Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  Elliott reached for the handgun when Matt grabbed his wrist. “Uh uh,” Matt said. “Fingerprints.”

  “Almost forgot,” Elliott said and plucked a tissue from the box on his desk. He grabbed the handle of the .45 with the tissue and laid it on his desk. Still holding onto the tissue, he did the same with the five stacks of bills and then picked up the papers that were beneath them. Elliott turned the papers over and examined their contents. The top sheet held only five names, each one numbered one through five. Next to each name was the figure ten thousand dollars. The five papers beneath the top one each held information about the five names on the list. But there was nothing to identify the owner of the briefcase.

  “Better put it all back the way it was,” Matt said. “We’re going to have to call Eric.” Matt was referring to Lieutenant Eric Anderson from the twelfth precinct. “That’s fifty grand in there. And with those five names and information sheets, I don’t think this guy’s with Publisher’s Clearing House.”

  “I think you may be right,” Elliott said. “Looks more like some kind of hit list.” Elliott returned the contents back to the briefcase in the exact order he’d found them. He closed the lid again but didn’t snap the latches. He laid the briefcase under his desk, still holding it with the tissues. Elliott picked up his desk phone, dialed Eric’s office number and waited as it rang.

  Eric picked up on the second ring. “Anderson,” he said.

  “Eric,” Elliott said, an edge of excitement in his voice. “It’s Elliott Cooper. I think you might want to come over to my office right away.”

  “Oh sure, let me just drop everything I’m doing now and hurry over there, Cooper,” Eric said. “Can this wait?”

  “I suppose it could wait,” Elliott said. “It’s nothing important. Just a briefcase that I found in the elevator, that’s all.”

  “So give it back to the guy who lost it and get on with your day,” Eric suggested. “You should be able to handle that on your own, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t think you’d want me to do that, Eric,” Elliott said. “There’s fifty grand and a nickel-plated .45 inside, along with a list of five people, each with a ten grand figure next to their name. What does that sound like to you?”

  “Stay put, Cooper,” Eric said. “I’m on my way.” The phone went dead.

  Elliott hung up and turned to Matt. “Who says this job doesn’t have its exciting moments?”

  “And now we wait,” Matt said. After a moment, a puzzled look played on his face and he added, “What kind of hit man leaves something like this on an elevator?”

  “That same thought occurred to me, too,” Elliott said. “I can’t imagine anyone walking out of the elevator while this thing sits on the floor, unless…”

  “Unless he didn’t leave the elevator on his own,” Matt suggested. “You think someone caught on to him and took him out of there against his will?”

  “Him?” Elliott said. “Could just as well have been a woman. You of all people should know that after that last case you were on.”

  “Or her,” Matt corrected. “Either way, if someone took this shooter off the elevator, why wouldn’t they have taken the briefcase with them as well?”

  “It was sitting against the wall, directly beneath the buttons,” Elliott said. “If anyone pulled him out as soon as the doors opened, they might not have seen it sitting there, and then I came along and I found it.”

  “Lucky you,” Matt said. “Hey Dad, I just had a thought. Before Lieutenant Anderson gets here, don’t you think we should make copies of the list and the five information sheets for safe keeping, just in case?”

  “Just in case of what?” Elliott said.

  Matt shrugged. “I don’t know exactly, but when Eric gets here, he’ll take all this stuff back to the station with him.”

  “And?”

  “And suppose we get curious later on and want to know whatever happened in this case,” Matt offered. “And suppose Eric won’t tell us, or suppose something happens to the originals, or suppose…”

  “You can suppose ‘til the cows come home,” Elliott said. “What are we going to do with copies?”

  “Wouldn’t hurt to have ‘em just the same,” Matt explained. “You’re just as curious a guy as I am. Sooner or later you’ll want to know more. Well, with copies, we can discretely inquire without ruffling any police feathers. Whaddya say?”

  Elliott thought for a moment and then turned to his inquisitive son. “Even if we wanted to, we don’t have a copy machine and by the time we took the six sheets down to the corner office supply store and made copies, Eric would already be here, wondering where we went. Then what do we tell him?”

  “We don’t have to tell him anything,” Matt said, and plucked two more tissues from the box on Elliott’s desk. He pulled the briefcase out from under the desk and set in on top, lifting the lid open. He pulled the six sheets out of the briefcase and laid them next to each other on Elliott’s desk. Then Matt retrieved his cell phone, flipped it open, pressed the button that utilized the built-in camera and took six photos of the pages before closing his phone and returning the papers to the briefcase. “There,” he said. “Now we’ve got copies. After Eric leaves, I can transfer the photos to my desktop computer and print them out. That’s our copy machine.”

  Elliott cocked an ear toward the hall and then turned to Matt, gesturing at the cell phone in his hand. “Better put that away. I think I hear Eric coming now.”

  Matt dropped his phone back into his pocket and stood there, trying to look nonchalant as the office door opened. He turned to greet the lieutenant, but the man who entered wasn’t Eric and the gun he was holding didn’t look like Eric’s gun, either. The man wore a blue suit that looked like it cost more than Elliott’s entire wardrobe. The man’s green eyes, thin-lipped mouth and reddish nose made him look English, but that notion flew out the window as soon as the man opened his mouth.

  Elliott’s face took on a look of alarm as the man stepped closer. The man’s gaze shifted from Elliott to the briefcase on the desk. “So you do have it,” the man said, gesturing toward Elliott with his gun. “Step away from the briefcase and go stand over there, both of you.”

  Matt and Elliott stepped closer to Matt’s desk as the man inched his way closer to Elliott’s desk, all the while not taking his eyes off the two men. He held his gun aimed at the Coopers while one hand felt for the clasps and found them open. He stepped backwards and sat in Elliott’s chair, where he could keep an eye on both of the men while he opened the lid on the briefcase and quickly looked in. He shoved the gun aside, pulled out the six sheets and then made sure all the money was still there before closing the lid again. He snapped the latches closed again, picked up the briefcase by the handle and rose from Elliott’s chair. He looked at Elliott and snarled. “Lucky for you it’s all in there, pal, or you and your sidekick there would be dead.” The man kept his gun trained on Elliott and Matt as he stepped over to the office door and exited the way he’d come in. A few seconds later he was down the hall and gone, the sounds of his footsteps fading down the stairwell.

  Thirty seconds after that Elliott could hear the elevator doors sliding open followed by the sound of footfalls. He and Matt both drew their weapons, pointed them at the office door and waited as it opened.

  “Is that any way to greet an old friend?” Lieutenant Eric Anderson said, holding up both hands. “Come on, boys, it’s me.”

  Elliott and Matt both let out their breath and holstered their side arms.

  “What’s going on here, Elliott?” Eric said.

  Elliott explained about their previous visitor and how he’d just left with the briefcase. “Just waltzed right in with his gun already drawn, like he already knew who he was looking for.”

  “Did you recognize him?” Eric said.

  Both Matt and Elliott shook their heads. “Never saw him before,” Matt offered.

  “Neither did I,” Elliott added. “Funny, he didn’t look like
any hit man I ever saw.”

  “Yeah,” Matt said. “And now he’s out there with the money, the gun, the list and murder in his eye.”

  “And that leaves me with nowhere to start looking,” Eric complained.

  Matt snapped his fingers. “Not so fast, Eric,” he said, pulling the phone from his pocket and taking it back to his desk. He connected the USB cable to the cell phone and his desktop computer and pressed a few keys, transferring the pictures from the phone to the computer screen. Matt disconnected the phone and dropped it back in his pocket. He motioned for Eric to come and stand behind him to get a look at his computer screen. “Luckily I had the foresight to snap these pictures just before the guy stormed in and took the briefcase away from us.”

  Eric pointed to the photo of the list. “Can you zoom in on the names, Matt?”

  Matt rolled the wheel on his mouse and the photo got larger, making the names on the list plainly visible now. “You’ll want printouts, I take it,” Matt said.

  “And those files,” Eric said, pointing at the pictures on the screen. He pulled a key ring from his pocket and found the small USB jump drive hanging from it. He handed it to Matt. “Put those files on this jump drive and then delete them from your computer. This will have to remain police business until I get to the bottom of all this.”

  Matt didn’t put up any argument at all. He transferred the six files to Eric’s jump drive and saw Eric watching as he deleted his copies from the desktop computer. Matt handed Eric his key ring back and pushed his chair away from his desk, standing next to it now.

  Eric gestured toward Matt’s computer screen. “Now empty the recycle bin on your desktop, too.”

  Matt hesitated for a moment before clicking on the trash can icon on his screen and selecting ‘Empty Recycle Bin’ from the drop down menu.

  “Thanks for the lead,” Eric said, satisfied that Matt had actually deleted the sensitive files. “I’m sure you understand why I have to handle it this way for now.”

  “Sure,” Elliott said. “Not a problem at all. I hope you get the guy. Will you at least let us know how it turns out?”

  “If and when it gets that far,” Eric said, “I’ll let you know. I’d better get this back to the precinct and put some detectives on it. Thanks.”

  Eric left without further comment, closing the office door behind him. Matt and Elliott both stood motionless until they heard the elevator door close. Elliott turned to Matt and held his hand out, palm up. “Let’s have it.”

  Matt didn’t have to play coy. He fished his cell phone from his pocket and handed it to Elliott. “I was surprised when he didn’t mention the files still on my phone,” Matt said.

  “He was probably too eager to see what you had,” Elliott said. “Either that, or he knew just what he was doing and that was his subtle way to keep us in the loop while still following department protocol. I suppose he can always claim that he watched you delete the files and play dumb.”

  “I’m going with the first option,” Matt said. “Either way, we’d better transfer these files to your computer, just in case Eric realizes his mistake and comes back here.” Matt retrieved the USB cable from his desk, hooked it up to Elliott’s computer and transferred the six photos to a hidden sub-directory. He disconnected the cable, returned it to his desk and dropped his phone back into his pocket.

  Twenty seconds later Eric reappeared in the doorway with a sly grin on his face. “Luckily I hadn’t even made it back to my car when I remembered the original photos on your phone.” He held his hand out and Matt handed him his cell phone. Eric flipped it open, found the six photos and deleted them himself before handing the phone back to Matt. “That’s why I’m the lieutenant and you’re the gumshoe,” he told Matt. “I think of everything.” Eric left the office again and rode the elevator back to the lobby, secure in the knowledge that he’d outsmarted Matt.

  Matt turned to Elliott and the two of them immediately broke out laughing. “Gumshoe?” Matt said.

  *****

  Shortly after noon that day, Christine Sullivan, the girl who Matt had been dating for several months now, stepped off the elevator and walked to the end of the hall. When she stepped into Matt’s office, Elliott smiled broadly and held both arms out. Chris hugged him and then stepped back. “Are you sure you’re really not Matt big brother? You get younger looking every time I see you.”

  Elliott laughed. “Yeah, Dad had Matt when I was already in my thirties. I just tell everyone he’s my son just to give him a good cover story. So, what brings you up here this time of day?”

  “I was hoping to find Matt here,” Chris explained. “Do you know where I can find him?”

  “He went out on an interview with a potential client,” Elliott said, checking his wristwatch. “That was more than an hour ago. He should be back any time now if you care to wait.”

  Chris checked her own watch. “If I wouldn’t be bothering you,” she said.

  “Bothering me?” Elliott said. “If Matt’s not back in ten minutes, I’ll marry you myself.”

  “Tempting offer,” Chris said, “But I don’t think Gloria will go along with that.”

  “What my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Elliott said. “Seriously, though, how are the wedding plans coming along? Are you and Matt any closer to setting a date?”

  “That’s actually why I stopped by,” Chris said. “I think I have a date that will work out for everyone on both sides of the family.”

  “No kidding,” Elliott said. “That’s great. What date did you have in mind?”

  Chris looked at the floor and then back up at her future father-in-law. “I think I’d better talk to Matt about that first, don’t you?”

  Elliott held up both hands, palms toward Chris. “Absolutely,” he said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

  Chris waved him off. “You’re not prying, Elliott. After Matt and I talk it over, I’m sure he’ll fill you in on everything.” Chris turned her head toward the office door when she heard the elevator doors open and footsteps coming closer. She quickly turned to Elliott. “Not a word now, promise?”

  Elliott crossed his heart and held up two fingers, like a Boy Scout taking his oath. “Promise,” he said.

  When Matt walked in he saw Chris and Elliott standing side by side, looking at him innocently. “All right,” Matt said, “What have you two been talking about?”

  Quick-witted Chris spoke up almost immediately. “Your dad was just telling me something fascinating about Lucille Ball. Did you know she’s not a natural redhead?”

  Matt looked puzzled but didn’t answer.

  “It’s true,” Chris said. “She was in one of The Three Stooges films and she was a blonde. I didn’t know that, did you?”

  “Who doesn’t?” Matt said. “It was one of their earliest shorts. Third or fourth, I believe.”

  “Fourth,” Elliott interjected. “Three Little Pigskins from 1934.”

  “All right,” Matt said. “Now that we’ve got Lucy and the Stooges out of the way, what brings you up here this time of day?”

  “Have you had lunch yet, Matt?” Chris said.

  “No,” Matt said, knowing he’d just come from having lunch with a potential client. “Did you want to take me to lunch today?”

  Chris turned to Elliott. “Would you mind if I borrowed your son for an hour, Elliott?”

  “Take him,” Elliott said, shooing them both away like pesky flies. “Just bring him back when you’re done with him.”

  Chris smiled at Elliott. “Thanks, we won’t be long.”

  Matt turned back to his dad. “I’ll fill you in on the particulars of our new client when we get back.”

  “Go on, you two,” Elliott said. “I’ll be fine.”

  Chris took Matt’s arm and led him out of the room. Elliott sat behind his desk and positioned his computer keyboard in front of him and tapped a few keys. The screen switched from a tropical island scene to a graphics program with six photos laid out side by sid
e. He clicked on the first one and zoomed in close enough to read the five names on the list Matt had photographed with his cell phone. He scanned the list, not able to recognize any of the names on it. The first name on the list was a man named Paul Carver. Elliott zoomed back out and clicked on the first information sheet, zooming in until it was readable. It was labeled with Paul Carver’s name across the top, followed by his date of birth, address, phone number, social security number, place of employment and a dozen other statistics that might come in handy to the person stalking him.

  Elliott zoomed out again and selected the second sheet, noticing that it held all that same pertinent information for a man named Randy Brock. Even with all the additional information available to him, he still didn’t know any of the five men listed on the pages. He opened another drawer and pulled out a folded map of greater Los Angeles. He also pulled out four push pins and tacked the map up on his wall, next to the bathroom. Back at his computer, Elliott wrote down the addresses of the five people listed and carried it over to the wall map, along with a blue highlighter pen.

  He read the first address, found its coordinates on the map and drew a small blue circle around the approximate area. He did the same with the second address and noticed that it fell within two blocks of the first address. The blue circles actually touched. The third, fourth and fifth addresses also ended up in that same neighborhood, overlapping several of the blue circles by the time he was finished. All five addresses were no farther apart than two or three blocks. Elliott stood back to view the map from afar. This was no coincidence. These five men all had at least one thing in common and maybe more.

  Elliott returned to his desk and studied the five documents again, but it was getting tiresome switching back and forth between screens. He printed all six sheets out and closed his computer graphics program again. Now he could lay the five information sheets out on his desk and check for other similarities. Right away he noticed that Paul Carver and the fourth man, Ted Fillmore, were both self-employed as carpenters, but with different company names.