giggles. Levi watches her with a smile before slipping on a serious look. Oh shit.
“Let us be easy, honey. Let it be what it is. You and me. Amelia. Whatever we become. Just let it happen. I want you, Brynn. Here, with me and the nugget, for good. I don't want you to consider Boston an option now. Because, it just isn't.” Levi didn't know the truth so he can't know how wrong that was.
The calls I ignore when he's around. The nasty voicemails that are left when I ignore them. The fact that the nanny job he offered came two days before my bank account went negative. He knows none of it. But he does know one thing.
I might put up a good fight, and maybe I am damn good at pretending when I think I need to. But sitting in that kitchen with Levi and Amelia, I know it's going to be so good if I just do what he says. Just let it happen. And so, regardless of how it will wreck me when I can't ignore those calls and what I owe back in Boston, I am going to do just that.
“I like easy. We can do easy.” I let him feed me the bacon as his smile lights up the room.
Levi may not know my secret, and maybe he never will. I have it handled. Haven't slipped up since this domestic bliss started. I won't now, I won't risk Levi or Amelia. I am being selfish and I know that. I let Levi topple my carefully constructed walls so easily and he knows why.
I want nothing more than this. With them.
9
LEVI
I don't know what I did to get a second chance. But I'm taking it and holding on as tight as I can. Brynn is it for me, and this time I don't need to put a ring on her finger to know it. Although, putting a ring on her finger and maybe, someday soon, a baby in her belly, are all too appealing ideas.
Ones that I think about all the time, in fact. When we're making dinner together and she looks at me, those emerald eyes sparkling. When we lie in bed talking about our day, how Amelia is growing, about everything. Every single time I see her holding my daughter. How she looks at Amelia and she looks at Brynn; I want to give her a dozen more babies.
“Pretty sure I am hours away from being a dad.” Hunter's booming southern drawl breaks into my own thoughts about fatherhood.
“You ready Byrne?” I ask with a quirked brow, although I have no doubt he is.
Hunter is the oldest of the four of us who have become family here at Ladder 71. Really, we're all family; we used to hang out at the bars and chase women—really there was little chase involved—but a lot of us have grown up. Gotten married. Settled down. Truth be told, we all figured Hunter might be the last man standing.
Took five-foot-five inches of Lola Von to change that. I am almost as excited as he is about the child he has coming. They decided against learning the gender. I'm voting for girl. Hunter has been snarly for weeks, and I know Lola's due date was a week ago. Lola has been in constant contact with Brynn since the day came and went with no baby.
“Past ready, bro. Lola and Brynn finished the gender neutral,” He says this term with a roll of his eyes and air quotes, “nursery two nights ago. It’s a boy, I just know it.” His mocking tone turns softer as he says this and suddenly, I no longer wish a girl on him.
“Just keep that little Byrne away from my little Holt, then. I'm excited for you though. You got to be there for the whole deal, will get to be there for delivery. You nervous about all those firsts?” I realize how bitter those words taste when I think about all I missed with Amelia.
Because of Isabel being so Goddamn selfish, I never got to feel my baby kick, or hear her heartbeat for the first time. Never got one of those alien looking ultrasounds that Hunter has pinned up proudly all over his office. Instead, I was filling my loneliness with a handful of loose women while my daughter was growing with someone who didn't give two shits.
Won't happen again. When Brynn and I have kids, I will be at every single ultrasound, every lame Lamaze class, whatever they need. I will gladly run out to get her pickles and ice cream at two in the morning if that's what she wants. Anything for my girls.
“No way! I mean the idea of the birth is freaking me the fuck out, not going to lie. Lola is so damn tiny. I worry about her.” He's not wrong, Lola looks unchanged from her tiny pixie figure, other than the medium melon her belly grew into.
“Lola might be the strongest chick I ever met. Besides Gigi, who is like, Wonder Woman strong. Just consider the beast she tamed.” Hunter glances past his office door towards the common room where six-foot seven mountain man Finn is chugging a beer we both know will have zero effect on him.
“I mean right now, I believe my woman can do anything. Get me in the b
irth room, I might be the one to bitch out, who knows. I am worried about after, though. I won't lie. Worried about what parts of me my son my end up with. They're not all good, after all. Lola, I hope evens out however my genes might fuck it up, though. My woman doesn't have any bad parts.” I am about to bust his balls about his bad parts, namely his bald head and southern boy twang when his phone goes off.
“Oh, shit it's the baby phone!” Cage calls from behind me; I turn to see both he and Finn standing anxiously in the doorway.
All eyes turn to Hunter. Our fearless leader, both on the job and off. He looks absolutely terrified. I cover my laugh with a fist when he glares at me. Suddenly, his office is a flurry of movement as he snatches the phone up, shouting into it as he rushes out.
“Don't worry chief, we got you covered!” Cage calls after him.
“I'm on my way Darlin. Don't you have my boy without me! Levi let's roll!” I leap to my feet to rush after him, forgetting for a moment I am part of their birth plan.
A really, very small part, I am an official part of it nonetheless. For the past two weeks, I have been watching that phone too, though far less anxiously than Hunter. He and I even made some practice runs between here and the condo, and then the hospital. Timed that shit and everything. Basically, I am their baby chauffeur.
And of course, my girl needs to be there for Lola.
Brynn has Gwen lined up to come for Amelia once we got the call. Since neither Cage nor Finn have given her babies yet—although I have caught Cage and Charli twice in the act of doing their damned best—I am officially her favorite fireman. Brynn has yet to allow Gwen, or anyone really, take Amelia for more than a quick visit. The Cooper women get their time in with her though, make no mistake about that.
“Good luck, Hunter. Coopers will be there as soon as we can.” Finn shouted after us as we rush down the stairs and out to Hunter's truck.
Hunter waves a hand, but his attention is on his wife. I smile a little, because its surreal to see us all act so adult and sensitive. A year ago, we were shouting obscenities at each other and fucking women in bars. Like, literally in the bar a few times. I don't miss that shit one bit.
