Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “Tomorrow work for you?” I said.

  “Boy, you don’t waste any time, do you?” Amy said.

  “I guess I just want to show you off,” I said.

  Amy blushed.

  Amy looked around the coffee shop. There was only one other couple in the place beside us. She looked at me. “You wanna get going?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It’s getting a little late to stay here but maybe it’s too early to go home yet. You got any ideas?”

  “Do you dance?” Amy said.

  I pulled a face and shook my head. “Two left feet,” I said.

  “Well,” Amy offered. “We’ve already seen a movie and you don’t dance. How about showing me your office?”

  “My office?” I said. “What’s there to see there? It’s just an office.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Amy said. “Maybe I just want to compare it to the private eye offices I’ve seen in the movies to see if you fit the mold.”

  “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “But I’m telling you, it’s not too exciting as far as finding things to do goes.”

  We both slid out of the booth and walked arm in arm back to my car. This time she sat even closer to me on the way to my office. I pulled up to the curb and came around to open her door, extending my hand as she slid out. She looked up at me.

  “You always this much of a gentleman?” Amy asked.

  “Can’t help it,” I said. “It’s the way I was raised.”

  “Good for your dad,” Amy said.

  I walked Amy through the front glass doors and over to the elevator. We rode to the third floor and then walked to the end of the hall. I fished my office key out of my pocket and slipped it into the lock. Before I could open the door, Amy grabbed my arm.

  “Wait a second,” she said. “I want to get a good look at you name on the door.”

  I waited while she read the two lines and then led her into my outer office.

  “Doesn’t look like I thought it would,” Amy said. “Just a couple of chairs and a coffee table.”

  “It’s just the outer office,” I said. “Like a waiting room. My office is through here.” I opened the inner office door and flipped on the lights.

  Amy looked around the room and soaked it all in. She held her hands up in front of her face, thumbs touching, making a frame of sorts.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Trying to picture Bogart sitting behind that desk,” Amy said. Then she did something that surprised me. She reached behind me and flipped off the overhead light and threw her arms around my neck. She looked into my eyes, smiled slightly and tilted her head to the left. You didn’t need to hit me with an axe handle to get the message across to me. I slowly leaned in and kissed her, gently at first, and then with a hunger that was years in the making. She kissed me back and ran her fingers through the hair on my neck. We stayed locked in embrace as I guided her toward the overstuffed leather couch that sat against one wall.

  We both sat, still in embrace and continued the one long, passionate kiss that had started at the doorway. When we finally broke away to come up for air, my heart was pounding out of my chest and my breath was coming in short spurts. Amy was in the same condition that I was. We looked at each other longingly for just a few seconds before we both locked in embrace again. This time I nuzzled her neck and she moaned, whispering my name.

  I tried hugging her but my .38 got between us. I paused, pushed her away and stood up and slipped out of my coat. I pulled my shoulder holster off and hung it and my jacket on the coat rack and then sat next to Amy again, picking up where I’d left off. We kissed like it might be the last time for both of us, and soon our tongues were darting about like a couple of playful goldfish.

  My hands began to wander up and down Amy’s back. She must have guessed where they were headed and broke away from my embrace. She stood up and straightened her outfit with her hands. She cleared her throat.

  “I guess I’d better be getting home,” Amy said.

  I fell back onto the leather couch, panting. “I suppose you’re right.” I stood and grabbed my jacket off the coat rack. I left the .38 hanging there and walked Amy back out of the office and to the elevator. We got in the car and she slid over toward me as I started the engine. I turned to her and we both felt the need for another kiss. It was shorter this time, but no less passionate.

  “Where to?” I said, straightening up in my seat.

  “I live at 5209 Fountain Avenue, just off Western,” Amy said. “It’s…”

  “I know where it is,” I said, and pulled away from the curb. I drove unusually slow, not wanting this evening to end, but it still took only a few minutes to make it to Fountain and Western. I stopped in front of Amy’s house and turned toward her. “So, what time can I pick you up tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow?” Amy said.

  “You remember,” I said. “Tomorrow, when I have to explain to Dan why I stood him up. You’re still coming with me, aren’t you?”

  Amy smiled. “Oh yeah,” she said. “Your cushion.”

  “Cushion?” I said.

  “Okay, buffer,” Amy said. “So your boss won’t chew you out so bad.”

  “Former boss,” I said. “And yeah, that’s part of it, but I really want him to meet you.”

  “All right,” Amy said. “What time?”

  “Can you be ready at six-thirty tomorrow morning?” I said with a straight face.

  “Six-thirty?” Amy said. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Yes.” I said. “How’s nine?”

  “Much better,” Amy said. “In fact, if you want to make it eight, I’ll make you breakfast right here. How’s that sound?”

  “Eight it is,” I said. I walked Amy up to her front door and paused. This was the awkward moment and I didn’t want to say good night and go back to an empty home. I leaned in and kissed her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Good night,” Amy said, letting herself into her house and closing the door.

  I walked back to my car, looking back over my shoulder once more, hoping to catch a glimpse of Amy before I left. The porch light went out and I drove home.

  I awoke the next morning felling better than I had in years. I missed my first wife, Stella, but the hurt and the emptiness had slowly diminished over the years and I was ready again to risk my feelings and just let go. I showered, shaved and changed into my best suit, ready to greet the day and meet the woman I’d been searching for forever and didn’t even realize it.

  It was seven-thirty and I was sitting in my living room just counting the minutes before it was time to drive over to Amy’s house. I didn’t dare show up early, or late, for that matter. It had to be perfect. I pulled up to her house at exactly seven fifty-nine. I was punctual that way to a fault sometimes. But that’s part of what made me who I became.

  I rang the doorbell and Amy appeared, wearing a colorful, flowered dress, her hair tied up in the back. She looked radiant and it made me smile involuntarily.

  “Good morning, Matt,” Amy said, standing on tiptoes to kiss me.

  I kissed her and returned the greeting. “Something smells good,” I said. “Is that coffee?”

  Amy nodded. “And eggs, and bacon, and toast. Hungry?” She said.

  “You bet,” I said.

  Amy gestured toward her kitchen table. “Have a seat,” she said. “It’ll be just a minute or two until everything’s ready.” She continued stirring the bacon in a frying pan. “You sleep all right?” She asked, looking back over her shoulder at me.

  “Like a baby,” I said. “How about you?”

  “Never better,” Amy said, scooping the bacon strips out of the pan and depositing them next to the waiting eggs on two plates. She set one plate down in front of me and set the other in the place next to mine. She poured us each a cup of coffee and then sat. I took a forkful of egg into my mouth.

  “And a great cook besides,” I said, after I’d swallowed.

  “Besides what?”
Amy said.

  “Besides being beautiful,” I said.

  Amy blushed and picked up a strip of bacon, biting off the tip. “So, did Dan call you last night after you got home?”

  “He might have tried,” I said. “But I left the phone off the hook. I didn’t want to have to explain over the phone. I’m much better in person.”

  “And with a buffer,” Amy said.

  “And with a buffer,” I agreed. “Thanks for doing this for me. Dan’s a great guy, but sometimes when we give each other the business, we tent to overdo it a little. When he sees you, he’ll forget all about being mad at me.”

  “Glad I could be of some help,” Amy said.

  We finished our breakfasts and made some more small talk and then realized it was nearly nine o’clock. I turned to Amy. “Well, I guess we can’t put this off much longer. Shall we?” I rose and then grabbed the back of Amy’s chair while she stood.

  “We shall,” She said, plucking her house keys off a hook and heading for the door.

  I parked my Olds in the lot behind the precinct and showed Amy in through the back door. I took her down the hall and stopped in front of Dan’s office door. I took a deep breath, let it out and then said to Amy, “Showtime,” and opened the door.

  I stepped in to find Dan sitting behind his desk, pencil in hand, doing the crossword puzzle from the newspaper. He didn’t look up immediately but must have caught a glimpse of me from the corner of his eye. “Cooper,” he said without taking his eyes off the crossword puzzle, “Did you get lost last night or did you purposely…” He looked up and saw Amy smiling down at him. He immediately straightened in his chair.

  “Lieutenant Dan Hollister,” I said formally, “I’d like you to meet Amy Callahan.” I turned to Amy and said, “Amy, this is Dan Hollister.”

  Dan stood and extended his hand. Amy shook it and said, “So you’re thee Dan Hollister. Matt has told me so much about you that I feel like I already know you. What a pleasure it is to finally meet you.”

  Dan stood there at a loss for words. He looked over at me and I gave him a sly smile, raising my eyebrows without letting Amy see me do it.

  “This is why I didn’t show up last night, Dan,” I said. “I met Amy and the time just got away from us and before we knew it, it was nine o’clock.”

  Dan was still awestruck and muttered, “Not a problem, Matt.” He quickly looked around the room and found two chairs against one wall and brought them back and set them down in front of his desk. He looked at Amy and gestured with his hand.

  “Please, won’t you have a seat?” Dan said.

  All three of us sat and got comfortable before I spoke to Dan. “You remember how you couldn’t make the early show and how we were supposed to meet for the seven-fifteen?”

  Dan nodded, “Yes, I recall. It was just last night and it’s still fresh in my old head.”

  “Well,” I said. “I got restless and decided to take in another movie before I had to meet you. And as luck would have it, Amy was taking in that same movie and we happened to bump into each other.”

  Amy laughed. “Literally,” she said.

  Dan suddenly remembered his manners and looked at Amy. “I’m sorry, would you like some coffee?”

  Amy waved him off. “No thank you, but I could use a visit to the ladies room. Could you tell me where it is?”

  Dan pressed the button on his intercom and Hannah’s voice came over it. “Yes, Lieutenant,” Hannah said.

  “Hannah,” Dan said, “Could you come in here for a moment, please?”

  “Right away,” Hannah said.

  The door opened and Hannah stepped in, steno book in hand. She looked down at Amy and me and over at Dan. I stood and faced Hannah. “Hannah, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Amy. Amy this is Hannah.”

  Amy stood and shook hands with Hannah. Hannah looked to Dan for further instruction.

  Hannah,” Dan said, “Could you show Amy to the ladies room, please?”

  “Of course,” Hannah said and then turned toward Amy. “Come with me. I’ll take you there myself.”

  The two women left the room, closing the door behind them. Dan immediately turned to me and said, “You lucky dog, you. Where’d you meet her?”

  I smiled at Dan and said, “At the movies, like I said. I really did bump into her and we just hit it off from the start. She’s terrific.”

  “You serious about her?” Dan said.

  I took a deep breath and let it out. “I think so,” I said. “She could be the one. We seem to have a lot in common and we get along fabulously. Yeah, I think I could easily fall in love again.”

  Dan came out from behind his desk and stood next to me, punching me in the arm. “Good for you,” he said. “It’s about time you got back on the horse, so to speak. How long’s it been? Four years?”

  “Almost five,” I said, solemnly. “I think I’m ready to give it another try.”

  Almost ten minutes later Amy and Hannah returned, smiling and talking and laughing like old friends.

  “You got a keeper here, Matt,” Hannah said.

  Amy smiled at me and added, “So now you can take Hannah off your list.”

  I shot a wide-eyed glance at Hannah. “Thanks, big mouth.” I winked at her.

  “I saw that,” Amy said, locking her arm around mine in a possessive gesture.

  Hannah laid her hand on Amy’s shoulder. “Why don’t you and Matt come over some night and have dinner with me and Burt?”

  “I’d love that,” Amy said. She turned to me. “Wouldn’t you?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said. “But right now, we have to be going.”

  Dan shook Amy’s hand again. “Amy,” he said, “It was a real pleasure meeting you. I hope you take good care of my boy here.”

  “I will,” Amy assured him.

  “I’ll talk to you later,” I said to Dan as Amy and I left.

  I walked Amy back down the hall and out to my car. Before I started it up Amy wrapped one hand around my head and pulled me close, kissing me long and hard.

  “What was that for?” I said.

  “For introducing me to your friends,” Amy said. “I like them, especially Hannah. She’s terrific.”

  “She is that,” I agreed. “Anything special you want to do today?”

  “I’m sorry, Matt,” Amy said. “I have to work at the library today from ten until six tonight. It’s one of those odd shifts. I promised one of my girlfriends that I’d trade shifts with her today. She has a doctor’s appointment and I had nothing going on when I agreed to it. I’m sorry.”

  “That all right,” I said. “Can I pick you up after work?”

  “If you like,” Amy said. “But I should be home by six-thirty or quarter to seven. Just give me a little time to freshen up when I get home.”

  “How’s eight o’clock?” I said, trying to mask the eagerness in my voice.

  “That’ll be perfect,” Amy said. “Better drop me off at home now so I can get ready for work.”

  This is going to be the longest day for me,” I said. “But anything worthwhile is worth waiting for, I suppose.”

  I dropped Amy off at her house and drove back to my office. I sat at my desk, unable to concentrate. I caught myself doodling on my yellow legal pad. Unconsciously I’d been writing Amy’s name and retracing it until the lines were really fat. I pulled the scribbled page off the pad, crumbled it up and tossed it in my waste can. I paced the room, occasionally stopping at my window to stare down at the traffic on Hollywood Boulevard. I checked my watch again for the tenth time and realized that less than an hour had passed since I’d dropped Amy at home. So this is what love feels like, I thought.

  I was walking circles around my desk when the phone rang. I cleared my throat and picked it up. “Cooper Investigations,” I said. “Matt Cooper speaking.”

  It was a woman’s voice on the other end. “Mr. Cooper,” she said. “My name is Vivian Dunbar and I wanted to know if I could stop by
and see you right away.”

  “And what is this in reference to?” I said.

  “I’d rather not discuss it on the phone, Mr. Cooper,” Vivian said. “Could I meet with you?”

  I thought about it briefly and then realized that this could help make the time go by quicker while I waited for Amy to finish work. “Do you know where I’m located?” I said.

  “Yes, I do,” Vivian said. “I’m at the coffee shop around the corner from your office. Could I come up now?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Come on up.”

  Three minutes later the door to my outer office opened just as I opened my inner door. I gestured in toward my office. “Mrs. Dunbar?” I said.

  “Miss Dunbar,” Vivian corrected me.

  “Miss Dunbar,” I said. “Won’t you come in and have a seat?”

  Vivian sat across from my desk, nervously fidgeting with the clasp on her purse.

  “Would you like some coffee?” I said.

  “No thank you, Mr. Cooper,” Vivian said. “I’d like to get right to the point, if you don’t mind.”

  “By all means,” I said, taking my seat and leaning back to listen to whatever problem this woman felt she needed to share with me.

  “Mr. Cooper,” Vivian began. “No doubt you’ve read about that terrible murder up on Mulholland Drive two weeks ago.”

  I said I had.

  “What do you know about it?” Vivian said.

  “Just what I’ve read in the paper,” I said. “Somebody got killed with a hatchet or an axe or something like that. You know something about that?”

  Vivian didn’t answer me. “Mr. Cooper,” she said. “Twelve years ago another person died in almost that same area and in almost the same manner—with a hatchet stuck in their forehead.”

  “Twelve years ago,” I said. “That would have been 1937.”

  “August the fourth,” Vivian said.

  “Okay,” I allowed. “How do you remember the exact date?”

  “Mr. Cooper,” Vivian began. “The murderer back in ‘37 was my brother, Virgil.”

  “Virgil Dunbar,” I said, recalling the name out loud. “Yes, I do remember that one. They sent him away, didn’t they?”

  “Yes they did,” Vivian said. “For twelve years. He sat wasting away in that asylum for twelve years before they declared him sane enough to be released again.”