by Emma Nichols
His brow furrowed. “What’s wrong, baby?”
I shook my head. “Not now.”
“Can I call?” He reached for me, but I stepped back.
I considered it for a split second, then I remembered how his voice affected me. “No. Text.”
A horn sounded. For the first time, DeSean took his eyes off me and scanned the area. His eyes narrowed and his hands fisted at his sides. “Good. I’ll text.” He huffed. “I gotta go.”
As I unlocked my door with the key fob and settled in behind the steering wheel, I saw him stalking over to a black car. The window lowered a crack, but I couldn’t really see who was inside, other than realizing it was a woman. Did I really want to know? I closed my eyes. Watching meant I cared, and I couldn’t right now. Maybe not ever. With a sigh, I started the car, backed out of the spot, and made my way to the road.
In my rearview mirror, I could see D glance up from talking to her to watch me drive away. His shoulders slumped while I tried to choke back tears.
7
DeSean
* * *
Though I usually projected an aura of calm, seeing Camilla waiting outside the Tae Kwon Do studio infuriated me. Part of the anger came from her being out of the mental ward, when I expected her to be there longer than 72 hours. The real rage came because she was keeping me from Tegyn again. It was like she knew, like she sensed my happiness, my hope, and she was determined to snuff it out.
Scowling, I stormed over to her vehicle, realizing she had been to the house to pick it up and feeling pretty glad that I’d dropped off Keyon with Tommy before I left for the airport instead of bringing him to class for Ari to watch. As I neared the vehicle, I watched her casually lower the window a few inches. She appeared to be calm, but her face wasn’t fooling me. I could practically see the flames shooting off her head. The woman was hot. “What you want, Camilla?”
“What you doing with that white woman?” Her eyes narrowed on me.
“Nothing. We talking. You saw that.” I crossed my arms over my chest. Behind me, I could hear Tegyn backing up and driving off. I stared after her, certain the longing was obvious on my face. “Why you here, Camilla?” Through the years, I had perfected saying her name to the point that it now sounded like I was spitting it out of my mouth.
“I want to come home. The doctors say I need to be in a calm environment.” She watched me for a reaction.
For years, I’d been kind to this woman and all she’d done was take advantage of me. I knew she expected me to say that her room was ready and waiting. She could pull it together with me and her son, and leave when she was ready to go out on her own. I’d given her three years, and she was never gonna get better. If I let her back in, I’d never get her out so easily again.
I shook my head. “No, ma’am. The house is full. And the only reason it’s peaceful is because you ain’t in it. We gonna keep it that way.”
“You and that white bitch?” She snarled. “Is that the ‘we’ you referring to?” She slammed a hand on the dashboard.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply a few times, trying to remain calm before I answered. A hand on my arm had me stiffening and glancing about wildly. Luckily, it was only Ari.
“I’m the ‘we.’ Me and my daughter,” my sister snapped.
“Ari,” Camilla murmured. She had always pretended to be sweet, demure, and God-fearing around my family. This was the first time my sister had seen her in action. I’d only touched on everything going on during the drive, since I hoped to keep Necie out of grown people business. “Did you know your brother kicked me out?”
Arionna’s face hardened. “DeSean told me what happened.” This wasn’t true. I hadn’t had the chance. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” This was true. Camilla had lost her damn mind.
I met my sister’s stern eyes. “You ‘bout ready to go?”
“I’ve been ready,” she retorted. “Goodbye, Camilla. I wish I could say it was nice to see you again, but I’m a lousy liar.” Then she spun on her heels and strode back to my truck.
With a shrug, I started to follow her, but Camilla stopped me.
“I want to see my boy,” she gritted out.
I tugged on my chin for a minute. “No. I don’t think you give a God damn about my son. He’s just a pawn for you and I’m done playing your games.”
“Then you’ll see me in court,” Camilla growled.
I nodded. “Looking forward to it.” Then I took my sweet time making it back to my truck. Arionna covered her mouth to hide a smile, but since my back was to Camilla, I grinned. My sister knew me. I tugged open my door, climbed into the cab, and then dropped into my seat.
Out of view, my sister reached out and offered me knuckles. I chuckled and our fists bumped. “Necie, ear buds,” she ordered.
Fishing around in the front pocket of her backpack, my niece pulled a set out and plugged it into her phone before turning her attention to the screen.
“We going home now?” Arionna asked.
I shook my head. “We need to get Keyon first. I left him with a friend. And I want to make sure we lose Camilla first. I don’t want her getting any ideas.”
“So, what you gon’ do?” She frowned at me.
“You hungry? I thought we could go grab lunch.” I forced a smile. Right now, I wanted to do anything but, only I had Camilla watching us, looking for a crack in my armor, probably hoping to follow me and spy on us. And I wasn’t going to make it easy on her.
“Don’t you have to work tonight?” Arionna asked, her brow furrowed. “Sounds like you plan on wasting some serious time.”
“No. Not tonight. The re-opening has been postponed to Tuesday. Looks like you’re stuck with me all night.” I forced a smile.
We went out for pizza. We did a little grocery shopping. And then, when we were certain she had given up, we drove to Tommy’s. He’d moved into a house about three months back and in an amazing act of foresight, I never told Camilla about it. Soon, I emerged with Keyon, strapped him into his seat, and we drove home. In the past, I’d never park in the garage, but now I did. It was easier to get in and out, to keep a secret that way. I worried often that Camilla had eyes on me. I probably wasn’t wrong.
“You’re quiet,” Arionna noted when she sought me out in the living room after we’d unloaded the car.
“Yeah,” I responded, even as I let my mind wander and disappeared in my own world. Seeing Tegyn shook me. I rubbed my hands down my face and dropped my head onto the back cushion of the couch.
Arionna plopped down on the other end. “Is it Camilla or that white woman?” she asked sharply.
I rolled my head to face her. “Don’t call her that. Her name’s Tegyn.”
Her brows rose. “Just how well do you know this Tegyn?”
“Well enough to know what I’m missing,” I grumbled as I glanced at my phone, which sat on the couch cushion in between us. Damn, but I wanted to call that woman. Only she said not to. The most I could do was text her. There was no emotion in that, no warmth. I groaned. And this was why she chose it. Barely personal. I’d show her.
“Well, you know how Mama would feel about her,” Arionna warned.
“Yeah. And I’m a grown-ass man. I care more about how I feel about her,” I announced, but almost as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, I regretted them. I didn’t want to disrespect my mother, my family, but at the same time, for once I wanted to be true to my heart.
I lasted until after I tucked Keyon into bed. Then I snuck into my bedroom and closed the door instead of hanging out in the living room or my office. The last thing I needed, as I sent what I hoped would be the first of many text messages, was my sister’s disapproving face staring at me. I flopped down on my bed and pulled my phone from my pocket. I didn’t even know where to begin. What could I possibly say to make her want to talk to me?
* * *
Me: I know you think nothing has changed, but I have.
* * *
I waited s
everal minutes and when no response came, I decided to keep trying because after all these years of waiting, I’d be damned if I was going to give up on us again so easily.
* * *
Me: We’re separated. She doesn’t live here. I’m just over here doing the single dad thing. That’s why my sister and her daughter are moving in. I need help.
* * *
I set my phone down and rubbed my face with both hands. There had to be some way for me to get through to Tegyn. I’d have to dig deep. I’d have to strip myself bare for her.
* * *
Me: You are my biggest regret.
* * *
My thumb hit the wrong button and the message sent before I’d finished what I wanted to say. Dammit. I swallowed hard and tried to figure out my words. I was seriously mucking this all up. Why couldn’t we just be talking, in person? That would be easier. One look in her deep brown eyes and I’d melt every time. I’d find myself spouting all the things she loved to hear without even intending to reveal the depth of my feelings for her. Then my phone vibrated.
* * *
Tegyn: You regret me?
* * *
Shit. I knew I’d said it wrong.
* * *
Me: Not like that. Not how you think. Let me finish.
* * *
I took a deep breath. So far, she hadn’t responded so I felt reasonably confident she’d let me finish screwing up what I had to say. I chuckled to myself.
* * *
Me: I can picture your face right now. Your eyes are full of sadness while you bite your bottom lip. I bet you’re curled up like a kitten in the corner of your couch.
* * *
Tegyn: Close. The window seat in my home office.
* * *
Already, I could feel myself falling into the old groove, amazed at how easy things had always been between us. We could talk about anything. Shoot, I did most of the talking to see a reaction. Her face was always so expressive, but those eyes spoke volumes.
* * *
Me: Aw, why you looking out, baby? You should be looking in.
* * *
Tegyn: How’s that?
* * *
Me: Find it in your heart to talk to me, Tegyn. I need to tell you about the last three years. Don’t make me tap it all out on my phone.
* * *
Tegyn: I can’t. Not right now.
* * *
Goosebumps broke out over my skin. At least she hadn’t said ‘no’ or ‘never.’ At least she seemed to be considering it.
* * *
Me: What’s making you hold back, Tegyn?
* * *
Her reply was swift and to the point. One word flashed on my screen.
* * *
Tegyn: Wife.
* * *
I groaned. Camilla was always mucking things up. She had since the day I met her. The woman was smooth when she wanted something. For some reason, she fixated on me. I asked her about it once.
“You won’t cheat. I know this about you. I see you don’t have it in you to hurt a woman like that, or maybe at all,” Camilla had replied.
Only I had hurt a woman. Tegyn was hurting because even though I hadn’t started anything up with her until I was done with Camilla, Camilla hadn’t been done with me. Maybe she still wasn’t done with me. Maybe I should just stay far away like Tegyn wanted. I’d been selfish before and if I broke down her barriers and hurt her again, then I was a horrible human being.
* * *
Me: She’s part of what I wanted to talk about. Won’t you hear me out? Then you’ll at least have all the information to make your decision.
* * *
She didn’t respond. I waited for a good thirty seconds and there was no reply. This wasn’t like her. It worried me for some reason, so I did what any crazy, irrational, desperate man would do. The phone rang several times before she finally answered.
“Still hate taking ‘no’ for an answer, I see,” Tegyn murmured quietly.
“Still shutting me out every chance you get,” I joked. When she didn’t laugh, I sobered. “When I saw you today, it felt like the universe had finally conspired to drop something good in my lap.”
“Interesting,” she noted quietly. “I felt the opposite, like all the work I’d done to survive and rebuild after our break up had been stripped away.”
I covered my face with one hand. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Tegyn,” I whispered. “You seemed fine when you walked into class.”
“Well, I’d decided to make you regret what you no longer had,” she announced. I heard her blow out a breath and knew she was struggling with her emotions.
I let out a hollow laugh. “You think I don’t have regrets?” I grunted and shook my head. “You don’t know. Did you even check to see how long I waited outside your door the last time you closed it between us? I was there long enough for one of your neighbors to leave, go grocery shopping, return, and threaten to call the cops on me.”
“I had no idea,” Tegyn murmured.
“Well, now you do.” I huffed. “Losing you is my biggest regret. My son is everything to me, but there’s also a hollowness to it.”
I heard her inhale sharply. “You had a son.”
“Yeah, Keyon was with Tommy earlier,” I began.
“Wait. Not your wife?” She sounded confused.
“She was committed…” My voice trailed off. I had no idea how to explain this without explaining everything. “Meet me. Meet me for coffee or something so we can talk.”
“I can’t,” she whispered in what sounded like a pained voice.
“Why the hell not? There are things you need to know, need to understand…before you decide to write me off.” I swallowed hard. My chest hurt from worrying.
“I don’t go out in the dark anymore, D,” she announced by way of explanation.
“Then let me come to you,” I urged.
In the background, I heard the sound of shattering glass. Tegyn gasped. “I’ve got to go.”
The call ended and I about flipped the fuck out. She should’ve kept me on the phone. What the hell was going on? I had to know. Hopping off my bed, I yanked my door open and jogged down the stairs. I glanced to the living room and found Arionna and Necie curled up together on the couch.
I grabbed my jacket from the foyer closet. While it was reasonably mild during the day in February, it was ridiculously cold at night. I called over my shoulder, “I’ll be back later,” and was about to leave when I realized I had no idea where I was going. Then I remembered she was registered for my class. I could look at the online roster to find her address.
“Where you going?” Arionna called. “What’s wrong?”
“Friend in need,” I mumbled as I fumbled with my phone and started out the door.
“You stay away from her, DeSean. You don’t need that kind of trouble in your life.” My sister scowled at me, but didn’t move.
I laughed and gestured about the room. “Look around, Ari. I’ve already got plenty of trouble. At least this time, it might be of my choosing.”
Then I slammed the door behind me and rushed to my truck.
8
Tegyn
* * *
After I ended the call, I immediately dialed 911. “Someone just broke a window in my house,” I whispered.
“Are there intruders?” the dispatcher asked.
I listened hard. “I don’t think so. I’m not sure.” I took a deep breath. “I’m afraid to check. I’m home alone.” I sighed. “Mostly because I live alone.”
“Can I get your name, please?”
“Oh, sorry. Yeah. Sure.” I took a breath. “My name is Tegyn. Tegyn Sellers.”
“Thank you, Tegyn. Can I get your address?” the woman asked.
“Yes,” I murmured before spouting off the house number and street. I wrapped my free arm around my body. “How long?” I asked sadly.
“For the police? They’re on their way,” the woman assured me.
/> “Okay.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ve been working with Sergeant Bowers. I’ve been receiving threatening letters.”
“Be sure to tell the police,” the dispatcher urged. “I’ll stay on the phone with you until they get there.”
“Okay.” I felt braver having someone on the phone with me. I carefully wandered down the hall, leaving the lights off, hoping that living there would give me an advantage over any intruder.
The heat had started blowing and probably wouldn’t stop until the window was repaired or replaced. From the wind whistling down the hall, I could already trace the source back to my bedroom. My heart sank and I felt even more vulnerable. This place had always been my safe haven, only now it wasn’t. I paused outside the open bedroom door. I wanted to be go in, but fear had me lingering in the hall.
My pride in being an independent, strong, single woman had been had been stripped away. Having a man around didn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore, although the idea of Trent being that man brought me no relief. And this growing feeling of helplessness was crippling me. I had no idea what to do anymore. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do and I realized I had been counting on Sergeant Bowers to lead me through this. Outside, I suddenly saw blue lights cruising down the road to my house.
