Shattered Grace (Fallen from Grace)

by K Anne Raines

  His eyes were as flat as his expression. She opened her mouth to try to talk to him, but thought better of it. “Thanks.” Quentin following behind her made her nervous. Grace went left for the kitchen, and Quentin headed in the opposite direction. Disappointment wrapped its sticky fingers around her heart, threatening to squeeze. The sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach when he dropped her bag on the foyer table and took the stairs two at a time. Tears pricked at her eyes. She missed her friend. And it didn’t look like they were going to make amends any time soon.

  Quentin gave her the weekend off from training. The plan was to spend the entire time with Darius. Tonight would be the first time seeing him for longer than a kiss in two weeks. Giddiness picked her mood up off the sad floor and whirled her about the house.

  A little while later, her phone rang. Darius smiled at her from the screen and the familiar fluttering flipped around in her stomach. “Hello.”

  “Hi, angel face.” His voice kissed her ear, and she shivered. “Do you care if Ari and Lux come with us tonight?”

  The question caused the wings of the fluttering butterflies to rip off. They sank, with her mood, to the pit of her stomach. “Oh, of course not,” she lied.

  “Great. See ya in a while, babe.” Grace’s plan of spending all weekend alone with Darius waved bye-bye as it floated before her eyes. She stomped to her room and focused on her makeup, hair, and outfit choice until seven o’clock.

  When Grace heard the doorbell, she ran down the stairs to get the door. Quentin came out of his room. “What about flash floods?”

  She stopped running and peered up from the middle of the staircase, puzzled. “What about them?”

  His eyes narrowed as he looked down at her, the skin over his knuckles tightening as he gripped the banister. “You know, the flash floods that usually come as a result of heavy rain?”

  Grace whipped back around, clomping the rest of the way down the stairs. With one foot on the stair and a hand on the banister, she glared back up to Quentin. “If you’re so worried about the water, Quentin, stay home.”

  The steel color of his gaze suddenly reminded her of silver bullets, until he finally turned around to go back to his room. “Whatever.” Within seconds, his bedroom door slammed shut like a rifle shot, making her jerk with surprise.

  Grace smoothed her hands down her hair, and took a deep breath. She turned her face to the ceiling, blinking the tears back, then padded across the floor. “Hi,” she said, opening the door to a grinning Darius. Grace forced her mouth to form a smile.

  “Hi, yourself.” He leaned in the doorway and placed a feather-light kiss on her lips. The tenderness of it had her heart fluttering and shaking loose the sticky fingers that had gripped it earlier. “Ready?”

  She took another deep breath. “Yeah.”

  Concern etched his face as he regarded her, but he said no more as he pulled an umbrella from behind his back and covered her as they walked to Ari’s truck.

  Ari turned as far around as he could as soon as she slid into the backseat. “Hey.”

  Grace smiled. “Hi.” Lux didn’t acknowledge her. Not that Grace thought she would.

  Darius slid in next to her. Without skipping a beat, he laced his fingers with hers and brought their joined hands to his mouth. The brush of his lips across her knuckles was like the air her lungs desperately gasped for. It loosened the sad shackles concerning Quentin. Grace melted into the side of Darius’ body, hungry for more reprieve from emotion.

  Darius wrapped a protective arm around her, pulling her tighter into his warmth. Grace took in a cleansing breath, and laid her head on his shoulder.

  All the way to Robintino’s, Ari and Darius talked about…well, Grace wasn’t actually sure. Darius never stopped talking. Instead, his smile crinkled the edges of his eyes as he’d wink and kiss her hair, then squeeze her tighter while trailing a finger along the outside of her thigh. The trail burned, leaving goose bumps in its path. It’s a good thing others are in the car, Grace thought.

  One thing Grace and Darius had in common was their love for mushroom and sausage pizza. And no one did it like Robintino’s. As she finished her third piece of pizza, Grace listened as Darius and his friends went back and forth.

  “So,” Lux said. “It looks like this one’s going to be around a little longer than the rest.” Lux couldn’t even be decent enough to give Grace a vicious glare when she was putting her down. Instead, Grace was a “this” and got a sideways nod of the head in the general vicinity of where she sat. If Grace didn’t have any reason for not liking her before, Lux was easily helping her tally reasons every time she saw her. “Hey, Lux?” Grace said from across the table. “This one’s got a name. It’s Grace.”

  From the corner of Grace’s eye, she saw the edge of Darius’ lip turn up before he said, “I was just going to say that. Lux, stop being you.”

  Lux took a drink of her soda and talked from around her straw, completely unfazed. “Whatever.”

  A news flash came over the flat screens scattered along the walls of Robintino’s, silencing the chatter of the employees and patrons. Like everyone else, Grace’s attention was trained on the TV. A woman in a yellow slicker was shouting into a mic, trying to overcome the noise from the torrential rains, howling wind, and crashing debris. “…As you can see behind me, the city’s drainage system is already compromised and overflowing…” She nodded her head to the right, but the camera stayed on her. “…Main Street is already flooding. Flash flooding across Woods Cross is a big possibility as the city works hard to clear the drainage system.” Dumbstruck, Grace stared at the screen. Quentin was right. Darius and Ari shot out of their seats, rushing Grace and Lux to the truck.

  Grace thought she got a peek of Quentin’s car, but by the time she was in the truck and took a better look, it was gone. To her relief, Lux stared out the window all the way to Grace’s house as Ari focused on the road. Every so often from the corner of her eye, she could see Darius watching her.

  Darius promised he’d call her later, kissing her quickly before leaving her at the door. Grace leaned against the door after shutting it, and counted in her head, waiting to see how long until Quentin came inside. Almost a minute and a half later, Quentin walked through the utility room door. “Quentin?”

  Quentin hit the stairs. “Night, Grace.” The ice in his voice cut into her, running cold through her system. Her shoulders slumped forward, and she walked somberly to the kitchen.

  Junk food was a cure-all, and Grace knew there was a new container of mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer. She pulled a bowl from the cabinet and the ice cream scoop from the drawer, and placed both on the counter. A knock sounded at the door and Grace sighed, snagged the ice cream from the counter, and tossed it back into the freezer. “Got it!” she hollered to anyone who cared as she ran through the foyer. She hoped it was Darius … by himself.

  Her smile beamed from ear to ear as she opened the door. Only, it wasn’t Darius, it was Amanda. Amanda shivered as every part of her dripped with rainwater. The eyes staring back at Grace were dark and hollow, while mascara streamed black trails down Amanda’s face.

  “Amanda?” Her friend stood there, not moving, not speaking, just trembling. “Amanda, what’s wrong?”

  Amanda let loose with a keening wail that dropped her to her knees outside the door. It was the most heartbreaking sound Grace had ever heard. Grace stepped outside and knelt next to her, wrapping her arms around her friend, holding on tight as Amanda cried uncontrollably into her shoulder.

  Everything Amanda felt seeped through Grace’s fingers and shot straight through her heart, splitting it in two. Amanda’s muffled cries were of utter desperation. The tears of Amanda’s broken heart spilled helplessly from Grace’s eyes. No matter how much of her pain Grace absorbed, sharing it wouldn’t lessen Amanda’s. Instinct told Grace to step back in order to alleviate the emotions about to short-circuit her own system. But she held on even tighter to Amanda, refusing
to give in to the urge. One arm wrapped around Amanda’s body, the other gently caressed the back of her head, Grace gently rocked back and forth, holding her friend up. “Shh … shh … I’m here, Amanda. I’m here.”

  Grace didn’t move when she heard the front door open, nor when she felt a hand press lightly against her shoulder. “Come on, Grace, let me get her.” Quentin coaxed Grace out of the way and picked Amanda up off the ground, cradling her against his body. Grace was moved by his tenderness, and equally caught off guard by his wet lashes. Quietly, she followed them up the stairs. Quentin glanced at Grace for guidance, so she nodded toward her own room, walking ahead of him so she could pull the blankets back on her bed. Quentin laid Amanda down, then removed Amanda’s socks and shoes before pulling the covers back up and over her.

  Grace furrowed her brow and gnawed on her lower lip, frantically searching for reasons her friend had crumbled before her eyes. The soft click of her door drawing closed brought her out of her head, and turning toward Quentin. But he was gone. Grace walked to the side of the bed and placed a hand on Amanda’s arm. “Amanda, I’m going to go out for a minute, but I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay.” Amanda’s voice quivered and tears slowly trickled down her cheeks, leaving inky splotches where they fell on the white pillowcase.

  Graced rushed out of her room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Quentin was about to close his own as she softly called out his name. “Quentin?”

  He stepped back into the hallway. “Quentin, I—” Before she could finish her sentence, Quentin had pulled Grace to him and pressed her body against his, holding her tight. She relaxed into him and accepted his solace as unwelcome tears fell onto his shirt. Quentin cupped the back of her head and pulled away. For a few moments they said nothing, only stared at each other. Grace tried to read what was in his eyes, but couldn’t. “Thank you,” she said softly.

  When Quentin smiled, it didn’t touch his eyes. The pain behind his stare had her reaching to caress his face, but he grabbed her hand and held it over his heart. Quietly, they continued to gaze at each other, but when Quentin’s smile faded and sadness took over his face, tears pooled again in Grace’s eyes. She didn’t know what this silent exchange was about, but it felt like he was saying good-bye. An overwhelming sadness enveloped her, as her quickening breaths cut like teeth on a saw up and down her throat. Oh God, she mentally cried. He can’t leave. What would she do? She couldn’t do any of this without him. Her hands tugged on his shirt, pulling him closer. “I’m sorry, Quentin,” she whispered, hoping her apology would be enough to keep him there. The thought of losing Quentin frightened her.

  Laying his hand against hers, he pressed it flat against his heart. He smiled again, still not uttering a word. He leaned down and kissed the edge of her hairline just above her forehead, pressing her hand even harder against his chest. Suddenly, he let go and walked away, leaving her cold. Grace stood frozen in the empty hallway, unable to move until Quentin’s door shut behind him.

  Quentin stared unseeing on the other side of the bedroom door. The burn of the seneschal band was so hot, it almost matched the searing of his rage. Overcome, he wanted to destroy everything around him. Anger consumed him. Instead, he stalked the length of his room and back again. He hoped he was doing the right thing by pulling away. Hurting her over and over again was ripping him to shreds. She didn’t deserve it. He knew that. He didn’t know what else to do.

  And crying? What a damn wuss. The moment Grace felt Amanda’s pain, he was overcome with a grief so profound, he couldn’t control his own tears from falling. That was when he had to find her. He didn’t expect to see her in a crying heap over her distraught friend. Through Grace, he could feel the tremendous anguish Amanda was experiencing, and his heart broke for her. For them both.

  Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out his cell. “Laney, can you get home?”

  “What’s going on?” He could hear the panic in her voice.

  What was going on? He had no idea what the hell was happening, but he knew he couldn’t be the one to handle it. “I’m not exactly sure. Grace’s friend Amanda is here and they’re both crying. They need a woman, not me.”

  “I’ll be there in a little bit.”

  The blankets shuddered as Amanda shivered beneath them. Grace figured the best way to get her warm was to run a bath. She hurried to the bathroom and leaned over to turn the tub’s faucet on full, then pulled a washcloth and towel from the closet before returning to Amanda’s side. “I’m running you a bubble bath. Everyone knows that bubble baths will cure almost anything. Come on.” Amanda let Grace help her up and lead her into the bathroom, but when they got there, Amanda stood stock-still. “Do you need help?” She didn’t answer.

  Grace carefully peeled off her clothes that now fit like a wetsuit, leaving only her skivvies. And like a little girl, Amanda let her. Grace’s eyes fell on faint scars marring the soft curves of Amanda’s hips. A choked cry stuck in Grace’s throat. She blinked rapidly, forcing the tears back. “Amanda, I’m going to step out so you can take your bra and panties off. I’ll come right back in when you get in the tub, if you want.” Amanda nodded, and she left the bathroom.

  In the middle of her room, Grace tried to imagine what would cause Amanda to cut herself. Her heart shattered. While trying to give Amanda a few extra minutes, and some time to wrap her own head around what was happening, Grace grabbed extra sheets from the linen closet down the hall and laid them on the chaise lounge in the corner of her room. She rapped her knuckles against the bathroom door. “Amanda? Can I come in?”

  “Uh-huh,” Amanda squeaked through her sobs.

  Grace sat on the floor next to the tub. Helplessly, she watched her friend cry. Grace grabbed the washcloth and wiped it gently down Amanda’s cheeks, washing away the blackened smears.

  “You were right,” Amanda said. “He doesn’t love me.”

  Grace swallowed. “I’m so sorry, Amanda.” She wished she could go back to the school hall and take back all she had said. An “I told you so” seemed like such a hollow and petty thing at this point.

  Amanda turned her swollen, tear-filled blue eyes to Grace. “He said I did this on purpose, that I’m trying to trap him.” Amanda lifted her arms, water and bubbles falling like rain, as she covered her face with her hands. “God, Grace, what am I going to do?” Grace didn’t respond. “Even my mom doesn’t want me.”

  “Amanda, your mom loves you.”

  Amanda’s arms fell back into the water with a splash. “No, she doesn’t.” She began to cry harder, her tears plopping into the bubbles with gentle plinks. “She told me to get out tonight and called me a whore.” Lips quivering, she barely got the words out.

  “She kicked you out because you told her about you and that guy?” Grace’s face flushed with heat, and she balled her hands into fists on the cold tile.

  “No.” Amanda turned away from her. “It’s because …” She choked up a little, before turning her face slowly back to Grace, her eyes brimming with pain. “I’m pregnant. And I don’t know what to do. I can’t be a mother. I have nowhere to go. I don’t have a job. What about school?” She dropped her face into her hands and cried harder. “What am I going to do?”

  Grace pulled Amanda’s hands away from her face, wading through another onslaught of painful sensations, and held them in hers as tears fell from her eyes as well. “I’ll tell you what you are going to do, Amanda. You’ll stay here. And whatever you decide, I’ll be here to help you through it. You’re not alone.” Images of Amanda cutting herself had Grace pulling her back into her arms. “Not anymore.”

  A while later, Grace stepped out to give Amanda some privacy and to grab her some clothes. The bed was already remade. She smiled, and promised herself she would thank Quentin tomorrow. Grace quickly changed into some pajamas and checked on Amanda. She took the clothes Grace offered through the crack of the door. “Thank you.”

  Laney came in as Amanda was coming out of the bathroom, and hu
gged and cried with her too. She was the one who had made the bed. Laney brought some melatonin to help Amanda sleep, but Grace didn’t know how effective it would be, considering. Grace got her tucked in and laid down next to her, holding her as she continued to cry.

  By the next afternoon, Amanda knew for sure she wanted to end the pregnancy. After she told Grace that Michael, AKA the jackass, had thrown money at her and told her to take care of it, Grace took the money and threw it in the fireplace. “But I don’t have any money,” Amanda cried.

  Grace walked back to Amanda, wrapping her arms around her. “You don’t need his. I’ll give it to you.”

  “I don’t even have a job to pay you back,” Amanda protested.

  “Then pay me back when you can,” Grace countered softly.

  The closest clinic was in Salt Lake City, only a fifteen-minute highway ride away. They didn’t have an appointment available until Thursday. Amanda knew she couldn’t go to school until after it was done; she would be too much of an emotional mess, and Grace agreed. She promised to get Amanda’s homework for her, and to take Thursday and Friday off with her.

  The girls sat around the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday. Amanda didn’t eat much. Quentin was in and out, only coming into the family room with goodies and movies he thought they might want. He still didn’t talk to Grace, but spoke softly to Amanda. Grace appreciated his kindness all the same.

  Come Monday, school was rough. Amanda’s emotions were hard for Grace to shake. She was glad Amanda stayed home. If it was tough for her, it would have been nearly impossible for Amanda.

  All week, Emily and Leah tried cheering Grace up. They left her alone during lunches, hovering close in case they were needed, even though they were in the dark about what was going on. Zeke walked her to most of her classes, and even brought her a coffee Tuesday morning, and then again on Wednesday.