by Emma Nichols
This is the part that shames me most: he wasn’t sorry. He refused to admit his guilt. There was no apologizing, no begging for forgiveness, no promising that it would never happen again. Instead, I made the choice that changed the direction of my life...and stayed. Pride kept me here. We had one thing in common: neither one of us wanted to admit we were wrong. For me, it was admitting that we shouldn’t be together. So, I made all the excuses for him. It was a bad drug reaction. He didn’t mean it. This wasn’t who he really was. Six months later, when we made our vows, my downfall was complete.
A little more than six months after we were married, his anger was out of control again. After a massive temper tantrum that had me hiding in the bedroom, he’d stormed out to the garage. Fifteen minutes had passed with no sound from there. Peeking out the door I was shocked to discover that he was gone and so was his truck. Though he had been drinking all day, he had driven. Using the Find My Phone app, I learned he was at the Touchstone Rose bar. There wasn’t time to hesitate. My stomach knotted. Who knew how long he’d be? Who knew what kind of mood he’d be in upon his return? Honestly, I didn’t want to find out. Taking the advice of our marriage counselor, made during one of my private sessions, I had kept bags packed and at the ready for a situation such as this. We didn’t have kids. There was nothing tying me here. This was what I reminded myself repeatedly as I loaded all my possessions into the vehicle, pausing to run through my checklist. I had all my electronics, all my cords, the antidepressants I’d had to start taking in order to function. I had all my clothes, all my important papers and financials. Confident I had everything I owned, I settled in behind the steering wheel and drove off. I had my own bank accounts. I had my own business, which was both forgiving and flexible. Just like that, I’d decided to be single, to start over once more.
Since then we’d spoken through text because I refused to answer his calls. He wanted me back, but there was nothing he could do to convince me to return. Nothing. He was out of empty promises to make. And I was ready for a better life.
Now, six months later, I was determined to keep the better life I’d built. Struggling to control my emotions, I called the police. After explaining the reason for my call, I was transferred twice and left on hold for Sergeant Bowers.
Finally, I heard a woman’s voice. “This is Sergeant Bowers. How can I help you?”
I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. “My name is Tegyn Sellers and I’m being stalked,” I began quietly. “Or harassed. I don’t know what to call it. I just want it to stop and it’s getting scary.”
“Tell me what’s going on,” she urged patiently.
“Well, I guess it all began roughly six months ago, soon after my husband and I separated.” I gnawed on my lower lip.
“Are you back together?” she asked.
“No. We never will be.” I sighed. I found it so difficult to admit this mistake.
“Okay, and what’s happening exactly?” Sergeant Bowers prodded me to continue my story.
“I started getting letters. They look like ransom ones you’d see on television, all cut out from magazines.” I shifted in my seat and flipped through them with a still gloved hand. “I saved all the envelopes and the letters in case something ever happened.”
“That’s good.”
“I try to be organized. There’s a progression from just being mean, trying to break my spirit, criticizing my looks, to now threatening me with a reminder: I know where you live.” I swallowed hard. “And since these are hand delivered, not mailed, I know it’s true.”
“Have you had any fallings out with neighbors?” she asked the first of a series of logical questions.
“No. I don’t talk to anyone. I’m quiet. I mind my own business. I don’t party. I rarely have anyone over, maybe just a friend here or there.” I shrugged even though I knew she wouldn’t see it. “I don’t know what brought this on. I have no idea who would want to upset me like this.”
“So, not your future ex-husband?”
“No. This is too organized. Too detail oriented. There’s no way he could pull that off. He’d have to buy magazines. He’d have to read. Then there’s the arts and crafts aspect of assembling. And…most of all…he has no idea where I live.” I shut the file and pulled off my glove. “I’m getting scared. I don’t know what you can do. First, I have no idea who this is. Second, I’m single. I live alone. I don’t even have a dog.” I choked back a sob. “Maybe I should get a dog.”
“Do you want a dog?” Sergeant Bowers asked quietly.
“Not particularly. I enjoy traveling. It’s my life.” I let out a mirthless laugh.
“Wait…are you that Tegyn?” She perked up. “You know…Tegyn Talks Travel.”
“Guilty,” I murmured.
“So, you’re something of a public figure. I know you’ve done appearances on the local morning show. You’ve been featured in major magazines. And…” Her voice trailed off and I sensed she was requesting my full resume.
“A book, a blog, a monthly newspaper column.” I rolled my eyes.
“Has anyone had a terrible travel experience, any dissatisfied customers?” I could hear her scribbling on paper.
“No, nothing like that,” I responded sadly.
A moment later she was tapping it restlessly. “Sadly, there’s not much we can do now. We can file a report. You can give us the letters to see if we can find fingerprints or DNA, but if we don’t, there’s not a lot we can do.” I heard her huff. “And to be honest, it’s not like the DNA would get tested right away. You haven’t been attacked. There’s no budget for this. We have rape kits that haven’t been processed.” In the background, her chair squeaked.
“Okay. Then I guess let’s make this a report. I mean, if someone attacks me, I’d at least like you to have something to go on. What else do you need?” I was half joking, but also really scared.
“I’ll send you a copy by email,” Sergeant Bowers told me after I shared my information with her.
“Thank you. Is there anything else I can do?” I covered my eyes with my hand. My head was pounding and I was pretty sure no amount of ibuprofen was going to make a dent in it. This was stressful.
“You can do things I’m sure you’re already doing.” Sergeant Bowers sighed and I realized I was fortunate enough to be speaking to someone who still cared. “Keep your windows and doors locked at all times. This is a house address. Are you renting?”
“Own. I bought this all by myself,” I responded proudly.
“That’s great…and terrible. So now you’re not going to want to sell it and move, right?” she asked hesitantly.
I chuckled. “I’m afraid not. Maybe in a few years I’ll flip it, but right now, it’s the perfect size for me.”
“Then in that case, be aware of your surroundings at all times. Note if anything seems out of place. Consider installing an alarm system. Sleep with a bat or a shotgun.” She continued to tick off suggestions. “That should cover you at home. If you’d also like to be safe when you’re out, you might want to consider taking a self-defense class.”
“Huh.” I leaned forward on my desk. “I should’ve thought of that. That’s good advice.”
“I’m full of great advice. Be sure to take it. And if anything changes, give me a call,” she stated in her most professional manner.
“I will. Thank you.” Then our call ended and I was left with my mind reeling. I wasn’t ready for an alarm system. It felt like a hassle and an expense I didn’t want. I had never actually wielded a bat. I wasn’t what you would consider…athletic. I skated through physical education.
And yet part of what she suggested made perfect sense. I could at least start taking self-defense classes. It actually sounded like fun, if I could find something that would work around my busy schedule.
5
DeSean
* * *
Camilla didn’t come back that night. At first, I expected she was trying to give me a chance to calm down. There was nothing
to calm down about. I wasn’t going to relent about the way she broke our agreement. And I sure as hell wasn’t okay with the way she cared for our son in my absence. And since I couldn’t very well leave him on the bottom floor while I slept upstairs, I shut and locked my bedroom door and let him sleep in the king bed with me. Keyon seemed to need the comfort as much as I did.
In the morning, I woke to him sitting up beside me, watching me. “You ‘wake, Daddy?” he asked loudly.
I laughed. That kid had one volume. “I am now, Key. What you want for breakfast?” I rolled out of bed and threw a bathrobe over my sleep pants. “Come on. Let’s go downstairs.” I helped him off the bed and together we made our way down the stairs.
On the way down, I peeked out the front windows, but Camilla’s car was nowhere to be found. When she still hadn’t returned by mid-morning, I knew I had to make some calls. The first was to the club.
“How we looking for tonight?” I asked Marvin, the owner.
“Nah, man. We gotta get the line fixed. We have a big cleanup. There’s blood. There’s oil. We looking at re-opening in a couple of days, Saturday night.” Marvin sounded rushed and I could understand why.
“Okay, boss man. I’ll be ready. Oh, and stop asking why I have my side hustle. This is why.” I chuckled.
“I feel you. We good.”
Our call ended and I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I had time now to figure out what to do about little man. How’s a mama up and leave her cub like this? I wanted to hurt her in a way I swore I’d never touch a woman, which told me it was time to call on the one woman who made me toe the line as much as my mama. “Hey, Ari,” I began.
“When you gonna start calling me by my full name, DeSean? I’m Arionna. You’re the only man who don’t,” she reprimanded.
I grinned. “God, I miss you.”
“What you need? I know you need something. Don’t play like you don’t. That’s the only time you call on me.” She huffed.
“Well, it just so happens that Camilla moved out…” I began slowly.
“That whore? Good riddance to bad rubbish, I always say. So, now what? What you need?” she asked again.
“Well, if you let me finish, I’ll tell you.” I blew out a breath. “Why all women gotta be so infuriating?”
“Is this you finishing, because you still done told me nothing.” I knew the face she’d be making. Her arms would be crossed over her chest and her brow would be arched up to meet her hairline.
I laughed. “So, I know you been wanting to move back.”
“Everyone know this. California is too expensive. I don’t know why you let me move out there anyway,” Ari grumbled.
“If I send you a plane ticket…”
“And one for Necie. You know I got a twelve-year-old. I can’t leave her here,” Ari interrupted.
“Yes, for you and Necie. Want to stay with me for a while? We could help each other get on our feet…” I dreaded this as much as I needed it. I had a five-bedroom house and I was about to fill up four bedrooms. This left the second master on the main floor for our mama when she came to visit during the holidays.
“What would I have to do?” Ari wondered.
I frowned. “Take care of Keyon when I’m working. I handle security at the club six nights a week and I also teach on Saturday mornings before working at night,” I reminded her. “Mostly he’ll be asleep and you’ll just be there. The weekend’s only about four hours. I have three classes.”
“Will I get my own room?” she asked. “Necie is a little big to be sharing with her mama.”
“Of course.” I waited quietly knowing this was happening. She was simply negotiating her terms.
“Now, I’ll need to be able to work during the day. I don’t want to be some old maid living with her brother.”
“I thought you might.” I laughed. “So, can you be here by Saturday?” I asked while saying a silent prayer.
“Saturday? Shoot, I have a whole lot of packing to do,” she argued.
I knew she didn’t. She knew I knew she didn’t. Still, it was easier to offer her moving money than to handle this conversation much longer. “I’ll send you money. You still got PayPal?”
“I do.” She practically cackled.
“Okay. And I’ll get those tickets to you as well. See you Saturday,” I reminded her one last time.
When we ended the call, I sat there staring at my son, who was now playing on the floor. He’d dragged a couple of cars upstairs. I sighed, knowing what I had to do. Camilla was never gonna live in my house again. It was time for me to reclaim the downstairs family room.
This space was one of the reasons I’d bought the house. Unlike the basements my friends up north described, this was bright and sunny. The back wall was almost entirely made up of windows and one sliding door that would let in a lot of sunlight if they weren’t so damn dirty. There was a full bath I was almost afraid to look in. How long had it been since I’d been down here?
Years. And it showed.
Time to make one more phone call. “Yo, Tommy,” I began when he answered, “gather up the guys and come to my place. I need some help.”
“Is there money in it?” he joked.
“There’s beer and pizza,” I countered.
“From Marco’s?” he asked.
“Sure, buddy. Whatever you want.” I chuckled. “I’ll even throw in that garlic cheese bread and some wings.”
“Sold. See you soon.” He didn’t even wait to find out what I needed. I knew that man would come around for food.
Soon, I had packed all of Camilla’s clothes, clean or dirty, into the big black lawn and leaf garbage bags. I had a pile of all of Keyon’s stuff ready to go in his new room upstairs. I’d gathered up more than a few kitchen sized bags of trash to go to the dump. My biggest find, however, was when I managed to collect all my missing silverware, dishes, and cups Camilla had been too lazy to return to the kitchen for washing.
By dinner time, with the help of the team, the downstairs family room was back in order, Keyon had a room, and my sister had a bed in hers. “You as worn out as me?” I asked Tommy as we lounged on my living room couch after everyone else left.
“Yeah. I am not built for stairs. How many times I got to tell you this? How do you keep tricking me into helping you?” He moaned and settled into the pillows.
“Lucky, you built for food. So, I offer it up every time.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “But seriously, man, thank you for helping me get the house together for my sister. Now, I need to work on airline tickets.”
Tommy glanced at me out of the side of his eye. “You know, some people would hire a travel agent for this.”
Reaching out, I grabbed my soda from the end table. I wouldn’t be drinking while I was the only one around to take care of Keyon. “Yeah, some people would…” I took a swig from the can and then set it back down. “What you saying?”
“You think I don’t know you keep up on Tegyn?” he asked as he shook his head. “She was the happiest three weeks of your life.”
“Yeah. That’s why it be crazy to stay hung up on her.” I huffed. “Three weeks, three years ago. And not even a word since.”
“So…”
“You know she married, right?” I eyed him.
Tommy shook his head. “Nah. She separated. And not like you and Camilla. She got her own house. She done with that guy.”
I leaned forward and rubbed my palms together while I thought. This was a tough decision, but what if now was our time? I needed to take the risk or regret it my whole life. I already regretted the years we’d lost when we shoulda been together.
“Fine,” I grumbled even though my heart was racing like a pony or something. “Tonight. I’ll look her up. I’ll go to her website.”
While I spoke, Tommy had been fumbling with his phone. He finally held it out to me. “I’m surprised you don’t have it bookmarked, or you just playing shy with me?”
“I ain’t shy.” I noticed my h
and shook slightly when I reached for his phone. “So, I just fill in the web form and she’ll be in touch?”
“Yeah. She’ll send you the tickets. She’ll have your phone number if she have to call.” He shrugged. “Simple. Do it. Don’t wait.”
“Right, buddy,” I mumbled while I stared at the form. There was a picture of her in the top corner. She was smiling and I think it was real. She looked truly at peace. I wanted that for her at least as much as I wanted her. I took a few breaths as I began to work on entering the information, giving extra attention to spell Arionna’s and Necie’s names right. Then I submitted everything and hoped for the best.
Tommy slowly shifted on the couch to look me in the eye. “I just thought of something.”
“What’s that?” I asked, my nerves already frazzled.
“What’s Arionna’s last name?” he asked slowly, like he was almost afraid to bring it up.
“Brown. She’s my sister.” I rolled my eyes like he was an idiot.
“Did you ever tell Tegyn Camilla’s name?” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Well, there’s always a chance that Tegyn could think your sister is your wife.” He shrugged. “That’s all I’m worried about.”
I slapped my forehead and growled. “Great. And now I am too.”
Tommy left soon after. I puttered around the house. I wasn’t used to being home at night. This was new and different. The whole vibe of the place changed without Camilla around. I hoped that my sister wouldn’t mess it up too much. I liked it mellow, relaxed. That had always been one of my favorite things about Tegyn. When we were together, it was like being blanketed in peace. I was calm. I could relax. She was zero drama, open, and honest. Tegyn was everything I wanted and more.
At eleven, I turned off the lights on the main floor and started to do the rounds, making sure everything was locked up since people had been in and out all day. I slowly made my way down the carpeted stairs to the family room and paused. Camilla was at the door, trying to get in. Thankfully, that door was locked.
“What you doing here?” I asked as I stalked over to the door. I knew she could hear me through the glass.
