by Taryn Plendl
We worked in silence for a couple of minutes, giving her time to process this new information.
“You know, I was just a bit younger than you. I was so angry. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me.” I dropped the brush in the bucket and walked around Molly to Lauren. “It’s okay to feel like that, Lauren. You’ve lost a huge part of you, and it’s devastating. It’s scary and unfair. You need to mourn that loss, but the important thing to remember is you can’t allow this tragedy to consume you.”
“I’m just so sad.” Lauren’s voice quivered with tears, and the raw emotion brought an ache to my chest as I remembered feeling the exact way.
“Oh, honey, I know.” I squeezed her shoulder in comfort.
“How did you get past it? The anger? I don’t know how.”
“You have to make the decision to live again. Life as you know it has taken a different path, and you need to find a way to make it your own again. You can let the anger and sadness take over, but there won’t be anything left to give. You can only pretend and push everything down for so long, until it all implodes.” My thoughts flashed to Nate and his demons. “Most of us won’t like who we become at that point.” A rustling sound had me turning my head. When I didn’t hear anything else from that direction, I figured it was just one of the animals.
“Do you miss seeing?” Lauren asked.
“I don’t remember it much anymore. I’m sure I would have a lot less bruises if I could see.” I chuckled. “But honestly, I still see the world with my other senses. And, Lauren, it’s just as beautiful. You need to find your footing again. When you do, the people who care about you, your family and friends, will take their cues from you. Your parents want you to feel empowered and confident in your blindness. You’ll get there, Lauren. I’ll help you.”
“Shiloh?”
“Yes?”
“Can I hug you?” Tears welled in my eyes at her simple plea.
“Of course, you can.” We reached for each other at the same time, and her fist plowed me square in the stomach, causing me to groan.
“Oh, shit!” Lauren exclaimed then corrected herself. “I mean, crap.”
Amusement bubbled inside me until I was openly laughing. Lauren joined me, and somehow, we finally managed to embrace.
“That is what I like to refer as blind girl problems,” I said when I released her, finally catching my breath.
“Do they happen often?” She hooked her hand through my arm so we could walk to where her parents would be waiting.
“All the time, sweetie. All the time.”
N A T E
I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on Shiloh and her student. Really, I didn’t. But the second I heard her voice, my feet refused to move. It was as though she was speaking to me instead of the young girl. Her words helped me come to a decision.
Gravel crunched under my boots as I strode toward the main house. My brother was meeting with Silas to talk about soil samples, and I hoped to catch them. I needed help with Shiloh, and pride be damned, I was going to ask for it.
The scent of fresh brownies wafting through the kitchen had me slowing my approach to the office. The smell was a delicious distraction. With a cautionary glance to ensure I was alone, I tread as lightly as my boots could to the source of the mouth-watering goodness. My fingers grazed the plate as a hand smacked the back of my head.
“Ow! Christ.” I covered my head, expecting another blow for cussing. Caroline had mercy on me, and when I finally stood from my defensive stance, she was placing a cup of milk on the table beside a plate with two brownies.
“No need to eat at the counter, Nathan.” Her warm smile gave me a glimpse of what it might have been like to have a mother growing up. I bet Caroline would’ve been the best.
“Thank you, ma’am.” I sat at the table, popped an entire square into my mouth, and groaned. The rich chocolate coated my tongue, and for a moment, nothing else mattered. Caroline squeezed my shoulder as she passed my chair on her way out.
“If you go past the kitchen, you better leave your boots at the door. I just finished the floors, and I won’t have you dragging filth through the house.” Without waiting for a response, she left, and I smiled around my last bite. Even when she was scolding us men, she was full of love.
My sock-covered feet hardly made a sound as they patted down the hallway. Deep voices from the office told me I would find my brother and Silas there. I was on a mission to get Shiloh, and I hoped like hell the guys would have some idea of what I should do to make things right. God knew I had made a fine mess of it so far.
"I'm not telling him, Si." Ryke's angry tone brought me to a standstill.
"Don't you think he has a right to know his dad’s dying?" Silas's voice was calm in comparison.
Creaking wood meant Ryke was pacing, like he always did when he was angry. "Fuck him! That son of a bitch deserves to die without anyone around him.”
“Ryke . . .”
“No, Si. This is out of the question. I won’t put Nate through that. Our father almost destroyed him. Do you really expect me to just send him off to Oklahoma, to the same shitty little town that protected that bastard, just because he’s in Hospice care now? I won’t do it. Let the asshole die alone.”
A resigned sigh echoed. My lungs constricted. The pounding of my heart was so loud, I was sure the two men in the next room would hear it.
Before they caught me eavesdropping, I ran away as fast as my feet could take me. Caroline came back in while I slipped on my boots in the kitchen.
“Nate, honey, you okay?” She placed the back of her hand on my forehead. “You’re flushed.” Worry coated her voice as she studied me. Could she tell I was seconds from losing my shit?
“I’m fine, ma’am. Just have a headache. I’m gonna go lay down for a bit.” With a nod, I left through the back door. The walk back to the barn took no time. I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going until I saw her. “Shiloh?” I gasped, taking the last two strides to her and wrapping her in my arms.
Her small squeak was quickly replaced by words of comfort, like she knew I was falling, and she was there to catch me.
“What do you need, Nate?” Her voice dripped sincerity, and I felt like I had a clear path. I hoped I could convince her to go with me.
“Shiloh, I need to do something, go somewhere. I can’t do it alone. Will you go with me?” I sucked in a deep breath and waited for her answer, pulling back so I could watch her face.
“Of course. Just tell me when and where.” Her small hands rested on the sides of my waist, and her eyes fixed on me as if she could see everything. She didn’t even question me, and I was thankful for small victories.
“Pack a bag for a couple of days and tell Mira I’m taking you away.”
After watching her make it back to the house, I hurried to make a few phone calls and pack my own bag. Wrong or right, I was doing this, and I hoped like hell that I would come out better in the long run. If not, I guess I would find a way to pick up the pieces of my fucked up life again.
One way or another, I was getting the last word.
S H I L O H
The road hummed beneath the tires of the truck. A soft breeze flowed through the open window, blowing my hair. The fragrance of fresh grass and dirt filled the cab. I had no idea where we were going, but I honestly didn’t care.
There was really no question if I would go with Nate. The way he’d clung to me in the barn spoke volumes. Certain times in my life I had to listen to my gut, and this was one of them. Something was going on with him, and in that moment, his vulnerability bled into me. I wasn’t about to turn my back on him when he needed me, no matter what he’d done before.
Surprisingly, Mira hadn’t questioned me about going away with Nate. Ryke and Silas had almost sounded relieved. I guess we’d both acted a bit off with the way we’d left things.
When my watch announced the time, I was surprised to find we’d been driving for over an hour. My hands tapped th
e beat of the music on my legs.
“Are you hungry?” Nate asked, turning down the radio.
Gasping, I fumbled until I found the knobs. Once the volume was back up, I sighed.
A soft chuckle rose from Nate. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Have some respect. That’s Luke Bryan.” I leaned closer to the speaker where Luke’s sexy voice sang to me. The booming laughter coming from the man next to me had my heart beating faster than even the sexy, country music singer’s could.
“I like that.”
“What? Luke Bryan?” Nate asked through his chuckles.
“No. You laughing.” A large hand covered mine, startling me. Turning mine over, I laced my fingers with his. It felt so damn good to just hold his hand.
“Are you gonna tell me where we are going?”
“Not yet. Okay?” His voice was soft, almost unsure. Honestly, at this point, I would go anywhere with him to feel the butterflies in my stomach some more.
“Okay.”
“Hey, can I take you on a date tonight?” Nate’s thumb stroked over my knuckles.
“A date?” The shock must’ve registered through my voice if the low snicker from Nate was any indication.
“Yeah, a date. We’ve done things a bit backward so far. I’m thinking if we start again, maybe we can get it right this time.”
“I’d like that, Nate.” The soft squeeze of my hand was his only response, but it was enough for me to realize I was way too far away from him. Holding him tighter, I unlocked my seat belt and scooted over to the middle seat. As soon as I buckled up again, I snuggled against Nate’s shoulder and closed my eyes.
His familiar smell was full of comfort. The repetitious breathing along with the steady beating of his heart had me dozing off in no time.
Soft lips pressed to the top of my head as I felt myself shifted.
“Mmmm.” I smiled, stretching as I sat up. “Where are we?”
“Kansas.” The truck turned off, and I blinked several times to get the gritty feel out of my eyes.
“How long was I asleep?” I asked when my door opened up. Nate reached around me and unlocked my seat belt before placing my hand on his arm. I couldn’t help but smile at how much he’d learned. He no longer yanked me but guided me so I could independently maneuver. It didn’t go unnoticed and it was surely appreciated.
“You were out for a few hours, drooling all over my shirt.”
“Oh my God, seriously?” I gasped as I climbed to the ground, my legs taking a few seconds to remember how to work.
His laughter filled the air and rumbled through my body.
“You jerk!” I shoved him playfully as we walked.
“We just need to check into the hotel to freshen up, and then I’m taking you to dinner.”
A cool blast of air hit me as we walked through the doors. My cane was in my purse, but I was comfortable holding onto Nate’s arm for the moment.
The check in was quick, and soon, I was led into the elevator. Soft lips on mine surprised me at first, and then butterflies took flight in my stomach. When we reached our room, Nate opened the door and led me in. Before I could ask, he gave me the layout of the room.
“The bathroom’s on our left. The bed’s straight ahead and on the left about ten steps. There’s a dresser with a television on the right and a window all the way at the other side.”
“Thank you, Nate.” I patted him lightly on the ass before feeling for the dresser to set my purse down.
“I’ll set your bag here.”
“That’s perfect, but where is here?”
“Fuck,” he mumbled, causing me to giggle.
I moved to him and felt my way to my bag myself. Leaning up, I placed a wayward kiss on his chin, completely missing my goal of his lips. We laughed as he held me close to him.
“Thank you for coming with me, Shiloh.” His chin rested on the top of my head, his voice suddenly serious.
“When you’re ready, you can tell me why we’re in Kansas, and where we’re headed.” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned back and tilted my head to him. “Just so you know, I’ll go wherever you need me.”
The huge breath pressed against my body as it filled his lungs. On the exhale, he sighed.
“I hoped you would.”
“It’s humid here.” After being in the crisp Colorado air, the thickness was noticeable. It reminded me a bit of Maryland with the way I was sticky the second I stepped outside.
“Yeah, but it’ll change soon with fall coming. Before they’re ready for it, the snow’ll be here, and it’ll be frigid.” Nate was careful to keep me close and not pull me, but instead he let me be guided. I was truly amazed by how easily he slipped into all of this. It usually took a while for people to understand the best way to help a sightless person. Nate was a quick study.
“Thank you for dinner.” I squeezed the bicep I was holding, loving the way the thick, solid muscle felt under my small hand.
Our meal at a local steakhouse had been perfection. Light-hearted conversation was abundant. But the way Nate’s voice would trail off and how he seemed even more distracted than usual made it apparent a lot was left unsaid. Even so, there wasn’t a moment he ignored my needs.
“It was my pleasure, Shiloh.”
“There’s a bench. Would you like to sit?” A slight waver in his voice begged me to agree.
“Sure.” When the bench nudged the back of my legs, I sat and gave him my full attention. I had a feeling what he was going to share with me would change everything. For both of us.
“After our mom died, our dad changed. He drank a lot, but I think he was mean even without the drink, and I was always his target.” His heel tapped a nervous rhythm on the sidewalk.
“Why? Why you?” I whispered, not sure my voice would work otherwise.
“I was too pretty. He said I looked like a girl. Told me no one would ever respect a pansy like me. Ryke’s more rugged—manly. Me? I have softer features, I guess. Like our mom.”
I couldn’t fathom how a parent couldn’t love their own child, even in a dysfunctional way like my own. As misguided as they were, they’d never intentionally hurt me.
“Ryke tried to keep me out of the way so our dad wouldn’t get on me, but it didn’t always work. Ryke took the blows sometimes, but he couldn’t always be there. Finally, my dad decided to do his own manipulating of my features.” The bench vibrated as he drummed his fingers on the wooden slats.
“What does that mean, Nate?” I was almost scared to hear his answer.
“By scarring me up or hurting me until I no longer cried. He said the scars would make me look like a man. He seemed to get off on it. I’ve never understood why he hated me so much.”
“Oh my God.” The words came out in a gasp, and my hands searched for him, clutching his shirt when I found him. “How old were you, Nate?”
“Five or six. When we were eight, we went to live with a couple in Oklahoma City after a teacher saw some of the burn marks and called the authorities. We never went back to our dad.”
Five or six? He’d lived through the abuse for years. Little boys who’d lost their mom found themselves trying to survive. I could hardly stomach it.
“The nightmares? They’re about the abuse?” Memories of the night we’d slept together came flooding back. The blood-curdling cries. The terror in his voice. The despair and embarrassment after he woke. My heart ached for him.
“Yes,” he sighed, shifting on the bench. I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and hold him. He sounded so distraught. “I can’t seem to shake them. I’ve been to therapists, tried meds. Nothing works. You’re the first girl I’d ever let stay with me after . . . Well, after you know.” Soft fingers grazed my face where he’d accidentally hit me that night. I knew he was remembering it, too. Wrapping my hands around his, I brought it to my mouth, kissing each of his fingers before lowering it to my lap and letting him know I was there.
“None of it was eno
ugh to kill me, yet it chipped away at my being until I sometimes feel like I don’t know who I am. It was so long ago, but I feel like I relive it all the time, so I can never get past it.”
“Nate?” I wanted to make sure he was looking at me—really hearing what I was about to say. “You’re a strong man who’s hardworking, loyal, and fun. You told me you’re hot, and I can’t imagine you’d lie about that.” A soft chuckle escaped him. “Your heart is bigger than all your misery. Your father didn’t know you and that’s his loss, but if you need to be reminded of who you are, I will do it every day. For you, I will remind you of the man I know and care about.” I pressed my hand to his chest. “That is who you are.”
“Sometimes, I feel like we’ve known each other for so much longer, Shiloh.”
I knew exactly what he meant. My feelings for him were so strong in just a short time.
“The only people concerned with time are the ones not living in the moment.” Leaning into his side, I sighed at how right it felt.
Nate stood suddenly, pulling me up with him. “Well, pretty lady, let’s go live in the moment then.”
N A T E
The door to the hotel room barely clicked shut before I pulled Shiloh against me. Her soft, lean body formed perfectly to mine. Silky blonde hair fluttered down her back and against the tops of my hands as she tilted her head up to me.
Her beautiful pink lips were parted slightly. Waiting. She was so patient with me even though it probably killed her. Shiloh was a woman like none I'd ever known before. Full of energy, strong and resilient, yet full of compassion.
Telling her about my past hadn't been easy. Part of me expected judgment, even knowing it would never happen. I felt weak whenever I thought about my dad and what he did to me. Maybe if I'd fought back he would've left me alone. I was a small boy, so that thought wasn't rational. Anymore than me bringing Shiloh along with me to confront the son of a bitch.
"Anything else on your mind, cowboy?"
Her soft lips turned up in a subtle smile as I traced them with my fingertips. The sudden urge to bite them hit me. She squealed when I lifted her into my arms and carried her to the bed, setting her on the edge before letting go and standing back.
