by Solet, Trina
Zack took only a second to think about it.
"Bribe him. Since you have to go to class, promise him anything. I’ll veto it when I get home on the grounds that it was obtained under duress," he said decisively.
Mark wasn’t so sure about that plan, but he went ahead with it anyway.
After Zack picked up Al at Little Rainbow, he didn’t say anything just drove for a while.
"So were you good today?" he finally asked.
"Aha."
"And when I ask Mark if you were good today, what is he going to say?"
Al didn’t answer, and Zack didn’t press him. It would have to wait till Mark got home.
When he heard Mark’s key in the door, Al ran right up to him. Zack could hear Al trying to convince Mark not to rat him out.
"Do you want to tell your dad what happened yourself?" Mark asked.
There was no answer. Maybe Al shook his head.
"I’m going to go talk to your dad now. You want to come with me?"
No answer again, and when Mark came into the kitchen Al wasn’t with him.
"I couldn’t get a confession out of him," Zack told him.
"I tried to have him tell you, but he won’t."
"What did you promise?" Zack asked. He hoped it was something really good.
"To talk to you about getting a dog," Mark said.
"Just talk?"
Mark nodded.
"Nice." Zack said with a smile of approval.
"What’s the punishment?" Mark asked looking worried about what Zack would come up with.
"No dog."
"That’s the punishment? So the dog you never had any intention of getting him..." Mark started saying.
"Is the perfect punishment," Zack finished for him.
"You’re twisted."
"You get to tell him."
"Why?" Mark grumbled.
"He disobeyed you."
"Fine. I’ll go make your son unhappy," Mark said and went to let Al know how badly he had screwed up.
Zack hated to send him off to be the bad guy. Though he wasn’t eager to do it, Mark knew Zack was right and that it had to be done. He just preferred to be on Al’s side all the time. Zack could already see Al’s disappointed face when Mark told him there would be no dog. Maybe it wasn’t fair to punish him that way, but Al had to know that disobeying Mark had serious consequences. Al would also have to write a big "Sorry Mark". And undoubtedly Al will add an incomprehensible drawing.
The mail had arrived and Zack held up a piece of it for Mark to see.
"Mark, what am I looking at?"
Mark only laughed. He looked at the back to confirm what he suspected. It was from Spain, and it said "Wish you were here". On the front of it was a picture of a cat in a straw hat.
"A cat. Not a naked man. Not even some Spanish scenery. A cat. Of which I already have one," Zack bitched.
"She was going to send you naked men, but you ruined it. So it's your own fault for pointing out the flaw in her plan."
"I'm like a supervillain. I don't know when to shut up," Zack admitted.
"I think Mia is the supervillain. But she's good at it."
"Let's see yours," Zack demanded. At first he couldn't tell what it was as Mark held it up. Then he realized it wasn't a bought post card. It was made from a real photo.
"It's a sandcastle Dorie built, only the tide came in and demolished half of it."
"We have to take Al to the beach," Zack said thinking of his own kid building sand castles and demolishing them.
That same week there was another important piece of mail.
"Miss Olga invited us! Miss Olga invited us!" Al was running and yelling and waving around an invitation card.
"She came by and personally delivered the invitation for all three of us," Mark explained. "She's having a piano recital for her students."
"Oh, God," Zack said not hiding how horrified he was.
"She said, ‘I hope this young man owns a suit.' She was talking about Al. I told her, 'He might, but I don't.'"
"You were hoping she would let you off the hook," Zack guessed.
"I only wanted her to let me off the hook about the suit, not uninvite me. She said, 'Then it's about time you got one.'"
Zack laughed. That was typical Miss Olga.
"Al doesn't have one either. We can go suit shopping."
"I thought you hated shopping with Al," Mark reminded him.
"But I like shopping with you and Al. It’ll be fun."
Mark was happy to go with Zack and Al to the mall or anywhere. They ate mall food and tried on suits. Zack took a million pictures of Al in different little suits. He took some of Mark too, but restrained himself. Even so, Mark had to warn him, "You’re embarrassing me."
Zack got a new suit for himself, a gray one, of course. He also tried to pay for Mark’s suit, shirt and tie, as well the shoes Mark had to buy to go with his new clothes. Though Zack pouted about it, Mark wouldn’t let him pay. Mark took pictures of him and Al in their suits. They took more pictures when they got ready to go to Miss Olga’s. One in particular stood out in Mark’s mind. Stretching his arm out as far as it would go, Zack took a picture of him and Mark dressed up in their new suits. Looking at it, Mark thought it was too much like the pictures of just married gay couples he had seen. Mark was turned toward Zack and smiling in embarrassment while Zack was beaming with his arm around him. It was a picture of happiness. But not of a lifetime, only the happiness of a moment. Still Mark couldn’t stop looking at it. It represented everything he wanted. Zack looked at it strangely too. Then their eyes met, and each of them seemed to be asking the other a question. "When you look at this picture, do you see what I see?"
Chapter 20
Roy was back in town. Mark ignored the first few messages he sent then answered the next ones briefly. Though Roy hadn’t yet asked to meet him, he would. Mark didn’t know how he would respond.
Just as Mark looked at another message from Roy, Zack brushed against his elbow at the kitchen sink. Mark flinched away.
"I'm sorry," Zack said seeing his reaction.
"No. I'm just tense," Mark said to try and excuse his uncalled for reaction. And that was the truth as far as it went. Not knowing what he would say to Roy did stress him out.
"Am I making you tense? I mean, am I being too demanding?" Zack asked him worriedly and sweetly.
"No. Not at all. I’m just not sure about this last test. It’s no big deal," Mark lied and hated himself for it. Zack was looking at him with those blue eyes filled with concern, and Mark just wanted to spill everything to him. But his insides tightened at the thought of telling Zack about Roy.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the end of it. There were more lies when Roy called asking to see Mark. Zack overheard him on the phone. Mark was telling Roy, "I can't leave right now. I just can't. This is a job."
Once he was off the phone, Zack talked to him about it.
"You have evenings off. If you're seeing someone..."
"I'm not seeing anyone." As Mark said those words, he didn’t know if it was a lie or the truth. He just knew he couldn’t avoid Roy forever. He had to settle things with him.
Though he didn’t know what to do about Roy, Mark did know that he wanted someone very different from him. He wanted someone who wasn't ashamed or lying about who he was, someone who knew himself and was proud of his own identity. Most of all, Mark wanted someone who knew who he loved and knew how to treat them and how to hold on to them. As Mark thought about that ideal man, he tried not to think of Zack. That list wasn't about Zack. That list was about some other guy who was exactly like Zack in every way.
Whoever the ideal man was, he was the opposite of Roy. Roy wasn't gay. It was all Mark's doing. That was the official story, maybe it was even the story Roy believed. But the truth was, years ago, Roy made the first move. And Mark in his naiveté and foolishness believed that what they did together meant something. For a long time, Mark thought that some day the denial woul
d come to an end and that Roy would wake up. But it was Mark who woke up to the truth. He knew it without a doubt when they were discovered together in his bed. That was his moment of real disillusionment with Roy. Rather than admit the truth, Roy went along with the official version and let Mark take all the blame.
Mark felt like a coward avoiding Roy so he agreed to meet him. This time it was Mark who suggested their rock as the meeting place.
It was a warm evening with the sun low on the horizon. The view was beautiful, ruddy in the background with the greens of the treetops crowded together under the sky. Mark listened to the sounds of birds and insects. He also listened for the sounds of Roy’s approach. He would have to park a few minutes away, so he would arrive on foot whether he drove or not. Mark remembered how once he had felt excited as he waited for Roy to appear. Now he dreaded his approach. But there it was anyway. He heard the sounds of Roy’s footsteps as he came up to Mark.
Right away, Roy could tell that something was different. He grabbed Mark like he wanted to crush him, seeking proof that everything was the same between them. But the reassurance just wasn’t there. Mark’s body was cold to him.
"I guess this new job is keeping you busy," Roy said loosening his hold on Mark. He searched his face like the real answer was there and not in his words.
"It is. It’s not like the last one." Mark was speaking mostly the truth, but Roy already knew something was off.
"This thing between us is worth making time for. It goes deeper than anything. It’s sacred, man," Roy claimed.
As he looked away from Roy, Mark wondered if that was ever true. He already suspected that what little they had now was just a remnant of something that might not have been real in the first place. After all, it was all built on the lies they told themselves. Roy saying he wasn’t gay. Mark convincing himself that Roy cared.
When Mark didn’t say anything, Roy moved to hold him again. The only thing he could do for Mark now was purely physical. Mark considered what that would mean. Zack had gotten him all worked up, and now Roy would take care of those needs if Mark let him. But the truth was, Roy was a very poor substitute for Zack. His touch felt wrong, and Mark had to push him away. Roy tried again, more hesitantly this time.
"I think our time is over," Mark said to Roy "We need to grow up."
"No. It’s not over. This is us. Our place. This thing we share..." Roy started to say in a voice tightening with emotion.
"Whatever this was, it’s finished," Mark told him. He wanted to say he still cared about Roy, but he didn’t want to confuse things. He had to act even more sure than he felt so Roy would know he meant it.
Roy stared at him hard. Mark almost felt pinned in place by guilt, by Roy’s need for him, but he met Roy’s eyes as coolly as he could. Roy looked angry and hurt but not surprised then he walked away from him.
Mark still leaned against their rock. It had been warmed by the sun, but it was now cooling. All around him colors were deepening as the sun set. Mark waited for a while like he was absorbing the place, not sure if he would ever come there again.
As he drove home, Mark wondered about his future. When he thought hard about it, he realized it wasn’t just Roy that Mark didn’t want. These days when he saw a good looking guy, even one who seemed interested, Mark didn’t want him. Before, he would have smiled, gone over, maybe arranged to meet, or ducked into a quiet spot to make out. Now he looked away from guys who sent him signals. Without even giving them a chance, he knew they would only be a disappointment. He was horny and unsatisfied, but he only allowed himself the touch of his own hand. Mark wondered if anyone could ever satisfy him now except for Zack.
Mark couldn’t help thinking about what it would be like to be with him. A relationship with Zack would be nothing like the cheap mess he and Roy once had, he was sure of that. He knew sex with Zack would be on another level. Even Zack's casual touch had a sure, gentle quality. He imagined a touch like that on his cock and everywhere else. Even as he thought about Zack and felt his touch lingering, caressing, Mark knew it was pointless. Though he had noticed Zack respond to him, look at him like he was telling him yes, it didn't mean anything. It was just a symptom of too much time spent in close proximity. Zack would never want to become involved with him.
From the beginning, Zack had tried not to obsess over Mark, and not just his physical beauty. He had to tell himself not to pay so much attention to his moods, expressions, the sound of his voice. It was no use. So Zack couldn’t help but notice that Mark had been a little strange recently. Since Mark didn’t want to talk about it, Zack resolved to put it out of his mind.
It was no good, just another useless resolution about Mark. Zack could never keep his mind off him. And now that he suspected he might be seeing someone, there was no chance in hell that his obsession wouldn’t kick into high gear.
Based on what he had overheard, Zack believed that Mark was involved in a difficult relationship, not a happy one. And Mark certainly wasn’t spending a lot of time with this guy, not the way he would if he was in love. Though he had expected to be jealous, Zack found that he wasn’t nearly as much as he thought he would be. Zack felt a rare sense of certainty about the situation. If he wanted to, Zack could take Mark away from this guy, whoever he was. Zack wanted to laugh at himself for his egotism. Who the hell did he think he was? But the certainty remained. And its source wasn’t Zack himself. It was Mark. When he looked at Mark or just felt him near, Zack knew that something flowed between them, and it wasn’t one sided. He knew that if he reached out his hand, Mark would take it.
Zack was on his way back from dinner with Owen. The dinner was mostly Owen texting with some guy he was currently crazy about. After unsuccessfully trying to grab the phone away from him, Zack retaliated by calling Leon so he could get the dirt on Owen’s new boy toy while sitting right across from Owen. That got his attention. He spent the rest of dinner telling Zack way more about this guy than he ever wanted to know. Owen was a lot more fun when he was sleeping around and uninvolved. That’s when he told the good stories. If he had known Owen was in the middle of the honeymoon phase, Zack would have agreed to coffee or a quick lunch but not dinner with him.
As Zack pulled up in front of his house, ready to take the turn into his driveway, he noticed a car parked on the street. Next he noticed a young guy walking right up his driveway. He was good looking, not very tall with a powerful built of a quarterback not a linebacker. His clothes weren't tight, but he had the kind of physique that makes itself noticed regardless. Zack appreciated what he was looking at in a detached way, the way he looked at guys on the computer screen or in a magazine. Mainly he wondered what this guy had to do with him and his house. He wasn't surprised when Mark came out to meet him. Though he clearly knew him, Mark wasn't exactly happy to see this guy.
Zack parked in the driveway without being noticed by the visitor though Mark must have seen him. At first Zack couldn’t hear what the newcomer said. As he stepped out of the car, he heard Mark say, "What are you doing here?"
"Where else would I be? It's still summer break you know. Did you say come in? Don't mind if I do," the guy said, but he made no move to go inside. Not that he could have. The front door was closed, of course, and Mark was blocking the way.
"Roy, what the hell are you doing here?" Mark asked, his anger rising a little at the non answer his friend was giving him.
"We’re still friends, aren’t we? I just came to check out your new living arrangement," Roy answered more seriously this time. There was also a suggestive twist to his words.
Though Zack couldn’t be sure, he thought the answer to why he was there was pretty close to the truth. But it didn’t matter because Mark’s question had only been a way to let this guy know that he wasn’t welcome. Zack hung back throughout their exchange, still unnoticed by this Roy.
"You can't ever come here again. Do you hear me?" Mark told him.
But evidently Roy didn't hear.
"So you're living wit
h some gay guy now? At least that's what I hear," he said.
Mark didn’t address his curiosity about his new life.
"You need to leave," was all Mark said.
"Come on. Let me see your room," the guy pleaded.
"Roy, you need to leave!"
"Is there a room, Mark?"
"Go home."
Zack now approached the two of them.
"This is my employer," Mark said to his friend sharply, as a warning.
The guy turned and looked Zack over quickly. He stretched out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm..."
Instead of shaking his hand, Zack cut him off before he finished introducing himself.
"Did Mark ask you to do something?" he paused as the guy withdrew his hand. "If you can't do as Mark asks you to do, then I don't want to know you."
Zack stared hard at him then started toward the front door. As he stepped past him, Mark gave him a cautious look. But mainly he looked determined. Zack went inside leaving Mark to handle his friend.
Through the closed door, he could hear Mark saying, "You will not cost me this job." He said it harshly, and Zack allowed himself a grim smile at his tone.
First Zack went to check on Al. He was arranging his toys on the edge of his bed and telling PJ that they were lined up by rank. He was oblivious to what was happening in front of the house.
Though he was waiting for Mark, Zack didn’t want it to look that way. He went into the kitchen and got out a bottle of mineral water and a glass. He knew Mark would come to find him when he was done. As Zack waited for Mark to come in, he wondered if aggressive, athletic looking guys like this one were Mark’s type.
When Mark finally came in, he only stood in front of him and looked at him. Zack didn’t know why, but he smiled at him. Zack got another glass and poured out some mineral water for Mark too. They sat down at the kitchen table.
