The Private Life of Mrs Sharma

by Ratika Kapur

  That is all that this mother mind remembers now, so that the giving can go on.

  I have decided to change my life a little bit. I have decided that I am going to forget about all this disciplining business with Bobby and let his father do all that when he comes back. I am going to have fun, because sometimes it seems that I will forget what it feels like to have fun, and I am only thirty-seven years of age and I don’t want to be like old people because for them everything good and fun and happy are just pictures in their minds, pictures from the past. No, I am going to have fun with my Bobby, and I will also go on having fun with Vineet until my husband comes back, because fun with Vineet is actually like a tonic for me, it is like taking Chyawanprash to keep fit and healthy, and then, when my husband comes back, which is in just twenty-eight days’ time, I will also have a lot of fun with him.

  22

  Saturday, 6 August 2011

  Vineet has finally bought his flat. It is in a complex called Sunshine Boulevard in Greater Noida. It is the one that I liked best. He took me there to see it yesterday. He has bought unit number twenty-two, because two plus two adds up to four, and in numerology four is for people who are steady and patient and practical, people who want to achieve their goals. That is what a vaastu expert told him. The flat doesn’t actually look much like the show flat that we had seen before, and the complex itself is not as fancy as the photos in the brochure, but they say that all builders and developers are big cheats and this is how it is. Still, I like the flat, and I think that his mother will also like it. There are two bedrooms with built-in cupboards, and one of them, the master bedroom, has an attached bathroom with tiles that have little purple and yellow butterflies that look so pretty. The kitchen is quite big. It is a modular kitchen, and it has all these nice cabinets and drawers that are painted red. There is also an exhaust fan above the window, which is important. The hall is a little bit small, but they have installed a very beautiful ceiling fan there, the type that has crystal lights hanging from it. It almost looks like a chandelier.

  There are six towers in the complex and each of them has fifteen floors. In the small area in the middle, surrounded by the towers, there is a nice children’s park with swings, seesaws, a slide and a big jungle gym. It is good that the park is located here because mothers can watch their children play directly from their kitchen windows. On the ground floor of Tower One there is a recreation room with a table tennis table and some sofas for residents to sit and talk to their neighbours. There is also quite a lot of parking space, but only for residents. Visitors have to park their vehicles outside the gate. The complex is quite nice, actually.

  So he took me to see his new flat, but just like the last two or three times that we have been together, something odd happened. To some extent I could even say that something funny happened. We were in the master bedroom and I was standing near the door to the bathroom, when suddenly he said, Tell me one thing, Renu. You love your child, no?

  I kept quiet.

  From the way that you talk about Bobby, it seems that you love children, he said.

  I nodded my head in some vague type of way and still kept quiet.

  Children are beautiful, he said. They are proof of their parents’ love, and they make their parents’ love stronger.

  I almost wanted to laugh at all this Bollywood dialogue but I stopped myself.

  And then he walked up to where I was standing and put one hand on my shoulder, and said, Renu, this is the room where we will start our family.

  Now I could not stop myself and I burst out laughing.

  This is not a joke, he said. You and I are going to get married. I think that you know me now and you know that I will never say or do anything without thinking about it carefully from all sides. Now, I am telling you, you and I should get married as soon as you get a divorce from your husband.

  I tried to stop my laughing because I understood that he was actually being serious, and then I tried to find some words to answer him, but before I could find them he starting talking again.

  And don’t worry about Bobby, he said. I will look after him. And don’t worry about my mother. She is actually quite broadminded. My cousin married a boy from the North East and my mother was the only person in the whole family who accepted the boy. It will probably take her some time, but I know my mother, and I know that in the end she will love you and respect you.

  I did not want to spoil this time that we had together. We were together alone after such a long time and I still had to take off all my clothes and lie down on the nice new tiled floor and pull him down to me. So, even though I only felt like laughing at all his nonsense, and telling him that maybe he should try to be more broadminded and modern like he thinks his mother is, I did not do or say all that because I knew that he would feel very bad and then we would just leave and go home. Instead of all that, I told him, trying to make my voice sound as serious as his voice, that just like he had thought about it so carefully, I also needed to do the same, I also needed time to think, and then I did what I had planned to do and took off my clothes and his clothes, and then we had a very nice time together.

  When I came back home I decided that Bobby and I should have some fun and so I suggested to him that since his father was going to come back in just twenty-five days’ time, we should at least visit the new airport one time so that we know exactly where to go and what to do on 31 August 2011. And my Bobby agreed.

  What an airport it is! I remember when my husband and Bobby and I first saw the mall buildings in Saket. For a few seconds we could not speak. We almost could not breathe because we had only seen such beautiful buildings in foreign places on TV. It was hard to believe that such buildings could actually be standing just twenty minutes away from us by scooter. That is how Bobby and I felt today. This new airport is much more beautiful and modern than the old airport we saw when my husband left for Dubai in 2009. It is called Terminal 3 and I am sure that it is as good as any airport abroad. It seems to be built with only glass and steel. I don’t remember seeing any cement at all! And it feels like you are in a foreign country. Actually, no, not a foreign country but some place more distant, some place in space. And then there is this other building, separate from the main airport building, which is only for parking. A building with six or seven floors, only for parking!

  There was a lot of security all around. Even one kilometre before you reached the building there were police check posts checking each and every vehicle that was going to the airport. And around the airport building itself, any side that you looked there were policemen, policewomen, commandos and what not. And I used to think that the malls have too much security! But it is fully understandable. Terminal 3 is well and truly something that our nation should be proud of, like the Taj Mahal or Rashtrapathi Bhavan or Select Citywalk. And it deserves the same type of protection from terrorists as those buildings, because what Doctor Sahib says is very true. Even though it happened far away from us, India has changed since those Muslim men crashed planes into those buildings in America.

  It is eleven o’clock and the power has gone. It has been gone for almost two hours now. We have an inverter, my husband bought it for us before he left, but the battery has drained and so I can’t switch on the fan. And even though it is August, there has been no rain for almost ten days. It is so hot. Every part of my body that is touching the bed is wet with sweat. It is so hot that I cannot get sleep.

  But my Bobby sleeps peacefully here on his folding cot. He sleeps peacefully because his mother has been keeping quiet, his mother has been good to him. But am I actually being good by keeping quiet and not guiding him back towards the straight road? Isn’t it a crime to not stop a crime? Don’t you become as much of a criminal as the criminal himself? I don’t know, but whatever it is or whoever I have to become, and I would become a murderer if that was the only way, all that I want is to see my Bobby happy in the day and peaceful at night-time.

  23

  Sunday, 7 August 2011
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  I know that from time to time I have said that Sundays are boring, but I never understood until today that a boring Sunday can actually be a great blessing. Today started just like all Sundays. In the morning I did all my chores, and Bobby, even though he did not open his textbooks, he actually picked up the newspaper and seemed to be reading it quite carefully. We also Skyped with my husband as we do every Friday and Sunday, and today he looked much better. My husband looked less sad, less tired. He said that he has a new boss, an Arab also, obviously, but an Arab who hates Indians less. This Arab is very rich, my husband said. He eats fifteen or twenty almonds at one time, just like that. He eats almonds like peanuts. My husband said that he has seen it with his own two eyes. And then my husband said that just like me, he is also counting the days for 31 August 2011. He said that as soon as his plane lands, the first thing he wants to do is come home and eat a meal cooked by his wife, and then he wants to go with Bobby and me to India Gate for ice cream. He said that he has this picture in his mind of the three of us in an auto, and it is raining, and he is sitting in the middle with his wife on one side of him and his son on the other side of him. He said that these days this picture comes to his mind every time he closes his eyes.

  I almost started crying when he said this, but I controlled myself. I quickly started to talk about one news item instead, this horrible news item that the nurses were talking about in the clinic last month, about this young boy who sold his kidney to buy an iPhone because his parents did not have the money to buy it for him. I think that this was a good thing that I did. It was important for me to talk about this to remind both my husband on the monitor and my son sitting next to me why we have to live like this just now.

  So, everything was normal, everything had that Sunday feeling, and after all my morning chores I had to go for Rosie’s daughter’s wedding. I asked Bobby to come with me but he said that he was tired, and I did not want to force him, so I went alone. The wedding was in a church near Connaught Place, and it was the first time that I had attended a Christian wedding ceremony, and even though it was quiet and everybody looked serious, even then, it was actually quite nice. And Doctor Sahib sat down next to me during the ceremony. There were many, many empty seats, but Doctor Sahib came and sat down next to me. So everything felt good and nice, and I was feeling very calm and happy, and I came back home and knocked on the door, because I always make Bobby latch it from inside, and Bobby opened the door, but then what do I see? In the hall, in my house, sitting on the divan side by side, who do I see? It was Vineet, Vineet and that stupid friend of his Neha. In my house.

  I thought that I was going to have a heart attack. My heart hit so hard and fast against my chest that I thought that then and there I would fall down to the floor. But I just walked into the flat quietly and smiled at everybody, and very calmly, very coolly and calmly, I turned to Bobby and said, Have you offered them some tea?

  Bobby nodded his head, and Vineet said, He made us such tasty tea, and then Neha said, What a nice boy you have.

  I sat down on the stool and smiled again. What else could I do?

  After a few seconds, Vineet stood up and, fixing his eyes on my eyes, he said, We have to go now, but we will meet you at the clinic tomorrow.

  And they left. Then after about five minutes I received an sms from Vineet. He said that he told Bobby that he and Neha work with me at Doctor Sahib’s clinic and that he just wanted to drop off some sweets to celebrate the purchase of his new flat. I deleted the sms and then after that I did not know what to do, but then Bobby switched on the TV and I sat down next to him and did some deep breathing.

  So what did you read in the newspaper this morning? I said, after some time.

  Different things, Bobby said.

  Like what? I said.

  Politics, he said.

  Reading the newspaper is a good daily habit, I said.

  Then Bobby said, Those people are very nice.

  They are quite nice, I said.

  Is Neha Didi Vineet Bhaiya’s girlfriend? he said.

  Maybe, I said.

  Why didn’t Rosie Aunty invite them for the wedding? he said.

  I thought that I would have another heart attack, but then I thought of an answer. Rosie Aunty’s husband only allowed her to invite Doctor Sahib and me, I said.

  Then Bobby said, Did you know that Vineet Bhaiya has some professional training as a chef?

  I wanted to shout, Vineet Bhaiya? He is not your Vineet Bhaiya! But I said, He has talked about food from time to time.

  He told me that he can cook all types of Indian and Chinese and Continental dishes, Bobby said.

  I think that it is just timepass for him, I said.

  That is because his father did not allow him to become a chef, Bobby said. But he has offered to give me cooking classes. Then Bobby smiled and got up, and went to the fridge and took out a box of sweets. Vineet Bhaiya brought this for you, he said. He has bought a new flat.

  I should join Bollywood. The way I acted today, the way I acted so cool and calm, I should get the Filmfare award for Best Actress. A man that I met on the Metro, a man who is not my son’s father but who I have sex with even then, this man was happily sitting in my house talking away to my son, and I acted as if this was such a normal thing, I acted as if our neighbour had just dropped in to show me the water bill. What a grand performance, Renuka Sharma! You should be so proud of yourself!

  The whole afternoon I watched Bobby carefully. I knew that he would not say anything to me directly, but, obviously, I wanted to know if he suspected anything of Vineet and Neha’s visit, so I watched carefully for any odd signs coming from him. By God’s grace, he acted very normally and when I was fully convinced that everything was fine, I told him that I would make him kheer, his favourite sweet dish, and I sent him off to the market to buy some milk. I had thought that while Bobby was out of the house I would call up Vineet.

  I had thought that I would call up Vineet and shout at him. How dare you meet my son without asking me? I thought I would say. Why are you pulling my son into this? And how dare you come to my house and, on top of that, bring that woman with you?

  But before I called him up I did some deep breathing and I thought about everything, and then I very quickly understood that it is not Vineet that I should be angry with, it is myself. My father used to say, The eyes will not see what the mind does not want them to. But today my mind has ordered my eyes to see the truth. And the truth is that the only reason that Vineet was sitting in my house today and talking to my son is because I invited him. See, wasn’t it me who first went running to him when I had problems with Bobby? Wasn’t it me who first asked Vineet for advice about Bobby? Isn’t that an invitation into my home?

  It is also a sign, I think, this behaviour, a sign to Vineet that all that matters to this woman is her son, and so if he wants to be with her he has to show interest in her son. See? I cannot blame him. The only person I can point a finger at is myself.

  Still, what has happened has happened. We have to look forward, and I will make sure that Vineet understands that he does not need to involve himself with Bobby just to be with me.

  24

  Thursday, 11 August 2011

  More than one time I have said that I have to keep Vineet away from Bobby because Bobby is my husband’s son and because this relationship is only about Vineet and me and nobody else and especially not my child. I know that I have said all this. But I think that I have changed my mind. And I know that what I am going to say will sound a little bit odd, but what made me change my mind was actually my Bobby. Since Vineet came to our flat four days’ ago, Bobby has been pestering me day in and day out to call up Vineet for those cooking classes and, until this evening, each time Bobby has asked me to call him up, I have refused. But then when I was sitting quietly in the prayer room this afternoon, my mind became clearer in the presence of God, and I decided that there is actually nothing wrong in allowing them to meet each other. Just by giving Bobby cooki
ng classes, Vineet is not going to become Bobby’s father. And teaching a child to cook is hardly a fatherly thing to do anyway. And if Bobby spends a little bit of time with Vineet and me, that is hardly pulling him into our relationship, or whatever it is that you want to call it. The only thing is that Bobby must never ever know about this relationship. That is the main thing. That is what I have to be very, very careful about.

  Apart from that, what is there to worry about? Bobby will see that his mother has a friend who is a man. Is that going to shock him? And what will he do? Call up his father? And will his father also get shocked? It is the twenty-first century. Even a good woman can be friends with a man.

  So after I came out of the prayer room with my new decision, I told Bobby about it, and, what can I say? Bobby was so happy, so happy. He gave me such a big hug that I almost fell down. This in itself made me very happy, but then Bobby promised me something that made me even happier. He said that if the cooking classes go nicely, then he would stop going to that restaurant in Saket. All that I could do was look up and thank God.