He looks a bit confused at this and just squeezes my hand. I’ve discovered that the reason older people seem to know everything when you’re little, is that they wait until you tell them, then they pretend they knew all along.
‘I thought you were over him, love. We know he’s going to be a dad, but…’
‘He’s already a dad!’ And he was going to shag me! I hope I didn’t say that last bit out loud.
‘Oh my goodness, darling.’ His eyebrows raise in alarm at the tear that’s just spurted from my eye, and he delves in his pocket for a handkerchief. ‘Arrived already have they? Boys or girls, or shouldn’t I ask?’ He’s got a nervous twitch, the same one he used to have when I handed over my school report, or exam results. In fact, he used to say the same thing. The ‘shouldn’t I ask?’ bit, not the boys or girls bit. ‘One of each?’
‘One of each? There are two of them?’ I’ve got a bit loud, I can tell by the look of horror on his face. ‘I only saw one!’
‘I thought you knew? We all…’
‘Everybody knows?’ This is even worse. They all know my boyfriend is a father. It was bad enough that everybody knew about huge Stella before me, but this is ten times worse.
‘Oh yes,’ Dad doesn’t seem to think it’s horrendous, he’s totally unbothered. He could at least pretend to be shocked, for my sake. Have his standards dropped so low? ‘Jake mentioned it to us, when you went for a top up of toast this morning. He’d told everybody over a drink in the bar apparently, think I missed the announcement then. Your mother dragged me away before they opened the best whisky.’ He’s sounding quite miffed, which is quite unlike Dad. I make a muffled sob noise, to redirect him, and he remembers that this is far more important than whisky, or his crafty cigar.
‘Twins.’ How come everybody has twins, is there something in the water? ‘How could he not tell me? Why am I always the last to know?’ And why was there only a picture of one?
Dad has leaned in closer, because I’m down to a whimper now and he can’t hear, and I’m screwing his handkerchief in the way I’d like to screw Jake’s neck. He pats my hand, but I know he’s staring at the handkerchief, wondering how he’ll explain the state of it to Mum. I’m sure she thinks they’re for adornment rather than use.
‘Maybe he didn’t think you’d want to know, darling? I mean he’s been a complete heel and all that, but maybe he thought it was the right thing to do.’
I stuff the hankie into my mouth, to stop myself screaming.
‘This Jake seems a much nicer chap.’
‘Nicer chap than what?’ Now, it’s me who’s confused. He’s not making any sense at all.
‘Than Liam. Much more upfront.’
‘How can you say that, Dad, when I’ve just found out he’s got a baby, well, two.’
‘Has he? Well blow me!’
‘You just said he had!’
‘Liam, not Jake. Has Jake got children as well? My, my, not surprised you’re a bit upset if you didn’t know.’ My dad only knows ‘a bit upset,’ out of your mind hysterical doesn’t exist in his world. ‘Well, that’s a turn up for the books, I must say. Would you credit it? And you didn’t know?’
‘So he’s not got twins?’
‘Not as far as I know, Samantha. Well, he hasn’t even got one as far as I was aware.’
‘He has. Sarah sent me a picture she saw on Facebook.’
‘Sarah?’
‘Oh, you know David.’ Oh, God, Mum is here now. How did she creep up on us? ‘Sarah is Samantha’s little friend from the travel agency. A bit odd I have to say, but well meaning. She told me she could get us a nice discount on a cruise, which is more than Samantha has ever offered.’ She’s giving me her disappointed look. ‘With an ocean view.’
‘Samantha’s a bit upset, Ruth, aren’t you, love?’ He is now trying to wave smoke away, stuff his cigar out of sight and explain all at once. ‘Had a bit of a shock. Appears her fella has got a baby he only just told her about. Bit rum that, isn’t it?’
‘He’s got half a baby, and half a dog.’ At least he’s only got one I suppose, but I rather think it’s the type of thing a man should mention before he starts breaking the rules of a business arrangement and entering into full bodily contact. Which I’m pretty sure he was about to do.
What really hurts though is that he knew all about Liam and Stella, and their imminent babies, and never mentioned this.
‘So Jake has got a baby, not just Liam?’ Mum never really listens, which means she quite often loses half the conversation. ‘Oh dear.’ Mum pats me on my hand. ‘Oh never mind darling, you’ll soon find somebody else. Though he is rather good looking. I must admit, your father and I were a bit worried about his prospects, I mean acting isn’t the most secure of professions, is it David? But…’ She stops, when she realises I’m crying more now. ‘We are glad you left that Liam fellow, he really wasn’t the man for you, Samantha. I mean, we didn’t like to say at the time, you know we’d never interfere, but he always seemed a little bit boring.’
‘He—’ splutter ‘—is—’ sniff ‘—boring.’
‘Well, you’re best forgetting him.’ Dad is good at career chats, but I can tell my emotional outburst is worrying him a bit. ‘And maybe I should leave you and your mum to have a little chat?’
‘I don’t care about Liam, he’s just silly, and he tried to control my life and nearly spoiled everything. But I really like Jake.’ I do, which is why I’m so bloody upset. I know he’s just a business arrangement, but I’ve just realised that being with Jake has been nicer than being with any other man I’ve ever known. He understood, he knew about broken trust and disloyalty, and being good enough as you are. And now this. I want to cry, lots more than I already have. It just isn’t fair. ‘I thought he just had an ex and a dog share.’ I sniff. Sharing Harry is nothing compared to this. ‘Now he has a baby!’ I wail, I know I’m wailing, I can hardly breathe. Dad passes me a new bigger white handkerchief, Mum always insists he carries more than one. ‘Oh, Dad.’
‘He’s got a very sweet little dog though, he does seem a nice man.’
Dad pats my hand. ‘Your mother is right, dear. I’m sure it doesn’t mean Jake cares for you any less, or he wouldn’t be here.’
‘He doesn’t care for me at all!’ Even I know I shouted that last bit rather melodramatically. Sarah would be proud. ‘He’s got a glamorous ex and a baby! He’s a, he’s a…’ The man had said he needed a distraction, what kind of a man wants a distraction from their newborn baby? And he was using me as that distraction! He was even going to go as far as hot baths and whisky as a distraction. ‘He’s a complete basket!’ I was going to say bastard, but thought at the last moment that this was a bit strong in front of my parents, and basket was the best I could come up with.
‘Oh, no I wouldn’t say that, he…’ Dad is trying to be reasonable, I know he is. Everybody has a good side he always says. I don’t think this observation is based on real life.
‘He’s not real.’
Now they both look very confused. I don’t blame them.
‘Well he is real, but he’s an actor, Dad. And…’ I take a deep breath and look him full in the face. ‘He’s not…’ Oh God, I nearly told them. I nearly told my parents that this is all a fake, and Jake is not my boyfriend, and that I hired him. I can’t do that, not yet. If I tell Mum, it will be as good as telling everybody. She’ll tell people, even though she won’t mean to. ‘Maybe he’s not serious, he’s just been pretending he likes me?’ It’s a bit lame, but the best I can do. ‘And it’ll ruin the wedding if we have a big row, and he goes.’
‘Oh.’ He takes the handkerchief back (the most recent one that is only a little bit creased) and wipes his brow. ‘Oh Samantha, I don’t think he’d pretend. He seems a nice enough chap, and we don’t care if he stays or goes, it won’t spoil a thing. You’ve got to do what’s best for you, and we love you anyway.’ Dad rests his chin on my head.
‘Such a shame, I have to say I am a little bit put
out though, I did rather like him. More than I liked Liam, or that, what was he called? That one you went out before.’ Mum is frowning, trying to remember.
Dad shakes his head. ‘Oh yes. Funny lad. Limp handshake.’
‘Oh well, look at the time.’ Mum stands up and brushes imaginary dirt off her top. ‘Chin up darling, we don’t want to miss our cocktails. It’s the wedding in a couple of days, Juliet has planned a nice little soiree for tonight she said. What did I do with that list David?’
‘I don’t know dear, but you’re not going to find it in the stairwell, are you?’
‘Well, we’d better get back and see what time it starts. You can come and sit with us, Samantha.’
‘Mum, you won’t tell anybody about Jake’s baby, will you? Dad?’
‘Tell them what, Samantha?’ She frowns. ‘You youngsters are perfectly entitled to the odd lovers’ tiff, so I don’t think it’s strange at all if you’re a bit at odds with him tonight. Do you, David?’
‘Oh no, no, not at all, Ruth.’
‘I’ve already told Juliet you’re planning a September wedding. There is time for you to make up dear.’ She pats my hand again. ‘Although like your father says, it is up to you. But he is very nice.’
Oh hell. How could my mother do this to me? ‘He might have more than one baby.’
‘Or he might not. Don’t you think you should have checked at the start? I mean, when I first met your father…’
‘I didn’t…’ Oh God, what is the use? ‘It isn’t the type of thing he’d have on his CV, is it?’ And at the start it hadn’t seemed important at all.
‘Now there’s no need to be so melodramatic. And anyway, why would you look at his CV? That’s not very normal, is it? I never looked at your father’s, did I David?’
Oh shit, I’ve nearly dropped myself in it again. I really need to stop, go for a lie down and calm down. This is a business arrangement. I shouldn’t care if he has a dozen children.
Except I trusted him. And liked him, rather a lot.
A very lot (pardon my English), which means I’ve been totally stupid.
‘I was joking, Mum. I just meant it isn’t the type of thing you ask, it’s the type of thing people tell you.’
‘Oh well, don’t worry dear, people split up all the time, get jilted at the altar.’ She waves a hand dramatically. ‘Come on David, and don’t forget to pick up that cigar.’
Chapter 22
There are three questions I have for Jake:
1. Is Laura really your ex?
2. What do you need a distraction from?
3. Where did you sleep last night?
If the answer to the first one is no, and the answer to the second one is a baby, then I am rather cross (given his insistence on honesty, which now appears to have been for his benefit only). In addition to the lies, I have been cuckolded (I have always wanted to use this word) and he is a bastard because he kissed me, and was going to run me a hot bath.
If the answer to the first one is yes, but the answer to the second one is a baby (I can’t avoid this word) then this could mean that a) He’s a total bastard who has abandoned his child, and not the man I want to be with. Or b) It was a mutual separation and he is not to blame for dumping his child, but he still has a baby. Which is quite a biggie by anybody’s standards. I am not ready to be a mother, or a substitute mother, or a sometimes weekend mother.
I admit that I may have got a little bit carried away and our two kisses and possible bath have turned into a full-on relationship, with a possibility of living together. This is totally unreasonable, but surely it is better to project long term, cover all eventualities? I had been thinking long term with Liam, but obviously had not thought it through properly at the beginning or I wouldn’t have been in this mess. I am not going to let that happen again.
I am also, categorically, not cut out for being left holding the baby. Not even for an afternoon, let alone a weekend. A puppy I could cope with. Puppies do not have nappies, or have to be fed with bottles. They do not bawl until they’ve gone a funny colour, and they’re cute.
I am sure I do have maternal instincts and hormones, but they are currently dormant, or buried very deep inside me. A bit like the Loch Ness monster, they will probably surface one day. But as yet are only rumours.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine.’ Which means, no not really, I am totally confused. If I ask Jake the questions now then the outcome can only be bad. And it is too late, far too late to get a replacement boyfriend before The Big Day.
He will either turn out to be a complete bastard, or a man with responsibility for half a baby, and half a dog. Neither is good.
‘Where did you go last night?’ I can ask the third question, this is perfectly acceptable over the breakfast table, in company. This is also friendly interest, as I do have to try and remain friendly and not scream at him, and hopefully he will not say something that will cause a problem and definitely define him as a bastard.
By the time Jake got back with whisky and Harry yesterday, I was dressed and told him my parents were waiting for us as it was cocktail time. I then somehow ended up dragging Jess back to our room, putting the Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and telling her all about the kiss, the nearly hot bath, and showing her the picture.
I had to tell somebody.
‘Oh crap balls.’ Jess stared at my mobile, then hugged me. ‘He looks a bit rough though, in fact almost haggard. My God, look.’ She’s peering more closely and has zoomed in on the picture so much that to be honest he’s more blur than haggard. ‘This doesn’t look really recent.’
I don’t want to look though.
‘Maybe the baby thing was a shock?’ Though anything that takes nine months to cook can’t be that much of a shock, can it? ‘And don’t a lot of them keep you awake half the night?’ Even angelic ones like this. I don’t know why I’m excusing his less than perfect looks though.
‘I suppose so.’ Jess sounds doubtful. ‘He doesn’t exactly look his normal chilled self though, he looks awkward. Are you sure this is recent? I mean he doesn’t look quite as fit, does he?’
I peer over her shoulder, he does look a little bit flabby round the jowls, but I hadn’t really been looking at his jowls before. Just the thing in his hands. It had been a shock. I’d reacted rather hastily and just rushed off for a cry, and to tell my parents. Well, that bit was an accident.
‘I reckon this is older than a few days ago, maybe it was last year and they split and he’s got his act together? Maybe this is nothing to be bothered about at all.’ She doesn’t sound convinced. ‘Oh God, Sam, I can’t believe it’s anything, I mean he really seems into you.’
He does. Because he’s acting, and I’ve been an idiot. ‘Maybe.’ It seems a bit far-fetched to me. ‘But why didn’t he tell me then?’
‘I mean people often post old pics don’t they? Or it comes up as like a memory from last year. And you did say you hadn’t been going out that long, I mean it’s not something that’s easy to slip into a convo is it?’
‘But it’s a major thing!’
‘But did you ask?’
‘Well no.’ And I think he’s asked more questions than I have. I went for the basics, music, food preferences. Olives. He went for tattoos, things that made me laugh, turned me on…
‘You’ve gone pink!’
‘Sorry, just thinking. No, I didn’t ask, but it’s not the thing you normally need to, is it?’ I sigh. I thought I knew him at least a little bit, and lying does seem out of character when he was so keen for us to be honest with each other. Maybe Jess is right, and he had been trying to work out how to tell me. He’s obviously been really hurt in the past, betrayed to use his own word, so maybe it was just hard for him to come out with it. He has been very cagey about his distractions and complications.
‘Maybe he was going to tell you when you got home? You know, now it’s more serious between you two.’
‘True.’ I think about that, while Jess goe
s back to staring at the photo.
‘I’m not being nasty here, Sam, but when I found out about Liam it wasn’t a total shock or anything, but Jake seems different. I just can’t believe he…’
‘He is an actor though.’ A very good one it seems.
‘Yeah, but … well, at least you didn’t find out after you’d shagged.’ She hugs me. ‘Oh I am sorry, Sam. I like him.’ The last bit sounds a bit plaintive. ‘And he really seems to like you too.’
I like him too. More fool me.
And I was sorry too. Did I have a sign saying ‘stupid’ on my forehead?
‘It was only a kiss.’ I shrug. The kind of kiss you can’t actually imagine until it happens.
‘You should ask him, and soon. You need to know. Maybe there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation?’
She is right. ‘I’ll ask him before we go home.’
***
‘I slept with Dan. We’re getting quite close.’ Jake is grinning. He looks cute, innocent. He’s shredding my heart even though he’s not my boyfriend. ‘Everything okay with Jess? Did you have a good time?’
‘Oh yes, yes, we just wanted a catch up.’ Again.
‘You really are close, you pair aren’t you?’
‘We are.’ I can’t help it, I stare at him challengingly, but lower my voice to a whisper. ‘Or I wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble, would I?’
‘This trouble?’
I glance around, but nobody is looking our way. Not even Mum. ‘You!’ He blinks, looking a mix of cross and sad. But I am not going to fall for it. ‘Are you ready?’ I point at his full cup of coffee. ‘It’s our 4X4 off-road experience today.’ It’s a good job we got ‘archery’ out of the way before I discovered who he really was, or there might have been a nasty accident.
‘Has something happened to upset you? You seem a bit out of sorts.’
Something happened? A bit out of sorts? Words fails me. But I am not going to explode. I am in control of this situation. I will choose the time and place to have a rant. When I hand his cheque over is probably the time, when I drop him off at his home and this is all over.
The Wedding Date Page 21
