Up the Down Staircase

by Bel Kaufman

  “He should of took the road …”

  “On this here road …”

  “He coont make up his mind.”

  9. Enthusiasm is contagious. I’m glad you’re not ashamed to show you are moved by emotion or excited by an idea. Unexpected intrusion of outsiders (plumber, etc.) need not necessarily curb this enthusiasm.

  10. The less a teacher talks the better the teacher. Don’t feed them; elicit from them. Learning is a process of mutual discovery for teacher and pupil. Keep an open mind to their unexpected responses. Example: comment of boy doing math that man has no choice.

  11. Don’t allow the lesson to end on the wrong note. Example: your question “What kind of man was Frost?” elicited the answer: “The kind of man who likes to write poetry.” Just then the bell rang and they were dismissed.

  12. Your quick praise of pupil effort and your genuine interest in what they say are first rate! It’s fine for the girls to emulate you and for the boys to try to please you. But there are certain hazards in looking too attractive.

  There is no question in my mind but that you are a born teacher.

  Samuel Bester

  * * *

  INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

  FROM: 304

  TO: 508

  Dear Bea–

  We have met the enemy, and he is ours!

  I knew I’d be observed today and was prepared. At least, I thought I was.

  There is a heading: “Anticipation of Difficulties” in the model outline, but I had difficulties I hadn’t anticipated.

  A boy got hiccoughs and almost fell out of the window; there was a false emergency drill signal; McHabe came to make an announcement; and the plumber dropped in to hammer on the radiator.

  Bester sat and scribbled away at the back of the room, while I tried to keep in mind simultaneously 39 kids, lesson-plan, room passes, boardwork, Frost, troublemakers, scraps of paper on the floor, correcting their English, and enlarging the scope of the lesson to include moral and ethical concepts.

  I didn’t have time to cover half of the things in my Plan Book, and I forgot Summary and Windows, but I did ask “pivotal questions,” linking the poem to their own experiences. Bester says I’m a born teacher! Congratulate me!

  Syl

  * * *

  INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

  FROM: 508

  TO: 304

  Dear Syl,

  Of course you are. A born teacher, I mean.

  Linking a lesson to their own experiences is fine if you can do it, but sometimes it’s a strain. I recall a young teacher whose opening question on Wordsworth’s poem to a class of tough city boys in a vocational high school was: “How many of you have seen a sea of daffodils lately?”

  Naturally, congratulations!

  Bea

  * * *

  Dear Miss Barrett,

  I’ll be absent tomorrow due to sickness so please let some one else read these minutes I took on today’s lesson.

  It was a most interesting and educational English period. Miss Barrett collected money for the Scholastics and any one who doesn’t bring it tomorrow won’t get it. Miss Barrett read some notices about the G.O. and Mr. McHabe came in to speak about no sneakers on cafeteria tables. Miss Barrett sent Roy out of the room for spitting out of the window to cure hiccups and thought us a beautiful poem by Mr. Robert Frost. The title was called “The Road Not Taken”. Dr. Bester visited us. He sat next to Fred.

  We discussed our different turning points in life. Vivian’s turning point was college or work after graduation? This was not a good example because she is only a soph. Linda’s turning point was about which dress to wear Sat. night. Eddie’s turning point was when he went to the cellar and got hit on the head. Lou had no turning point.

  The poet tries to say that because he took the road this made a lot of difference. He tells about yellow wood. He decides to take a walk and takes a wrong turning point and gets lost and sighs. The moral is we can’t walk on two roads at the same time. Some people in class disagreed.

  The poet (Mr. Frost) teaches us about life and other things. He was simple. He was economical and died recently. He blazed a trial on a new road.

  Miss Barrett passed around his picture but it got only to the first row because some wise guy hogged it and wouldn’t pass it. Multim im parva means he says very little. Trodden means walk.

  His style was very good. He had his eye on things.

  In my last term’s English class we had to put poems under different Headings like Poems of Love and Friendship, or Nature and God’s Creatures, or Religion and Death, and say where they belong to, but I’m not sure where this one belongs to.

  Respectfully submitted,

  Janet Amdur, Class Secretary

  Fri., Nov. 6

  Dear Ellen,

  I rejoice with you at the departure of the painters. What do you mean, it came out buff?

  You’re right; I am attracted to Paul. He’s very attractive. But the surface is so highly polished, it’s hard to get hold of it. One slips off. Our relationship is surface too: an occasional drink together, a dinner, a movie in my “spare time, Ha-ha!”–as one of my kids would say. I smile at his amusing verses and I listen to his amused complaints about editors and school and fate. He’s a kind of charming Minniver Cheevy–without the bathos. I’d like to like him more.

  As for your questions: Yes, Linda Rosen is back, presumably cured. So is Joe Ferone, presumably not. He has changed his mind about seeing me after school. “What’s in it for you?” he asks.

  The day he returned to class, with a Late-Late pass from McHabe, who detained him for coming late (do you follow me?) I was observed by Bester. I taught a poem. Or did I? I don’t think I got through to them, in spite of all my careful paper-plans, in spite of all of Bester’s paper-words.

  The trouble is their utter lack of background. “I never read a book in my life, and I ain’t starting now,” a boy informed me. It isn’t easy to make them like a book–other teachers got there before me. Henrietta with her games in teams, Mary with her outlines. Or perhaps it goes further back, to the 1st grade, or the 5th?

  The important thing is to make them feel King Lear’s anguish, not a True-or-False test on Shakespeare. The important thing is the recognition and response, not an inch of print to be memorized.

  I want to point the way to something that should forever lure them, when the TV set is broken and the movie is over and the school bell has rung for the last time.

  But what a book report means to them is: to tell an interesting fact about the author (“Poe was a junkie”); to complete: “This book made me wish/ wonder/ realize/ decide”; to recount one humorous/ tragic incident; or to engage in hokum projects such as designing book jackets, drawing stick figures, holding TV interviews with dead authors or imaginary characters, playing “Who Am I?,” and pepping up the classics. In other words, saving the others the trouble of reading the book.

  Sample:

  LOU: My book is– –

  I: The book you read.

  LOU: Yeah. The title is called Macbeth by Shakespeare.

  I: Its title is.

  LOU: Macbeth.

  I: But wasn’t it required reading for last term’s English? I understand Macbeth was taught in English 2 last term. You were supposed to report on a supplementary book. That means, in addition to the required– –

  LOU: I ain’t never read it before.

  I: I’ve never read it.

  LOU: Me neither. In this book the author depicks–

  I: Depicts.

  LOU: Depicks how this guy he wants to– –

  I: Who?

  LOU: Him.

  I: He.

  LOU: Yeah. He potrays that this here– –

  I: He says.

  LOU: Mrs. Lewis told us not to say say. She gave us a whole list like depicks and potrays instead.

  I: Yes, Harry?

  HARRY: Observes.

  I: I beg your pardon?<
br />
  HARRY: Remarks. Narrates. Exclaims. I’ve got it written down.

  I: She probably wanted you to avoid repetition. There’s nothing wrong with the word “says.” What’s the theme of the play, Lou?

  LOU: Well, the author narrates this murder– –

  I: No, the theme, not the plot. Does anyone know the difference between theme and plot? Linda?

  LINDA: The plot is what they do in the book and the theme is how they do it.

  I: Not exactly. The theme– –Yes, Vivian?

  VIVIAN: The theme is what’s behind it.

  I: Behind what?

  VIVIAN: The plot.

  I: Frank?

  FRANK: The lesson.

  I: What lesson? Please answer in complete sentences.

  FRANK: That the author is trying to teach. The morale of the book.

  I: The moral. It need not– –Yes, John?

  JOHN: He’s supposed to mention three incidents.

  I: But we’re talking about the– –Harry?

  HARRY: Personal opinion.

  I: What?

  HARRY: He didn’t give his personal opinion.

  LOU: I didn’t even get to it.

  I: We’re still trying to determine the difference between plot and theme. Sally?

  SALLY: One is real and one is made up.

  I: Well, actually–Yes, Carole, what is it?

  CAROLE: Oh, thank God! I thought you’d never call on me! The author tries to say– –

  I: Tries? Doesn’t he succeed?

  CAROLE: He tries to show– –

  I: He shows.

  CAROLE: He shows how you mustn’t be ambitious.

  LOU: Potrays.

  I: Does he say that ambition is bad?

  CAROLE: Yes.

  I: Is it? Isn’t it good to be ambitious? Lou?

  LOU: It’s good, but not too.

  I: Not too what?

  LOU: Not too ambitious is not so good.

  I: You mean, excessive ambition can lead to disaster?

  LOU: That’s right.

  I: Why don’t you say it? The theme of Macbeth is that excessive–or rather, ruthless ambition often proves disastrous. That’s what words are for–to be used. What does ruthless mean? Eddie?

  EDDIE: Steps all over.

  I: Say it in a sentence.

  EDDIE: He steps all over.

  I: Rusty, you wanted to say something?

  RUSTY: Mrs. Macbeth noodges him.

  I: You mean nudges?

  RUSTY: Noodges. Being a female, she spurns him on.

  I: Yes, John, your hand is up?

  JOHN: I read the same book, but my theme is different.

  I: What is it?

  JOHN: The theme is he kills him for his own good.

  Never mind. I may be reaching too high, I may stumble and fall, but I’ll keep on trying!

  Love,

  Syl

  P.S. Did you know that at the College Entrance Examination Board’s Commission on English it was found that a third of high school English teachers were unfit to teach their subject?

  S.

  FROM: CENTRAL CURRICULUM ADAPTATIONS COMMITTEE FOR APPRAISAL AND SELECTION OF INSTRUCTIONAL MATERIAL AND SPECIFIC DEVICES IN ORIENTATION AND MOTIVATION:

  THE ORAL BOOK REPORT

  FUNCTIONAL APPLICATION OF LANGUAGE SKILLS IN CONNECTION WITH A DEVELOPMENTAL PROGRAM OF READING MASTERY AND APPRECIATION, COMBINED WITH CONCURRENT TRAINING IN ORAL EXPRESSION CAN BEST BE ACHIEVED IN THE FORM OF THE ORAL BOOK REPORT INVOLVING ALL THE CONCOMITANT OBJECTIVES OF STIMULATING CONVERSATIONAL PARTICIPATION ON LEVELS OF SHARING OF INTELLECTUAL AND EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES, WHICH IS THE CULMINATION OF THE COMMUNICATIONS ARTS.

  THE FOLLOWING TEACHERS ARE TO BE COMMENDED ON ACHIEVING 100% ATTENDANCE YESTERDAY:

  None

  ___________________________________

  THERE WILL BE A FIRE DRILL AT THE END OF THE FOURTH PERIOD TODAY; PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ANY TESTS.

  ___________________________________

  CIRCULARS ON OPEN SCHOOL DAY HAVE BEEN PLACED IN YOUR LETTER-BOXES. PLEASE READ THEM CAREFULLY AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

  ___________________________________

  LOST & FOUND

  LOST: Man’s black umbrella, wooden handle–

  Ret. to M. Manheim

  LOST: One galosha, black–

  Ret. to M. Manheim

  LOST: Paperback book: “How To Stop Smoking in 24 Hours.”

  Ret. to F. Egan, Health Office

  FOUND: Blue ball-point pen–doesn’t write–

  Inq. office

  ___________________________________

  TEACHERS WHO LINE UP IN FRONT OF THE TIME CLOCK WAITING TO PUNCH OUT IN THE AFTERNOON CREATE A CROWDED CONDITION IN THE DOORWAY. PLEASE WAIT UNTIL DISMISSAL BELL RINGS BEFORE COMING DOWN.

  JJ McH

  ___________________________________

  PLEASE DO NOT TAMPER WITH HAND ON THIS TIME CLOCK.

  ___________________________________

  THE OFFICE TELEPHONE IS NOT TO BE USED FOR PERSONAL CALLS. PLEASE USE THE PAY-TELEPHONE IN THE BASEMENT.

  ___________________________________

  TEACHERS’ INTEREST COMMITTEE MEETING TODAY DURING LUNCH PERIOD IN ROOM 404. PLEASE COME PROMPTLY WITH YOUR LUNCH: LAST MONTH NO ONE SHOWED UP!

  ___________________________________

  PERSONALS

  Mr. Draper lost his father; funeral tomorrow. We express our regret.

  Mrs. Jane Tessler, on Maternity Leave, had a baby girl, weight 6½ lbs. She is at Rhodes Hospital.

  Zena Hall, graduate of Calvin Coolidge, is currently appearing in the chorus of the new musical revue, “Once in Love.”

  Miss Sarah Daniels, who retired from school last year, is eager to hear from members of the faculty. Her address: Midtown Hotel, Room 611

  TO: PARENTS OF OUR STUDENTS

  YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO VISIT OUR SCHOOL ON OPEN SCHOOL DAY, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, FROM 1–3 P.M. AND FROM 7–9 P.M.

  FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, YOUR SON/DAUGHTER HAS PREPARED A COPY OF HIS/HER PROGRAM, GIVING THE NAME OF EACH OF HIS/HER TEACHERS AND THE ROOM WHERE THE TEACHER MAY BE FOUND. IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO VISIT THE SCHOOL, PLEASE ADDRESS YOUR QUESTIONS CONCERNING YOUR SON/DAUGHTER TO THE TEACHER, ON THE ENCLOSED POSTAL CARD.

  JAMES J. MCHABE

  Administrative Assistant

  * * *

  TO ALL PARENTS:

  I AM CERTAIN AND CONFIDENT THAT YOU WILL WELCOME THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR CLOSER COMMUNICATION AND RAPPORT BETWEEN THE SCHOOL AND THE HOME ON OPEN SCHOOL DAY. WE MUST ALL PITCH IN AND COOPERATE IN MAKING THIS A COMPLETE AND UNQUALIFIED SUCCESS, FOR ONLY THROUGH MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN PARENT AND TEACHER CAN THEIR MUTUAL AIMS AND GOALS FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD OF THE CHILD BE ACHIEVED.

  MAXWELL E. CLARKE

  PRINCIPAL

  * * *

  TO ALL TEACHERS:

  I AM CERTAIN AND CONFIDENT THAT YOU WILL WELCOME THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR CLOSER COMMUNICATION AND RAPPORT BETWEEN THE SCHOOL AND THE HOME ON OPEN SCHOOL DAY. WE MUST ALL PITCH IN AND COOPERATE IN MAKING THIS A COMPLETE AND UNQUALIFIED SUCCESS, FOR ONLY THROUGH MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN PARENT AND TEACHER CAN THEIR MUTUAL AIMS AND GOALS FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD OF THE CHILD BE ACHIEVED.

  MAXWELL E. CLARKE

  PRINCIPAL

  * * *

  FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.

  TO: ALL TEACHERS

  BEFORE PARENTS ARRIVE, PLEASE MAKE SURE OF THE FOLLOWING AND CHECK OFF EACH ITEM:

  MATERIAL PLACED ON TEACHER’S DESK AS EVIDENCE OF TEACHER ACTIVITY (BOOKS, ETC)

  MATERIAL PLACED ON BULLETIN BOARD AS EVIDENCE OF PUPIL ACTIVITY (100% TESTS, ETC)

  ROOM DECORATIONS (UP)

  WARDROBES (EMPTY)

  FLOORS (CLEAN)

  WINDOWS (OPEN OR CLOSED, ACCORDING TO WEATHER)

  CHAIRS (IN EVEN ROWS)

  IN ORDER TO SEE AS MANY PARENTS AS POSSIBLE, TEACHERS WILL ALLOT NO MORE THAN 5 MINUTES TO EACH. A LIST OF THE NUMB
ER OF PARENTS VISITING EACH TEACHER WILL BE KEPT IN THE OFFICE: THE TEACHER WHO SEES THE LARGEST NUMBER OF PARENTS IS TO BE COMMENDED.

  THE TEACHER REFLECTS THE SCHOOL.

  JJ MCH

  * * *

  TO: ALL TEACHERS OF ENGLISH

  VISITING PARENTS SHOULD BE IMPRESSED WITH THE IMPORTANCE OF ENGLISH AS A COMMUNICATIONS ART.

  EXHIBIT OF PUPILS’ COMPOSITIONS, MARKED WITH TEACHER’S COMMENTS, IS SUGGESTED, AS WELL AS BLACKBOARD OUTLINE OF MEANINGFUL LESSON.

  THE TEACHER REFLECTS THE DEPARTMENT.

  Samuel Bester

  Chairman, Language Arts Dept.

  * * *

  TO: ALL TEACHERS

  PLEASE REMIND THE PARENTS YOU INTERVIEW OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NUTRITION AND ACADEMIC WORK.

  FRANCES EGAN

  SCHOOL NURSE

  * * *

  INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

  FROM: H. Pastorfield

  TO: S. Barrett, 304

  Dear Sylvia,

  Can you let me have a few of your kids’ compositions for my bulletin board? I haven’t had time to assign any yet–Thanks loads!

  Henrietta

  * * *

  INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

  FROM: 508

  TO: 304

  Dear Syl–

  If you get into any difficulty, send me an S.O.S. You’ll meet all kinds of parents. But the ones who should come, don’t.

  Bea

  * * *

  INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

  FROM: M. Lewis, 302

  TO: S. Barrett, 304

  Dear Sylvia,

  Do you happen to have a basin and a sponge? A rag will do. My clean-up monitor didn’t show up and I have to do it all myself!