Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “But why?” Bud said. “Brickman doesn’t stand to inherit anything from all this murder.”

  “Maybe not,” I said, “But from what we learned, it seems apparent that Worthington left Brickman holding the bag for his last large drug purchase with no way to pay it back. My guess is that he confronted Worthington and Worthington told Brickman he was broke. Brickman probably said something like, ‘Leave that to me,’ or words to that effect and killed Whittaker and his ex-wife.”

  “And now that Worthington is set to inherit the stock money,” Bud said, “Brickman will be able to collect his debt—with a hefty interest charge tacked on, no doubt.”

  “Now all we have to do is tie Brickman to the two ice pick murders and we’re done,” I said. “Now that’s got be worth more than fifty bucks to us. You think it’s time we let Eric in on what we know?”

  “I think that would be an excellent idea,” Bud said. “Don’t want to end up on his bad side, now do we?”

  I called Eric from my cell phone en route to the twelfth precinct. He had just gotten back in from the field. “Make it quick, Cooper,” he said. “We’re up to our eyeballs in work with these two ice pick murders.”

  “I could make it quick,” I said, “But I’d rather be thorough and save you any more work.”

  “Cooper,” Eric said, “What are you talking about?”

  “I only called to make sure you were in, Eric,” I said. “We’re just pulling into your parking lot. How about we save the rest of this until we get into your office?”

  “Fine,” Eric said. “You know where to find me.”

  Bud and I entered Eric’s office without knocking and closed the door behind us. Bud and I each took a seat across from Eric’s desk.

  “This better be good,” Eric said.

  “It’ll be so good,” I assured Eric, “That you’ll probably want to pay Cooper Investigations an additional fifty bucks as a bonus.”

  “Would you get to the point?” Eric said.

  Bud and I laid it all out for Eric, telling him about the stock Elmer Whittaker kept while still in prison and about the three beneficiaries that had been narrowed down to just one. When we told him about the Brickman connection, Eric sat up straight.

  “And you got all this in just one day?” Eric said.

  “Remember,” I said, “We are private investigators. I believe you made a point of stressing the private part to us earlier. Well, part of being private is that we are not tied down by all the red tape you public servants face. We can cut right to the chase and sidestep all that bureaucracy that you can’t seem to.”

  Eric turned to Bud, who just shrugged. “Don’t look at me, Eric,” he said. “The kid knows his business.”

  I turned to Bud. “The kid?” I said.

  “Just a figure of speech,” Bud said.

  “So just pick up this Brickman,” I said, “And chances are you’ll be able to wrap this whole thing up before supper gets cold.” I smiled a smug smile. “So does this mean we get the other fifty bucks, Eric?”

  Eric rolled his eyes. “If this thing plays out like you say,” Eric said, “I’ll make sure the city pays you your regular one day rate, whatever that is.”

  “It’s two hundred,” I reminded Eric.

  Eric paused and then said, “Oh, all right, two hundred. Now will you step out of this case and let us finish it?”

  “It’s all yours,” I said and rose from the chair. I turned to Bud. “You coming, you old fart?”

  “Old fart?” Bud said.

  “Just a figure of speech,” I said and walked out of the room.

  When we got back to the parking lot Bud turned to me. “If you don’t mind, Mr. Cooper, I think I’ll knock off for the rest of the day.”

  “Sure,” I said. “See you tomorrow.” As Bud was leaving the van I remembered something and called out to him. “Hey, this morning you said you had an idea you wanted to run by me. You never did tell me what that was.”

  “Oh yeah,” Bud said. “Well, you know how much time we spend just sitting around the office watching the paint dry? Well I was thinking I could save you a little money and just work part-time on an as-needed basis. No need both of us taking up space when it’s slow. Besides, I’m supposed to be enjoying my retirement and so far I’ve been spending forty hours a week with you and earning less than twenty hours of actual work. I hate to take your money under those circumstances.”

  “You know,” I said, “That’s not a bad idea at all. I would have suggested it myself, but I know how you old farts like to feel needed.”

  “Don’t worry about it, kid,” Bud said. We both had a good laugh as he walked back to his car and drove away.

  110 - A Really Good Friend

  Yesterday I watched as my son, Matt, played with his pet Guinea Pig, Lassie. I knew kids could be imaginative, but Matt took the concept to a whole new level. He had converted an empty cardboard oatmeal can into a toy for Lassie to play with. He had the cover taped onto the oatmeal can and had the entire can mounted on a makeshift frame with pins stuck into both ends of the can so it could spin. He also had small sections cut out of the can so Lassie would have some footholds when she ran across the top of the can, causing it to spin.

  That was yesterday. Today Matt would have to learn a lesson on life the hard way. He had been distracted by something going on outside and had run to the door to have a look. Lassie leapt off the spinning oatmeal can and had managed to make it out the door without Matt seeing her. When Matt came back to play with Lassie, she was gone. He had searched everywhere in the house, unaware that his cherished pet was outside. So was the neighbor’s cat.

  When I got home from work that night I found Matt and my wife, Gloria in the back yard. Matt had a small shovel and was just patting the top of a pile of dirt with it when I walked around the house and found the two of them standing there over the pile of dirt. Gloria had constructed a miniature headstone and had pasted one of the many pictures of Lassie on the face of it. She and Matt stood there, their heads bowed. They still hadn’t seen me so I stayed where I was to observe. I could hear Matt saying a few words over the tiny grave.

  “Lassie was a good Guinea Pig,” he said. “She never bit me and didn’t really eat much. She always waited until she was in her cage to go to the bathroom. And she was my best friend. I’m gonna miss her.”

  Gloria took his hand and led him from the grave. They’d taken just two steps when Matt saw me, pulled out of Gloria’s grip and ran to my side, hugging my legs.

  “What happened?” I said.

  “It’s Lassie,” Matt said, crying. “She got out of the house and Maxwell killed her.”

  “Maxwell?” I said.

  Gloria looked at me and nodded. “The neighbor’s cat,” she said.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Matt,” I said. “Would you like to go with me tomorrow and pick out another one?”

  Matt shook his head. “No, thanks, dad,” he said. “They wouldn’t have another one as good as Lassie.”

  I took his hand and Gloria’s and the three of us walked back into the house. I sat Matt down on the sofa and picked his little chin up with my hand. “Matt,” I said, “I think you just learned a valuable lesson about life, and that is that animals sometimes die. People sometimes die, too, but generally they live a lot longer than animals.”

  “You mean like Grandpa Clay?” Matt said.

  He caught me off guard and I quickly looked up at Gloria. “We talked about Grandpa Clay last week,” Gloria explained. “He asked me about him and I told him.”

  I looked back at Matt. “Yes, like Grandpa Clay,” I said. “And my grandpa, Matt.”

  “He’s the grandpa I was named after, isn’t he?” Matt said.

  “Yes he is,” I told him. “And someday, if you have a son of your own, I’m sure your grandpa, Clay would be proud to lend his name to him.”

  Matt gave me a little hug and then hopped off the sofa and ran into the kitchen. I followed a few steps behind. “What�
�s for supper” I asked Gloria?

  The following morning I came into work and was greeted at the door by my newly acquired dog, Daisy. The police department had recently retired Daisy and through a series of circumstances I ended up with her. I gave her a padded mat in the corner to sleep on and Daisy occasionally accompanied me on cases. After Gloria had decided to stay home with our new daughter, Olivia, I hired a retired police officer, Bud Burke, to help out during busy times. Last week we both decided that forty hours a week was too many and now Bud came in on an as-needed basis. Today was his day off.

  After Daisy’s morning walk, I spent the rest of the morning catching up on older paperwork and entering the contents into our database. It was a good thing that Bud wasn’t here this morning. There wasn’t even enough to keep me busy. After lunch I walked Daisy around the block again and talked to a few people I came across. I tied Daisy’s leash to a parking meter and walked in to the coffee shop. I got a sandwich and a half pint of chocolate milk to go. Before I left, I asked Grace, the waitress, if she had any old bread slices that she was going to throw away. She gave me a strange look and I explained that it was for my dog, and pointed to Daisy out on the sidewalk. Grace smiled and slipped two slices into a paper bag and handed it to me. I thanked her and left the shop.

  Daisy and I went back to the office and ate our lunches together. I took a few calls that afternoon, but nothing that led to a case for Cooper Investigations. By the time five o’clock rolled around, I had felt like I had wasted an entire day with nothing to show for it. I was about to close up shop for the day when my desk phone rang. I paused, deciding whether or not to answer it or to just go home and let the machine take it. I decided that whoever it was could wait until tomorrow morning and clipped Daisy’s leash onto her collar. As we headed for the door, the answering machine kicked in and I recognized the frantic voice leaving the message.”

  “Elliott,” the voice said, “If you’re there, pick up. It’s Eric. Oh, please, Elliott, please be there and pick up. I need your help.”

  I dropped Daisy’s leash and hurried to the phone. It was Lieutenant Eric Anderson from the twelfth precinct. I switched off the machine and said, “Eric, it’s Elliott. What’s wrong?”

  “Thank goodness I caught you, Elliott,” Eric said. “Elliott, I’m in trouble and I need your help.”

  “Where are you, Eric?” I said.

  “Do you know the Rest Easy Motel on Sunset near Gower?” Eric said.

  “Sure,” I said. “That’s just seven or eight blocks from here. What’s going on?”

  “I can’t tell you over the phone,” Eric said. “Could you just get here as quickly as you can? I’ll try to explain it all when I see you. Please hurry, Elliott.”

  “Isn’t there one more thing you want to tell me, Eric?” I said.

  “Oh yeah,” Eric said. “Thank you so much for being there for me and…”

  “No,” I said, “I meant the room number. Which room are you in?”

  “Oh yeah,” Eric said. “It’s number twelve on the end. Don’t park in the lot, Elliott. Leave your van on the street around the corner.”

  “Give me five minutes,” I said. “Stay put.”

  “Don’t worry,” Eric said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I hung up, unclipped Daisy’s leash from her collar and told her to stay while I let myself out of the office. From the street, the Rest Easy Motel looked like it had seen better days. It had been built during the early sixties and was once the pride of Hollywood, serving tourists and locals alike. Now, fifty years later, it had become a well-known place for prostitutes to bring their clients. It was a place where you could rent a room by the hour. I found room number twelve and knocked two short knocks.

  “Eric,” I said, in a low voice. “It’s Elliott.”

  The door opened a crack and Eric peered out and looked past me. “You alone?” he said.

  I told him I was and he let me inside. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn. I could barely see my hand in front of my face until Eric switched on the overhead light. He was wearing jeans and a plain, blue shirt. He looked a lot different than he did in his dress blue uniform. Then I saw her against the south wall. The bed had been positioned against the wall, leaving just one way to get on and off of it. She was a young woman, maybe twenty-two or twenty-three. It looked like she was sitting up. Her arms hung limp at her sides and her eyes were wide open and unblinking. I looked back at Eric.

  “What’s going on here, Eric,” I said. “And who is that?”

  Eric grabbed my arm and in a panicked voice said, “I think she said her name was Bonnie or Sunny or something like that.”

  “You don’t know her?” I said and then caught the implication. “Eric, is she a…”

  Eric nodded and hung his head.

  “But you’re engaged to Leslie,” I told him. “What are you doing in a place like this with a hooker?”

  “It’s complicated,” Eric said, “And we can go over that some other time. Right now I need your help. If Leslie finds out about this, we’re through. She wouldn’t understand.”

  “Leslie wouldn’t understand?” I said. “I don’t understand.”

  “Leslie’s job takes her out of town a lot and I guess I just got lonely for some company,” Eric said.

  “I get that part,” I said, “But what’s with her?” I gestured toward the hooker sitting up in bed.

  Eric took my arm and led me over to the bed. I tried to look behind the woman but couldn’t see anything. Then I noticed the trickle of blood running down her back. “What the…?” I said.

  “Things got pretty frisky and the picture that was hanging on the wall fell off,” Eric explained. “We both laughed about it at the time, but a little later Bonnie or Sunny started bouncing up and down and lost her balance. She fell back against the wall and the nail that picture was hanging on must have caught her at the base of her skull because she never even let out a sound. She just hung there like she is now. I tried to find a pulse but she’s dead. Believe me; I had absolutely nothing to do with her death. It was an accident. Just a freak accident.”

  “Eric,” I said. “You know how these things work. You’ve been a cop long enough to know you have to call this in.”

  “No,” Eric almost shouted. “If I’m connected with this whole thing, my career will be over and Leslie will leave me. No, I need you to help me figure out some other way out of this.”

  “And risk losing my license?” I said.

  “Look, Elliott,” Eric said. “Get me out of this mess and I’ll be in your debt forever. I could throw a lot of business your way and help you get past a lot of red tape. Please, Elliott. I’m out of options.”

  I thought about this situation for a moment and then said, “All right. But this has to be between just you and me. No one else can know about any of this. Two people can only keep a secret if they both have something to lose and if they don’t tell anyone else. Got it?”

  Eric nodded enthusiastically. “Here’s what I had in mind,” Eric said, looking at his watch. “It’ll be getting dark in a couple of hours. If you could back your van up to the door, the two of us can move the body out of this room and into the van. That’ll give us time to think of a good place to leave it where it’ll look like a trick gone wrong. Hell, I can even show up and guide my men in a different direction if need be.”

  “And what happens if it all leads back to you?” I said. “And to me?”

  “If it comes to that,” Eric said, “I’ll leave you out of it altogether and take the fall myself. Deal?”

  I nodded. “First we have to get this place straightened up,” I said. “Make sure there are no traces of blood anywhere. You have to go over this room with a fine-tooth comb and remove any traces that you were ever here. You know how thorough forensics can be when they look for clues.”

  “But they won’t be looking here,” Eric said. “They’ll be scouring the crime scene, wherever that ends up being after we drop
her off.”

  “You get her dressed first,” I said. “I’m going to the store to buy a tarp to wrap her in.”

  “No need,” Eric said. “We can use the shower curtain.”

  “Won’t the maid notice it’s gone?” I said.

  “Maid?” Eric said. “You’ve got to be kidding. Look at this place. You could steal the dresser and they wouldn’t notice. We’ll just make sure we remove the shower curtain rings as well. After we find a place to leave Bonnie or Sunny, we can find a different place to dispose of the shower curtain and rings.”

  “Sounds like you’ve given this thing some thought,” I said. “Are you sure this is the way you want to handle this?”

  “I’m sure,” Eric said.

  We spent the next hour and a half making sure the room looked unused. I made sure any trace of blood had been wiped from the wall before I replaced the picture on the nail. Eric removed the shower curtain and the rings and then spread out the plastic curtain on the floor. The two of us lifted the woman’s body onto it and wrapped it around her. We took a good last look at the room. There didn’t seem to be any traces that anything had happened here.

  Eric sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t thank you enough, Elliott,” he said. “You’re a good friend. I mean it.”

  “Forget it,” I said, patting his shoulder. “I’ll go get the van, so be ready when I get back. We have to do this in just a few seconds and we have to make sure no one is watching. Are you ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Eric said.

  “Be watching for me,” I said and left the room. I slowly walked out of the parking lot and around the corner to my van. I gave the immediate neighborhood a quick scan before driving into the motel parking lot and backing up to the door. I hurried around to the back and opened the rear doors before letting myself back into the motel room. Eric and I each picked up an end of the wrapped body and stopped just inside the door. I looked around outside and didn’t see anyone. I looked back at Eric and gestured with my head toward the van.