Leave it All Behind

by S. R. Watson

  I smile as I grab my plate of eggs and fruit. I’m sure it will pale compared to the taste of her pussy. I have no idea what the hell we’re doing or where we go from here. My mission is still a go, and she isn’t a part of the game of wits. My next move must be thought out with precision. I can’t let any pussy, no matter how amazing, get in the way.

  As predicted, the guys begin to trickle in within the next thirty minutes. They’re surprised to see me up with a guitar in my hand.

  “Morning, fuckers! I thought you were going sleep the day away.”

  “We all can’t be morning people, asswipe. Why the hell are you so chipper? Melissa gave you a little to take the edge off before she left?” Keyser laughs hysterically at his own jab.

  “Working on a new song,” I say cryptically. The lyrics have been evading me—I’ve been stuck—but now they’re pouring out me like a damn waterfall. I have no doubts that the source is Lourdes. She’s my muse … my happy place. The more I try to escape her hold, the more she pulls me back under her spell.

  I don’t know how to proceed with her. I hate feeling dependent on anyone—giving anyone the power to hurt me. I value my control. I can’t relinquish it to her.

  Keyser was still talking to me, but I hadn’t heard a word he said. I need to work on this song while I’m feeling it, so I’ll deal with the Lourdes situation later. For now, I’ll ride this high.

  “Yeah, man. I’m going to take this outside,” I inform them as I hold the paper containing the lyrics on it. The clattering of dishes and conversations in the kitchen were distracting.

  I walk down to the water’s edge and have a seat before I begin to play. All my hopes and fears pour out through my fingers as I strum the strings. Oh, my beautiful muse … what am I going to do with you?

  I toss and turn, but sleep evades me. Diesel is ingrained in my every waking thought. I crave his touch. Not just sexually, though that is definitely a bonus. I just need him to hold me—to feel connected. Today, our fuck session was explosive, but I’ve been feeling bereft ever since.

  I pull my phone off the nightstand. It’s 2 a.m. I wonder if he’s awake too—if I’m consuming his mind like he is mine? I know it’s wrong, but my conscience is compromised at the moment. I want to be selfish. I don’t want to consider Melissa’s feelings. Diesel took my heart and is holding it hostage. The decision has been made. I knew I would give in to my needs long before my feet hit the floor. I was only denying the inevitable.

  I wade through the darkness, my heart pounding in my ears. The lump in my throat competes with my breathing. I’m afraid. What if he rejects me? Each step brings me closer to his door and to my fate. Should I knock? I pause at his door, unsure. What little confidence I had to start with has vanished. Mustering what courage I could through adrenaline and fear, I turn the knob. It’s unlocked. Just enough light filters through the curtain for me to make out a single form lying in bed.

  I take another step, bumping into a stool that I missed. It wobbles against the wood, but I catch it before it tumbles. Diesel sits up with a start. He reaches over to the nightstand to turn the lamp on, and I freeze, uncertain of what to do next. I didn’t think past getting here.

  “Lourdes?” He rubs his eyes in confusion. “What are you doing in here?”

  “I … I … um, I needed to see you,” I stutter.

  “At two in the morning?” he questions as he glances at his phone.

  “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.”

  This is going nowhere fast. I don’t see an invitation to join him in bed anytime soon, so I need to take action. My heart speeds up, slamming against my chest. I blow out an exasperated breath and go for it.

  “So you decided to wake me up since you couldn’t sleep?”

  “No,” I say simply as I crawl on the other side of him, waiting for him to demand that I get out of his bed.

  “Then what are you doing then?”

  I don’t answer. I snuggle up next to him, wrapping my arms around his defined abs. His breath hitches. I wait once more for the rejection, but it never comes. Instead, he surprises me by lying back down. I can feel the unevenness of his respirations. I snuggle closer, letting the rhythm of his breathing lull me into a slumber. This is what I needed.

  A warm hand slides between my thighs. My eyes spring open when it cups my center. Diesel is leaning over me with a grin so devilish, there’s no missing his intent.

  “Morning, my little creeper. How did you sleep?”

  “Well, I was having the nicest dream until you woke me up groping my pussy,” I tease.

  “Hmm. Tell me about this dream. Did it involve my mouth?”

  “Mhmm,” I purr.

  “My cock?”

  “Oh, yeah. Lots of that.” I giggle.

  “I have to say, sweetheart, I’m pretty jealous.”

  “What? Jealous of who? Yourself?” He is being absolutely preposterous, and I can’t contain my laughter.

  “Don’t laugh. I’m jealous of the dream version of me. He got to tap that pussy, and I’m lying here with a swollen cock.”

  He pulls the covers back so I could see the evidence of his hard-on through his thin boxers.

  “No need to be jealous. Don’t let a figment of my imagination overshadow you. Give me an encore. A real one.”

  He winks at me before cupping me harder.

  “I can’t think of a better proposal, love.”

  He’s hovering above me in seconds. His forearms flexing on the sides of me.

  “Take them off,” he instructs huskily.

  By “them,” he means my sleep shorts because I sure as hell am not wearing panties.

  I slide them down my legs slowly, giving him a show with my submission. He leans back to help me rid of them. He audibly growls when my bare pussy graces his view.

  “Show me how you play with it.”

  I’m not a fan of having an audience while I masturbate, but I don’t want to find out the alternative. I don’t want our foreplay to stop. I reach between my legs, and it’s no surprise that I’m already wet. I love dominant Diesel. His appearance is such a rare occurrence these days. I drag my middle finger through my slickness. I rub tiny circles on my clit, already feeling the build.

  “Who’s the creeper now?” I ask brazenly.

  I arch my back and spread my legs wider, giving him a world class view.

  “And I’ll wear that fucking title like a badge of honor. Look at how wet your pussy is getting. You like me watching as much as I do.” He inserts a finger and then two. “Don’t stop.”

  I begin to rock into his fingers, massaging my clit harder with each pass. He crooks his finger in a come-hither motion, and my orgasm takes me over the edge as I pulsate around him. He quirks a devious eyebrow at me as he sheds his boxers. His cock juts forward, nearly touching his navel. His carved abs flex as he grabs his weeping cock.

  “Put me in the game, baby. Give that greedy pussy of yours what you’ve been dreaming about.”

  I love that he is so crass. The dirty talk turns my lady bits into a raging inferno. I lift my hips, and he meets me halfway. He obliges me with a few teasing strokes before he plunges to the hilt. The fullness has a delicious bite. I grip his muscular ass, guiding him to move.

  “You’re so damn thick,” I cry out. “And so deep.”

  “I’m going to split you in half, doll. I’m going to ride this cunt to oblivion.”

  That is the only warning I get before he pulls halfway back and then slams into me. My body feels euphoric, his punishment delectably welcome. I wrap my leg around his waist, encouraging him to go deeper. I bite his shoulder to stifle my cries. Our rhythms sync, our fucking raw and untamed. We’re racing toward an earth-shattering orgasm, and I’m not sure who’s winning.

  “Fuuuuccccck, Diesel,” I manage between bites.

  He angles his hips and hits a neglected spot. A spot to rival all fucking spots. Stars dance between my eyes as a tsunami is ripped from me. I hold on to his ass as he pumps his own
release into me. I can’t move.

  “Fuck is right, princess. That was downright fucktastic. My fucking kryptonite,” he admonishes. He turns over onto his back and pulls me on top of him. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get out of here while you can still walk. I’ve endured abstinence a little longer than I’ve cared to, so I have a lot of making up to do, and I’m not sated. I want to hold you captive in this room until my balls shrivel up from depletion.”

  “What’s stopping you? You won’t find me objecting.”

  “I have rehearsal, you little minx. Besides, I don’t need showdown number two with Xander. He says he doesn’t care what happens between us now, but I call bullshit.”

  “So we’re back to sneaking around then?” I ask incredulously.

  “Lourdes, let’s not ruin this. Whatever the hell this is. I didn’t lie to you about Melissa, but she’s still in the picture. Until I can remove her from the equation, we have to tread carefully. I don’t want to seem like the dick who’s playing two women. Xander most definitely won’t stand for that.”

  “What’s her hold on you? Why is she still here? Why are you cajoling her?”

  I can feel the heat creep up my neck. So much for round two.

  “That’s a lot of questions. Questions I can’t answer right now.”

  “Can’t or won’t?” I push.

  “Both,” he admits.

  “Fine!” I push off him and grab my shorts. I slide them on and storm out the door without a backward glance.

  “Dammit,” I hear him mumble. I can hear the guys talking downstairs, so I’m careful to tiptoe back to my room, thankful Lily has been sharing Xander’s bed. I’m not prepared to answer her questions, especially since this shit is insane even to me. I just fucked Diesel in the very bed he’s sharing with that Melissa tramp.

  I ease my door open, but it’s in vain. Lily sits on my bed wearing the cheesiest grin ever.

  “Where have you been, missy? And don’t say the bathroom because I checked. All of them except one. Do you know which one that is?”

  I shake my head. She’s going to have to spell it out because I’m not volunteering any info.

  “A certain master bedroom that’s missing an occupant,” she continues. It dawns on me that she’s referring to Melissa as the missing occupant, and my forehead wrinkles in protest.

  “Ugh, let’s not bring her up.”

  “Ah-ha. You admit it. That’s where you stayed the night.”

  “What? No. I’m not admitting no such thing.”

  “Where were you then because I returned to our room about four this morning, and you were gone.”

  “Did you and Xander have a fight?”

  “No. His snoring was unusually loud, keeping me awake. Now stop trying to change the subject. Focus, woman. Where did you go?”

  She gives me the most pitiful eyes and tries her hardest to turn down her lips in a frown, but she keeps giggling.

  “Oh, all right. You’re a mess, you know that?” She nods and then signals for me to get on with it. “I couldn’t sleep either.”

  “A bit horny, huh?”

  “Shut it, freakazoid, or I won’t tell you the rest,” I threaten. She motions with a finger that she’s zipping her lips. “Anyway, as I was saying, I couldn’t sleep. The distance between Diesel and me weighed heavily on my chest like an anchor. I needed to be close to him—some reassurance that what we shared wasn’t an illusion. That I didn’t make up our connection. I needed to know we weren’t lost—that we were indeed palpable and thriving.”

  “I can only imagine how you must feel. I’ve witnessed the chemistry between you two. What did he think about your visit? Obviously, he didn’t kick you out.”

  “He didn’t object to me being there or stop me when I crawled into bed with him. I snuggled with him, and we just slept.”

  “Just slept, huh?”

  “Last night, we just slept. This morning was a different story. I won’t go into details, but just know he rocked my universe.”

  I grin, but the conversation that following the mind-blowing sex rocked my universe as equally as hard.

  “So is he sending Melissa packing then? I know her stuff is still here.”

  “No. That’s the complicated part.”

  “Why is it so complicated? Color me confused. He’s fucked you in the bed he’s sharing with her. She needs to go.”

  “He won’t say why she’s here, only that he isn’t having sex with her. Trust me, this whole ordeal settles like a lead weight in the bottom of my stomach. I want her gone.”

  “Well, he’s not going to be inclined to get rid of her if he can still crawl between your legs behind her back.”

  “That’s not fair, Lil. That was a low blow.”

  I get up and start searching for something to wear before I head to take my shower. I know she is only speaking the truth, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.

  “You know I’m not saying that to be mean or hurt you. I just don’t want him to get away with indecisiveness.”

  “I’ve decided to give him a little leeway … for the time being, at least. Something is going on. His dealings with her have to do with whatever was said in that room between him and Sevyn that night. I just feel it in my gut. He was there when I needed someone, so this is me doing the same for him.”

  I tell her about my conversation with Brooke, and why I decided to fight for us—why I’m willing to endure his dealings with Melissa. If I lose, then it won’t be because I rolled over and handed him over to her.

  “I get it. Don’t like it, but I get it. You want to save him from what he’s not sharing. Just promise you won’t lose yourself in the process.”

  “That’s the fine line I’m straddling. I need to find out what he’s hiding, shine the light on the path back to me, and all without slipping back to the person I used to be.”

  “So show him the light.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Think of some of those special moments you two secretly shared. Show him the girl he fell for. Make him fall all over again.”

  She is freaking brilliant. That’s a great idea. I just need to make him remember.

  “Like recreate our memories,” I almost squeal.

  “Bingo.”

  “I needed this chat more than you could know,” I admit. While I do have a renewed motivation, I know I need to set some limits. The girl he “fell” for wasn’t a pushover. Her evasiveness was what captured his attention in the first place.

  “Anytime. Now that my job is done here, I’m going to find my man and ravish his loins. All this talk about sex has made me horny.”

  She sticks out her tongue, and I throw a pillow at her.

  “Just ew.”

  I finally find a sundress to wear, so I head to take my shower. I need to plot my next move.

  The rehearsal with the guys was productive. Anderson helped to write some fire lyrics that we’re going to sample for our next show. We even have Ivy’s sultry vocals layering our sound for an extra punch. Our fans are in for a treat. Never thought I’d be riding high from a collaboration—I like flying solo. I like solitude during my writing process even more. A lazy grin forms on my lips as I replay the past few hours. Everyone’s gone their separate ways for a little Sunday fun day, or what’s left of it anyway. Xander and Lily waste no time claiming the sofa for a little movie time. My stomach grumbles, and I consider ordering takeout. I don’t want to be anywhere near those two if some chick flick is about to commence. My phone pings in my hand as I head to the kitchen to search for menus.

  “Meet me at the beach.”

  That’s it. The message from Lourdes is straight to the point. I assumed she was upstairs in her room since she doesn’t travel far without her sidekick, Lily.

  “Why should I?”

  I already know that I’ll meet her as she so eloquently asked. I just want to make her sweat a bit. Where’s the fun in being whipped like her brother? I chuckle at the sight of t
hem. I’m not hating. If you find something real and doting is your cup of tea, then drink that shit. I just need to be more reserved with my feelings. It’s not a good look on me. I don’t do weak or subdued. Control is the epitome of my being, and I have the internal scars to prove why it can’t be any other way. Just when I think she is resisting my obvious charm, her next message pops up on my screen.

  “Up to you. Would be a shame to miss my surprise, though.”

  I don’t bother responding. I grab a Heineken from the fridge and make my way to see what this surprise could be. I’m intrigued. She’s been stepping out of her comfort zone a lot lately, making an effort to eradicate this imposed distance that I’ve created. The two lovebirds give me a curious stare as I leave. Hopefully, they don’t have wild sex on the furniture now that they have the house to themselves.

  I remove my shoes before strolling down the beach. It doesn’t take long to see what Lourdes has been up to. A lighted path of candles in glass jars leads me to a romantic setup near the ocean but far enough away from the current. I’m speechless. A throw blankets the ground along with several large square pillows. More candle lit jars illuminate the space. A serving tray and picnic sit off to the side with wine and hidden food. The delectable smell is enough to make my stomach stir again.

  “My, my. Somebody has been busy. What’s the occasion, princess?”

  Her white cotton sundress looks so simple and girl next door. A single fishtail braid lays to one side over her shoulder. I can’t help but take in her understated beauty. Her eyes so gray, so clear in contrast to her raven locks. I don’t know why I pick this moment to study her, but I do. I know I should shut this whole thing down. The fucking was one thing, but we’re chartering dangerous territory—getting further and further away from neutral grounds. I need to focus on the goals at hand. The thing is, even knowing what the right thing is to do here, I can’t walk away. I can’t shit on her effort. Tonight, I’ll relent. Tomorrow, I’ll set things back on course. Melissa will be back tomorrow afternoon anyway.

  “No occasion. Just felt like doing something nice.” She downplays her little ‘I want some dick’ setup, so I let her think she’s being obtuse.