Personal Foul

by Hayley Faiman

  “Damn,” I whisper.

  JESSA

  AFTER SPENDING THE whole day and early evening with Cole, I reluctantly head back to my dorm. It feels wrong, walking away from him. Each step I take that brings me closer to the place I call home, it makes me miss him more and more. Once I’m in my building, I dig my key out of my purse, and I freeze at the sight before me.

  Trent is sitting against the wall next to my door, his head bent and his knees cocked. He must hear me because his head pops up and his dark eyes connect to mine. “I’m sorry,” he rasps.

  I’m frozen in my spot. He’s never said the words to me, never looked at me with regret in his eyes like he’s looking at me right now. I watch as he stands and makes his way to me. I’m freshly showered from my afternoon with Cole, but I can’t help but wonder if he can smell another man on me, being this close to me.

  “Russ offered, and I thought you would be cool with it. I don’t know why I thought that, but you’re so uptight. You’re always so worried about school and work, and I thought you’d enjoy letting loose,” he murmurs.

  My head jerks back as I take a step away from him with a shake of my head. “You thought I’d enjoy being with other people, and a woman?” I hiss in disbelief.

  “You’re a fucking prude, Jessa. This is college, we’re supposed to be doing crazy, stupid shit, and all you want to do is study and work. You’re a fucking drag,” he spits, narrowing his eyes at me. “I thought as you got older you’d be more like your mom, but you’re nothing like her.”

  I press my knees together to keep them from knocking and shaking before I speak. “You need to go,” I announce.

  “Jess,” he grunts.

  “No, you need to go. I need to be away from you for a while.”

  He blinks at me once and then throws his hands up. “Fine, but I’ll be here tomorrow to go to class, and you better be over whatever the fuck is up your ass. You owe me everything, Jessa, just remember that. If I were you, I would get used to the idea of doing exactly what I want, when I want it, because that’s your life. So, you better get really fucking attracted to Rachel and maybe Russ, too, if that’s what I want from you.”

  I stare at his back as he storms away from me. “He’s a fucking dickhead, Jessa.” I spin around to see Ines leaning against the doorway of our room.

  “But he’s right. I owe him,” I whisper as I walk past her.

  Ines snorts before she speaks again. “Girl, you do not owe him that much. You are not his whore, and he is not your pimp. If you wanted to mess around and do what he wanted you to, then by all means, have some fun, but that’s not what this is. This is him guilting you and forcing you into something you don’t want, and that’s not right.”

  I don’t verbally respond. I merely nod, but I agree with her—one hundred percent. I don’t want to do what he’s suggesting. And yet, I slept with another man behind his back. Am I really in a position to argue with him or turn him down? Maybe I should just do what he wants, keep him happy and satisfied. Isn’t that my job as his girlfriend, anyway?

  Crawling into bed, I turn to face the wall, but I don’t close my eyes. I think about everything, about Trent, about Cole, and about sex. I don’t sleep. I lie awake all night long, again, and think about the current disaster that is my life.

  “WELCOME TO BISON Witches, my name is Jessa and I’ll be taking care of you today. Can I get you something to drink to get started?” I ask the pair of women who were just seated in my section.

  They order margaritas on the rocks, and I hurry off to put them in with the bartender before I check on my other tables. It’s when I’m standing next to the two women that I hear them talk. I’m trying to take orders from the table next to theirs, but I can’t help but overhear them.

  “You know Cole and I are just going through a rough patch. As soon as he’s done with this little fun time he has going on, he’ll be knocking right on my door again. It’s just the way he is. We’re meant to be together,” one of them says.

  I feel my head start to spin at her words. Though I’m not sure why I assume she’s talking about my Cole. I curse myself for thinking of him as mine as soon as the thought pops into my head. He’s not, not even in the slightest.

  Once I’m finished taking the orders at my current table, I reluctantly make my way back to the women. I take a good look at the one who had been speaking. She’s beautiful. She’s about Cole’s age, with dark, glossy, short hair and dark brown eyes. She looks completely put together, her makeup flawless, and one glance at her outfit tells me that it likely costs more than my entire wardrobe combined—including shoes.

  “Are you ready to order?” I ask meekly, feeling like I’m about five inches tall.

  They order, and I don’t look them in the eyes as I concentrate as hard as I can to write everything down. When I thank them and start to step away, the one who had been talking about Cole wraps her red painted fingernails around my wrist. It surprises me, and I look down into her face.

  “I know he’s playing around with you. He’ll be back to me when he’s done with a little girl like you. When he’s ready for a real woman, again. He can’t stay away from me, and he never will,” she states.

  “Brittany,” the other woman mutters from across the table.

  “I figure she has the right to know. We’ve been together for years, Jessa. You are nothing but a game. He’ll never want more than to get between your young legs. You’re his last grab at youth, and then he’ll come to me when he’s finally ready to settle down. I’ll be waiting for him when he does, too,” she grins as she lets me go.

  I don’t bother responding to her, knowing that if I did, I would just end up in tears. Hurrying to the bathroom, I decide to take my break.

  Once I’m in the stall, I close my eyes and think about her words. She’s probably right. What else would Cole want me for? I’m the perfect plaything. I have to keep us a secret, he can’t take me out in public, we meet at his place to have sex, and nobody will ever know because of Trent.

  I’m such an idiot.

  I press my head against the bathroom stall and exhale. The door opens and closes as women walk inside.

  “Tiffany, I’m telling you this girl is nothing but a girl. Cole is going to get tired of her in about two point three seconds. Other than her being a young little hot thing, what else could they have in common?” Brittany states.

  “I don’t know. John says he’s really smitten with this girl. She looks like a nice kid, Britt. Maybe he really does like her,” the friend states.

  I press my lips together and bite the inside of my cheek, feeling like an eavesdropper—but I’m not willing to make myself known, either.

  “He wants me, Tiffany, and you won’t convince me any differently. He was at my place just a few weeks ago. There’s no way he can stay away from me.”

  My stomach drops at her words. “You guys haven’t been serious for a long time, Britt. You don’t know what he wants anymore.”

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to check the new message as the women leave the bathroom.

  Cole: Just a few more days

  I don’t respond to his text, choosing to ignore him. I don’t know what to say to him. There are too many thoughts swirling around in my head. Making my way out of the bathroom to finish my shift, I ignore Brittany and Tiffany’s table until their food is ready.

  Taking their plates from the cook, I make my way to their table only to find it empty. There’s a note written on a napkin sitting in the middle. Setting their food down, I grab the note and read it.

  The service sucked.

  Stay in school because you couldn’t make it as a waitress.

  You’re just Cole’s fuck toy. Enjoy his dick for the short time you’ll have it.

  He’s mine. Just remember.

  -Britt

  I fight my tears back as I hurry toward my manager to explain what happened. Well, the part about being stiffed for the bill, at least.

 
“You’re a good kid, Jess and I wish I could cover it. I’m sorry. Their meals will have to come out of your paycheck,” he explains.

  I don’t argue with him, calculating how much their meals and drinks cost, which causes my face to go white. That puts me back a whole week for my coat. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to get it before the weather turns, completely.

  When my shift is over, I hurry home, wishing that this night, this week, were over. I try not to think about Cole, about his ex-girlfriend or whatever she is, and how she talked about me. I try, but I fail, not to think about the unanswered text message on my phone. I’m not going to respond. I’ve decided by the time I’ve made it back to my dorm.

  “Babe,” Trent’s voice calls out as I walk closer toward my door. I’m startled to see him there. I’ve only seen him in class since the past weekend.

  “Hey,” I murmur as I start to open my door.

  He’s behind me as soon as my door opens, his arm around my waist and his lips at my neck. “It’s been a while. I miss my girl,” he grunts.

  I look over to Ines’ bed and find that its empty. I’m surprised, since it’s so late on a weekday, but she’s been known to sleep elsewhere, so I don’t think anything of it. I strip out of my work clothes and crawl up my bed, waiting for Trent to join me.

  I hear his clothes rustle and then the sound of the foil condom as he opens it. He crawls up to join me in bed, and without so much as a kiss, I feel his body on top of mine.

  Closing my eyes as he enters me, Cole’s face flashes before me and my stomach clenches. Trent pants and grunts in my ear as he searches for his release. When he’s finished, he pulls out and ties a knot in his condom before throwing it over the railing on my bed.

  “Glad you’re finally over all that shit that happened,” he grunts against my ear as he lets his heavy arm rest against my waist.

  “Yeah,” I lie.

  His breath blows against my neck with every exhale he lets out. I try to relax, try not to let it annoy the shit out of me—but it does. “You’ll get used the idea, Jess. Rachel is really awesome, and she’s attracted to you like crazy. You’ll be so fucking hot together.”

  I stiffen in his arms as his words sink in. “Trent,” I exhale.

  “Don’t give me any shit, Jess. You’ll like it; and if you don’t, you’ll get used to it because it’s for me, babe.”

  I close my eyes as a tear falls down my cheek at the realization that Trent doesn’t give a single shit about me. He really does only care about himself, and I’m stuck with him—forever.

  COLE

  I CHECK MY phone again. This woman. I can’t read her. I thought that after our Sunday together that we’d be closer; that she would respond to my messages—but here I am, two days after sending her several messages, and she’s not responded once.

  I jog out to the field and try to forget her, put her out of my mind. I succeed, until I see Trent in the middle of the field. I want nothing more than to force him to run laps for no other reason than he’s got Jessa and I don’t.

  This is one of our last practices before the first game of the season, and I need to focus all my energy on my job, on the team, and the players. Today, we’re just going to practice different plays. First up, the Toss Sweep, which puts Trent at front and center as the tight end.

  “We’re going to run a Toss Sweep. I want to see you work, Keller,” I announce as I approach the group of players.

  Trying to stay focused, I call out different plays throughout practice. I watch Keller, waiting for him to fuck up even marginally, but he doesn’t. In fact, he plays better than he ever has. By the time they’re nearing the end of practice, I have a few other coaches standing around me.

  “I want him to play in the game,” Patrick, the head coach, announces to me.

  I shake my head. “He’s not ready.”

  “I don’t care. I want him playing tight end in the game on Saturday and to practice with the first-string players tomorrow,” he states.

  “Pat, he’s not fucking ready,” I growl as I turn to him. “He’s too fucking cocky, too full of himself, and he’ll get hurt.”

  Patrick shifts his eyes and narrows them on me, puffing out his chest a little more to make himself appear larger than he is—or perhaps more muscular than he is soft. Whatever he’s doing, it does nothing to intimidate me.

  “Cocky is good. I don’t know why you insist on taking that out of them. Let the game knock it out. If it doesn’t, then maybe they deserve to be cocky. Just because you got hurt doesn’t mean they will. Besides, you aren’t in charge here. I’m the fucking head coach, so when I say I want him, you say, yes, fucking, sir,” he snorts.

  “Pat,” John warns.

  “Fuck you, man,” I argue. “Me getting hurt had nothing to do with my abilities, it was a freak thing. Yeah, maybe I was a little cocky but I was a professional fucking athlete, Pat. These are kids, and Keller is just that, a fucking eighteen-year-old kid. You can’t throw him out there with twenty-one-year-olds that have been training and bulking for years at a level he’s only experienced for a few months in a practice setting.”

  “You want me to bring this up to the board?” Patrick asks, arching a brow, as though he’s got more pull than me with the athletic board.

  “You know what? Fine. Let him play. If he gets hurt, that’s on you, and I’ll make damn sure everyone knows it’s on you,” I grunt before I turn around and walk away.

  Fuck him.

  Know it all asshole.

  “Keller,” I shout as I walk closer to the players.

  He stops and turns around before taking his helmet off and jogging toward me. “Yeah, coach?”

  “You’ll be practicing with the first-strings to play in the game on Saturday.” I watch as the realization of what I’ve just said sinks in and Keller’s eyes widen before his cocky as fuck smile replaces the shock.

  “I’m starting?” he asks as he places his hands on his hips.

  As much as I want to knock his fucking ass down, I’m letting Patrick get his way, against my better judgement. “I want to be clear that it’s against my wishes. I personally don’t think you’re ready, but Coach Denton thinks otherwise,” I say. Keller nods. “Watch your back and don’t get hurt.”

  “No way can I get hurt, coach. I’m the fucking best,” he says with a grin. He slaps my shoulder as he jogs off toward Patrick.

  “You know that this whole scenario is completely fucked up,” John states as I watch my players finish their practice.

  “Yeah, I know,” I murmur.

  John lets out a long sigh as he rubs the back of his neck. I glance over at him and he’s looking at me as though he wants to say something else but he doesn’t. “Dinner tonight? Tiffany’s making chili and cornbread.”

  I take my phone out of my pocket and check for messages, finding none. Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I answer him. “I’ll be there.”

  JESSA

  MY PHONE BURNS a hole in my pocket. I want nothing more than to message Cole back. It’s almost as if it physically hurts not to be in contact with him. I close my eyes before reopening them and try to focus on my math homework. The door opens and closes quietly, and I look up to see Ines making her way to her own desk.

  “Where have you been lately?” I ask, turning back to my books.

  She’s been gone a lot the past few days. I’ve hardly seen her at all. She hasn’t been sleeping in her bed, either.

  “I met someone,” she announces. I turn my chair around and look at her in surprise, waiting for her to continue. When she doesn’t say anything, I wait a few beats longer and then she finally confesses. “He’s a professor,” she whispers. “One of my professors.”

  My eyes widen in shock, but not because she’s seeing one of her professors, but because I’ve been with Cole, a member of the staff as well. Pressing my lips together, I wait for her to say something else. She looks everywhere but in my face and eyes as she speaks.

  “I didn�
��t mean for it to happen. I went to his office to talk about a paper, a paper that I failed. One thing led to another. The man is nothing like the teacher part of him, and I’m falling, Jessa. It’s so stupid, and we could both get into so much trouble, but I can’t stay away,” she whispers.

  “Cole is on the staff here, too,” I admit.

  Ines makes a noise in the back of her throat as she finally looks straight into my eyes. “What are we doing?”

  I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head. “You’re breaking the rules, but you’re single. I’m cheating, or I was,” I whisper.

  Just speaking about my relationship with Cole in the past tense makes my stomach clench with pain. I miss him. He’s only a text message and a short walk away, but I can’t do it. I want him too badly, all of him, forever.

  “It’s not cheating on Trent, Jessa. What you have with him isn’t a relationship. You aren’t in love with each other. He uses you and you feel guilty, like you owe him something, which you do not. It’s okay to grow apart, and you can thank his parents and be grateful for all they did for you without making yourself miserable by being with their asshole son.”

  I close my eyes, feeling nothing but guilt and pain, knowing that if I left him I would lose his parents, the only family I know. And for what? Because Cole makes me feel good? Because he’s kind and gentle, and he makes my body ignite? I can’t leave Trent for no other reason than my own physical pleasure. I can’t do that to him or his parents. I can’t allow myself to be that selfish.

  “It is cheating, Ines, and I’m never doing it again,” I murmur before I turn back to my homework and dive back in.

  I have work in an hour, and I need to get this done tonight or I’ll be behind on everything. Ines and I don’t say anything else, me focusing on work while she’s probably day dreaming about her new taboo relationship. I try to bury myself in math and force all thoughts of Cole out of my head, but it doesn’t work.