DADDY BY CHOICE

by Paula Detmer Riggs

  "Margot, it's Luke. I'm about six, seven minutes out with an abruption. It's Winslow's patient so have her paged. Name of the patient is Madelyn Foster. She's at thirty-two weeks plus. Tell OR to set up for a crash section stat. Alert the best team you have and warn them it's going to be fast and messy. Call trauma and tell them to meet me at the ambulance dock."

  "Will do, Luke. Drive carefully."

  Madelyn strained forward against the belt, her face paper white and her eyes huge and terrified. "What's happening? Am I in labor?"

  "You have a little problem, nothing we can't handle together."

  "You won't leave me? Promise you won't."

  "Not a chance in hell, sweetheart."

  Luke drove with deadly intensity, his gaze welded to the street ahead, reading the flow of traffic the way he'd once read the horses he'd ridden. Tires squealed and horns blew as he ran lights, changed lanes.

  "Save the baby," she pleaded. "Please. The baby."

  "You're both going to make it, damn it. I'm not losing you. I won't lose you."

  She was crying now, great gulps of anguish that tore at that tiny part of him that wasn't intensely focused. "S-something awful's happening. I feel tearing…" Her voice splintered into a sharp cry.

  "I swear to God, Madelyn, you are not going to die and neither is your baby."

  She was moaning steadily by the time the hospital's south tower came into view. Rocketing up the access road, he nearly sobbed with relief when he saw the trauma team gathered around a gurney at the dock. He recognized Prudy's bright curls and sent up a prayer of thanks.

  After screeching to a halt, he climbed out. By the time his boots hit the tarmac, the team had Madelyn's door open, hanging IVs, getting her on the gurney. He intended to go with her but first he had to make sure she was in good hands.

  "Is Winslow scrubbed?" he shouted at Prudy over the roof of the Jeep.

  "She's in her car, ETA, thirty minutes," Prudy told him without looking up. Madelyn's pain, he knew, must be excruciating. He maneuvered in next to her and grabbed her hand, trotting beside the gurney as they hurried her inside.

  "There's only a first year available," Prudy told him, her gaze full of anguish. "You'll have to do it."

  "God, no! I can't risk it. What if I make a mistake?"

  "You'll do it because there's no other option."

  In their haste the gurney swerved and Madelyn screamed.

  "Take her right to maternity," Prudy ordered, slapping the button to open the double doors at the end of the trauma unit proper.

  Crammed against the wall of the elevator, Luke stroked Maddy's hair, talking nonsense. Her gaze was riveted on him, her eyes glazed with pain. "If I die, promise you'll take my son. Please, Luke. There's no one else."

  "You're not going to die." He had to make his voice sharp. Otherwise he would dissolve.

  "Promise me," she whispered brokenly.

  "I promise."

  She tried to smile. "Don't look so … fierce. Scare the baby."

  He choked a laugh. "Hang in there, sweetheart. Remember that I love you."

  "Love you. Should have told you." She closed her eyes, and Luke bled inside. Straightening, he forced himself to concentrate on essentials, the way he did right before he rode.

  "I want you with me," Luke told Prudy as the elevator sped upward.

  Alarm and sympathy warred in her brown eyes. "I haven't assisted in years. I'd be too slow."

  "Not to assist. To talk to me if I panic."

  She nodded, her gaze telling him she understood all that he said and couldn't say. "That I can do." Her grin was a little forced, but it helped.

  By the time the elevator doors whooshed open and the team spilled out, Madelyn was unconscious and the baby was in terrible trouble. As he and Prudy raced to scrub up, he went over the procedure he was about to perform. Fast and dirty and clean up later, he reminded himself. Get the baby out first, then see to the mom.

  Minutes later, scrubbed and gowned, he hurried into the OR to find Madelyn lying still as death under anesthesia and the belly he loved to caress bared for the incision that would deliver the baby.

  The blood drained from his face and the bright lights seemed to waver. "You can do this," Prudy said, her eyes steady above her mask.

  He took a breath, muttered a prayer and stepped to the table, his hand already reaching for the scalpel. The tech slapped it into his hand. He made one quick sure slice, then dropped the knife and reached for the baby.

  * * *

  She drifted in a soft white world. There was peace here and sometimes pain, a pinched band across her tummy. Now and then sounds came to her from a distance. Muted beeps, the rattle of metal on metal. The insistent murmur of a man's voice, calling her name.

  "Wake up, Maddy. Open your eyes, sweetheart. I need to see your eyes."

  The order burrowed through the haze and lingered. He'd come back for her. Her cocky cowboy with the laughing eyes. Or was it a dream? She tried to open her eyes, but her lids felt so heavy.

  "That's it, sweetheart. Open your eyes."

  She did it then, finding a blurry world that gradually sharpened. Luke was leaning over her, her hand securely clasped in his. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, his skin gray beneath the black whiskers. It hurt her to see him so exhausted. Ravaged.

  "You … need to be in bed."

  He swallowed hard, then leaned down to brush a kiss across her forehead. "Welcome back, sweetheart," he murmured as he drew back. "You have a healthy son. Four pounds, six ounces."

  She blinked, "I … had the baby?"

  "You did indeed, darlin'."

  Joy came in a starburst, followed by a wave of profound gratitude. She was a mother again. This time no one would take her child. No one.

  "Is he beautiful?"

  He nodded, his eyes filled with something that looked very much like pride.

  "When can I see him?"

  He cleared his throat. When he spoke, his voice was husky. "Soon. He had a little trouble breathing at first, so they're keeping him in the neonatal nursery a little while longer just to make sure he's okay."

  Her heart lurched. "Trouble?"

  "Nothing serious. It's just that he hadn't decided to leave his nice warm bubble yet. I kinda jerked him out before he was ready and he's playing a little catch-up."

  She felt disoriented, as though she was a beat behind the rest of the world. "You delivered the baby?"

  He nodded. "Karen was stuck in traffic." He kissed her hand, then released her to press a button that elevated the head of the bed. She winced as a scalding pain arced across her abdomen. She touched the spot and found a bandage.

  "I had a C-section?"

  "I know you wanted to be awake, but there was no choice." He turned to pour her some water, then held the glass while she sipped through one of those silly crinkled straws. It tasted blissful.

  "I remember now. You grabbed me up like a sack of potatoes and ran."

  "Guess I did. At the time it seemed necessary." He returned the glass to the tray table and she noticed he was wearing rumpled blue scrubs. Her cowboy doctor. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

  "A little." She glanced down. "My belly is still lumpy."

  The dismay in her voice brought a smile to his lips. "It'll shrink. Nursing helps."

  Nursing? Emotion balled in her throat. Already her breasts were hot and aching. "When can I see him?"

  "In a little while. Now that you're awake, we can see about getting you out of intensive care and into a suite."

  She looked around to find that she was in a cubicle with glass walls. "Just like a display in a department-store window," she muttered, feeling terribly vulnerable.

  "More like Sleeping Beauty," he murmured, brushing back her hair. There were calluses on his fingers, wonderfully rough against her skin.

  "How long was I asleep?"

  "Long enough to make an old man of me."

  She touched his tired face. "Was it the fibroid?"

&
nbsp; His jaw tightened suddenly. Something like guilt appeared in his eyes. "No. It was something called a placental abruption. The placenta tore away from the uterus. There were no visible signs it would do that. Nothing Karen could have seen."

  But he should have seen it, Luke thought as her eyes drifted closed again. He wasn't sure he would ever forgive himself for not doing so.

  * * *

  The birthing suite was a bower of flowers. All her neighbors had sent bouquets and balloons. The gardener who took care of her lawn had stopped by with a miniature rosebush, which he promised to plant for her as soon as she got home.

  Stacy had brought an adorable little-boy outfit, and Raine had promised to have the communal bassinet ready to receive the latest Maternity Row baby. Even Don Petroff had stopped by, looking endearingly awkward with a stuffed panda bear under one arm.

  Now that the baby was out of danger, he stayed with her in one of those clear plastic bassinets. He was proving to be a noisy, demanding roommate. Every two hours like clockwork, he woke up screaming for his dinner.

  "Give me a minute to examine your mom's incision, little guy," Dr. Winslow said with a grin as she lifted Madelyn's gown.

  Tall and graceful with expressive gray eyes and sun-washed auburn hair, her obstetrician reminded Madelyn of a prima ballerina. "Are you feeling any discomfort in your belly?"

  Madelyn glanced down at the neat line of staples. "A few twinges when I move, but nothing serious."

  Dr. Winslow flicked her a pleased glance before covering her with the sheet. "Dr. Jarrod was afraid of infection because he had to act so precipitously, but so far so good."

  "He saved my life, didn't he?"

  Winslow offered her a solemn nod. "No doubt about it. If he hadn't gotten you into surgery when he did, you would have bled out."

  Madelyn unbuttoned her gown, then leaned over to lift the baby to her breast. She winced as the eager little mouth found the nipple. She took a moment to enjoy the sensation before glancing up. "It's like a dream, actually. One minute I was fine and the next I was in terrible trouble."

  "Abruptions are like that. The worst part is they usually happen without notice." The doctor drew a breath. "I went back over my last examination notes and all the signs were positive."

  "Right before it happened, I was very upset about something that had just happened. Do you think—"

  "Absolutely not! These things just happen." She smiled. "When I was a resident here, we used to laugh about Dr. Jarrod's hunches. He seemed to just know when something was wrong, even when there were no signs. In this case, looks like he was right." After exchanging a few more words, the doctor excused herself and left, nearly colliding with Prudy at the door.

  "Good heavens, woman, don't you ever do anything but feed that little rascal?" Prudy demanded as she sailed in on a burst of energy and color, bright green and orange today.

  "Not much," Madelyn admitted as Prue pulled up one of the plastic chairs and sat down.

  "So, how much has he gained today?" she asked with a grin.

  "Only an ounce, but it's still early."

  Leaning back, Prudy propped her sneakers against the lowered rail and let out a weary sigh. "I really should transfer to maternity. It's so serene up here. Most of the time, anyway."

  Madelyn smiled. "You should be here when all the babies are crying."

  "No thanks."

  Madelyn glanced down. "Have you seen Luke today?"

  "Nope. Last time I saw him was yesterday afternoon. He was sacked out in one of the empty suites."

  Madelyn rubbed the baby's padded rump through the soft blue blanket. "I'm worried about him, Prue. He looked so drained."

  "It was like films I've seen of surgery combat. He had to get the baby out fast, and he did. His hand was rock steady as he was sewing you up. And then, when it was over, he took one step backward and passed out cold." Prudy's chocolate eyes darkened as memory passed over her face. "No one expected it, so we just stood there in shock, staring down at this huge, strong, utterly controlled man crumpled up like a rag doll at our feet."

  Madelyn drew a sharp breath. "Did … did his leg give out on him again?"

  "No, sweetie, it was a delayed reaction to nearly losing you. After we revived him, he couldn't stop shaking." She smiled. "He loves you desperately, Maddy. I've never seen a man more worried. Or more devoted."

  Madelyn drew a shaky breath. She desperately wanted to believe that. "Then why hasn't he come to see me again?"

  Prudy averted her gaze. "I don't know, Maddy. I wish I did."

  * * *

  "Guess what, darling boy? We're going home today."

  Her son looked up at her, his tiny mouth pursed in a frown. The hair that had been dark brown when he'd been born was already turning light. She swirled a silky lock around her finger, fascinated by the tiny perfect head.

  He was a wonder, this male child with the solemn face. Because she'd yet to name him, the nurses had taken to calling him Peanut. They all adored him.

  "Mrs. Stanley says I have to give you a real name today, Peanut. Something strong for my strong little critter."

  She sensed his presence an instant before she glanced up to see Luke in the doorway, a huge bunch of white carnations in his hand. Her heart did a slow somersault.

  "Looks right, the two of you," he said as he walked toward her. She tipped up her face, eager to feel his mouth on hers. But his lips brushed her forehead, instead.

  "How are you feeling?"

  "Wonderful." She cast a pointed glance at the carnations. "Are those for me?"

  He looked startled, then sheepish. "Guess they must be."

  "They're beautiful. Thank you." Her insides quivered. She'd missed him so much.

  "I hear Winslow is planning to discharge you today," he said as he stuffed the flowers in the water pitcher.

  She nodded. "Boyd and Stacy volunteered to drive me home." But she'd wanted it to be him.

  "Good." His gaze dropped to the baby nestled in her arms. "Looks like he's gained some weight."

  "Eight ounces so far. He's a real chow hound." She saw his face soften and held her breath. But when he glanced up, his jaw was hard again.

  "You're just in time to help me decide on a name for Peanut," she said, her heart tumbling erratically now.

  He shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "I'm not much good with stuff like that."

  "I've picked out two actually. Oliver Lucas. Or Lucas Oliver."

  His head came up fast. For an instant his eyes were full of naked longing before the shutters came down. "I appreciate the gesture, but it's not necessary."

  "It's no gesture, Luke. I think a son should have his daddy's name."

  He swallowed hard before walking past her to the window. His back was ramrod straight as he looked out at the sunshine. "You could have died, Maddy. Both of you. I can't get past that." His voice sounded shredded.

  "You saved us, Luke. If you hadn't come when you did, we would have died."

  "I convinced myself that Karen would look after you as well as I could. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just fooling myself because I wanted you so much."

  "You're not wrong, Luke. Karen did look after me. But as she explained, an abruption can come without warning and in otherwise uneventful pregnancies." She took a breath. "She also said she didn't know of any other doctor who could have done what you did."

  His chest heaved. "I thought I'd changed, Maddy. That I was a better man. But I was wrong. I—"

  "You stop that right this minute, Luke Jarrod," she ordered, her voice sharp. "I won't have you beating up on yourself like this. No sir, I just will not."

  He stiffened, then swung around to stare at her. "You won't?" he asked cautiously.

  She shook her head. "Peanut and I have discussed it and we've decided we like Oregon a whole lot better than Texas, so I'm going to take your advice and let Wiley have the house." She smiled. "I consider it a fair trade. I have Peanut, he has a pile of bricks."
/>
  His gaze narrowed. He looked tense enough to shatter. "I keep seeing you on the table. I keep thinking I let you down. For all my promisin' to take care of you, in the end I failed."

  "It was your voice I kept hearing. Telling me to trust the man who loves me. And I do. With all my heart. As much as I love you."

  He drew a deep shuddering breath. "Guess Oliver Lucas would be my preference," he said, his eyes steady on hers as he came toward her. They were still amazingly blue and full of love. Her own stung with happy tears.

  "That's it, then, Oliver Lucas Jarrod," she said as he eased down on the bed to take her hand, balancing it on that flat wide palm with its ridge of permanent calluses.

  "Before this happened I, uh, called Harriet in Bangladesh. It took some serious negotiating, but she agreed to sell me the house." His finger rubbed over the spot on her finger where a wedding band would go. "I thought I'd give it to you for a wedding present."

  Her breath caught. "I accept."

  "Just like that? No more figurin' and testin'?"

  She choked out a laugh, shook her head. "Because I was terrified to make another mistake, I almost made the worst mistake of all."

  His grin was a little wobbly when he bent his head to kiss her. It was a sweet healing kiss, with enough licks of hunger in it to have her heart racing. "I'm crazy in love with you, Maddy Sue. And with our son."

  His hand was infinitely gentle as he cupped the downy crown. "He's mine, Maddy. As much mine as Jenny. I want my name on his birth certificate so he'll know he was always wanted."

  At the reminder of their daughter her joy slipped. "She needs us so much." She felt tears well, then spill.

  "Don't, sweetheart. Maybe she said she came for the money, but I have a hunch it was more than that. Might be she just has to take her time comin' to trust us."

  "Oh, Luke, do you think so?"

  "Now that she's found out how special her mama is, there's no way she's gonna be able to stay away." He kissed her again, softly. Smiling, he lifted a hand to brush back her hair. "I guess you'll want to do this wedding thing in Texas, huh?"

  She considered, then shook her head. "I want to do it in our own backyard. Under the maple tree where you're going to hang a swing for our son."

  His chest rose and felt in a jerky movement, and his eyes were shiny as he looked into hers. "I'd hang the stars for you if I could."