Dangerous Dreams: A Novel

by Mike Rhynard

  Elyoner sighed, shook her head. “None but the Lord knows that, my friend. But I fervently pray Father returns with the first breath of spring.”

  “Aye to that. Have you ever—oh!” Emily abruptly clutched her stomach, took several deep breaths.

  “What is it, Em?”

  Three more quick breaths. “I’m fine. Just . . . just a sudden cramp.”

  Elyoner smiled. “Oh, is it your time?”

  Emily looked at her with guilty eyes, quickly lowered her gaze. “Yes.” She hesitated then looked up at Elyoner. “No, Ellie, ’tis actually not my time. Ellie?”

  Elyoner shed her smile, frowned at her. “Yes, Em.”

  Emily hesitated then shook her head. “Sorry, I . . . I don’t know what I was thinking.” She took another deep breath, clutched her abdomen again, felt a wave of nausea rising to her throat, turned away.

  “Emily Colman. Pray tell, what is wrong with you? By the saints, you are quite obviously not well. What ails you?”

  “Nothing ails me. Why do you hound me like an old crone with nothing better to do?” Her eyes immediately saddened; her lower lip protruded like a child’s when it’s about to cry. She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. “Forgive me, Ellie. That was most cruel of me. I didn’t mean it at all. I’m truly sorry.” She shook her head. “You’re right, I am not myself. I should leave.” She turned, started to walk away.

  Elyoner grasped her wrist, gently restrained her. “Emily Colman, this is not about your father. Something else is gravely wrong, but I can’t help you unless you tell me what it is. Truly, lass, your milk has withered, and you’re someone other than yourself, and I’ve seen you look and act as if . . . as if you’re in a condition I know you can’t be in. I see quite clearly that something is wrong. So please tell me what it is.” She waited expectantly, but Emily said nothing. She assumed a stern pose, spoke as if scolding a child. “Very well then. I heard there was an incident in the Chesapeake village, an incident with you and Hugh Tayler, and then Isna. I heard ’twas quite unsightly: that you screamed at Tayler, that he seized you and shook you, and that Isna approached him, threatened him by his very presence, and drove him away.”

  Emily stared at her with a horrified look, covered her mouth with her hands.

  “And then you spoke to Isna in his language then in English, but no one heard what you said.”

  Emily began to tremble, felt herself unraveling toward hysteria.

  “Then Isna walked away, you fell to your knees and wept, and Shines came to you and comforted you.”

  Emily sniffled, rubbed her eyes. “Ellie, Ellie.” She pulled herself into Elyoner’s arms. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused, so afraid.” The rain intensified, splashed off their hoods and shoulders.

  Elyoner closed her eyes, hugged Emily, rocked her back and forth, then whispered softly to her as if she were a child, “Em, my dear Em, you must let me help you. Please tell me what destroys you so.” Neither spoke until Elyoner held her lips to Emily’s ear, whispered over the roar of the rain, “Emily Colman is a woman of great strength, and she will persevere and overcome her trials. But first, she must share her burden with her dearest friend. Please, Em, let me help you. And since I already know what happened in the Chesapeake village, pray begin there. What was Tayler doing? Why did you scream at him?” Emily remained silent. “You told him to leave, asked him if he knew what he’d done to you. Emily, what did he do to you? Did he . . . did he force himself on you that day in the forest?”

  Emily covered her face with her hands, turned away, sank to her knees in the mud. “Noooooo . . .” My God, Mother, I so want to tell her. How can I bear this?

  “Then what did he do?”

  Emily sat crouched, shivering in the mud and rain.

  “Please, Emily, release your burden; tell me what happened!”

  “I can’t!”

  “So he did do something.”

  No answer.

  “Emily, you must tell me.” She shook her head as rain dripped off her nose. “There’s but one thing that could upset you like this. So I’ll ask again, did he . . . did he force himself on you?” Elyoner dropped to her knees beside her, put her arm around her, leaned close to her ear. “Emily, did he rape you?”

  Emily screamed through a sudden rush of tears, “No, Ellie! No. He didn’t. Now leave me alone. I don’t want to talk anymore. I must go.” Lord, make her leave me.

  “You’re lying to me, Emily Colman. I know you are. You’re hiding the truth. He did something terrible to you and has scared you into silence. And by the saints above, I shall find out what it is and make him pay. Rape is a capital offense, and if it has happened to my dearest friend, there will be hell to pay. That I promise.” A flash of alarm swept Elyoner’s face. “Emily? Are you . . . are you with child?”

  Emily moaned softly then whispered with a submissive, quavering voice, “Ellie, please leave me alone. Please, I implore you. Don’t ask me this.”

  Elyoner knelt in the mud beside her, put her arm around her; gently pushed her wet, matted tangles of hair aside, brushed the dripping rain and mud from her face; pulled her close, kissed her cheek. “My dearest Emily, you cannot bear this alone. I know what’s happened; your silence confirms it. And I shall do something about it.”

  Emily opened distraught, desperate eyes. “No, Ellie. You mustn’t do anything or say anything to anyone. Promise me, please, Ellie. Much depends on it.” Lord, make her listen.

  Elyoner looked at her with wondering eyes and parted lips.

  “Please, Ellie. Promise me.”

  Elyoner held her look and her silence, finally said, “Very well, Em. I promise, but ’tis only for today. This is not the end of it. I shall be an old crone, and hound you until you tell me what’s happened and let me help. Do you hear me, Emily Colman?”

  Emily sniffled. Her voice was a weak, broken whisper. “Yes . . . I hear you.”

  “Now I’ve something to tell you.”

  Emily looked at her with hopeless eyes.

  “I talked to Shines today. She’s difficult for me to understand, but she told me to tell you that Isna talked to her, that his heart is sick with love for you, and he doesn’t understand why you turned away from him. She also said he knows some great pain afflicts you, and he would help you bear it and place it behind you no matter what it is or what it takes.”

  Emily again planted her face in her muddy hands, shrieked, “Ellie, I love him!” Her body trembled wildly. “I can’t live without him . . . but I cannot face him.”

  “Yes, you can, Emily. And you must. You must go to him. He loves you, and he’s shown himself to be the only man in this world worthy of you. He’s certainly changed my notion of . . . of these people we call Savages.” Elyoner leaned down, again pulled Emily close, kissed her cheek. “Emily, you must go to him.”

  “I can’t, Ellie. I can’t, ever. I’m so ashamed, so unworthy. Oh, Ellie, what am I do? My life, my hopes, everything, all of it gone.”

  “You can’t speak like this, lass. Whatever’s happened was not your fault, and you bear no shame or dishonor for it. You must purge such notions from your mind.” She shook her head. “We shall cross this river together. Now come with me. We’re soaked to our bones. Let us escape this rain to my house. And I want you to move in with us immediately.”

  Emily shook her head. “No, Ellie. I can’t. ’Twould be a terrible intrusion.”

  “Now you listen, little sister. Though you hide it and deny it, I’ve no uncertainty what’s befallen you. And what’s befallen you is the most pressing reason to do as I say. So if you lack the good sense to care for yourself, I shall provide it; and you, Mistress Colman, are coming to live in my house. And that is final!”

  Emily rubbed her eyes, smeared mud over her cheeks and forehead. “Ellie, there’s something I must tell you.”

  Elyoner leaned back with a skeptical look.

  “Father’s last words were a plea—a desperate plea—that I marry Hugh Tayler.”
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  “No, Emily.”

  “Ellie, I refused him again and again, but he persisted, begged me, almost with his dying breath, and . . . and Ellie, I had to say yes.”

  “No, Em.”

  “Yes. I’d no choice.”

  “Em, you do have a choice. You don’t love Tayler; and if he’s done what I fear he’s done, marrying him will only worsen things. Trust me, sister. You’ll only condemn yourself to misery and pain.” She placed her hands on the sides of Emily’s head, pulled her close, focused intently on her eyes. “You love Isna not Tayler. Do not do this to yourself. Denounce Tayler; go to Isna.”

  She looked at the ground. “But, Ellie, I promised Father even as he died!”

  “God forgives promises forced by threat or duress . . . and you are most certainly under both. You’ve no obligation to honor that promise.”

  “You don’t understand. I’ve no choice. If I don’t do as . . . Ellie, I must marry him.”

  “Do as what?”

  “Nothing.”

  Elyoner shook her head. “Em . . .’tis wrong as wrong can be. But enough! You’re a muddy mess. To my house and dry clothes. I want you near me . . . at least for the remainder of this day and night. So come now, ’tis time to feed Virginia. We shall continue this later.”

  Ananias greeted them as they entered the cottage. “Ah, you’ve returned, ladies. Looks as if you’ve been bathing in the mud. I despise this damnable rain. Reminds me of home.” He took a breath, looked somberly at Emily. “Em . . . again . . . my deepest sympathy. Thomas was such a fine man and an incomparable friend. The Assistants will truly suffer his absence.” He shook his head. “I’m sure you’ve heard Hugh Tayler’s been elected to replace him.”

  Emily and Elyoner glanced at one another with evident surprise.

  “I know Thomas thought a lot of Hugh, as you do, but I must confess I’ve never been comfortable with the man. Something doesn’t feel right about him. Have you ever had that perception of someone?”

  Emily tensed, struggled to retain her composure; Elyoner scowled.

  Ananias saw both, offered an innocent look. “What did I say? I appear to have upset both of you somehow. Please forgive me if I have. I was only trying to—”

  Elyoner shook her head. “Please continue, Ananias.”

  “Very well. As we went into the election, there were quite strong feelings for and against Tayler; but the grand surprise was that Cuthbert White, John Brooke, and John Bright all voted for him, when all three were known to previously be against him. So Waters, Baylye, and I discussed it afterward and verily, could think of no reason why they would vote for Tayler and against Stilman. But I will tell you that all three looked ready to crawl out of their skins for fear of something; and Waters suggested that mayhap there was bribery or some sort of intimidation at play, either by Tayler or his cohorts: Stevens, Willes, and Sampson.” He shook his head. “He also said he and a few of his men know very disquieting things about Tayler; but he couldn’t divulge the details, which frankly, makes me suspect there’s a very long thread to this tale, and all we’ve seen is the first inch of it.”

  The color fled Emily’s face like dissipating fog. Waters must know: Walsingham, the conspiracy, even that Hugh’s the leader. So Johnny spoke the truth, and Waters has the sound judgment to remain silent until the right moment. And meanwhile I, Emily Colman, have sworn to marry the head conspirator. Dear Lord, save me. I know not what to do.

  Elyoner, grabbed Emily’s wrist, led her to the fire. “Emily, you’re pale and tottery again. Please sit down.”

  Emily nodded, sat shakily on a stump stool, then looked blankly at Ananias while her mind rambled in circles.

  Ananias said, “Well, I have to say the whole affair rather upset me; for I’m told Tayler has outlandish ideas on how things should be done, such as less work for us and more for the Chesapeakes. ’Tis as if he’s completely blind to the history of English expeditions in Virginia. And at this point, being an astute husband, I can see my presence is unneeded, and you two have something important to discuss without my counsel.” He stood, lifted his coat and hat from the table, and walked toward the door. “So I shall bid you farewell and cast myself out into the rain. Oh, one other thing. There was an incident this morning. Seems that someone caught a Savage—a Chesapeake man—stealing something from his house. We’re to have a meeting momentarily to decide how to deal with the situation, and plainly, our decision could have vast implications. Also, ’twill be Tayler’s first meeting and an opportunity to gauge him and his judgment directly.” A resigned look appeared on his face as if he’d suddenly reached a momentous conclusion. “But truthfully, we do owe the man a fair chance to show his capabilities and intellect, or lack thereof, without prejudging him. So, with that great observation, I bid you adieu.” He bowed, put on his coat and hat, and walked out the door.

  Emily looked despondently at Elyoner. “I must leave, as well, Ellie.”

  “Em, I think you should sleep here tonight and reconsider moving in with us. Ananias and I have discussed it, and he’s quite comfortable with the idea.”

  Emily shook her head. “I cannot, Ellie.”

  Elyoner’s look hardened. “You challenge my patience, little sister, and I remain direly concerned about you. Please be wise in your decisions; and, Em, please, please, forget your promise to your father. He himself would release you from it if he were here and knew the truth. Forsooth, he’d no doubt be the first to call for prosecuting and punishing the filthy swine.”

  Emily battled rising tears as she hugged Elyoner. “Thank you, dear Ellie. See you on the morrow.” She turned, flung her cape over her shoulders, started for the door, then abruptly stopped, looked back at Elyoner. “Oh, I nearly forgot. Ellie, because of the experience of caring for my baby brother, I think you should no longer leave Virginia alone as you’re accustomed to doing. She’s old enough to . . . to get herself into trouble if she isn’t watched. So I think you or I or Ananias, or someone else you trust, like Emme, should always be with her. ’Tis very important, and I know of which I speak.”

  “Well, I hadn’t thought about it, but I suppose you’re right. Still, we’re all so busy . . . I don’t how we’d find time to watch a sleeping child . . . even my precious Virginia.”

  Emily didn’t want to answer the knock on her door. Nor did she want to tell whoever it was to enter. So she held her silence, hoped they’d go away. They knocked again, then again. Still she held her silence, rubbed the tears from her eyes, looked back into the fire, and wondered who it could be at such a late hour. Another knock. She stood, walked to the door.

  “Who is it?”

  “ ’Tis Hugh, Emily. I must speak with you.”

  Emily bristled, remained silent.

  “Emily, may I please speak with you?”

  “Go away, Hugh. I’ve nothing to say to you.”

  He spoke with a soft, contrite tone. “Emily, I beseech you, please hear me for a brief moment.”

  No response.

  “Please, Emily.”

  No response.

  His voice was a near whisper. “Emily . . . I am deeply saddened by your father’s passing. And I know this is a terribly difficult time for you. I do not wish to add to your sorrow. Please believe me.”

  “I believe nothing you say, Hugh Tayler.”

  “You’ve every right to feel that way, and what I did grieves my soul. I’m truly ashamed, and I know I’ve stolen what you valued most in life. And in so doing, I’ve cast you into a different world: a hopelessly unforgiving world that will wrongfully condemn you, hold what happened between us against you, and forever deny you the decent life you would otherwise have enjoyed and truly deserve. ’Tis my doing, and I deeply regret it.”

  Emily closed her eyes, bowed her head. ’Tis true, and I’m now but a whore.

  “And my transgression places upon me the obligation to care for you, an obligation I gladly accept and will faithfully execute. There’s truly no other way for you, Emily.”
He paused for a moment. “And I am certain you will learn to love me. Also, it should be of no small consequence to you that my family is wealthy, and you will share that wealth and want for nothing.”

  Emily sat on her stump, pressed her face to her hands; she wanted to cry but couldn’t.

  “Emily, I felt your pleasure when we made love, and—”

  “Fie, Hugh Tayler! We did not make love. You raped me.”

  “Nay, Emily. It may have begun that way, but I felt your passions rise, felt your climax with all the ecstasy of my own. So I know you can love me.”

  Emily seethed with anger, frustration, then guilt as his words seeped into her mind. I did feel pleasure. Didn’t want to, but I did; and so I am a whore, a slut, a sinner, condemned to hell. So why then, though I hate him, should I not marry the man who fathered my child, so it will have a name, a father . . . and at the same time rescue myself from the shame of being shunned by respectable men because I’m not a virgin? She thought of her father, her mother, Isna, Elyoner. I’ve failed you all; but from now forward, what choice have I if my baby and I are to have a life?

  “So, Emily, please marry me now, as soon as we can arrange it with the governor. ’Tis truly best for both of us, and you will not regret it.”

  She hesitated then started to speak, held her words. No escape. My tragedy is inescapable. She sighed, whispered slowly, quietly, “I shall marry you, Hugh . . . but I shall never love you; rather, I shall hate you to the end of my days for what you’ve done.” And you shall not know of your child until I can no longer hide its presence within me; and then I shall tell you ’tis from another, that ’twas conceived after the rape, and after our marriage.

  “I love you, Emily. And despite what you think, I shall always love you, and I shall be a perfect husband to you.”

  Silence.

  “Emily, will you please open the door and let me see you? I desperately need to hold you in my arms. Please, since we are now to be married.”

  She jerked the door open, glared at him with venomous eyes.

  “May I kiss my bride to be?”

  “If you must.”