Finding Kylie

by Kimberly McKay

  It changes you … it makes you understand why you’re on earth. I knew once I held you, I was meant to be your mom … for better or worse … I was meant to lead you the best way I knew how. I wasn’t right a lot of the time … well, most of the time, but I cared for you the best way I knew how. I hope you know just how much I adored you.

  Looking back, I know I lived my life too much in the past, and fearing the future instead of reveling in the small moments I had with you. My main regret is not cherishing every second we had and giving you every part of me to hold onto. I wasn’t the mom you needed … I was the mom you got though. And I just hope it was enough.

  By now you know about the inheritance I left you, compliments of the Mikale family. I was so angry with Cheryl for the money she squeezed out of that old man, but it turned out useful in planning for your future. I wouldn’t have been able to provide you with any kind of means for Venice without it, so her insight gave me what I needed in the long run. For that, I’m thankful.

  More than anything I want you to know that I have peace in my heart that when I die, I’ll be heading to meet Jesus. Although I’ve taken you to church throughout your childhood, I never really raised you as my parents raised me ‘in’ the church. I was so caught up in life, that I didn’t take the time to show you what was really important. I know I failed you there, and I’m sorry. I should have given you more knowledge of God’s love for us … you and me.

  Something about death makes you take stock of your life. It makes you look at what you’ve done, who you’ve become, and what kind of legacy you’re leaving. Well, I’ve done some pretty rotten things, and I don’t recognize who I became. The only thing I know is that I’m leaving one heck of a legacy in you…

  You’re the only good thing I’ve done in my life, which is why I want you to remember your times in Friendswood, at church with Miss Clara. She’s the one that re-planted the seed in me, to remember my Christian roots. Of course it never took until recently, but without God holding me together in the last year, I wouldn’t have been able to make it as long as I did. And, I wouldn’t have been able to let go of some of the pain I’ve been holding onto for years.

  Obviously you’re going to be taken care of financially. I just want you to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally too. Please don’t let my lack of trust hold you back from letting love in, Chastity. There is someone out there for you. Please be open to idea that you’ll find someone to share your life with … not just anybody mind you … but someone special that appreciates and respects you for who you are. You have a knack for shutting someone out before they’ve even had a chance, which is my fault.

  I raised you to hold everyone at a distance. But for the right person to come along, you’ve got to be able to drop down your walls. Although I obviously couldn’t practice what I preach, I did find some very endearing qualities in my young attorney. I hope you find someone like him … not that I’m suggesting that you ask him out or anything. Well, maybe I am. Who knows? I have faith you’ll recognize that person when you meet him.

  Sweetheart, I also have faith that you’ll take care of yourself spiritually. Without God in your life, the rest goes to heck in a hand basket pretty quickly. Just look at how I handled my life. I ran scared for most of it, not relying on God’s love or guidance. I only focused on my fear, which controlled every decision I made.

  In life, bad things obviously happen. It’s how we handle them that define us. With that said, I know you’ll do a much better job in that department than I did. I pray you’ll stay in touch with Cheryl too. She’s always been our family, and I hope my passing, even with all my secrets, draws you closer together.

  I can’t make you understand why I hid so much. And when you find everything out, you may go looking for your other family. I can’t hold you back from them. I only ask you to be careful and protect yourself.

  Mr. Mikale went into a nursing home five years ago, which is why I finally settled down and got my condo. I finally felt safe enough from his reach, since he wasn’t to full capacity anymore. I knew my secrets were locked away in his mind, with no key to pull them out, which meant you were safe from his son.

  But, you’re an adult, who has to live your own life. With all the information Cheryl gave you by now, I know you’ll make the best decision for you that you can ... just like I’ve tried doing for you - your whole life.

  Please know that I’m always going to be with you every step of the way. I’ll be watching over you as you take your someday trip, and whatever you decide to do in life after that. Wherever you go, whomever you’re with, I will always be smiling down on you. When it’s quiet, and you feel a little tap on your heart, know that I’m there putting my arms around you. Know that I’m proud of you and can’t wait to see what you do with your life. I just know it’s going to be great!

  With all the love in my heart,

  Mom

  Chastity closed her eyes and felt a slow sweet release of the remaining pain dissolve from her heart. In its place was acceptance and final understanding.

  This close to the heavens, she was closer to her mom and possibly to God than she’d ever get. She started her own personal prayer in hopes that He would hear her, and in hopes that she’d continue to feel her mom like this for the rest of her life.

  Chastity had finally made it to someday, and learned how to become the survivor her mother always wanted to be. As she flew and prayed, she knew she was about to start a whole new chapter in her mother’s journal for her own life and finally had peace.

  Turn the page to read an excerpt of Facing Redemption, the sequel to Finding Kylie.

  Facing Redemption

  It was the forbidden fruit. He knew it was to be seen and not touched or eaten, but couldn’t keep his hand from reaching out for it. His fingers quivered slightly before he wrapped them around the ripe fruit.

  The peel was smooth… so smooth he wanted to rub it on his lips before biting. As he lifted it up to his mouth, it bruised before his eyes and quickly spilled its seeds into his hand.

  Hives instantly broke out on his fingers and quickly began traveling up his arm. The dark juice stained his skin, causing welts and burns, which were now rapidly spreading and wrapping around his neck.

  Suddenly, his airways constricted, leaving him with no air. His lungs were screaming to breathe.

  I need air… somebody help me. All went black before he could even scream.

  Gasping and drenched with sweat, John Mikale shot up out of bed with the same dream that had haunted him his whole adult life. Desperately dragging air into his lungs, he tried to calm his heart rate to even out his breathing.

  Closing his eyes and pushing out a deep gust of air, John shook off the remaining sensations from his dream. How long is this going to haunt me? He looked next to him and noticed that his wife was still sound asleep, her breathing slow and even.

  He loved watching her in the bewitching hours, as she dreamt sweetly through the night. John envied her actually. She had no secrets that haunted her. She had no past to shed, which could destroy or interrupt her sleep.

  John Mikale was a man haunted by his actions, and though in the process of trying to get help, it seemed he was never going to shake this dream that left him feeling like life was being choked from him night after night.

  If only his problems stopped short of horrid nightmares, he could make it. Unfortunately the guilt associated with his dreams taunted him long after he awoke, and this was enough to keep sleep at bay for the rest of the night. Night after night it was always the same.

  John reached out to gently stroke his wife’s face, but hesitated short of touching her skin.

  You don’t deserve her. You’re never going to be good enough for her.

  Instead he lay back down and wrapped his arms around her, trying to soak in her goodness, as if by osmosis. Sleep couldn’t come quick enough to rid him of his self-loathing thoughts.

  About the author

  As author of Find
ing Kylie, Kimberly released the sequel Facing Redemption in 2011, and Coming Home, in 2014. Kimberly has now finished this series with her fourth book – Saving Grace, which will release at the first of 2015. Look for her next book, Second Chances, by 2016.

  Kimberly has been writing since she could put pen to paper. Even before she could spell, she was at her parent’s typewriter pounding out stories. To anyone else, they were just random letters on paper. To her, they were characters, plots, and conclusions breathed to life.

  As a military brat, she’s traveled the world, which has given her lots experiences to pull from. Her love of people and culture is what drives her to tell her stories, to let people know they’re not alone in this large world. If one reader can relate to her characters, she feels she’s done her job.

  Readers and fans can find out more about Kimberly, at her website wornoutwoman.blogspot.com, her twitter account @wornoutwoman, or her facebook page at facebook.com/authorkimberlymckay.

  Please email her a photo with you and any of her books someplace interesting, at kimberlymckayauthor@gmail.com. Be creative! It might just make her official website at kimberlymckayauthor.com