Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “I don’t know, Kevin,” Matt said.

  “But…”

  “Let me finish,” Matt went on. “The down side is that all three of us end up in prison for a very long time and I’d lose my business. Kevin, as good a friend as you’ve been to me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass on this case. It’s just not worth the risk. I’m sorry. I hope you can work this out between the two of you. And you don’t have to worry about me. I wouldn’t say a word about this to anyone, not even Chris or Benny.”

  “Or Elliott,” Kevin added.

  “Especially Elliott,” Matt said. “If I told him about this he’d have the big one right then and there.”

  “So that’s your final word on it, Matt?” Kevin said.

  Matt nodded. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Mills said, a wide grin filling his face.

  Matt glanced over at Kevin, who was also smiling now. “Did I miss something here?” Matt said. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Mills leaned forward again and offered Matt his hand. “No, in fact, you said exactly the right thing. It was just what we wanted to hear from you.”

  Matt’s brows furrowed and he exhaled deeply. “Somebody better tell me what’s going on here. I’m lost.”

  Kevin laid one hand on Matt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to have had to put you through all of this, but we had to be sure.”

  “Sure of what?” Matt said. “I still don’t get it.”

  “It was a test, Matt,” Mills said. “We had to know for sure that you were the right kind of guy and we came up with this little test. I’m happy to tell you that you passed with flying colors.”

  “A test?” Matt said. “For what?”

  “I needed a reliable operative for a real assignment,” Kevin said. “The captain asked me if I knew of someone he could rely on and I suggested you, of course. But he wanted me to make sure you were the right man for the job. It’s a job where anyone else might have been tempted to break the law to get it done. Apparently you are that right man, and we’re going to tell the captain just that.”

  “We?” Matt said.

  Kevin hiked a thumb over his shoulder at the man in the back seat. “We,” he said. “Me and Detective Scott Sheldon.” Sheldon held up one hand, like a kid in school wanting the teacher to call on him.

  “So I take it you don’t run the evidence room,” Matt said to Sheldon.

  Sheldon shook his head. “It’s not that the captain didn’t trust Lieutenant Cole. He just wanted an impartial observer to come along and witness your reaction to the lieutenant’s proposal. Now I can go back and give him my assessment of you and you’ll be glad to know that I can recommend you without hesitation.”

  Matt shrugged and spread his hands. “That’s great, but I still don’t know what it really is you want from me. What assignment are we talking about here?”

  “The captain wants to personally talk to you about that,” Kevin said. “He didn’t even tell us what it was. I guess you’ll find out when you talk to him. Are you ready?”

  “Now?” Matt said. “He wants to see me right now?”

  “Unless you’ve got someplace else you have to be,” Kevin said.

  “All right,” Matt said, starting the engine and driving back to the twelfth precinct. For most of the way back, he sat there behind the wheel, shaking his head in disbelief.

  Benny had just gotten back to the office a few minutes before one to find it empty. Matt hadn’t even left a note saying where he was going or when he’d be back. Benny didn’t even have to start his tail job for another five hours so he just settled in at his desk and waited to hear from Matt. He spent more than an hour surfing the web on his laptop, looking at other private investigators’ sites for ideas he might be able to use on his own job. When he had exhausted those sites, he switched to a site with pictures and descriptions of several types of hand guns. After a few minutes at that, he decided that the gun under his arm was the right one for his use and closed the laptop. He got up and stared out the window to the boulevard below and then paced for a while in the office. He was getting bored and was about to reach for the phone to call Matt’s cell when the phone on his desk rang.

  “Cooper Investigations,” Benny said. “Benny Briggs.”

  “Benny, it’s Matt. Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, but something came up and I’ll be out for a while yet.”

  “You get yourself a case, too?” Benny said.

  “Something like that,” Matt explained. “I can’t tell you about it now, but we can go over it when I get back. I think I could be back in the office a little after three.”

  “What do you want me to do while I’m waiting for you?”

  “If you like you can go through some of the old case files in the filing cabinet,” Matt said. “You never know what you might learn from some of those cases.”

  “Sure, why not?” Benny said. “I guess I’ll see you when you get back.”

  Matt, Kevin and Detective Sheldon paused outside Captain Burke’s office while Kevin knocked and opened the door, sticking his head in.

  The captain motioned him in and the three of them stepped into the captain’s office. Kevin looked at the captain and said, “I’ve got to run, Captain. Detective Sheldon can fill you in on our interview.” He let himself out again and returned to his own office. Matt and Sheldon sat across from the captain.

  Captain Burke looked over at Detective Sheldon. “So,” the captain began, “How did things work out?”

  Sheldon smiled. “Perfect,” he said. “Mr. Cooper lived up to Lieutenant Cole’s expectation, just like he said. I think we’ve found exactly the right man for this job.”

  The captain turned his attentions to Matt now. “By now I’ll bet you’re wondering what all this mystery is about, aren’t you?”

  Matt nodded. “I have to admit I’m intrigued. Lieutenant Cole mentioned that you might have an assignment for me. I’ll be glad to offer my investigative services, whatever you might need.”

  “Well, Matt, I have to be honest with you,” the captain said. “It’s not really an assignment of an offer for your services. It’s a little more complicated than that. You’re much too young to remember first hand, but let me start by asking you if you’ve ever heard of an old television show from the late fifties called The Untouchables.

  Matt had to laugh. “Have I heard of it? Are you kidding? My dad was named after the main character in that show, Elliott Ness. Dad found the series on DVD and we’ve both watched every episode. Yeah, I’d say I’m familiar with it. Why?”

  “That’s good,” Captain Burke said. “That saves me a lot of explaining. You see, what I had in mind was to put together a team similar to the one Elliott Ness had working for him. I’m looking for men who are above reproach in their professional manner, their personal behavior and their ethical makeup. When I started putting this group together, my first choice was Lieutenant Cole.” He nodded toward Detective Sheldon. “And, of course, Detective Sheldon. They are my two best men. I can trust both of them with my life.”

  Matt furrowed his brow. “Am I led to believe that you put me in the same category with these two men?”

  The captain smiled and nodded. “I’m not just going on their say so, you understand. “I’ve had you watched now for the past month and from everything I’ve been told, you fit the bill. Would you be interested in being on my team, Matt?”

  “I don’t know if I qualify,” Matt said. “I’m not a cop. I haven’t been trained as a cop. I don’t have the credentials or the background and besides, I’m not crazy about the idea of going through that boot camp you call the academy.”

  “I know all that,” Captain Burke said. “And you wouldn’t be a cop on this team. I can find half a dozen other cops if I need them, but this team also needs someone on the outside that can act in ways we technically can’t and wouldn’t under normal circumstances. In other words, Mr. Cooper, you would be our go to guy when we come up against something that doesn�
�t fit what we do. Are you interested?”

  “I don’t know,” Matt said. “What about my own business? It’s been a family-run investigations business since the forties and I’m the fourth generation of Coopers to run it.”

  “That’s the beauty of this offer,” Captain Burke said. “You just keep doing what you’re doing. When we need your services for one of our special cases, we’d call you. Think of it as being on retainer, like a lawyer. There’d be a steady monthly check deposited into your account just for this job, whether you do anything for us that month or not.”

  “Okay,” Matt said, “But what if I’m already on a case and can’t come at the drop of your hat?”

  “That’s the only downside for you,” Burke said. “You’d have to make other arrangements for your clients while you’re working on one of our cases. Perhaps your new partner, what’s his name?”

  “Benny,” Matt said. “Benny Briggs.”

  “Perhaps Mr. Briggs could take over for you when you’d be needed here,” Burke said.

  “Or maybe you could even take on a third operative,” Detective Sheldon added. “Your business would have a chance to expand and the monthly check from the department would cover the additional expense.”

  Matt thought it over for a moment. He had to admit it was a tempting offer that might never come his way again. It could help move Cooper Investigations to the next level. He looked back at the captain again. “When would you need an answer, Captain?”

  “Is there a problem?” Burke said.

  “I just want to have a chance to talk to my wife and my father and maybe even my partner about this before I make a decision that would affect my business like this. You understand.”

  “I understand,” Burke said. “However, this new task force we’re putting together can’t become common knowledge or it could diminish our effectiveness. What you know about all this can’t leave this room. You can talk to your people about expanding your own business, but you can’t tell them about my plans. If you think you can do that, be my guest. On the other hand, if you decide not to join this elite group, you can’t say a word to anyone about our plans, either. Understood?”

  Matt nodded. “I understand completely,” he said. “I still want to talk to my people but I won’t let them know about this meeting or your plans. Leave it to me. I can handle this discretely. Can I get back to you in the next day or two?”

  “That’ll be fine,” Burke said. “Don’t call with your answer, though. Stop by here and see me in person, if you would.” Captain Burke stood and offered his hand. Matt shook it and left the room. Captain Burke turned to Detective Sheldon and said, “I think he’ll work out just fine. I wouldn’t have wanted him to give me an answer without talking it over with his wife and father.”

  Matt drove back to his office, his head swimming with questions and scenarios. He could see a lot of advantages in an arrangement like this, but there also had to be disadvantages. He wondered how he could approach his dad without tipping the captain’s hand to him. And what about his wife, Chris? Could he keep such a secret from her? Matt pulled into his parking lot shortly before two-thirty and went directly up to his office. He found Benny pouring over some manila folders on his desk.

  Benny looked up when the office door opened. “You’re back early,” he said, glancing at the wall clock over the door.

  Matt hung up his jacket and plopped down on his leather sofa. He gestured for Benny to join him. “Benny,” Matt began. “I just came from a meeting with a potential client.”

  “That’s great, Matt,” Benny said. “We can sure use the business.”

  “Hold on a minute,” Matt said. “This particular client has offered to put me, personally on retainer for future cases. That would mean that you would have to take over some of the responsibilities that would normally fall on me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in the event that this new client would need me right away and I was already on a case, that you’d have to take over that case until I finished servicing this new client. It would mean more work for you.”

  Benny clapped his hands together and rubbed them back and forth, like a fly appreciating spilled sugar. “That would be super,” he said. “I’d much rather be kept busy on a case than sitting around waiting for something to come our way. But what if we’re both on a case at the time?”

  “Then my other option would be to take on a third partner,” Matt explained. “I still have to talk to Chris and my dad about this, but I wanted to run it by you first and see what you thought of it.”

  “Count me in,” Benny said. “If I can free you up to devote more attention to this new client, so much the better. I say go for it. Can you tell me who the client is?”

  “I’m afraid not, Benny,” Matt said. “That was one stipulation that he was adamant about. He doesn’t want any undue attention drawn to him. I hope you understand.”

  Benny waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. If that’s how it has to be, that’s how it will be.”

  Matt stood now and laid one hand on Benny’s shoulder. “Thanks. I knew I could count on your cooperation. I’m going to run home for a minute and explain this all over again to Chris and then I’m going to drop by and see Dad to get his opinion. I may or may not be back by the time you close up tonight.”

  “Don’t forget,” Benny said, “I have to leave here sometime after four to tail our cab driver for his wife, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  Matt glanced up at the clock. “Maybe I can get this all done before you leave and still make it back here for that last hour or so. Good luck with your tail job.” Matt grabbed his jacket again and headed back out the door. He was having an imaginary conversation with Elliott in his mind as he rode the elevator to the lobby.

  It took Matt just twenty minutes to go over the same explanation with Chris and get her opinion. She agreed that it sounded like a great opportunity for Matt to expand the business and she gave him her total support. Matt kissed her and thanked her and drove on to his parents’ house to see what they thought of it all.

  Elliott was in the garage when Matt got there. His dad was tinkering with a small motor at the work bench and hadn’t heard Matt coming up to him. He jumped when Matt laid a hand on his shoulder. Elliott turned around, holding one hand over his heart.

  “There ain’t no big inheritance,” Elliott said, “In case you’re trying to scare me to death.”

  “Sorry, Dad,” Matt said, chuckling at his dad’s inference. “You in the middle of something that can’t wait or can I talk to you about something?”

  Elliott laid down his tools and turned toward his son. “Sure, what’s on your mind?”

  “Could we go inside?” Matt said, guiding his dad back toward the house. “I’d actually like to talk to you and Mom, both, if you don’t mind.”

  Elliott stopped and turned toward Matt. “You’re not going ahead with that sex change operation, are you? We already have one daughter.”

  For some reason, that struck Matt particularly funny and he laughed out loud. He hadn’t expected something so off-the-wall from his father and it caught him by surprise. “Nothing like that,” Matt assured him. “Is Mom home?”

  Just then the back door opened and Gloria stuck her head out. She smiled when she saw Matt. “I thought I heard voices out here,” she said. “What brings you around this time of day? Business a little slow?”

  Matt hugged his mother and the three of them stepped inside and into the living room. “Actually, business is the reason I came here to talk to you both.”

  “You’re not in any financial trouble, are you, Matt?” Gloria said.

  “Just the opposite, actually,” Matt said. “I just stopped by to run an idea by you both and to get your opinions on something I’ve been thinking about.”

  Before Matt could begin his explanation, Gloria said, “Would you like a soda?”

  Matt waved her off. “No thanks, Mom. I’m fine.”

  “How about some cho
colate milk?”

  Matt perked up at the offer. “Now that I’ll take. Thanks.”

  Gloria returned in a minute with two glasses of chocolate milk and handed one to each of her men. She sat on the sofa next to Elliott. Matt sat across from them and sipped his milk. He set the glass on the coffee table and sighed.

  “So,” Matt began. “Here’s the deal.” And he went through the explanation of the chance to be on retainer without mentioning who the client was. He also told them of the possibility of taking on a third partner.

  When he finished, Elliott seemed to perk up and sat more erect now. Gloria laid her hand across his chest. “At ease, Private,” she said. “I’m sure Matt didn’t bring this all up in an effort to recruit you for that third position.” She turned to Matt. “Did you?”

  Matt shook his head. “Sorry Dad, but you know you can’t keep coming out of retirement. No, if I’m going to do this, I have to find someone a little more mobile. You have to admit you’re not exactly in any condition to be tailing anyone in your condition.”

  Months earlier, Elliott had spilled his glass of chocolate milk on the office floor and had slipped in it, fracturing his hip. He had just finished nine weeks of physical therapy and recuperation and Matt surely wasn’t going to subject him to anything else that could jeopardize his health again.

  Elliott settled back into the folds of the sofa and took another drink from his glass. “All right then, so what it all boils down to is that you want our opinions on whether or not you should take on this major responsibility. Is that about the size of it?”

  “Pretty much,” Matt said. “And who better to ask than two former private eyes? Personally, I think it’s a hell of an opportunity for me, but I did tell the client that I’d have to talk it over with you two first.”

  Gloria and Elliott exchanged brief glances and then looked back at Matt. They were both smiling and nodding. “Go for it, son,” Elliott said.

  “I think it’s a great opportunity,” Gloria said. “Take it, before he changes his mind.”