Devotion (A Golden Beach Novella)

by Kim Loraine

  Raising his hand, he piped up, just as she took her gaze from him. “Me, Mrs. Miller. Remember? You pulled my name at circle time.”

  Crouching to his level, she grinned. “Oh, that’s right. Lincoln, since you’ve got your jacket on can you go stand on the yellow line in front of the door?”

  He nodded, face turning serious before he scampered off to take his place.

  As they loaded onto the bus, butterflies grew from a slight annoyance to a nearly nauseating presence in her stomach. She hadn’t seen or heard from Donovan in almost three weeks. How was she going to do this? Maybe he wouldn’t be on duty.

  Her gut clenched as the bus pulled in to the visitor parking lot to the side of Station 31. At least she had the kids to focus on. They’d keep her from letting her mind drift to him, and them, and everything in between.

  Heart in her throat, she led the line of chattering five-year-olds through the visitor’s door at the front of the station. Alex Oliver greeted them, a rare smile on his handsome features.

  “Hey there, Valerie.”

  A chorus of, “Her name is Mrs. Miller!” came from the little herd behind her.

  His smile widened and he offered her a slight nod. “My mistake.” Glancing down the line of kids, he stood back with his hands on his hips. “Are you guys ready for a tour?”

  Cheers filled the hall, making Valerie chuckle. Alex directed them through the firehouse Valerie knew so well.

  “Most of the crew is out on a call at the moment, but they should be back soon.”

  “What are you doing here? You don’t usually work A-shift.”

  Shrugging, he held the door to the garage bay open as the kids filtered through. “I knew you guys were coming. When they got a call, I stayed back so you wouldn’t be standing around waiting.”

  Her heart melted a little for this man who wasn’t known as the friendliest man in town.

  “That was nice.”

  “It was Donovan’s idea.”

  Her stomach flipped and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat. “He’s on shift?” Donovan was a B-shifter. He wasn’t supposed to be here.

  Alex’s eyes flitted to the kids and then back to her. “Is that going to be a problem?”

  “Nope,” she lied.

  She needed to pull it together. Her kids were counting on her, and she wasn’t going to let her personal life keep her from giving them an enriching experience.

  As they walked into the empty garage the bay doors rolled open and Engine 31 pulled in to the driveway. The kids shouted and jumped up and down as her husband jumped down from his seat in the truck. Her stomach twisted at the sight of him. There was nothing more attractive than her husband in his turnout gear—the jacket open and those damn suspenders that held up his pants peeking through. The only thing missing was his trademark smirk and the sparkle in his eyes.

  He stood in front of them, green eyes locked on hers. The pull between them was nearly irresistible, but she managed to tear her gaze away and focus on the students.

  “You want me to take this, Lieutenant?” Sully clapped Donovan on the shoulder as he assessed them.

  “No, man. I’ve got it.”

  Valerie’s chest squeezed.

  Wait, had Sully called him Lieutenant? Donovan had made it without even telling her. But, then again, she supposed it wasn’t her business anymore. Shaking her head, she turned her attention to the painfully handsome man, now crouched down to face Lincoln.

  “What’s your name?” Donovan asked.

  Lincoln scuffed the toe of his shoe on the cement. “Linc.”

  “That’s an awesome name, man. I’m Donovan.” Her husband held out a hand and the little boy offered a slight smile before shaking. “You want to help me show everyone the truck?”

  Lincoln’s smile lit up the room. “Yeah!”

  As the tour went on, Valerie stayed back, watching the man she loved more than anything as he let the kids each take a turn sitting in the driver’s seat of the engine. He demonstrated how quickly he could get all of his gear on as the kids counted the seconds. All the while, he refused to make eye contact with her.

  “Okay, who wants to try on my gear?”

  All of the kids jumped up and down, shouting. Then Donovan’s eyes focused on her. “You know, I’ve got a better idea. How about we get your pretty teacher to try it all on? I bet she’ll fall over because it’s so heavy.”

  Her class laughed and cheered, making her realize there was no way to deny them this.

  “Come on over here, Valerie.”

  “It’s Mrs. Miller!” the children shouted.

  A pained look flashed over his face, sending a deep ache to the center of her chest. She stepped into the boots and pants he’d set up for the demonstration. Discomfort radiating from both of them.

  “Just get this over with,” she muttered under her breath, never breaking the easy smile she’d plastered on for the sake of her students.

  His hand brushed her elbow as he reached down and pulled the suspenders up for her. Their skin touched, just barely, but it sent a shiver through her.

  “Sorry,” he murmured.

  She didn’t want him to apologize. If she was honest, all she really wanted was for him to come home. She missed his boots on the floor. The way he always got the coffee pot ready the night before so all she had to do was start the stupid thing when she got up. The way he pulled her close in the middle of the night and didn’t let go.

  As he held the jacket open for her, she caught a whiff of his scent and turned her head, nearly brushing her lips over his jaw, he was so close. She shrugged into the heavy fabric and the kids laughed when he put the too large helmet on her head. But, the moment the forty pounds of SCBA breathing gear were strapped to her back and she stumbled, the class lost it, erupting into uncontrollable belly laughs.

  The tour went on with Donovan teaching them about fire safety, doling out little plastic fire helmets and junior firefighter stickers. Each time he interacted with a kid, her walls crumbled just a little. After saying their goodbyes, she walked the class out to the waiting yellow bus and, after counting each little head, started climbing inside. A large, warm hand gripped hers, stopping her in her tracks.

  “I miss you, sweetheart.”

  Nodding, she offered him an olive branch. “Heath is my cousin. I thought you should know that.”

  He squeezed her hand, but she pulled it back. “Thanks for telling me.”

  “I’d never do that to you, Donovan. Never.”

  Raking a hand through his hair, he focused his gaze beyond her. “I know. I knew it then. It’s just . . . everything is falling apart.”

  The driver started the bus, the engine rumbling as he readied the big vehicle to take them back to school.

  “I’ve got to go.”

  “Can I . . . call you?”

  With a sigh, she nodded. They had to figure this out one way or the other. They couldn’t stay in limbo forever. A decision needed to be made.

  She just wasn’t sure which one was right.

  Chapter 10

  The shrill tones of the school bell had Donovan’s heart threatening to beat out of his chest. It had been five days since Valerie had offered him the opportunity to talk, but his calls had gone unanswered. All twenty of them.

  Kids in brightly colored coats and hats tromped through the piles of freshly fallen leaves, kicking them into the air and cluttering the sidewalk with the remnants of orange and red foliage. The sound of their laughter and chatter resonated deep inside him. That, paired with the sight of parents greeting their children, herding them into waiting cars or grasping their hands and walking together sent a pang of longing through him. His chest grew tight as he watched a little blond-haired girl run—squealing with a wide smile on h
er face—straight into her dad’s waiting arms.

  Images of what it would be like if it were Donovan scooping his own daughter up into his arms raced through his head. He’d always imagined they’d have a girl who looked just like Valerie, but maybe she’d have his green eyes. The anger and grief he’d worked so hard to move past reared its ugly head for a moment, but then he saw her. Valerie stood at the bottom of the staircase which led to the entrance of the school.

  Her face.

  God, her beautiful face made him want to fall to his knees and beg her to take him back.

  His strides were wide and fast as he all but ran toward her. Each step he made to close the distance between them had his need for her intensifying.

  “Donovan.” Her voice was clipped and raspy, and when he got closer, he noticed her red-rimmed eyes.

  Reaching out without a thought, he cupped her cheek and slid his thumb over her cheekbone.

  “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

  Shaking her head, she turned her face out of his grasp and started down the sidewalk toward the teacher parking lot. Confused, he watched her for a second before her retreat registered. For a tiny woman, she was fast. He chased after her, gently gripping her elbow and slowing her pace.

  “What could I possibly have done now? It’s been days since I saw you. How could I have upset you?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not you. Just . . . hard day, that’s all.”

  “Come on. Let’s take a walk, get some fresh air, before you head home.”

  Her bright blue eyes locked on him and it killed him to see tears pooling in their depths. At first he thought she was going to deny him, get in her car, and leave him behind. But she nodded and took his hand, twining their fingers together. It was such a small gesture, but that little bit of contact sent hope ricocheting through his body.

  They walked silently through the surrounding neighborhood. Craftsman-style homes lined the street, each one decorated for fall; some with jack-o-lanterns gracing the porches, others fully decked out in Halloween paraphernalia. His favorite was the house with a graveyard on the lawn and a giant spider mounted over the garage.

  “So, what are you dressing up as for Halloween?” he asked, trying for casual, knowing she needed time before she’d be ready to tell him what was so bad about today.

  “Mary Poppins.”

  He couldn’t help his grin.

  “The kids have a storybook parade on Friday, since it’s the day before Halloween.” She sniffed and let out a shaky laugh. “They wanted me to dress up as Elsa from Frozen, but I told them I might break out into song and none of them wanted to hear me sing.”

  “What? You’re a great singer.”

  “Do you know how expensive an Elsa costume would be? No, thanks. I’ll go as my favorite British nanny.”

  “What time is the parade?”

  “Nine-thirty. They’re so excited.”

  They continued down the sidewalk in silence a few minutes more.

  “You made Lieutenant.” She stated it, as though that had been a given.

  A wash of pride caught him off guard. “I did. Even with . . . everything that happened.”

  “I’m proud of you, hotshot.”

  His chest squeezed to hear her use his nickname. He hadn’t heard that in too long. All the time they’d been walking, she hadn’t let go of his hand. His worry ebbed with every passing moment.

  “You going to tell me what I did to make you cry this time?”

  She stiffened. Shit. He’d fucked up by going there too soon.

  “Grace emailed me today.”

  “Oh, yeah? How are they?”

  “They’re coming home for Thanksgiving.” He knew by her tense shoulders and the set of her jaw she wasn’t finished. “She’s pregnant again.”

  The firm set of her jaw told him everything he needed to know. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, he pulled her into his chest, holding her tight and running his hand over her back. She tried to push him away, but he tightened his grip and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Heaving a shuddering sigh she let go, deep sobs escaping her, tears soaking his t-shirt, and soon her fingers clutched his back as she let out everything she’d been holding back right there in front of everyone and anyone around.

  “Shh, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

  When her tears turned to sniffles, she lifted her face to look at him. The flurry of emotions that flashed in her expression confused him.

  “How did I become this person?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The bitter, jealous woman who can’t be happy for her friend. Grace is having another baby. I should be filled with excitement for her. Instead, I rolled my eyes and wanted to throw something out the window. That’s not fair to her.”

  He brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face, holding on just a little too long. “You can’t help how you feel. But if I know you. You didn’t do any of that. I bet you wrote her a nice congratulation response, right?”

  Nodding, she stepped out of his embrace, leaving him colder than he wanted to be. “I just,” her voice trembled. “Am I always going to feel like this? I don’t want to. I want to move on, have my life back.”

  “I don’t know how to answer that, but I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

  Shaking her head, she sighed. “I don’t think anyone can.”

  They turned back toward the school, walking side by side, but not touching anymore. A big part of him mourned the feel of her hand in his. The moment she started rummaging in her purse for her keys, he had to force himself to take a step back and give her space. Every part of him cried out to crush his lips to hers and show her exactly how they could both start to feel normal. They belonged together and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’d never be healed if they weren’t together.

  As she drove away, he watched her car’s tail lights get smaller and smaller. He couldn’t let her down. She deserved to be happy, and he was going to be the man to make her feel that way.

  ~ ~ ~

  Valerie adjusted her red bow-tie one final time before grabbing her umbrella and the ancient carpet bag her mom had kept tucked away in the attic for the last thirty years. There were benefits to having a pack-rat for a mother. The majority of them being easy Halloween costumes. Now the only thing she’d purchased for this getup was a white button-down shirt. Her mom had the hat, complete with daisies and fake cherries. For some reason she even had the umbrella with the weird bird on the handle.

  As the kids began lining up outside, ready to head into the classroom, she smiled, watching them fiddle with their costumes and show them off for each other. She had to admit, there were some good ones. One girl was dressed as Hermione Granger, another was Pippi Longstocking—crazy pigtails and everything.

  The morning was chaos. With the kids so excited for their parade, they barely made it through their morning routine. But then it was time to traipse through the school, down the sidewalks, and through the neighborhood. As Valerie led her students, the sound of children from other kindergarten classes filled the hallway. A smile spread her lips, and when they got outside she laughed at the sight of the entire school lining the sidewalk. Putting her back to the crowd, she counted her kids to make sure no stragglers had been left behind.

  Her breath caught in her throat when Lincoln shouted, “It’s the firefighter!”

  Turning on her heel, she came face to face with a soot-cheeked Donovan wearing suspenders and high water pants. His hair was covered by a pageboy cap and he held a chimney brush across one shoulder.

  “Donovan!” She looked him up and down, completely shocked and absolutely charmed. “You’re . . . a chimney sweep.”

  Putting on a bad Cockney accent, he said, “Well, hello there
, Mary.”

  “Where did you get that thing?” She gestured at the large black brush.

  He shrugged. “Michael had it in his shed.”

  Her eyebrow rose involuntarily. “Seriously?”

  “Yep.”

  “You know this is a school function? You have to sign in.”

  Offering her a wide grin, he moved one suspender to the side and showed her the sticker on his chest which read Visitor. “Done. Come on, Ms. Poppins. Let’s get this show on the road.” He held out a crooked elbow and she couldn’t resist. She laced her arm through his and they stepped to the side so her teacher’s aide could lead the kids while she and Donovan followed behind.

  They made light conversation as they walked the short parade route, smiling and laughing while the kids waved emphatically at all of the observers.

  When the parade ended, reluctance tugged at Valerie. She wasn’t ready to end this just yet. “This was really . . . well, it was kind of amazing, Donovan.”

  “I couldn’t let Mary go out without Bert to escort her.”

  “You know, sometimes you’re really sweet.”

  He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to her cheek, whispering in her ear before he pulled away, “Only for you, sweetheart.”

  Shivering, she wished they had more time to talk. But, she had twenty-three little kids waiting on her. “Come over for dinner?” she blurted.

  Surprise flared in his eyes, but he cleared his throat and grinned. “I’ll be there at six.”

  Without another word, he sauntered away, that familiar swagger present as he cast one look back over his shoulder. Apprehension mixed with excitement as a heated blush crept up her cheeks.

  The day passed slower than any previous one in her life, each hour dragging mercilessly until she was finally able to leave. Racing home, she showered, shaved her legs, and primped like this was a first date. In a way, maybe it was. They needed something to bring them back to each other, and he’d taken the first step, made the first gesture. This was her way of reaching out.