Living on the Edge

by Susan Mallery

  Chapter 19

  Madison finished packing her clothes. She’d already put her laptop in its case and cleared out the bathroom. There wasn’t all that much left to do, which meant she had no excuse to linger. But she desperately wanted to see Tanner before she left. Angel had said something about him dropping by, but he hadn’t been specific. Madison had a feeling that if she didn’t see Tanner now, he would disappear from her life.

  She closed the small suitcase and fastened it. Footsteps in the hallway made her tense. She turned, prepared to argue with Angel, but instead saw Tanner standing in the doorway.

  Her heart leaped, her chest tightened and deep down in her belly she felt a sensation that could only be relief. He’d come.

  Words seemed impossible. She did the only thing that made sense—she ran to him.

  He caught her and pulled her hard against him. His arms wrapped around her in an embrace that promised to never let go. She could feel his heat, his strength and his steady heartbeat. His scent surrounded her. At last, she thought with incredible gratitude. Everything could be right with her world.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, still clinging to him. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be.”

  He pulled back far enough to stare into her eyes and smile. “I read the e-mail from your father’s secretary. The woman has worked for him for years. You’ve known her since you were a kid. Why wouldn’t you trust her?”

  “I should have known Christopher could get to anyone. It’s just, between talking to her and then speaking with someone at the hospital—it all sounded so real.”

  “I know. Hilliard had a lot on the line and he was playing for his life. He would have done anything to get you out in the open. Don’t blame yourself.”

  “Who else is there?” she asked. “Are you okay? Did the sedative hurt you?”

  “It gave me a hell of a headache, but I’ve recovered.”

  She studied his face, the strong lines, the dark eyes, the mouth that could take her to paradise.

  “How did you find me?” she asked. “I knew you could trace me to the hospital, but after that…”

  He touched her chin, then tucked her hair behind her ears. “My cell phone. It has a tracking device in it.”

  Of course. “I’m glad, because I was really scared. I knew this only worked in the house.” She held out the bracelet she still wore.

  “We should take care of that.” Tanner led her to the control room, where he quickly removed the metal band.

  “Better?” he asked.

  “I guess.”

  They weren’t touching now and she missed the contact. She missed him. The last few hours had been crazy. But she didn’t know what to say to him.

  “Tanner, I—”

  He pressed his fingers to her mouth. “Don’t say anything, Madison. You don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do. You saved me. Not just from my ex-husband but in a hundred other ways. I lost faith, and you gave that back to me. You showed me I was tough and capable.”

  “You always knew that.”

  “Maybe, but I never had to prove it before.” She shrugged. “I shot you.”

  “Good for you. You did what you had to in order to survive.”

  “Oh, right. I ran straight to the enemy.”

  “You didn’t know that. The point is you needed to escape from me and you did.”

  His casual acceptance of her actions made her heartsick. “I should have trusted you.”

  “We’ve been over that.” He leaned close and kissed her forehead. “The reality of all this is you’ve known me ten days. In a dangerous situation, everything is heightened. Senses, reality, feelings. But in time you go back to your regular life and you reevaluate what happened. You have a lot to be proud of. You were tough from start to finish. You never gave up. Hold on to that.”

  “Nice words,” she said as her stomach tensed. “It sounds a lot like a goodbye speech.”

  “It is.”

  Pain slammed into her. “But you can’t. We’ve been through so much. It has to mean something.” I have to mean something. But she couldn’t bring herself to say that.

  “Of course it does,” he told her. “You’re amazing and I’ll never forget you.”

  “But?”

  “But this isn’t real. You’re reacting to the danger.”

  Great. Now he was telling her she didn’t know her own heart? “What? You’re saying this is like the Stockholm syndrome? That I’ve fallen for you because of what we’ve been through?”

  He nodded. “I know that seems cruel, but in time you’ll see that I’m right. You need to get back to your own life. See your friends, get back to work, establish a routine. I’m not saying you’ll forget me completely, but in six months, I won’t matter the same way. If we were to start something now, you’d quickly regret it, but you’d feel too guilty to tell me.”

  “You’re wrong,” she said. “You’re completely wrong.”

  “You can’t know how much I want to be. I’ve seen it happen.”

  “I’m not her. You’re not him.”

  “We might as well be.”

  As he spoke, she saw the pain flash through his eyes. She reacted instinctively, reaching out for him. He hesitated at first, then he gathered her close and pressed his mouth to hers.

  It was a kiss of desperation, of one last time before they were apart forever. She clung to him, hoping to convince him with her mouth and her body that this was the most real relationship she’d ever been in. She strained to get closer, to crawl inside of him. Tears spilled from her eyes.

  “I love you,” she whispered when he drew back. “Why can’t you believe me?”

  “Don’t cry,” he said, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m not worth it.”

  “Of course you are.”

  He lingered against her scar. “I want you to think about why you’re keeping this,” he said as he stared into her eyes. “If it’s for you, if it makes you feel strong and empowered, then don’t change anything. But if you keep it for any other reason, then maybe it’s time to put it behind you. Don’t let Christopher define your future.”

  She couldn’t stop crying. Sobs built up in her chest, although she refused to give in to them.

  “Did you hear me?” she demanded. “I love you.”

  He bent down and kissed her. “You have touched me in ways I would never have thought possible.”

  Damn the man. He wasn’t even going to acknowledge her feelings. “What happens if I feel the same way in six months?” she asked.

  “You won’t.”

  “But if I do?”

  “Goodbye, Madison.”

  “Tanner! No!”

  The sobs claimed her and she couldn’t speak. She had the sense of being alone, so very alone. Then someone was with her, but the arm that offered support wasn’t familiar, and when she was finally able to see, the eyes that watched her were pale and empty.

  “He’s gone,” Angel told her.

  She nodded and tried to pull herself together. She still had to face her father and help him make sense of all that had happened. She still had a life.

  But she didn’t want any of it. Not without Tanner.

  “Is it because I didn’t trust him?” she asked.

  Angel shook his head. “No. He understands that. Any of us would have reacted the same.”

  “Then why?”

  “It’s like going on vacation. You want to stay in your beachfront bungalow forever, but it’s not real life. At some point you have to get back on the plane and go home.”

  “Tanner is my home, but he won’t believe that.”

  Angel stared at her for a long time. Finally he reached into his jeans back pocket and pulled out a business card. There was nothing on it but a phone number.

  “Six months,” he said. “If you still feel the same way about him, then you call this number.”

  Six months. It felt like a lifetime, but having a way to get in touch with Tan
ner gave her hope.

  “You’ll see,” she said.

  Angel didn’t look convinced. “Maybe. Now come on, dollface. Let’s get you home.”

  Madison slept for nearly twenty-four hours. When she awoke, she was in the bedroom where she’d grown up, surrounded by stuffed animals and school awards.

  It was early evening, still light, and she had the sense of having gone so far, she might never find her way back.

  After showering and dressing, she made her way downstairs. The house was familiar. Memories lurked at every corner. Some pleasant, some less so. The ghost of her mother was not to be found. The woman had never really lived here in life, so why would she linger in death?

  Madison found her father in his study. But instead of sitting behind his desk, engrossed in papers, he sat in a leather club chair, a drink in his hand. When he saw her, he put down the glass, stood and walked over.

  “Madison,” he said before pulling her into his arms and hugging her.

  She couldn’t remember the last time they’d embraced. He might have hugged her at her wedding but not since. Once things had started to go wrong in her marriage, he’d disappeared behind disapproval and lectures.

  “I’m so sorry,” he told her, echoing what she’d said to Tanner. “I spent most of last night with the police and federal agents, then had another round with them this morning. The things they told me. The things Christopher did.”

  He stepped back and studied her, then rubbed his thumb against the scar on her cheek. “My beautiful baby girl. What has he done to you?”

  She covered her hand with his. “Not so much as you’d think.”

  “But how he treated you. The things he did. I can’t believe he had you kidnapped. Yet it’s all true. He’s in jail, you know. As are a few people who worked for him. And Alison. He got to her years ago. She has a son with a drug problem. Christopher paid for his rehabilitation, and when that didn’t work and he was back on the streets, Christopher made sure he was safe. She was afraid if she ever came to me with the truth that her son would be killed.”

  Madison led the way to the sofa and sat next to her father. “It’s a lot to take in.”

  “Too much. He fooled us all.” His mouth twisted. “No. He didn’t fool you, did he? You tried to tell me and I wouldn’t listen. I nearly got you killed.”

  “When we were first married, I believed in him, too,” she said. “It was only after that I realized there was something wrong.”

  Her father pulled her close. “To think he wanted to lock you away and I would have let him. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

  “You were busy with your work.”

  Her father grimaced. “How right you are. I have a body of work to be proud of and I nearly lost my only child. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, Madison, and I don’t like what I’ve learned about myself. I’ve been self-centered and have taken the easy way out. That’s what it was all about with Christopher. It was so much easier to let him be in charge. To let him make the decisions. Then I could spend time in my precious laboratory. But at what price?”

  She appreciated the words and the hug. Although they couldn’t go back and change time, maybe they could start over.

  “At least there’s time to stop the merger,” Blaine said. “I can’t believe I let him talk me into that.” He sighed. “No. I encouraged it. Again because it would make my life easier. I’m going to have to spend less time in the lab and more time in the real world.” He smiled down at her. “I don’t suppose I can convince you to come be part of the company.”

  “I don’t know,” she said honestly, stunned he would even consider it. “I have my work with my kids.”

  He frowned. “What kids? Oh, the charity work. The surgeries. I don’t know anything about that. I’m sorry, Madison. I don’t know a lot of things. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “Of course.”

  He put his arm around her. “I want to hear everything about your work. If you wouldn’t mind, would you start at the beginning and bring this foolish man up to date on your life?”

  “I’d be happy to.” Then, in a move that shocked her and most likely shocked him, she began to cry.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Everything. I’m so confused and Tanner just left me. He said that I don’t know what I feel about him. That I’m just reacting to the danger. But I don’t think that’s true. I think I love him very much.”

  Her father smiled at her. “I am probably the worst person to bring this problem to. I know nothing about relationships. Not even friendships. The past two days have more than proved that.”

  “I know.”

  “But I would very much like to listen.”

  She leaned against his shoulder and sighed. “Then I’ll tell you.”

  Chapter 20

  Two weeks after Tanner left

  Madison gripped the phone. “Angel, you’re not cooperating.”

  “I know, dollface. Cooperation isn’t in my job description. I gave you the phone number so if you still want to talk to him in six months, you can find him. That’s it. By my watch, we’re talking fourteen days. Go. Live your life.”

  She gritted her teeth in impatience. “Will you tell him I called.”

  “Probably not.”

  “You’re the most infuriating man.”

  “So I’ve heard. Anything else?”

  “Christopher’s dead.”

  “Yeah. We got that news flash, too. Inside job. Killed in his cell in jail. We figure it was his friends in the Mafia. They didn’t like him making things messy. So you’re free of him. That’s good.”

  “I know. I can even feel sorry for him—now that he can’t threaten me anymore.”

  “You’re more generous than he deserves. I’m hanging up now.”

  “Angel, wait. Tell him…tell him I miss him.”

  “Not a chance.”

  He disconnected the phone.

  Madison replaced the receiver and stared out of her new office window. She’d accepted a job as a director at Adams Electronics while continuing to work a couple of afternoons a week at her charity. She wanted to keep in touch with the children she’d already helped, but she couldn’t turn down the chance to work with her father. Not after all the time they’d lost.

  Slowly her life had returned to normal. The only thing missing was Tanner. She ached for him. Five months and two weeks, she told herself. Time would pass and then he would have to believe her.

  Five weeks after Tanner left

  “Angel, I have to talk to him.”

  “Tell me why.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You won’t,” the man said. “Are you sick?”

  “No.”

  “Dying?”

  She glanced at the plastic stick in front of her—the one clearly indicating she was pregnant—and grinned. “Never more healthy in my life. That’s not the point.”

  “That’s exactly the point. Give it up, Madison.”

  “I can’t. I love him. You really have to have him get in touch with me. This is important. Seriously, life-changing important.”

  “Which means what?”

  She leaned back in her sofa. “That you should get him to come see me. I mean it, Angel. When he finds out what I have to tell him, he’ll be really grateful.”

  “Like I believe that. The answer is no. Stop calling me. Every week we go through this and every week I tell you it’s not gonna happen.”

  She was too happy to be angry with Angel or frustrated by Tanner’s stubbornness. She was having his baby. A child of their own.

  “We have a tradition now,” she said. “When Tanner finally comes to his senses, you’re going to miss me.”

  “Sure. Like lice. Listen, dollface—”

  “Angel, it’s a new century. You have to stop calling women ‘dollface.’”

  “It’s my trademark.”

  “It’s annoying.”

  “Good. Now are you going to leave me a
lone?”

  “Nope. He matters too much. I’ll phone you next week.”

  “If it’s important to you.”

  “It is. Oh, Angel? Do you tell him I call?”

  She asked the question every week and every week he’d told her no. This time he paused.

  “Sometimes.”

  “Does he say anything?” she asked cautiously.

  “No, Madison. He doesn’t say anything.”

  Three months and one week after Tanner left

  The good news was the morning sickness had pretty much faded and Madison had actual cleavage for the first time in her life. The even better news was that she and the baby were perfectly healthy and growing just as they should.

  The bad news was she missed Tanner with a desperation that only deepened with each passing day.

  It was nearly nine when she picked up the portable phone to make her weekly call to Angel. She’d gotten in the habit of calling him at night, so that when they finished she could curl up in bed and pretend Tanner had heard every word. That he cared about her and that it was killing him to be so far away from her.

  At what point did she let go? she wondered. Tanner had been concerned that her feelings weren’t real, that they were only about circumstances. How could she prove otherwise to a man who refused to speak with her or see her? Was he really trying to give her the space he thought she needed or did he not care about her? Was her love one-sided?

  Six months, she told herself. She would give him the six months he’d offered her. On that date, she would call for the last time. She would also tell Angel about the baby. She had hoped to tell Tanner herself, but if he refused to talk to her, there was little she could do.

  “But that’s nearly three months away,” she told herself as she dialed the now-familiar number.

  Angel picked up on the second ring. “You’re consistent,” he said by way of greeting. “I’ll give you that.”