9 Ways to Fall in Love

by Caroline Clemmons

  I jerked back and lost all sense of the little composure I had mustered for everyone. Everything came out all at once. “The kidnappers took it...” I began before the sobbing, screaming took over. “THEY TOOK EVERYTHING. They took everything from me! They took my baby, they stole my ring. They ripped my heart out.” I was screaming by this time and the nurse came in to make sure everything was okay.

  “Ma’am, please calm down. Let’s get you back in the bed and get you calm. I can get you a sedative.”

  “I don’t want a sedative, I want my baby!” I screamed, while losing all control of reality. I could see that the nurse was putting something in my IV line and Grayson was in the bed with me again, holding me tight, trying to help me regain control.

  Someone knocked and the door quietly opened, then a young lady about my age came in. “Hi Alexandra, I’m Tara, can I come in for a minute?”

  “What do you want?” I was being a bitch, and snapped at her without meaning to.

  “I’m Tara Edmonds, I volunteer at the hospital. Would it be okay if we talked for a few minutes?” She seemed sweet and her eyes looked like they had a story to tell.

  “I’ll go get something to drink. I’ll bring you back some hot chocolate.” He gave me a squeeze and a sweet kiss on the lips that seemed to linger for a minute before he quietly slipped out of the room.

  Tara came over and sat by me in the chair. She acted like she was choosing her words carefully as she began to speak softly. .

  “As I said before, I do some volunteer work here at the hospital and I just wanted to pop in and say hello, to introduce myself and see if there is anything you need, girl to girl. Sometimes, it’s hard for family or for guys to understand what goes on for us girls when things happen that we don’t know how to express.” She paused briefly. “All these emotions can come out of us at the same time. I think about one of my favorite movies, Steel Magnolias, where Sally Field says ‘I’m so mad, I just wanna hit somebody!’”

  “That’s one of my favorite movies, too.” I tried to share a smile with her, but I felt guilty smiling. How could I smile?

  “We have more in common than just a movie. My husband is a physician here at the hospital. We’ve been married for four years now. I met him while I was attending nursing school and we married after just a few months of dating. You should’ve heard the gossip mill around here!

  “One night I was working a late shift as part of my training. I was walking to my car, with my mind on my new husband and all of the things on our to-do list for our new home. I suddenly found myself forced to the ground and... Being beaten.” Tara seemed to struggle with her words.

  “I didn’t know my attacker, he chose me at random. He was on drugs and decided to just pick a stranger to attack. He beat me, raped me, and left me in the cold parking lot with no clothes on to be found by yet another stranger. After I healed from my outside wounds, I found the biggest hurdle to be my inside wounds. I couldn’t escape from them and I couldn’t express them, not even to my husband. Almost a year went by before I could go out at night and when I finally did, it was the biggest breath of fresh air that I had ever known, like I was breathing for the first time.

  “The hospital here believes in more than just counseling, they believe in matching survivors up as survivor pals, and I was matched up with Susan. Her best advice to me was to outrun, outlive my fear. It took a while, but I eventually decided that my attacker would win only if I gave up. I don’t give up easily, which eventually paved the way to healing. Now, I’m able to be a survivor pal to you, Alexandra, and I pass along those great words of wisdom... Outrun, outlive your fear. Keep it behind you, not in front of you. Never give up, don’t let them win. I’m here for you, day or night. Once you go home, you can call me anytime. I’ll also come to you, if you need me to. You and I share an intimate pain that others can only show empathy towards. We know what it is like to fear for our lives and to have that which is most precious taken from us.” Tara paused and gripped my hand. I could feel her heart beating in her pulse as I held her hand back. The connection between us was sweet and compassionate.

  “I had a miscarriage,” I whispered. “I lost our baby. I wasn’t strong enough to keep our baby safe.” My words surprised me. I was admitting the guilt that I felt.

  “So did I. I was five months pregnant with our little boy. My attacker didn’t care and he killed my baby with his hands and feet as he brutally attacked me. But I know that my little boy is an angel, watching over his little sister.”

  As I looked up at her surprised, she continued, “Yes, that’s right, my husband and I have a baby girl, Elizabeth, who is three months old. She has someone watching over her every single minute. As she grows up, we’ll make sure that she knows how special she is and how her brother watches over her.

  “Alexandra, you will never forget your baby, but you will be able to move on from this in time, and once you do, you may find yourself at the same point as me, able to share your story and help others. I have a feeling that we’re going to become great friends. They told me you were being discharged in the morning by special arrangements. If you need me tonight, or anytime, please call me. I’m going to call and check in on you, unless you tell me that you don’t want me to.” Tara placed her card on the table beside my bed before quietly leaving.

  All alone, my thoughts and fears swarmed around me, closing in on me, I wished I could wake up and find that it was all just a nightmare. Bile rose in my throat as anger rose in my body.

  Grayson finally made his way back to the room and just like he promised, he’d found hot chocolate for me, my favorite. He also carried a gift sack, since someone in the family went shopping and bought an outfit for me to wear home. I was pretty certain the shopping was Cooper’s doing. Idle time on that man’s hands meant shopping, for sure.

  He crawled back in bed with me. Searching his eyes, I said, “I love you. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “I have something for you,” he said as he reached into his pocket and brought out my ring. “The FBI agents gave this to your dad. Normally, they hold items for evidence, but they took photos and released it and said that was all they needed. Can I put it back on you?”

  “Yes, you can. And I want what you want, for us to get married like we had originally planned, with a destination wedding.”

  His eyebrow raised in curiosity, he asked, “Do you have a time frame in mind?”

  “Hmm, what are you doing next month for Thanksgiving? Our family can join us somewhere warm for a wedding over the holidays. It will probably be the best time to get everyone together and I don’t want to wait ‘til Christmas.”

  “I love you. I want us to be together as soon as possible. We could get married tomorrow if you want?” I saw devilish gleam in his eyes when he came closer to kiss me tenderly.

  “I love you, honey, you’re my world. I don’t know what I would do without you, but I think Daddy would kill you if he heard you wanted to get married tomorrow.” I gently stroked his cheek. I craved the close connection to him. He and the baby, my little family, were all I could think about while I was being held captive. When he raised his arm to stroke my cheek I touched the tattoo on the back side of his forearm. When I’d asked him about it before, he said it was a long story for another time. “We have plenty of time, why don’t you tell me the story of this tattoo?”

  “It’s not a happy story. We’ve had enough sadness for today, why don’t we talk about it later?” He put his face in my hair and drew in a deep breath, scooting close to me.

  We settled in to sleep together in my hospital bed. They’re not exactly built for two, but I didn’t want to be alone. I only felt safe with Grayson next to me. I could feel his heart beating up against my back. I fell asleep thinking about my Mom always said, “The heartbeat has two sides to it.” I couldn’t appreciate that saying when I was young, but now I know what it truly means. The heart gives life to the body every times it beats, filling the tired blood with oxygen. It was
like each heartbeat was a fresh start... A do-over.

  The next morning, I woke up to the sun just beginning to come up through my window. It was still quiet and he was still in my bed cradling me. Soon, my room buzzed with activity. Dr. Mason and the nursing staff came in to get me ready to leave the hospital. Grayson was briefed by the authorities facilitating our departure. I changed my clothes with his help and we said our goodbyes to Dr. Mason and the nurses. He gathered our things but we were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Tara Edmonds and her husband Jeff, and they had brought baby Elizabeth with them.

  “Alexandra, Dr. Brooks, this is Jeff, my husband, and baby, Elizabeth. We came by to check on you and to say goodbye. We’re here for you both as you move on to starting a new chapter in your life. I know that seeing a baby may be difficult, but after what I shared with you about my story, just know that it is truly possible to move on from your tragedy and have a special life together. I’m certain that soon you’ll have a baby of your own. Jeff and I want to keep in touch with you and maybe we can visit you in Dallas. We hope you have a safe trip home and an easy recovery, Alexandra.”

  We hugged and said our goodbyes. I was grateful to have met Tara.

  Chapter 3

  The trip home was uneventful, thank goodness. I remember sleeping most of the way, thanks to the medicine that Dr. Mason had provided. When we got to the apartment, Grayson helped me into the living room and settled me on the sofa. It felt like it had been weeks since I left, not just a few days. Dad and Gretchen left to get settled at the hotel, Zoe went home to Brent, leaving Harrison was hanging out with us for the time being.

  “Let’s order pizza for lunch and find some football to watch!” I said, trying to rally my cheerful voice. Grayson looked at me with endearing eyes and reached for me, stroking my cheek with his thumb. His eyes spoke to me long before his lips parted. “You don’t have to try so hard, we’re here for you and not going anywhere.”

  His endearing comment caused my eyes to water. I mouthed, “I love you.”

  Cooper, trying to lighten the mood, went to get the menu. “Can I bring you guys a beer?”

  Now, that’s what I call a man after my own heart. Sure, it was early, but if it wasn’t for pain meds, I would’ve taken him up on the offer. “The beer police over here would arrest me, so I’ll pass.”

  “Yep.” Grayson handed me the iPad and sat down beside me. The man obviously had a plan. He pulled me into his lap to make room for Harrison on the sofa. “So, where do you want to get married, my pet? Earlier, you mentioned somewhere warm?” He nuzzled my cheeks with his dark scruffy beard. From the looks of it, he hadn’t shaved in days. I noticed the little things that seemed different about him.

  “Well, I thought about St. Kits or St. Lucia, or even Hawaii. Something on the beach without a ton of fuss. Do you have a preference, sweetheart?” I rubbed his nose with mine. I couldn’t refrain from touching him. I needed that physical connection, anything that would stop me from feeling so empty.

  “How would you feel about going to Bora Bora? I found a beautiful chapel for weddings online. I was doing research on the plane. I’ve never been there, so it’ll be a new experience for both of us. Although, it is a holiday time, so we may be at the mercy of whatever’s available.”

  “I know nothing about Bora Bora except when the Kardashians went there on their TV show, so I need to look it up!” Grayson raised his eyebrows at me, I gathered he didn’t know who the Kardashians were.

  I researched Bora Bora destination weddings on the internet. The Four Seasons Resort had the Aherenoa Chapel, which was very beautiful, and I loved their over-water bungalows. I called to see what availability they had and we were in luck, they could accommodate us with the bungalows, but the wedding chapel only had a few openings left, with beachside as their alternative. They would have the wedding coordinator make contact to start the planning process for the ceremony and reception.

  “Cooper, how do you feel about shopping for a wedding gown next week? Looks like we could be getting hitched in Bora Bora at Thanksgiving, so you can help me pull this off in a month, right?” I gave him a wink. I knew he could pull off a wedding in a few days, so I wasn’t worried. Or was I?

  “That’s awesome! Bora Bora here we come. I’m so happy that you’re going through with the wedding, because I’ve already promised your room to Monica!”

  I wouldn’t expect anything less from him, since there had never been a dull moment with him in my life. We all shared in a great laugh. We needed the humor since the quiet time seemed to wreak with tension.

  “Who’s Monica?” Harrison asked. He was still trying to get his mind around all of our friends who come and go.

  “Monica Green, a good friend of Cooper’s.” I gave Harrison a wink. I needed time with him to catch up. Grayson hadn’t filled me in on their reconciliation, but I was certain that eventually the details would emerge when I needed to know. At least they seemed to be getting along, which is all that I could ask for.

  “Hey Cooper, I’m single, so don’t forget I’ll be happy to take a look at some of these single ladies you keep talking about.” Harrison was trying hard to get a hook up here in Texas before heading home to Chicago. Men...

  “Hmm, you want us to fix you up? There are some real hotties who come in and out of here. Too bad I’m taken!” Grayson was poking fun at me but he soothed his jab with a sweet kiss on my lips.

  “Monica is a cutie-pie. She has medium length dark hair, big brown eyes, medium height and is very fit. She likes Krav Maga training and she might just kick your ass!” Harrison whirled around and gave me a fun glare, but we all enjoyed ourselves at his expense.

  The pizza finally arrived and I realized that I hadn’t eaten much in several days. I couldn’t remember pizza tasting better and stuffed myself. While we were watching the game, I noticed Cooper was texting back and forth with someone.

  After a few minutes, Monica arrived. Aha, I knew what he had done, and Harrison busted him as well. We chatted back and forth about our plans and the apartment. She was excited about moving in with Cooper. Her roommate was getting married in November as well, so the timing was perfect.

  The afternoon clicked away while we entertained company. Grayson went to open more wine. “Hey babe, I’m going to run down to the winery and pick up more wine. Need anything while I’m out?

  “Nope, I’m good.” I reassured him with a gentle smile.

  “Grayson, I got it, you stay with Alex. If Harrison will come with me, I can show him where it is and he can help me carry stuff back.” Monica and Harrison appeared to have instant chemistry.

  “Harrison has eyes for her. Did you see that?” I winked at Grayson.

  Cooper put his two cents in as well, “She practically drug him out of the chair to go with her. She has the hots for him too.”

  Shame on us, we were gossiping about them as soon as they left. The idea of them together felt right for some reason.

  When they returned, she told me that she had asked if she could personally show him around town. I made a mental note that Harrison was staying in town for at least a week, which was good. It was a peaceful feeling that the family was coming together. We all bantered back and forth about the football game, but it was a pleasant diversion having a full house of people. It took my mind off of the pain and heartache we’d just suffered, even if it was only for a few stolen moments of normal. I knew what our friends and family were doing, they were surrounding us with love and comfort. Their presence kept me from the fear of being alone and I loved that about them.

  Dad and Gretchen stopped by for a brief visit, but they left to go enjoy a quiet dinner. Grayson and I made plans to have dinner with them at Sambuca’s. We needed time for just the four of us to settle in and discuss wedding plans.

  The guys were paying attention to the game which gave me time to bounce wedding ideas around with Monica. Cooper left to go out with Mark, leaving just the four of us together.

  When t
he guys made a trip to the market to pick up some things to make pasta and salad for dinner, I finally had a chance to spend girlfriend time with Monica.

  "I saw Harrison touching your hand. You like him don’t you?”

  “Hmm. I’ll never tell,” she teased.

  “I’m glad he’s staying around for a while. He’s a really nice guy. It would mean the world to me if he and Grayson could mend fences.”

  “They seem fine. Do they not like each other?”

  “There’s history there and I don’t know the whole story, but part of it has to do with competition over the years.”

  “I’m an only child, so I wouldn’t know much about that.”

  She shared with me how she once wanted to go into medicine, but she became addicted to fashion in college and changed her major. She had only been in Dallas for a couple of years. She talked about how she loved her job and got to visit miraculous sites around the world and she works with a good deal of men. That’s how she became familiar with mixed martial arts fighting (MMA) and Krav Maga training. She promised to show me a few things when I was completely healed.

  “Is it tough dealing with temperamental models?”

  “Yes, some of them are dragons. In a perfect world, they would all be like Cooper, he’s so easy, always rolls with the flow. He’s gorgeous, too bad he’s not straight.”

  “I know, right?”

  “I’m glad that Harrison went with you down to the winery. The thought of crazy people around this world makes me shudder. Why can’t we just live our lives without fear of creeps? It’s just not fair!” I spread my arms out in a bit of angry body language and knocked over her wine glass. Wine and glass splattered everywhere.

  “Let me help you, Alex.”

  “No, I can take care of it myself. You don’t have to baby me.”

  We almost bumped heads trying to pick up the mess on the floor. Her eyes were big and her face had a blank expression, almost ashen. I realized what I had done. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to bitch at you.”