Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  I stepped out of the elevator and over to the wall of mailboxes just inside the front door. It was too early to expect mail today, but checked our mailbox anyway. As I suspected, it was empty. I pushed the front door open and began walking west on Hollywood Boulevard. A block and a half west of our office I found the shoe store that was mentioned in the article. It had two large picture windows facing the street. The one on the left was boarded up with two sheets of plywood.

  I walked inside and asked to see the store manager. The girl who had greeted me asked me to wait while she went into a back room to find him. A moment later an older man with a semi-circle of white hair walked out of the storeroom in shirtsleeves. We walked up to me with a puzzled look on his face. “Did you want to see me?” he said.

  I extended my hand and he shook it. “Elliott Cooper,” I said. “I have an office just up the street.”

  “Rudy Berger,” the man said. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Cooper. What can I do for you today?”

  “Mr. Berger,” I started to say before he stopped me.

  “Rudy,” he said. “Please, call me Rudy.”

  “All right, Rudy,” I said. “And you can call me Elliott. Anyway, Rudy, I was reading the paper this morning at my desk when I saw the article about the three stores that had had large windows damaged recently. Looks like you were the latest victim.”

  “The little vandals,” Rudy said. “Just let me get my hands on those little punks. I’ll show them.”

  “You’re thinking it was kids?” I said.

  “Who else?” Rudy said. “They broke my window with a chrome nut. Probably used one of those high-powered slingshots. You know; the kind with the aluminum grip that wraps around your wrist.”

  “Did you see the person who did it?” I said.

  “Well, not exactly,” Rudy said. “But who else would use a slingshot and a chrome nut? Gangsters would use a gun.”

  “Were you insured against glass breakage,” I said.

  “A lot of good it did me,” Rudy said. “I can barely afford the premiums so last month my agent says he can save me a few dollars by raising my deductible to five hundred dollars. I figured if the store burned down, five hundred would be a drop in the bucket. But this, hell, the replacement window out in front costs nearly eight hundred dollars each. This is going to cost me five hundred dollars even with the insurance.”

  “I suppose you’ve already called the glass company,” I said.

  Rudy nodded. “They’re coming this afternoon to replace it. Then I have to pay another guy to paint the store name back on it again. When this is all done, I’ll be out more than seven hundred dollars. What is this world coming to, I ask you?”

  “That is a stroke of bad luck,” I said. “Is there a glass company in this neighborhood?”

  Rudy gestured toward the front window. “Grover Glass Replacement down on Sunset,” he said. “Just a few blocks from here.”

  “Let me ask you something, Rudy,” I said. “Do you know the other two store owners who had their store windows broken?”

  “Sure,” Rudy said. “I know them both. Sam Perkins owns the delicatessen two blocks over and Saul Green owns the men’s clothing store just east of here a few blocks on the other side of the street. We’ve all been in business here in this neighborhood for more than thirty years. The only one of us who got off light was Saul. He only has a hundred dollar deductible on his insurance policy. But he’s just as mad as Sam and me, let me tell you.”

  “Well, Rudy,” I said. “I’m sorry to hear about your loss and I just wanted to stop by and tell you in person.”

  “Thank you, Elliott,” Rudy said. “By the way, your office isn’t on the first floor, is it?”

  “No,” I said. “Thank goodness. But then I don’t have any picture windows, either and I’m on the third floor. I don’t think anyone would bother with me.”

  “And what business are you in, if I may ask?” Rudy said.

  I pulled a business card from my pocket and handed it to Rudy. “Private Investigator,” I said.

  “Cooper, Cooper,” Rudy said, trying to remember. “Are you related to Clay Cooper?”

  I smiled and nodded. “Clay’s my father,” I said.

  Rudy suddenly made the connection and smiled, his memory kicking in. “Then Matt would have been your grandfather, I take it.”

  “Did you know grandpa, too?” I said.

  “My father, who had this store before me knew him better,” Rudy said. “But I met him a couple of time. Your dad, too. How’s Clay doing these days?”

  “He’s doing all right,” I said. “He’s semi-retired but still comes into the office every now and then.”

  “Well, you just tell Clay that Rudy Berger says hello next time you see him,” Rudy said.

  “I’ll do that,” I said. “And it was nice to meet you, Rudy.” I walked out of the shoe store and turned east and began walking toward the delicatessen.

  As I walked, I fished my cell phone from my pocket and hit the speed dial button for Dad. It rang four times before Dad answered, almost out of breath. “Never fails,” Dad said when he came on the line. “I could be sitting next to my phone all day and it doesn’t ring, but the minute I sit down on the toilet…”

  “Sorry, Dad,” I said. “Next time why don’t you just take the phone with you and lay it on the sink?”

  “Next time,” Dad said. “What’s up?”

  “I was just talking to a man who told me to say hello to you for him,” I said.

  “Yeah?” Dad said. “Who was that?”

  “Rudy Berger over at the shoe store on the boulevard,” I said. “Said he knew grandpa, too.”

  “Rudy,” Dad said, sounding like he was happy to hear the name again. “Sure, how’s Rudy doing these days?”

  “Well,” I said, “when I talked to him a few minutes ago he sounded pissed. Seems somebody broke his picture window and he had a high deductible.”

  “The dirty bastard,” Dad said. “We had trouble like that in this neighborhood oh, about ten or twelve years ago. They never caught the guy, either.”

  “Well, I don’t think it’s the same guy,” I said. “In fact, Rudy thinks it’s a kid shooting chrome nuts out of a slingshot. They found a half-inch chrome nut just inside among the broken glass.”

  “They’re probably more affordable than ball bearings,” Dad said. “Do they have any idea who’s doing this?”

  “Nothing yet,” I said. “But there have been three instances all within this neighborhood. Listen, I’m just about at the second place that was hit. Let me call you back later.”

  I closed my phone and walked south on Highland for two more blocks. As I got close to the delicatessen I could see a service truck parked directly in front of the store. On the side of the truck I noticed a large circle with GGR painted inside. Below that it said Grover Glass Replacement. Seems to me that was the same company that Rudy said was coming to fix his window. Then I saw by the address that was painted under the company name that they were located just a few blocks away. I guess it would make sense to use someone that close.

  The two men had lifted the large glass pane in place with a couple of suction cup devices attached to handles. I had to step around the glass installers to get into the deli. I found a middle-age woman behind the counter. She might have been considered attractive if it had not been for the hair net bunching her hair up, flat on her head. I stepped up to the counter and asked for Sam Perkins.

  “He’s not in today,” the woman said. “Can I help you?”

  I gave her a business card and told her about my visit to the shoe store and that I’d gotten Sam’s name from Rudy Berger.

  “Terrible,” the woman said. “Just terrible. Seems you can’t turn your back for a minute without some damn kid breaking something. This makes two times someone has broken that window in the past eighteen months.” She gestured toward the front window with her chin.

  “Were you here when this happened?” I said.

&n
bsp; The woman shook her head. “No,” she said, “I only work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This happened three days ago on my day off. I’m glad to see the window back in place. It’s been pretty dark around here having to work behind sheets of plywood.”

  “Well,” I said, “would you give Mr. Perkins my card and tell him I stopped by?”

  She agreed she would, smiled and then called out the next number from the ticket machine. A man stepped up to the counter and presented his ticket. I left the shop and walked back up to Hollywood Boulevard and turned east. When I got to the corner I crossed the street. Saul Green’s clothing store was just a few blocks away. I made it there in six minutes.

  I didn’t notice any trace of a broken window and there were no workmen in the area. Saul’s must have been the first window that got shattered and had already been replaced. On the other side of the window, however, a man in his stocking feet, with a white shirt and tie was dressing a mannequin on a stand. He had just straightened the dummy’s tie and had stepped back to get the full effect. He briefly glanced out the window and saw me watching him. He smiled and nodded politely. I turned and walked inside and turned to the man, who was just stepping out of the window display.

  “Hello. Are you Saul Green?” I said

  The man shook his head. “No,” he said, “I’m Lyle Hathaway, the manager. Is there something I can help you with today, Mr….”

  “Cooper,” I said. “Elliott Cooper. I have an office just two blocks away on the other side of the street. I just wanted to talk to Mr. Green about the trouble he recently had with his display window.”

  “Terrible,” Lyle said. “Just terrible.”

  I wondered if he and the clerk at the deli had rehearsed their reactions.

  “I had no sooner finished dressing that window when someone broke it,” Lyle said. “There was glass everywhere, especially in the clothing on display. And window dressing is a two day job.”

  “So, is Mr. Green in?” I said.

  “He’s at one of the other stores,” Lyle said. “He owns four altogether and today he’s overseeing the operation at his Beverly Hills shop.”

  I gave Lyle one of my business cards. “Would you please give this to Mr. Green and tell him I was here asking about his broken window.”

  Lyle tucked my card in his shirt pocket and extended his hand. “I certainly will, Mr. Cooper.”

  I shook his hand and exited to the street. I crossed at the corner again and walked a block and a half back to my building. Gloria was still busy entering records into her computer when I walked in. Apparently it was all the excuse she needed to take a break.

  “What did you find out?” Gloria said.

  I sat behind my desk, bent down and slipped out of my shoes. I guess I wasn’t used to walking that much. I rubbed my foot through the sock and said, “It was pretty much the same story at all three stores. A chrome nut was found just inside each broken window but no one saw who did it.”

  “What about the nuts themselves?” Gloria said. “Did the police find any fingerprints on them?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I didn’t think to ask, but thanks for the suggestion.”

  I picked up my phone and dialed Lieutenant Eric Anderson at the twelfth precinct. I got through to him right away.

  “Anderson,” he said when he answered.

  “Eric,” I said. “It’s Elliott. How’s everything at the one-two?”

  “The one-two?” Eric said. “Now you’re even picking up the lingo around here. What’s next? Are you going to ask about the perps we brought in?

  “Only if they were the ones responsible for three broken display windows on Hollywood Boulevard.,” I said. “Speaking of which, did your department collect the chrome nuts that were used to break those windows?”

  ““Let me check,” Eric said. “Murder, robbery, extortion, kidnapping, burglary and jaywalking. Nope, I don’t see any reports of broken windows. It wouldn’t exactly have top priority around here, Cooper,” Eric said. “Jaywalking?” I said.

  “I just threw that one in to see if you were even paying attention,” Eric said. “Now, what’s all this about broken windows?”

  I explained about the newspaper article and how I’d gone to visit each of the three shops that had been hit. “Just wondering if word of these crimes made it back to your desk and whether or not you found any fingerprints on the nuts.”

  “Now that you mention it,” Eric said, “the minute those sheets came across my desk, we dropped everything and I put a dozen men on it. I expect to hear something in, oh, six months.”

  “No need to get sarcastic,” I said. “But someone there must have looked into these cases. All I want to know is if your department ended up with the nuts.”

  “Including you,” Eric said, “that would be four, wouldn’t it?”

  “So that would be a ‘no’ I take it,” I said.

  “That would be a ‘no’,” Eric said. “Anything else I can do for you today, Cooper?”

  “Apparently not,” I said. “I’ll try calling back when you’re in a better mood.”

  I hung up the phone and turned to Gloria. “Too much else going on,” I said. “It looks like the broken window squad is on vacation.”

  “Why do you care about this so much?” Gloria said.

  “I probably wouldn’t even have given it a second thought,” I said, “if we were on some other case, but when it gets slow like this, I tent to grasp at straws, hoping they’ll turn into cases.”

  “Well, if you’re looking for something to do,” Gloria said, “I could use some help with entering all these old cases into the database.”

  “Wouldn’t that be kind of crowded with four hands all trying to type on that same keyboard at the same time?” I said.

  “And that’s another thing,” Gloria said. “Why don’t we get a network hookup in this office? Then all three of these computers could be linked and all three of us could help with this project. It wouldn’t be very expensive, either. You could just get that computer geek that worked for us a while back. What was his name? Jerry, Perry, Sherry?”

  “Terry Belmont,” I said, refreshing her memory. “The kid knows his stuff, all right, but I don’t even know if he’s still at that same computer store.” Gloria stood with both hands on her hips and pursed her lips. “But I could check, if you’d like.”

  “I’d like,” Gloria said. “In fact, why don’t you just finish your paper and I’ll take a walk down to the computer store and talk to him myself?”

  Before I could respond, Gloria grabbed her purse and was out of the office.

  The computer store was right down the street and Gloria welcomed the chance to stretch her legs after sitting behind her laptop all morning. She walked into the store, looked around for a moment and then grabbed the first clerk that happened by.

  “Is Terry Belmont here?” Gloria said.

  The kid, a pimple-faced scrawny kid of no more than eighteen looked at Gloria. “He’s in the back,” the kid said, his voice cracking. “I’ll go get him for you.”

  The kid disappeared and returned in under a minute with Terry in tow. Terry recognized me and smiled. “It’s Gloria, isn’t it?” Terry said.

  Gloria nodded. “Terry,” she said politely. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

  “Almost a year,” Terry said. “What’s up in the P.I. business?”

  “Terry,” Gloria said. “Could you hook up a wireless network in our office so that all three of our computers could…”

  Gloria hadn’t even finished her sentence when Terry broke in. “Sure can,” he said. “How soon do you want it done?”

  “You can do that?” Gloria said.

  “In my sleep,” Terry said.

  “Great,” Gloria said. “What do I all need?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Terry said. “I’ll bring everything with me and I’ll have you up and running inside an hour.”

  “And what will all this cost me?” Gloria said.


  “Well,” Terry said, “that all depends on if the store gets involved or if I do it on my own. The store would want to be paid, naturally, but if I do this on the side, you can cut out the middle man and just pay me.”

  “Works for me,” Gloria said. “When are you free?”

  Terry looked at his wristwatch and noticed it was almost lunchtime. “Will you be in the office over the lunch hour?” he said.

  Gloria nodded.

  “I’ll see you there in twenty minutes,” Terry said. “Not a word to my boss.”

  Gloria stuck an invisible key in her lips and turned it, miming the act of tossing the key over her shoulder. She left the store and had to pass the shoe store on her way back. She noted the plywood tacked up where the glass had been, but kept walking.

  Back in the office she set her purse next to her desk, sat down and smiled at Elliott. “We’ll be connected in a hour,” she said.

  “I take it you found Terry,” I said.

  “He’s going to do this on the QT without his boss knowing it,” Gloria said. “Should save us a bundle and now we can ALL contribute to the data entry chores around here.”

  “Like I’ve always said,” Elliott remarked, “if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.”

  Fifteen minutes later we heard our outer office door open and a second after that Terry Belmont stepped into the inner office carrying a small cardboard box full of computer goodies. We set the box on my desk and held his hand out. I shook it and glanced over at Gloria.

  “Good to see you again, Mr. Cooper,” Terry said. “It’s been a while. I thought I’d have heard from you long before this.”

  “Yeah, well, things have been a bit slow around here, Terry,” I told him and then looked down into his box. “So, what did you bring us?”

  Terry pulled a flat white box out of the cardboard box and opened it. He held it up for my inspection and approval. “First,” he said, “we need to start with this wireless router and then we need to…”

  “Don’t sell me the watch, Terry,” I said. “Just tell me the time. I don’t really need to know what you’re doing or how it all works. Most of it would go right over my head anyway, so how about if you just hook it all up and tell me what we owe you?”