The Heart's Ashes

by A. M. Hudson

  “Thanks, Eric.”

  He took my hand; the same vibrant electricity he always sparked in me rose up under his fingertips. “How have you been coping, kiddo?”

  Every time someone asked me that in the last few days, it had been in reference to coping with what happened to David, but I knew Eric meant this in reference to surviving torture—a subject no one else around here mentioned, whether for fear of upsetting me or for sheer repulsion, I wasn’t sure, but the only friend I’d had to talk to about it so far was Petey. “I’m okay,” I said humbly.

  David took a gasp of air, and I launched to my knees. “David?” The breath stopped. “David can you hear me?”

  “Holy shit, Amara?” Eric said, softly tracing a fingertip down the length of my spine, touching under my singlet top a little. “You need to eat, girl. You’re very thin.”

  “I—I don’t want to leave him.”

  “Hasn’t Emily been coming in to feed you?”

  I shook my head. “Once or twice, but I…well, I think they’ve all forgotten I’m here.”

  Eric smiled sympathetically. “They haven’t, kiddo. They’re all just busy recruiting knights and organising the refurbishment of Loslilian. They can’t have a queen come out to an old run-down manor that’s been inhabited by vampires for the last seven centuries.”

  “But they can leave her in a room for eight hours a day with her crispy husband?”

  Eric burst out laughing. “Ah, the girl found a decent joke book.”

  I half smiled. I wasn’t joking, but I guess that might’ve sounded funny to a vampire with a sick sense of humour.

  “Funny as that is, though, are you really alone—all day?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Some days. Not all. Em comes in and out to nurse David, and Mike was taking me out for walks, but he’s gone now, so—”

  “Perhaps I should visit more, then?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Good. Then, consider it done. And while I’m here—” He held out his wrist. “Eat.”

  I looked up at David; still not breathing, still as bad as he was the first day I saw him.

  “David’s unconscious, Amara. Even if my feeding you offends him, I welcome his rebuff. Besides, he’d agree it’s better than you starving yourself.”

  “I’m not starving myself. Emily fed me last night, and offered again this morning, but I...”

  “You’re starving yourself. Punishing yourself because you blame the blood for the reason you bit David.”

  “Maybe a little. But, I also don’t think David would like it if I had your blood, Eric. He’s okay with Emily, I think, but, you’re a guy.”

  “Amara?” Eric knelt beside me. “It’s not that big a deal, really. David and Emily have been sharing blood since she was turned.”

  “What?”

  “It’s a quick means of nutrients.”

  “Do they…I mean, would they have…”

  “No, Amara, don’t even go there. Vampires sharing vamp blood is like a human drinking his own urine to survive; you can’t live on it, but it gets you through, except, uh—drinking another vamp’s blood isn’t quite as gross as urine, but you get what I mean. It doesn’t have to be lustful.”

  “Well, how do you know they were sharing blood? David never told me that.”

  “He never told you how many humans he killed a day, either, did he? Doesn’t mean he wasn’t doing it.”

  “So, you think he won’t be upset if I drink from you?”

  “What does it matter if he does?”

  “He’s my husband, Eric. It matters.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you, my friend, are immortal now. Everything’s changed. You’re not just David’s little human girl, drinking blood from a big bad predator. If you don’t feed from a vampire, you get blood starved. He has to get used to it.”

  “I suppose. It’s not like I can choose which species to survive on. Like you said, I kinda have to eat vampires.”

  Eric chuckled. “Well, you can drink from me, but the idea of being eaten isn’t so appealing.”

  “Ha-ha. You’re so funny. Not.”

  Eric rolled up his sleeve and held his arm out. “Okay, so, vampire etiquette one-oh-one; the wrist isn’t as intimate as the neck. If you offer the wrist it’s like offering a can of drink to a friend; if you offer the neck, it’s like sharing straws at a milk-bar.”

  “Nice analogy.” I nodded, positioning my fingers on his arm. “Can I use my teeth with you?”

  “I’m not immune. I had a choice of drinking either Mike’s or your blood for immunity, but, well, Mike’s a guy, and you’re the untouchable.”

  “I’m not untouchable. You can drink my blood.”

  “No way.” He sat back a little. “Not worth my life. And Mike says the same. You’re off limits to all vampires.”

  Great. I’m a shrine. “Well, can’t you get immunity from Morgaine?”

  He shook his head. “Only from a Created Lilithian’s venom. If you bit me, I’d still die.”

  “Well, even then, it’s better than nothing. At least you couldn’t be paralysed by the Created.”

  “True. I don’t know, maybe I will drink it, but…just not from Morgaine.” He shuddered a little, smiling.

  “You don’t like Morgaine?”

  “She’s okay. She’s just a little bossy. I don’t wanna accidently have sex with her.”

  “Hu!” I leaned back. “What does that mean?”

  “Blood lust.”

  “I thought you said it doesn’t have to be about the lust?”

  “It doesn’t. You can drive the lust to the back of your mind when you have to. You and I?” He motioned between us. “We have to. Morgaine and I? We don’t. It’d be too tempting to just give in.”

  “Oh.” I nodded.

  “Just drink. Talking about Morgaine and sex makes me queasy.”

  “Okay.” I laughed, then pressed my fingernail to Eric’s skin, but nothing happened. “Um. I don’t think I’m strong enough yet—not without my teeth.”

  “Oh, okay, sorry.” He made a cut, and I closed my eyes, breathing the sweet, heady scent of warm sugar. The white cloud of hunger consumed everything else in the room then; I leaned forward, formed a seal around his wound and rolled the blood to the back of my throat with my tongue. Unlike the night he fed me when I was first rescued, the absence of fear and grief opened up a new kind of world; a hot-cold sensation travelled along my arms and legs, pulsing blood that couldn’t decide on a climate. I could hear every sound around me, even the scuffling of a mouse in the roof, somewhere on the edge of the house—over Emily’s room. The hot-cold in my legs flooded up a little higher, finally deciding on heat in the form of excitement. Then, as the hunger eased, a soft moan escaped my lips, thoughts impure stirring within me.

  “Amara,” Eric said with a laugh, “I’m trying not to think inappropriately, right now—those noises aren’t helping.”

  I pulled my tongue from the small wound and sat back, wiping my mouth on my arm. “I’m sorry. It’s just—it feels like forever since I’ve had blood.”

  “Did you enjoy it?”

  Breathing through a smile, I said, “Yeah. It’s different drinking from you, though.”

  “Because I’m a guy?”

  “Yeah. I see what you mean about pushing the lust back. I don’t get that same feeling with Em.”

  “Give it time.” He nodded. “You will.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded again, his eyes glistening with his grin.

  I looked up at my unmoving David. “Do you think he knows what we were doing?”

  “Yeah, I’d say he’s pretty clued in.” Eric nodded at David’s only uncharred body parts.

  “Oh my God. Is he…clenching his fingers?”

  Eric laughed aloud. “Yup.”

  He’s awake! “Well—” I rolled my shoulders back, composing my over-excitement, “—if you don’t want me to dr
ink Eric’s blood, David, you’re just gonna have to get better and feed me yourself.”

  Eric laughed. “Let’s see what he does if I drink yours.”

  “He’d probably go all “Return of the Mummy” and start zombie-walking after you.”

  David took another short, raspy breath, and Eric and I held ours until it stopped again. “Do you think that was a laugh?” I asked.

  “Laughter is the best medicine.”

  “Yeah, and I bet worrying your wife’s gonna munch on some guy’s arm is probably a good motivator for recovery, too.”

  “Perfect, I’d say.” He licked his thumb and swiped a smear of blood away from his wrist, cleaning it up before rolling his sleeve back down. “In all seriousness, though, Amara, I mean no offence to David by giving you blood. I just—you needed it.” He shrugged one shoulder and grinned.

  “I’m sure it’s okay. Surely he won’t expect me to eat only him for the rest of forever.”

  Eric raised one brow, holding back a tight smile. “You don’t know David very well, then.”

  “Well, right now, he has to deal with it. It’s not like he can tell me how he’s feeling.”

  “Emily can,” Eric said. “Imagine my surprise when I heard about her ability to feel David’s feelings.”

  “Is it rare?”

  “These days, yeah.”

  I sat back down and sighed aloud. That worries me—the whole connection David and Emily have—especially if they’ve been blood sharing. I mean, David would never cheat, I’m sure, but why wouldn’t he tell me he’s drinking Emily’s blood—especially knowing how I feel about their ‘friendship’.

  “What ya thinkin’, beautiful girl?” Eric asked, leaning his back against the mattress.

  “Just the whole David and Em thing.” I looked down.

  “Amara?” Eric paused; I looked at his eyes. “David loves you, okay. Everything he does, every thought he ever has is for you. I don’t need to read minds to know that. He and Emily have a connection, and yeah, we don’t know what that is, maybe it’s a distant ancestral one, who knows, but he loves you—only you. Okay?”

  “You seem pretty sure about that.”

  He sat taller and glanced once over his shoulder, lowering his voice, “Do you understand, Amara, that he knew they’d throw him on the fire? Back in the days of Lilithian reign, when a vampire was killed, Lilith threw them on the fire to be sure. I wasn’t even born then, but even I know that.” Eric looked at David. “And he knew that. He did it for you—not just to save you, but to keep you safe.”

  “Couldn’t we have just told Drake that David was dead—told him he was burned?”

  “He’d never have believed it. It’s been so long since a pure blood Lilithian existed, Drake was already sceptical that true death could be achieved.”

  “Do you think it was him that pulled David from the fire—to test if he was dead?”

  “No.”

  “But, it could’ve been. I mean, it’d make sense.”

  “No. It wasn’t him. I’m sure of it.”

  “How?”

  “Because I followed Drake once he left the courtroom.”

  “To where?”

  “He fled down a tunnel—took a secret passage, his Warriors following. Then, while they were waiting at this dead end, for what I only assume was a secret door, one of the Warriors pulled a blade and stabbed Drake through the chest.”

  “Stabbed?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He can be stabbed? I thought he was the all-powerful.”

  “Every vampire can be stabbed with the right kind of metal, and a little lethal venom helps, too.”

  “Lethal? My venom?”

  “I guess so.”

  “How did the Warrior get it?”

  Eric shrugged. “All’s I know is Drake got carried off, the Warrior was executed with his own sword, and the secret door closed—that was that.”

  “Did you tell Morgaine about that?”

  “Course. Had a full debrief. But it’s not Morg I report to—it’s Mike.”

  “Report to? Why Mike?”

  Eric blinked a few times slowly, a rise of obvious sarcasm moving in to his eyes. “Who else, Amara? He’s head of the entire Knight’s Core.”

  “Knights.” I shook my head, my eyes a little wider. “That’s still so weird.”

  “Weirder for me,” Eric scoffed. “The knights aren’t supposed to exist. The Blood Warriors killed them all—six or so centuries ago—or so we thought. Turns out Morgaine and a few other Lilithians have been forming a secret society. They’re small, but they were enough to storm the castle on an unsuspecting king.”

  “So.” I looked at David again. “All this—” I held my palm out to his burned body, “—is so we can sneak into power, trap Drake, then have a superbaby?”

  “Well, that’s scraping the surface, but, yes. He would’ve taken any pain to save you.” Eric looked up at David too. “I’ve never, ever seen a man more distraught as when I told David what you are—what the real reason you were kidnapped was.”

  “What did he say?”

  “At first?” Eric said. “He smiled, completely lost for words. Then, as the realisation of what they’d do to you sunk in, the smile faded to a hollow, daunted stare. He dropped to his knees and…”

  “And?”

  “Well, let’s just say that the holding chamber at Loslilian needs a little redecorating, now.” Eric laughed softly. “But, all’s well that ends well, right?”

  “I don’t call this ending well.”

  “That’s because you’ve been kept from much of the truth about what could have happened, Amara.”

  “Like?”

  Eric shook his head. “You’re not my wife. It’s not for me to say. I’ll leave it to David if he wants to tell you.”

  “Eric?” I rolled my eyes, flicking my sarcasm switch. “I don’t belong to him. This is the twenty-first century. You can tell me whatever you like.”

  “Where I come from, the time and place, you don’t cross those boundaries with another man’s wife, okay? He has to protect you—not just from the dangers of the world, but the cruelty of it, too. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you.”

  “Well.” I folded my arms. “That is annoyingly honourable of you, Eric. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

  He smiled. “You’re married now, kiddo. That changes everything. Besides, you’ll be my queen soon. I don’t wanna be beheaded for treason.”

  “Beheaded? You can’t be beheaded.”

  “I know. I was being funny. You know, the off with his head—painting roses red?” He smiled, leadingly. “Because you like red roses…”

  “Oh, ha-ha. Funny.” Not, but I smiled, anyway. It was a little funny, I suppose. “Maybe my first decree as queen will be that if you’re about to make a joke, you have to announce that it’s a joke before you say it.”

  “Or—” Eric grinned, shuffling a little closer, “—you could make a rule that you and Mike don’t attempt comedy in any way, shape, or form.” He shrugged. “That should protect your people from the worst of it.”

  “Hmpf.”

  Eric laughed aloud and shook his head.

  Mike and I burst through the front door, hilarity roaring between us. “I’ve never seen a look like that on anyone’s face before, Ara. It was classic.” He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and kissed my head.

  “That poor, poor old lady. She’ll never recover from that, you know.” I stopped laughing long enough to look at Mike’s face, then burst out with a gust of spit and air again, covering my mouth.

  “Something funny?” Emily stood in the archway, her arms folded.

  “Yeah.” Mike unwrapped his arm from me, his wide grin reaching out to include Emily. “But it’s really one of those had to be there things.”

  “Hm.” Emily flicked her hair and spun on her heel. “Like most things with you two.”

  “Em?” Mike walked after her.

  “Mike?” Morgaine popped
up out of nowhere, holding out a phone. “It’s Aaron.”

  “Aaron?” Mike stopped, frowning a little. “I was wondering what happened to him.”

  “Who’s Aaron?” I whispered to Morgaine.

  “He’s the scouting officer helping put the army together.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “Aaron. Long time.” Mike walked into Emily’s room, with one finger in his ear, the phone against the other.

  “So, where do you go to recruit a bunch of vampire killers?” I asked. “I didn’t know Buffy had kids.”

  “Ha!” Morgaine laughed. “No, we um, well, when you’ve been alive for a couple centuries, you make a few connections. I have a friend in a ‘certain’ government authority.” She grinned. “He’s helping us recruit. You might say we’re a ‘special branch’, made up of the best of the best.”

  “Seriously?” I raised one brow. “The government are in on it?”

  “No. Just a few people within a certain branch.”

  “Oh, okay.” I nodded.

  “Yeah, we get their assistance in personnel, weapons, all sorts of things, in exchange for our assistance with the mediocre human issues, you know, terrorist attacks and stuff.”

  “Oh right, the mediocre issues.” I nodded again, more sarcastically than the last time. “So, how’s the genealogy research going?”

  “Well, I traced back as far as your ancestors in the early eighteen hundreds, but there’s really not much before that. I did find one thing though.”

  “Why do I get the feeling this is bad news that you think is good?”

  She laughed. “Your mother’s grandmother is still alive.”

  “Really? But…she must be ancient?”

  “That’s just it.” Morgaine smiled. “She’s nearly a hundred-and-ten years old, Ara.” The smile widened. “I think we found another Lilithian.”

  “Do you think she knows what she is?”

  Morgaine shook her head. “If your mum didn’t, I’d say the chances are slim.”

  “So, is she in any danger then, will Drake come after her?”

  “Doubt it. She clearly never triggered the change.”

  I thought about that—about how easy my life would’ve been if I’d never met vampires. Well, easy in comparison to this. I’d still have lost my mum, still be miserable and grieving. But it’d be normal. Except, I’d never have known David. Hm. Guess this running from death-hungry vamps is better.