A Maze of Love

by Sophia Gedeon Sorel

  “You missed me?” she hissed.

  He looked a little taken aback, which made her even more mad. What had he expected, a welcome-back hug? For her to throw herself at him and forget all the pain she’d felt because of him?

  “I’m back in Oregon; I have been for the last couple of weeks,” he informed her.

  What made him think she cared?

  “Oh, how nice for you!”

  “Shanda, sarcasm doesn’t become you.”

  Her eyes widened, and she almost fought him on that one silly point because she loved sarcasm, but she couldn’t think of what exactly to say, and then she felt deflated. What was the point?

  “Look, Ralph, it was great to see you and all. But I have to go. Okay? Bye,” she spun on her heels and left.

  Why had he come back? She has been doing so well, she’d almost forgotten all about him; Shanda thought as she weaved through the crowd and disappeared between the trees, searching for a quiet spot. She heard the ruffle of leaves and she knew he had followed her. She ran. After sprinting in heels for five minutes, she stopped, hoping that she had lost him.

  Shanda knelt on her knees, her breath coming out in gasps. She still loved him… so much.

  “Shanda? Sweetheart?”

  His hair had been ruffled by the wind, and he looked adorable. Her eyes fell to his lips at the same time as his fell to hers.

  “What do you want?” Shanda asked harshly.

  “You, I want you!”

  The bluntness of the statement left her breathless.

  “I love you Shanda, I have from that very first day I saw you.”

  She found that difficult to believe.

  “What about Michelle?”

  “I know there was Michelle, and to be honest, I don’t even know what I was doing with her. I shouldn’t have been. She wasn’t a good person. She wasn’t you.”

  Her heart tugged when she saw the look of sincerity in his eyes. But this was Ralph. For all she knew, he could be with some other woman.

  “Are you married?” she blurted out.

  His brows creased. “Married? Would I be here if I was?

  Shanda had to admit that, even for Ralph, that was a bit much.

  “You hurt me very badly, Ralph.” Shanda finally said.

  “I know, sweetheart and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. California was a rough first year for me. It was awful timing and that’s not your fault. I’ve taken some time to figure out who I am and what I want out of a wife.”

  Shanda’s eyebrow rose.

  “Yes Shanda. I want you as my wife.” he said earnestly.

  A bubble of laughter formed in her throat and erupted. She laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks. Ralph just stood watching her, unsurprised by her reaction. She stopped laughing abruptly.

  “You want to marry me?”

  “Yes Shanda, nothing would make me happier than loving you for the rest of my life.”

  Shanda felt as though she had been knocked over by a truck. Everything was happening too fast. She hadn’t even gotten used to the fact that Ralph was there with her. She thought of the pain she had gone through, and how long she had loved Ralph without a single sign from him that he loved her back. How she felt her heart had lived separately from her body for years, and just when she’d felt it beat inside her own chest once again, he’d come back. She suddenly felt very frightened.

  Everything that she had ever dreamt was happening to her. Ralph loved her. Her legs trembled and she wanted to flee. It was too frightening. He had a capacity to not only hurt her, but to destroy her. She had a good life as it was. Nothing out of this world, but she had achieved a level of contentment. Letting Ralph back into her life would be leaving herself vulnerable to the sort of destruction he’d caused her years before.

  “I promise, I’ll never hurt you again,” he said and took a step closer.

  He touched her loose tendrils with his forefinger. Then he trailed it down her face to her mouth. Her body responded instantly. Without warning, he pulled her hard against him and kissed her mouth, gently at first, and then with growing intensity. Of their own accord, Shanda’s arms flew to his neck and she clung to him.

  His kiss was even sweeter than she remembered. Shanda felt as though she had been transported to another world. Electrical currents ran up and down her body, and her core ached to be satisfied. She swam in the scent of his aftershave. She touched his face, his hair and his back. Ralph moved his lips away from hers and just as she was about to mutter a protest, he returned them again.

  His lips brushed hers, softly as if he wanted to remember every contour of her mouth. Shanda savored the feeling of just his lips on hers. Heaven it was. Unable to wait, she parted her lips and she felt Ralph’s tongue touch hers. Their mouths grew demanding. Shanda felt as though a fire had been lit beneath her, and inside her.

  Ralph grabbed her behind, pulled her tighter to him and Shanda responded by clinging to him and moaning. His hands roamed over her dress and she felt a gush of cold air as he lifted it up to expose her thighs. Shanda could not remember being as desperately horny as she was. And she didn’t care. Her hand lowered, searching for his hardness and when she found it, she rubbed it through his trousers.

  “Shanda!” Ralph cried out. “If we don’t stop now, I will not be responsible to taking you here in the botanical gardens.”

  Shanda giggled. “I wouldn’t mind.”

  He grew serious then. “I meant it, Shanda,” Ralph said and then dropped to his knees. “Will you marry me?”

  Shanda surprised herself. “Yes,” she said simply.

  “Yes? Did you say yes? What about Greg?”

  Shanda was puzzled. “Greg who?” and then, understanding dawned. It felt good to know that Ralph had kept tabs on her love life.

  “That was over a long time ago. The man like wallpaper. He left town,” Shanda explained.

  Ralph jumped to his feet and enveloped her in a bear hug.

  “I love you so much, sweetheart. So very much, my Shanda. I will love you forever.”

  Shanda closed her eyes and let the words swim over her. She pushed away the doubts and the past hurts. It was their time now. Their perfect moment. They would make it last a lifetime.

  “I love you too Ralph,” Shanda said with feeling. “I’ll love you forever.”

  The sun shone through the curtains, and Shanda awoke to its bright light gently highlighting Ralph’s face. She ran a hand along his cheek and smiled. She didn’t want to wake him, but seeing the gold band on her finger made her desperate to kiss him. She caressed his face until his eyelashes fluttered, and Shanda gently placed kisses across his face.

  “Good morning,” Ralph muttered. He was half-asleep, and this was Shanda’s favorite state to see him in. He was innocent, he only knew what was right before him. He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him.

  She has to be at work an hour earlier than Ralph had to be awake to get ready for his job, so she spent her mornings drinking coffee and walking through the house they’d purchased earlier that summer. It was a cape cod with blue siding, and yes, a picket fence. Oddly enough, Ralph had been the one to insist upon that.

  Coffee in hand, Shanda crept down the basement stairs. There was a skirt she knew was in a box down there, and she wanted to wear it for work. But she forgot about the skirt when she encountered the white sheet that was draped across her cello.

  She picked the instrument up by the neck and tuned it by ear. She was sure she still remembered the right notes. She grabbed her bow out of its case and applied the rosin that had to be over three years old to it, and she walked upstairs.

  She carried her cello to the sun porch, which was on the opposite end of the house as her and Ralph’s bedroom. She didn’t want to wake him. She sat on the bench on the big bay window and looked out— she had a perfect view of the wall across from her, but the view didn’t matter. The only thing that did was that she felt like playing music once again.

&nbs
p; She drew her bow lightly across the ‘C’ string to test it, then she played the only song she knew she would remember every note of. Rachmaninoff, of course. Vocalise. While she played the song, she stared across at the wallpaper Ralph had insisted upon having in the sunroom. And she loved that wallpaper. She loved it because Ralph had picked it out, and because Ralph loved it. And because she loved him.

  Music had come back into her life, and this time, she knew she’d never let it leave once more.