by Shan
"Look, I got some shit to take care of. We’ll talk about this later." I gave Shalea a kiss on the forehead. After placing my fitted over my head, I grabbed my keys and my two partners in crime. Before leaving, I caught the look of defeat that was planted on Shalea's face. "I’ll be back by eight," I said before leaving out of the house and heading for my car.
I stopped at one of my boy’s barber shops to get my shit straight. I hadn’t had a fucking hair cut in two months, and a nigga was starting to look bad. The barber shop was one of the few spots I used to wash my money out of. It was well known and had been in the community for years, so I didn’t have to worry about the alphabet boys getting suspicious.
After leaving the barber looking as good as I was used to, I headed over to the mall to pick me up a few fits and to check out what new shoes that came out while I was stuck in a damn hospital bed. I made my way into Foot Locker and headed straight for the counter to see if my patna Jay was working. He usually would hold onto anything new that came out for me, so I didn’t have to worry about waiting in no long line or going to store to store to find what I wanted.
Unfortunately, being that I had been down so long Jay wasn’t able to hold on to the shoes for me without getting in trouble with his boss man, so he didn’t have anything for me. I guess he figured like everybody else that I wasn’t going to make it through six bullet wounds. Hell I ain’t even think I was going to make it through that shit. I thought while taking out my cell phone to call Rozalyn.
13: Rozalyn
I had been moving around all day every day this week with doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, WIC, and food stamp appointments. I was finally able to get that heavy ass cast off this morning, and I was so glad 'cause carrying a baby and that thing was hell. I swear it felt like I lost ten pounds, and it made me feel a lot better too cause I never knew when Tae’s people was going to come at me again. I know he told them where I was at, so I knew it was only a matter of time before they came my way.
Zavier felt we should move, but I said fuck that. I’m tired of running. Before we got to this apartment, we stayed in six different motel rooms, a few chicks that Brandon messed around with, and one of Zavier’s homeboys. So, to say the least, I was sick and tired of running and being scared. They might as well kill me now and get it over with.
I was surprised to see Tamar’s truck parked out front when I made it to the back of my apartments.
"Ain’t that your baby daddy truck?" Marcus asked as he pointed out the damn obvious.
"Yea, that’s him. Can you please take me over there or somewhere?"
"Why is he over here? You still messing around with him, Roz?"
"No, I don’t know why he’s over here. Damn, I hope Zavier is up there."
"You need me to come up there with you?"
"No! Are you trying to get me killed?" I looked at Marcus like he’d lost his damn mind. "You saw what he did to you the other night."
Marcus pulled down a few units and parked the car out of sight from my apartment.
"I guess that changes our plans for tonight," Marcus said.
"I’m sorry Marcus, hopefully he won’t stay long. I’ll call you okay?"
Marcus leaned over the seat and kissed me on my lips, but I pulled away from him. I was scared that Tamar might see me. I liked Marcus; I really did. He was a sweetheart; he treated me like a lady, but I would never forget what Tamar whispered in my ear the first night I had sex with him. I took it lightly at the time, but after the way he acted the other night I wasn’t so sure.
I told Marcus my goodbyes and promised to call him. Taking my time, I walked up the hefty flight of stairs not really sure if I was ready for what was in store for me when I made it up. With each step I took, I prayed to the man up above. I prayed that my brother was here, and was alive and well. I prayed that Tamar wasn’t sitting on my couch waiting to shoot me as soon as I walked in the door.
Sticking my key in the door, I turned the knob to open it. I peeked my head in the door before I walked in. Being that no one was in sight, I quietly shut the door and proceeded to one side of the apartment where Zavier room was located. I crept inside of his room and was mad that I didn’t listen to my mama when she told me to always knock on closed doors.
"Damn Roz! What the fuck?" Zavier yelled.
"I didn’t see anything," I said as I covered my eyes and turned my back to Zavier and his girlfriend Jazlene.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Are y'all covered?" I asked and squeezed my eyes shut tightly.
Jazlene laughed. I could hear sporadic movement behind me, and I assumed they were putting their clothes on.
"Girl, it’s just titties and ass. Don’t act like you ain’t never seen none before." Jazlene said.
"Nobody but mines. Can I turn around now?"
"Yea," Zavier answered. He got up and walked over to his TV and grabbed a Newport and lit it up. "Yo, what the fuck do you want? You fucked up my nut."
I turned to Zavier and gave him a cold and disgusted stare. "Ewwe, please don’t talk like that around me. Is Tamar here?" I asked nervously.
"Yea that nigga walked up in here with a key. I called Brandon and asked him what the fuck was going on, and he told me that Tamar took his key and said for him not to come around here no more. He came in here with clothes and everything." Zavier puffed his cigarette before asking, "Did you fuck him the other night?"
"What? Hell no!" I yelled and folded my arms across my chest. I looked at Zavier to let him know that I was insulted.
"Shit, I just asked. I done told your ass about the power of the pussy. That nigga done forgot he wanted to kill you and moved the fuck in." Zavier and Jazlene laughed. I stood there stone faced because I didn’t see anything funny about this bi-polar ass situation. "I guess that probably mean I need to be packing my shit up and going home, huh?"
"Zavier, no. Why would you go home?"
"You know that nigga ain’t gonna want me here, and I’m not trying to fuck up a place to stay for you baby girl. Besides, I saved a little money from work, so me and Jaz gonna try and get us a spot somewhere. We need our own space for this baby." Zavier rubbed on Jazlene’s stomach and then leaned down to kiss it.
"What baby?"
"I’m two and a half months pregnant," Jazlene said with a wide grin on her face.
"Oh, my God, congratulations! Why nobody told me?" I asked.
"Because she done lost two babies before this one. We done learned our lesson about saying shit too soon," Zavier said. "So, don’t say anything."
"Oh—well damn. Girl it looks like our babies will be about the same age."
"I know. I can’t wait. I just hope this one makes it," she said.
"It will girl, but Zavier, you not going nowhere. Jazlene can come over here and stay, and you know I just enrolled in school over here."
"I’ll think about it, Roz."
"I can’t believe this!" I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I waltzed my way into the living room where Tamar was now seated on the living room floor, watching TV, and eating a sandwich. "What are you doing here?" I questioned.
Tamar took a bite of his sandwich and ignored me as he continued to watch the Maury Provich show that was airing. "I think we should go on there once you have that baby," he said.
"What the fuck ever? I asked you what the hell you doing here?"
"Why? Did I mess up your little movie night with Marcus?"
I dropped my purse on the floor not sure if I should head for the front door or run to my room and lock myself in. "What are you talking about?"
"I’m a ask you again Rozalyn. Did…you…fuck….that….nigga?"
"I told you no."
Tamar stood up from the floor. "Call him."
"What?"
"Call that nigga and put him on speaker. I wanna hear what he got to say about that."
"Tamar, I told you I didn’t have sex with him."
"You told me you just met him
a few weeks ago! You've been talking to this dude for three fucking months now! Don’t lie to me, Rozalyn!"
Zavier and Jaz walked out of the room and came into the living room. I felt like I was going to piss on my damn self. How the hell did he know about Marcus and how in the hell did he know we were supposed to chill and watch movies tonight? I thought trying to figure out what I was going to say next.
"So, is it my baby or is that nigga baby? Shit you about three months right?"
"I never had sex with him Tae," I said through gritted teeth.
Tamar looked over at Zavier and Jaz, and then back at me. He walked into the kitchen and placed his plate into the sink. Once he walked out, he nodded for me to follow him. I looked at Zavier and pleaded with him to do something, but I could tell he was just as scared as I was, although, he would never admit it. Picking my purse up from the floor, I followed Tamar to the bedroom, and then closed the door behind me.
"What you not about to do, Rozalyn, is lie to me? You need to be trying to do everything you can to gain my fucking trust. You already starting off real bad."
Tears began to fall from my eyes and my legs felt weak. I suddenly became very nauseous. "I never had sex with him, Tae. He—he—"
"He what?" Tamar yelled and came closer to me.
"He gave me oral sex a couple of times, but I promise you I never did anything with him." Tamar raised his hand, and I quickly raised mine to stop him from hitting me. "Call him, call him. I promise you that’s all that happened."
Tamar knelt down and went through my purse until he came back up with my phone. He handed it over to me, so that I could call Marcus. I grabbed the phone, went through my call log and dialed Marcus’ number. I then pressed the speaker button as soon as he answered.
"Baby, what’s up?" he answered. Tamar snatched the phone from my hand and looked me dead in the eyes.
"Hey, this Tamar," Tamar cleared his throat then said, "I’m trying to find out what’s going on with you and my baby mama. She said y'all ain’t never had sex before and I just really don’t believe that."
The line was quiet for what seemed like a good five minutes. I didn’t know what the hell Marcus was about to say, but I hoped he didn’t pull a sheisty move that would get my ass beat. I looked around the room for something that I could grab and knock the shit out of Tamar with in case it came down to it.
"I was under the impression that Rozalyn was single. I met her some months ago, and she told me she was in a relationship. We chatted a few times over the phone, but that was that. I ran into her a few weeks ago, and she told me that y'all were broken up. We've been kicking it a few days out the week. Shit no lie, I tried to hit, but she wasn’t having it," Marcus said.
Tamar was still staring at me, "You gonna sit here and tell me you sucked on her pussy, but you ain’t fuck her?"
"Shit, that’s as far as she let me go. I kind of feel like I’m being played 'cause I asked Rozalyn was y'all together just a few minutes ago. She told me it was nothing."
"Well I’m telling you that Roz is off limits so lose her number." Tamar hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. "Roz, don’t fuck with me alright. I told you from day one that when you allowed me between your legs that was it for you and any other nigga."
"Okay, but you told me that you got what you wanted from me and that you didn’t need me anymore. Then I find out all this time you had a girlfriend, so if figured I was free to do whatever I wanted to do."
"You supposed to be pregnant with my child and you let some nigga eat on your pussy! Don’t ever fucking disrespect me like that again. I don’t give a fuck what I told you!"
"I’m sorry, Tae. I wasn’t I trying to disrespect you," I said feeling bad as hell that I hurt him. Nothing he done to me seemed to matter anymore.
"Come here." Tamar sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me close to him. He kissed me on my stomach and circled my navel with his tongue. I let out a soft moan when I felt a tingling sensation shoot from my nipples, down my spine, and through the nerve endings of my vagina. "Baby, why you got this lil ass shirt on. You know you gotta start wearing some shit that’s gone cover you up. I hate seeing pregnant chicks wearing too little clothing," Tamar said as he removed my shirt.
"I don’t have a lot of clothes. Zavier gets what he can for me."
"I got you," Tamar said. He removed my breasts from my bra and cupped them with both hands. He kissed, sucked, and licked my nipples. He reached for my pants, unbuckled, and pulled them down to my ankles. I kicked my pants away and wrapped my arms around Tamar’s neck. He picked me up and straddled me across his lap. "You like when that nigga ate your pussy?"
I was confused as hell. He went from crazy to sweet and then back to crazy. He’s about to beat me up again. I know it. The swelling from lip had just gone down after soaking it in ice for hours, and the bruise under my eye made it evident that abuse occurred.
The cuts and scratches from being thrown and dragged through glass were all over my body. I didn’t think—no—I know I couldn't take another beating from Tamar. I tried to get up from Tamar’s lap, but he wouldn’t release me.
"Where you going? I just asked you a question, and I want you to be honest with me. I’m not going to hurt you."
"Why are you asking me that?" I asked turning my nose up at him.
"I wanna know. So did you?"
I shook my head yes, and waited for him to slap me, choke me, or yank my hair off my head, but he didn’t do any of that. He looked away from me and stared at the wall seeming as if he was in deep thought. I couldn’t tell if he were contemplating if he should kick my butt or not. I kissed him on the ear and then whispered to him, "I’m sorry. I just thought you didn’t want me anymore. I promise you it will never happen again." I brought my tongue down to his neck.
Tamar stood up and laid me flat on the bed; he pulled off my sky blue thong and tossed it onto the floor.
"What are you doing to me, Roz?"
Tamar got down on his knees and pulled me to the edge of the bed. What he did next brought tears to my eyes because he once told me that he could never put his mouth on a woman’s clit that wasn’t his wife.
I knew then that no matter what Tamar and I have been through over these past few months that I loved him, loved him like I’ve never loved anybody before. I had the feeling that he may love me too. He had my heart and wasn’t anybody going to take it away from him.
14: Shalea
I awoke from another cold and lonely night alone when I heard the sound of somebody’s phone constantly vibrating and ringing. I couldn’t believe Tamar didn’t bring his ass home for the third night straight and to top it off, the muthafucka wasn’t answering his damn phone.
I did everything I could think of to get Tamar to see that I was wifey. I was the wife-em type, and he needed to realize that shit. I had his back so I couldn’t understand what the fuck his problem was. I know the pussy good. It's good, tight, and untouched for over a year now, besides the times I stick a couple of fingers up in it to get myself off.
I looked at Brandon’s drunk ass passed out on the floor, "Nigga can’t hold his damn liquor for shit," I mumbled and walked over to the coffee table to grab Brandon's phone. I went to turn it off, but noticed that Tamar called him a few times and had sent him a few text messages. I looked down at Brandon to make sure he was as fucked up as he looked before I slid the bar on the bottom of the iPhone.
Once I clicked the icon for his text messages, the phone immediately jumped to the messages that Tamar had sent to him. Instantly tears fell from my eyes when I read:
I tried to stay away from her but the pussy is too
good and a nigga really feeling her. I appreciate you for all you did for her, and you know I got you.
I noticed my hands trembled as I held onto the phone. Brandon replied to Tamar asking was he in love and what about me. A fit of rage ran through every bone in my body when I read Tamar’s reply:
Fuck Shalea, greedy ass bitch and nah bruh yo
ur
boy ain’t quite in love yet. We’ll see how I feel when this
baby get here. I gotta make sure it’s mine first.
The last message Tamar had sent to Brandon was for him and Keylan to meet up at the bitch’s Rozalyn crib today at eleven a.m. for an important business meeting.
"Now, this nigga conducting business around this bitch, but tells me to stay out his business."
I tossed the phone on the sofa and rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants leg. I was so fucking furious. I did a fucking year behind bars for that man, and this was how he was going to do me!
I paced the floor and thought about what my next move would be. More tears fell from my eyes when I thought about the last few times when Tamar did sleep here how he couldn’t get his dick hard. I sucked and licked and sucked and licked and that nigga couldn’t even get a hard on, but he laid up with some half-breed, mutt bitch getting it in like there's no tomorrow.
I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand, grabbed a pair of jeans from the closet, and a t-shirt. I also grabbed the 4-4 that was inside of a jacket pocket of mine that hung in the closet. Cocking my handgun, I checked the safety, and stuck it in my Dooney and Bourke handbag and made my way out the room.
Brandon's ass was still drunk as a damn skunk and would most likely be that way for the next few hours so that muthafucka wouldn’t miss his car. I grabbed his keys off the floor and headed out the door.
Tamar and that bitch got life about fucked up if they think Shalea Renae Evans is going to sit here and take it up the ass. Nah, what I’m going to do? I’m going to dish it out just like they dishing it out; real grimy like.
Tamar must have forgotten about that cat he bodied right in front me a few weeks before I was locked up, and he must have forgotten that I knew his whole damn operation inside and out. He got the game fucked up if he thought I wasn’t in it to win it.
