A Woman In Love: Book Four (The Woman I Love Series 4)

by G S Binkley

  “I looked back at the clerk and he was holding his chest. That’s when I heard the door slam. When I turned back around, Johnnie was gone, leaving a trail of blood. And the gun was lying on the floor. I… for the longest time I couldn’t move.” Gage backed herself up in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall from the bloody images stampeding in her mind. Her voice trembling, Gage continued to relay the horrific story. “The man tried to say something but blood was gurgling out of his mouth and I just stood there. I knew he needed help, Lacy. But I just stood there… watching him bleed to death.”

  Lacy watched a shaken Gage slide to the floor as tears flooded the blonde’s eyes. The dark haired woman had tears of her own.

  As the memories of that day relentlessly bombarded the stunned Gage, she crawled up in the corner, tucking her legs up close to her chest in the fetal position as waves of emotion welled up inside pouring out in streams of tears. The blonde’s body shuddered with each expelled breath.

  Lacy rushed to her partner and cradled the blonde in her arms. Brushing her short hair, Lacy soothed Gage as tremors shook the blonde’s body. “Oh, Gage, sweetheart. Please, it’s okay. Everything will be all right.”

  The crashing onslaught of memories pounded at the fragile emotional wall, breaking it, shattering and penetrating through until it came crumbing down around the broken woman in Lacy’s arms. With tears draining from her eyes, Gage conceded to what she knew was true. “I’m evil. I don’t deserve you or the kids. Don’t you see, I’m not good enough. I knew it all along but I was selfish.” Gage pounded her fist against the floor. “Selfish because I wanted so much to… if just for a little while know what it was really like to be loved. But now you know… you know what I did… what I was. Who I am.”

  Lacy hugged Gage even tighter. “I know who you are. You’re the woman I love.”

  Gage tried to push Lacy away. She knew the truth and she didn’t want Lacy to feel sorry for her either. “How can you love someone who left her best friend to bleed to death?”

  Lacy was confused. “Johnnie? What happened to him?”

  “After I ran out of the store, I… I don’t know I don’t remember where I was running to. I ran till I couldn’t run anymore. Later, I went back to where Johnnie and I were staying… and he had managed to get back there somehow.” Gage tried to pull away from Lacy but she would not relinquish her hold. “I was afraid but found myself holding him in my arms after he called my name. He was smiling at me. Smiling? Can you believe it? Blood all over his body and he’s smiling.” Gage wiped the tears from her face. “We were like that for a long time. I knew he needed help but… I was scared.” The blonde sucked in a deep breath. “When I heard the sirens, I looked at Johnnie one last time. His eyes were closed and his body limp but I knew he was still alive. Barely.”

  “Sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here.”

  “I left him and ran.” Gage chanced a quick glance toward her partner. “Lacy, I left him there to die. Just to save my own butt.” The blonde let out a harsh laugh. “They caught up with me before morning and locked me up.”

  Lacy brushed her lips against her lover’s blonde head.

  Trying desperately to collect herself, Gage wanted to simply evaporate from the loving arms of her partner that encased her. “You should leave me. David wants you back anyway and that would be better for your career… and the kids.”

  Seething from hearing the ugliest words Lacy had ever heard, she twisted Gage around to look squarely at the crying woman. “Damn it, Gage.” Lacy said with determination. “I’m a woman in love. You are the one. The only one. You just don’t give up on the other half of your soul. I can’t walk away. Do you hear me?” Lacy shook Gage. “I have to have you. You’re everything to me. I… I would die without you.”

  “But I saw you with David downstairs…” The blonde whimpered, trying to erase the memory of that embrace.

  “No!” Lacy commanded the blonde to be quiet. “You’re what’s best for the kids and me. You’re what’s best for all of us.”

  Trying to hold back the tears, Gage argued. “Lacy, didn’t you hear me? What I’ve done? I left Johnnie bleeding to death and the clerk, too. I could… should have helped them. No, I ran and I’ve never stopped running.”

  “None of that matters. I love you Gage Ballant.” Lacy brushed back a tear of her own. “And all I want to hear from you now is that you love me, too.”

  “I…” When Lacy glared at the blonde, Gage relented, speaking the absolute truth. “You know I do.”

  “Then say it.” The heaving brunette demanded, needing to hear the words herself.

  “I love you Lacy Levine Ballant.” Gage mustered a small smile on her tear stained face. “And I love all of our children.” Still feeling unworthy, Gage took comfort that the women she loved was still there by her side.

  “You better.” Lacy insisted, pulling Gage even closer. “Because you have us and you have to keep us… forever.”

  Nodding, Gage relished her partner’s touch. “Lacy?”

  “Hmmm….” The dark haired woman brushed her lips against Gage’s blonde hair.

  “About Gail…”

  “You don’t have to explain.”

  “I think I want, too. And I didn’t lie on purpose. I just never wanted to remember.” The hurt was too much for the blonde to bear so she had buried that part of her life forever or so she thought.

  Lacy shifted Gage in her arms. “Okay but first let me tell you about that movie role.”

  Finding comfort in her lover’s arms, Gage waited.

  “Art did call me about the part and yes I turned it down. I’ve turned down a few other parts as well. Not because of you… well, not entirely and not because of what you think.” Lacy assured her lover, sweeping her hand over Gage’s arm. “It would have taken me away on location and I didn’t want that. Derek had been acting out and you were…”

  “I’m sorry.” Gage knew she had contributed to the problem by distancing herself from Derek.

  “I know and I can understand why now.” Lacy kissed Gage lightly on the lips. “And Dani wanting to be more independent… when Art asked about the role, I didn’t even consider it. My family… you and the kids are my world and besides, I’ve decided that I only want to do projects with you and Mark. So we can be together.”

  “Lacy, you’ll pass up some wonderful roles.”

  “I thought about that and you know what?” Gage shook her head. “My greatest role is being your wife and mother to our children. Now I ask you what can be better than that?”

  Gage smiled, happy to feel some of the tension ease. “You, me and the kids piled in bed watching a movie on a rainy morning.”

  Lacy laughed. “Well, there is that.” The younger woman leaned her head against the blonde. “So tell me about this Gail.”

  For a moment, Gage didn’t know if she was strong enough to traverse that emotional minefield. But Lacy deserved to know everything. “We met when we were both nineteen. We were working at the same place and became friends. I had no idea I was attracted to women… anybody actually. Johnnie and I were close but there was never any romantic attraction. Gail had an apartment and asked me to be her roommate.”

  “So you were friends first?”

  “Yes. I think we lived together five or six months before anything happened. We just got closer and closer. I didn’t have any family and she sorta became mine.”

  “What about Johnnie?” Lacy asked, wondering what happened to him.

  Gage dropped her head. “He died.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I should have tried to help him more.” Gage confessed.

  Sensing that the memory of her best friend’s death was too much for Gage to talk about, Lacy returned to the subject of the woman she knew hurt the woman in her arms. “So you and Gail became lovers?” Even saying that word left an ugly taste in her mouth as she thought of Gage with someone else.

  Lacy was surprised when Gage laughed. “If y
ou can call it that. You see, neither one of us knew what we were doing. It was more fumbling than lovemaking.”

  “What happened then?” Lacy didn’t want to hear the intimate details between her lover and the woman that she was very jealous of at the moment.

  “We were together about a year and half when her sister came to visit. Well, it was hard not being together… you know while she was there. And I thought we hid our feelings pretty well but…” Gage let out a heavy breath. “It wasn’t two days after her sister left that Gail’s parents called demanding that she come home for a visit. They lived a couple of hours away.”

  “I take it they didn’t approve.” Lacy said, happy to have such loving and caring family that accepted Gage and their love from the start.

  “It was a long time ago and things were different. I know that there are people who don’t accept two women loving each other even today but back then it was harder. So Gail went home and when she came back, everything had changed.” Gage rubbed her temple, remembering the distance Gail put between them. “She announced she was moving back home and that was the end of our relationship.”

  “You must have loved her a lot.” Lacy really didn’t want to hear the answer to that question but she was trying to be understanding to her partner’s needs.

  Gage scooted up to look directly into Lacy’s beautiful blue eyes and decided to be totally honest. “She meant the world to me…” Seeing Lacy drop her head, Gage propped it back up. “…back when my world was small. The love I had for her was like… a small stream. What we have…” Gage pointed between herself and Lacy. “…this between you and me, our love is an ocean. With Gail, it never meant nearly as much as what we have. You and me.” Gage leaned in, kissing Lacy tenderly with as much love as she could show in that one kiss.

  It must have conveyed all the love Gage held for Lacy because the younger woman shed a few tears of joy. “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you, Lacy.” Gage wiped her partner’s tears away. “The unconditional love and support you give me still to this day shakes my very core. I never thought I deserved it but craved it all the same.”

  Lacy sprayed a few sweet, delicate kisses along Gage’s cheek and her lips found their way to the blonde’s neck. “I don’t deserve you.”

  “No, I don’t deserve you.” Gage countered.

  “Gage, sweetheart…” Lacy moaned, still placing small kisses on Gage’s neck. “Let’s call it a stalemate and accept that we both deserve each other.”

  Feeling slightly faint from the tantalizing lips staking their territory, Gage acquiesced easily. “Oh, God yes.” Wanting nothing more than to take her woman to bed, Lacy reluctantly halted her sexual assault on her lover when Gage suggested. “I should tell you the rest.” She wanted Lacy to know exactly why she tried so desperately to bury that part of her life forever.

  Fanning her overheated body, Lacy relented for now. “Okay.”

  “The one thing Gail did say to me before she left was that…” The blonde nearly broke into tears again. “…that if we were on a deserted island then she could be with me.”

  Thinking that Gail’s love only existed when no one else knew about it and that Gage’s ex-lover was not proud of the blonde, Lacy fumed. “Why that…”

  Gage cut Lacy off, placing a single finger to her lover’s lips. “I was in love and took that statement at face value then. I never thought she meant it any other way than in a good way. I knew how hard it was for her to face her parents about our relationship. It was probably the most difficult thing she ever had to do up until that point. I didn’t want to think that she meant it in a bad way.”

  “Uh huh.” Was all Lacy could come up with but a silent thought ran though her mind. If I ever see her again, I’m going to strangle that bitch.

  “A year later we happened to run into each other at a party. Well, actually I saw her first and went over to talk with her. Just as I had approached, a friend of hers said she had seen me come in and asked about the rumors about Gail and I. Gail laughed and said that I was after her but she had no interest in me at all and as a matter of fact Gail told her friend that she had told me about maybe if we were on an island, she would think about it but basically I would be the last person on earth she would be with. She laughed again saying that I was foolish enough to believe her and that her being with me would never happen.”

  Oh, I am going to hunt you down and with my bare hands…

  “Lacy?” That brought the younger woman out of her vindictive musing. “I was devastated. I thought no one could ever love me or want me. That I wasn’t worthy enough to be loved. But you did.”

  “And I still do… always.” Lacy kissed the blonde. “And not that I really want to bring him up but Mitch was very interested in you.”

  Gage shrugged that comment off. “It was always friendship between us. Even Mitch would admit that. We were both lonely and needed to feel like somebody cared. But you, you were different. The unwavering love and devotion you so easily give to me. It’s hard to believe I could have gotten so lucky. Even though I don’t deserve…”

  “Not that again.” Lacy moved up over Gage. “I am going to kiss you so hard that you will never again think that way.” And true to her word, Lacy did just that. The younger woman’s hands traced the contours of the blonde’s body as Lacy deepened the kiss.

  “Lacy?” Gage gulped for air. “Can we take this to the bed?”

  Lacy paused momentarily, winked then kissed the blonde hard once again. “Gladly.” She stood up, pulling a dazed Gage with her.

  The next thing Gage knew she was on the bed under a determined woman, having her way with the blonde. But Gage stopped Lacy if only for a moment because there was one vow she wanted to make to the woman she loved. “I will never, ever withhold anything from you again.”

  “Mmmm…” Lacy growled. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

  Gage smiled at the woman on top of her. “Hold me to anything you want… just hold me.”

  Lacy wrapped her arms around Gage, turning them over so that now the blonde was on top. “You’ve been there for me and the children all these years, Gage, and I wanted to be there for you, too. I need to be there for you.” Lacy kissed her lover. “Thank you for sharing your story with me.”

  In between heated kisses, Gage barely got out the nagging thought. “What about David?” The blonde wanted to know why Lacy was hugging David.

  “Fuck David.” Lacy pulled back her hungry lips reluctantly before gazing sensually into Gage’s concerned eyes. “Not that way.” She assured her lover then smiled. “And I don’t think he’ll be doing that kind of thing for a while anyway.”

  “Uh oh.” Something told Gage that her protective lover ambushed the poor man and the distant sound of a slamming door echoed David’s departure.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Upon having cleansed her soul to her mate, Gage needed reassurance from Lacy that the woman belonged to her completely. Lacy was only too happy to convey the depth of her love for Gage.

  Gage took advantage of her position, leaving a trail of kisses down Lacy’s sensitive neck. She paused briefly sucking the luscious skin that eagerly invited the blonde to feast upon. “God, Lacy. I want you.”

  The brunette moaned.

  With a sense of great urgency, Gage felt an overwhelming desire to take her woman and savor every touch, caress and moan from her lover. “Lacy?”

  “Mmmm….” The younger woman relished her lover’s touch and soft lips, devouring her.

  “I need you.”

  “You have me.”

  “Always?”

  “Forever.”

  The blonde’s hand drifted up and down Lacy’s arm before coming to rest on her lover’s cheek.

  Lacy reached around her lover and pulled her close. Blue eyes stared into green, each melting with desire. When Lacy kissed her lover, Gage responded with desperation as their tongues battled in harmony. The torrid kisses shared fueled the hunger between them.r />
  Breaking from the heated kiss, Gage slid her tongue down Lacy’s neck, pausing at the necklace her lover proudly wore. “I love you.”

  “Me, too.” Lacy responded breathlessly under her lover’s careful and tender caresses she was receiving on her neck from Gage’s soft lips.

  Gage’s hand slowly traveled down Lacy’s body, coming to rest on her lover’s left breast. “Beautiful.” She murmured between the tiny kisses she gave Lacy.

  “Don’t stop.”

  “Never.” Gage eased her body up against Lacy, forcing her lover’s legs to spread. The blonde found a familiar home between the long legs of her partner. Gage thrust her hips against Lacy several times, causing the brunette to let out a long hungry moan. I love it when I make her moan like that.

  Lacy ran her hands over Gage’s backside, producing the predicted and erotic moan from her lover. I love it when I make her moan like that.

  Both women needed the lovemaking they were embarking on. They needed to reconnect and share the depth of the love they had for each other. The needy craving both women shared for each other overtook every emotion in their overheated bodies.

  Gage lifted up and hurriedly pulled off Lacy’s top. “I have to have you… now!”

  Lacy assisted her lover then immediately clawed at Gage’s shirt, ripping it off. There would be no denying the need they had for each other and nothing was going to stand in their way. “Lift up.” Lacy had already unbuttoned her lover’s jeans and pushed them down.

  Gage finished taking them off before dropping down on her lover who noticed that the blonde was not wearing panties. The kiss was intense and filled with a fiery passion that nearly forced both women to come together.

  Barely conscious from the dizzying kiss, Lacy shoved her pants down and her lover was astute enough to give them one final yank and pitch them across the room along with her lover’s panties. “I need to feel you.”

  The blonde sank down again on her lover as Lacy wrapped her long legs around Gage and automatically thrust her hips forward. That elicited another languid moan from the blonde. “Again.”