Beautiful Liars

by Kylie Adams

  Olivia cackled.

  Sutton managed a tight smile just as Candace stepped inside.

  “Jay said you wanted to see me,” the production assistant said.

  “Oh, yes,” Sutton replied, innocently enough. “Find that photograph that just hit the wire of Dean Paul Lockhart on the beach with his daughter. I’d like to lead with that in the ‘Bee in Our Bonnet’ segment.”

  Joey and Olivia traded meaningful looks.

  Sutton cut an annoyed glance to Candace, who just stood there like a Deal or No Deal girl. “Don’t let me keep you from your work, dear.”

  Candace quietly slunk away.

  “Ooh, the devil wears St. John,” Joey purred.

  “Did you see her face when Finn mentioned his name this morning?” Olivia asked.

  Sutton quickly surmised that Emma Ronson and Dean Paul Lockhart were the objects of Olivia’s pronouns.

  “Oh, so that red on her cheeks was natural blush,” Joey cracked.

  Olivia giggled. “I know the girl who did Tilly Lockhart’s makeup for the last 24/7 shoot, and according to her, Tilly and Dean haven’t had sex in over a month. She’s on Lexapro, and it takes her forever to orgasm, so she just doesn’t bother.”

  “Maybe he’s getting it from the other side of the equator,” Joey mused. “That would explain his close friendship with Finn. And it’s so obvious that our token gay has the biggest crush. How many times did he name drop Dean Paul this morning?”

  “Oh, I don’t know ... fifty?” Olivia snickered.

  Joey placed both hands on Sutton’s shoulders. “I hope you know that we would never talk about you this way,” he said earnestly.

  Sutton raised a perfectly waxed brow. “I believe that like I believe you’ve never had a cock in your mouth.”

  Joey and Olivia gasped in shock, then roared in laughter.

  Sutton just smiled. For the moment, she was feeling no pain. But she was damn sure getting ready to cause some.

  THE IT PARADE

  BY JINX WIATT

  Fill in the Blanks

  It was the bitch slap heard all around the world on that buzz-worthy new gabfest when one of the baby bees gave the Queen Bee quite a stinger live on the air. Ouch. Pass the Benadryl. And we’re only one show down, darlings. Spies say that Big Bad Mama wants her cheeky young cohost ousted immediately. But producerslove the friction and the hot gossip being generated. So for now, nobody’s going anywhere.

  6

  Emma

  “Ninety seconds, Ms. Ronson!”

  The announcement triggered a frisson of nervous energy. This was it. Do or die. Emma took in a deep breath and left the safety of her dressing room to queue up with her cohosts in the backstage holding area.

  Sutton Lancaster continued to freeze her out.

  Finn Robards smiled supportively and gave her hand a gentlesqueeze.

  Simone Williams spent the last minute staring into a jeweledcompact mirror, perfecting already perfect lips.

  The excitement of the studio audience was palpable. A pre-show stand-up comedian had whipped up party vibrations, and the free juice and cookies had the crowd on the crescendo of a sugar rush.

  Emma braced herself for impact as the German techno-inspiredtheme music commenced, followed by the announcer’s booming voice.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, you have officially entered The Beehive! Please welcome your hosts ... Sutton Lancaster ... Emma Ronson ... Simone Williams ... and Finn Robards!”

  Enthusiastic applause greeted Emma as she emerged from backstage, clutching a printout of the show’s breakdown like a security blanket. Heart racing, she stiffly took her place next to Sutton at the black BeeBoard table and clapped gleefully as Simone and Finn slid in to her left.

  “It’s our first show!” Sutton exclaimed to no one in particular.“Can you believe it?”

  The audience thundered its approval.

  “And for those of you who might have wandered into the wrong studio,” Finn interjected saucily, “this is The Beehive and not Maury. But we’ll be offering free paternity tests later in the show, so there’s no need to rush off.”

  The studio erupted with laughter.

  Emma beamed a look to Jay Lufkin. He was adorned with headset microphone gear and sat perched on the edge of his seat on the front row, flashing Finn a thumb’s up sign.

  Instantly, Emma picked up on the manner in which Sutton’s spine straightened at the audience’s enthusiastic reaction to Finn.

  “This is our first broadcast,” Sutton began, assuming the lead as Queen Bee. “So I think some introductions are in order. I’m Sutton Lancaster. Some of you might recognize me from various capacities on news networks, most recently Fox. To my left is Emma Ronson, former news reader for Manhattan’s own News Channel Four.”

  Emma sat there, silently seething. Former news reader? She was the goddamn coanchor of the top-rated Today in New York!

  “To Emma’s left is the lovely Simone Williams,” Sutton went on. “She’s done a bit of modeling and acting here and there. And finally we have Finn Robards.” She laughed a little.“Now Finn, other than being handsome and funny, I’m not sure what is it that you’ve done to earn your place here.”

  “Isn’t that enough?” Finn cracked. “After all, this is morningtelevision.”

  Once again, the audience whooped with laughter.

  Emma watched as Sutton managed a humorous smile through grinding teeth.

  “More importantly, this is The Beehive,” Sutton continued. “And every beehive has a queen bee. Taking into account my ... ahem ... maturity and experience, I suppose that would be me.”

  “Now wait a minute,” Finn cut in with faux outrage. “I thought I was the queen bee?” One beat. “Or am I just the queen?”

  The audience roared with laughter.

  Emma stepped into the fray to assert her position. “I’m glad our audience is in good spirits, because we have some disappointing news. Faith Hill was scheduled to join us today, but she’s been sidelined with a sinus infection.”

  A chorus of moans echoed from the crowd.

  “But Faith has promised to reschedule,” Emma went on brightly. “And today we’re lucky to have reality sensations Mio and Mako Kometani from the hit series Deep Inside M&M.”

  The audience clapped with genuine enthusiasm, surprisinglymollified.

  “Okay, I’m totally obsessed with that show,” Simone put in. “I can’t stop watching it.You know the episode where they count all the shoes in their closet? I’ve watched it, like, three times. I’m totally into shoes, so that part was, like, porn to me.”

  “Did you masturbate to it?” Finn asked.

  Simone drew in a shocked breath. “No!”

  The crowd went ballistic.

  “Well, you brought up the porn analogy,” Finn remarked.

  Emma started to break in but could not stop laughing.

  Finn, obviously delighted with the response and completelyin his element, muttered, “I’ll be here all week.”

  “Now there’s much more on today’s show than twin sisterswho shop,” Sutton interjected, cutting Finn a scolding glance. “Family therapist Dr. Sallie Payne will be here to tell us about the disturbing rise of clinical depression among teenage girls. We’ll have a South Beach Diet cooking class with the Food Network’s very own Jessie Ciccone, and we’re going to learn how to burn belly fat with an abdominals workout that takes just five minutes a day. Fitness guru Gail Terrell will be here to take us through it. But before all of that, we’re going to launch our very first ‘Bee in Our Bonnet’ segment. This is our chance to buzz around the table on topics that viewers are talkingabout at home. Let’s get started on a subject that seems to be fascinating the country more and more ... celebrity babies.”

  Sutton gestured an open hand toward the audience. “How many of you went absolutely gaga over Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Suri Cruise?”

  The applause that came thundering back indicated that many of those in attendance indeed had.
<
br />   “And what about this famous bundle of joy?” Sutton asked, shifting in her seat to glance back at the mega-screen behind her.

  The audience practically swooned.

  Emma turned to see a JumboTron-like display of Dean Paul Lockhart with baby Cantaloupe on the beach, the same image that had nearly upended her just a day earlier. She could feel a wave of heat rise up from her neck to her face.

  “Thank God the child is gorgeous,” Finn said. “With a name like Cantaloupe, she’s going to need every possible advantagein the world.”

  A chorus of titters swept through the crowd.

  “She definitely has her father’s mouth,” Sutton observed. “And his eyes, too. Don’t you agree, Emma?”

  Emma looked at Sutton, momentarily taken aback by the venom spewing from the veteran journalist’s gaze. “She’s a beautiful child.”

  “How could she not be?” Sutton fawned. “Coming from that gene pool—a dreamboat father and a mother who’s a stunning beauty. Those two met, married, and became parents so quickly. It must’ve been love at first sight.”

  Emma felt the fire of rapidly rising blood. The bitch had gone too far. If Sutton Lancaster wanted to fight dirty, then Emma Ronson was more than capable of getting down in the muck. “I wouldn’t know. Since I’m involved in a relationshipof my own, I don’t really take the time to speculate on other people’s.”

  Sutton’s face registered the hit. “I just think it’s an interesting phenomenon—this celebrity baby craze,” she mused silkily. “In a case such as this, perhaps the real interest is the fantasy of having a child with a man like Dean Paul Lockhart.”

  “For some women maybe,” Emma replied, making the decision to move in for the kill, if only to prove that she was not to be fucked with. “For other women, say, those past childbearingyears, it could be the regret of never having had childrenand facing the remainder of their life alone.”

  Sutton’s eyes blazed hatred.

  “Simone, I’m afraid we’re sharing the stage with two silly, overanalytical bitches,” Finn chided. “Sometimes a rose is just a rose. People like cute babies! Am I right?” He shouted the question to the audience.

  The booming ovation provided the answer.

  “You couldn’t be more right,” Simone added. “People like celebrity babies, because so many regular ones are just plain ugly.”

  A low rumble percolated through the audience.

  Immediately, Emma could sense them turning on Simone.

  “I know that’s mean to say,” Simone went on dangerously. “But everyone in this studio knows that there are some ugly babies out there. I mean, we’ve all seen them, right? So when a Cantaloupe Lockhart comes along, we’re basically grateful. Everybody loves pretty things.”

  “I’m going to go out on a limb here and declare this woman more shallow than Paris Hilton,” Finn announced. “And I say that with the utmost respect. I think she’s brilliant.”

  The audience applauded its approval.

  “Stay with us after the break,” Finn continued, taking a cue from Jay. “Because we’re coming right back with more bees in our bonnet.”

  Emma waited for the theme music to subside before stormingoff the set, fighting off tears with each step. She could not do this. The fight was simply not in her to wage battle on the air day in and day out.

  “Emma, wait,” Jay called out.

  She spun on him angrily. “I’m sorry, Jay. I can’t do this.”

  “You’re already doing it,” Jay praised. “Sutton went after you with her claws out, and you got some serious licks in.”

  Emma shook her head. “I’m not proud of that.”

  “You should be. It’s going to make you a daytime star.”

  THE IT PARADE

  BY JINX WIATT

  Fill in the Blanks

  A straight guy best friend. It’s the must-have accessory for every swish boat veteran in Manhattan. Trust me, darlings. By comparison, the new Prada collection is an afterthought. And television’s newest gay sensation(those Queer Eye lads are beyondover) has bagged what may be the premium hetero pal in America’s prince. But with all the whispers about this pseudo-royal’s lackluster sex life with the new wife (babies can be quite the libido killer), one has to wonder. Is this MWM just an open-minded fag stag, or is he part of the ever-growing legion of the bi-curious?

  7

  Finn

  “I don’t know what any of it means,” Finn said, staring down at the scribble scratched onto the back of a Barney’s receipt.

  Dean Paul made a face. “Don’t look at me. All that ratings shit gives me a headache.”

  Tilly sighed her annoyance. “The two of you have no business acumen whatsoever.” She snatched the perplexing note from Finn’s side of the table. “You’re like two dumb jocks.”

  Finn beamed. “No one’s ever called me a jock before.”

  “You’re more like a dumb cheerleader,” Dean Paul corrected.“I’m the dumb jock.”

  Finn just sat there, momentarily deflated. Dean Paul had a cruel habit of always pointing out who was the real man and who was the faggot.

  “These are one-day metered results from fifty-five markets,”Tilly began. “The Beehive improved on its lead-in by double digits. The same goes for year-ago time period averages.Wow.” She looked up at Finn. “It’s not just good news. It’s great news.”

  “Assuming viewers will watch again,” Dean Paul put in.

  Tilly slapped her husband’s shoulder. “Stop being a jerk. Just because your show is tanking ...”

  “Hey, I don’t care,” Dean Paul said defiantly, proof that he did care, a great deal, in fact. “Maybe I’ll become a househusband. You’re always threatening to fireVeronika. Now’s your chance.”

  Tilly raised her hands in faux horror. “I can’t even trust you to change Cantaloupe’s diaper.”

  Finn laughed. “Are you that pathetic?”

  “Hell, no!” Dean Paul protested, instantly offended. He looked at Tilly accusingly. “I know how to change a diaper.”

  “You don’t wipe her properly, and she ends up with a nasty rash whenever you change her. Househusbandry is not for you.”Tilly checked her watch. “Sorry, boys. I have to go. I have an interview with a personal shopper in thirty minutes. She’s supposed to be the best, and she only has one client opening.”

  Finn registered surprise. “I can’t believe that you would ever outsource shopping.” He laughed a little. “I guess motherhoodhas changed you.”

  “Oh, it’s not for me,” Tilly clarified. “This shopper is for Cantaloupe.”

  Dean Paul turned toward his wife in disbelief. When he spoke, his voice was flat. “The personal shopper is for Cantaloupe.”One beat. “Our six-month-old baby.”

  “Children’s couture sells out in a flash, and I don’t have time to go store to store trying to find the right size. These last few months have been a nightmare.” Abruptly, Tilly slid out of the booth and stood up. “Finn, congratulations. The show’s a hit. Darling, I’ll see you at home. Cross your fingers for this shopper to agree to take Cantaloupe on.”With a flutterywave, Tilly dashed out of Balthazar.

  Dean Paul looked at Finn. “I don’t know about you, but I plan on getting drunk.” He flagged down the waitress to order another bottle of wine.

  “Are you really that surprised?” Finn asked. “I mean, this is the same woman who hired a sleep consultant from Switzerlandto stop Cantaloupe from crying at night.”

  Wearily, Dean Paul shook his head and drained what remainedin Tilly’s wineglass. It was the only alcohol within reach. “I don’t get her, man. She obsesses over the kid, but she outsources everything.”

  Finn often wondered why Dean Paul found anything about Tilly surprising. A few minutes with her generally told the whole story. So in answer, he just raised his brow and waited for the my-fucking-wife moment to pass. “Did you watch yesterday’s show? You never said.”

  “Yeah, I did.” He glanced up, a smirk on his face, knowingly withh
olding the approval that he obviously knew Finn craved.

  “Well?”

  Dean Paul shrugged. “It’s a chick show,” he said dismissively.“The estrogen level is radioactive.”

  Finn’s spirits sank.

  “But you were good. In fact, I’d say you were The Beehive’s secret weapon.”

  Finn’s spirits soared again. “Really?”

  Dean Paul nodded fast, ready to move on. “What’s up with those Japanese twins?”

  Finn laughed. “Mio and Mako? How did you like their performance of Mary J. Blige’s ‘No More Drama’?”

  “I only listened to the first few bars before muting the sound. Then I just watched and fantasized about nailing both of them at the same time.”

  The waitress returned and went through the ceremony of opening the new bottle.

  Dean Paul took quick possession and filled up two glasses. “I’ve never had a three-way. Can you believe that? No three-ways,no guys ... I guess I haven’t lived.”

  Finn stirred slightly in his seat, not quite sure whether he should respond or not.

  Thankfully, Dean Paul saved him the trouble. “How long can that show go on before Emma and Sutton get into a seriouscatfight?”

  “I’m surprised we got through the first day without one. I felt sorry for Emma, though. When that image of you and Cantaloupe flashed, her face looked pretty raw.”

  Dean Paul drank deep on his wine.

  “What happened with the two of you anyway?” Finn asked.

  “Nothing, really. Typical relationship stuff. She was pushingfor a real commitment. She wanted kids. I just wasn’t ready.”

  Finn leveled a serious look at Dean Paul. “But you marriedTilly less than a year after you broke up with Emma. And the two of you had a baby right away.”

  “So?”

  “So ... from Emma’s vantage point, those would be some tough facts to get over.”

  Dean Paul tilted his head and raised his glass. “Not my problem.”

  Finn regarded him curiously. “What did your mother do to you as a child?”