Memories Are An Old Man's Toys

by Elayne Tulliani

  after her long ride.

  They began their walk to Revere Beach and without thought, they headed off in the direction of the old neighborhood. They were both like children in a candy store. It was almost as though they were competing to point out all of the things that had changed in the area. There was the old mini-park on Bradstreet Avenue that had been replaced by condominiums. The house that Sherry had grown up in was right next door to the park, and she was quite relieved to see that it had long ago been torn down and replaced with a group home for people with special needs. She thought as they walked past it, “At least that place will finally serve a purpose other than to make people miserable.” There was a part of her that wanted so badly just to break down and cry and confess to Billy the secret that she had held in for a lifetime. Today was going so beautifully though she refused to let that ugly part of her life ruin it. She thought, “That bastard did enough damage to me, he’s not going to ruin today too.”

  As they walked around the corner, they pointed out the old fire station that had been closed down due to budget cuts and the building on the corner that used to house a little convenience store called Campbell’s Variety but a lot of the locals referred to it at Nat and Jan’s. The store was owned by two of the nicest little old ladies. They always smiled and greeted you with a genuine hello when you entered despite knowing you were going to spend the next twenty minutes asking them a million questions about how much each piece of candy cost. Looking back on it, they could have saved themselves a lot of time if they simply said, “It cost the same as it did the last five times you asked,” but they welcomed your repetitive questions and always made you feel like you were walking into your grandmother’s house. Sherry and Billy continued down the hill to the section known as Short Beach.

  Billy pointed out from a distance the big rocks that served as a breaker between the ocean and the neighboring houses. Three large rocks had been affectionately named by someone years ago. The rocks were known as King, Queen, and Egg, and they stood out of the water with pride as if to say, ‘Despite the changing world around us we are still here.’ They were one of the only things that hadn’t changed. Billy asked, “Sherry do you mind if we take a quick walk down to the rocks before heading to Revere Beach?” He had never gone there as a child due to the fear of what would happen to him at the hands of other children. The thought of being near water and nowhere near any adults always scared him into staying away, but he had always been curious what it was like down there.

  Sherry enthusiastically agreed, “I would be more than happy to, I’ve only been down there one time in my life.”

  It seemed like only yesterday when children would run up and down those rocks as gracefully as if they were skating. Billy chuckled at how slowly his legs seemed to move in comparison. They walked to the breakers and sat for a bit looking out at king and queen rock, the incoming tide submerged egg rock. They decided to move on to Revere Beach but not without Billy turning around and giving one more look at the area that he had forbidden himself to visit as a child.

  Sherry couldn’t help but smile; she felt he was somehow confronting a childhood demon and this time he was winning. She gently placed her hand on his which immediately brought him back to the moment, and they began to walk away. At that moment Billy was not only leaving behind the rocks and the tide, but he was also leaving behind a piece of himself. He left the fear he had carried

  with him his entire life on the rocks that day.

  The conversation between Billy and Sherry seems to flow so smoothly. They talked about Sherry’s sister and her beautiful children and how much Sherry loved spending time with them. She couldn’t have beamed with more pride if she had birthed them herself. Billy took the opportunity to tell her he thought she would have been an amazing mother. She thanked him with a genuine yet slightly sad gratitude. He wasn’t just saying it to be kind; he had always believed that with her beauty, intelligence, and gentle manner she would have been a great mom.

  The conversation led to Sherry asking, “Speaking of mom’s, how is your mother feeling these days?”

  In a very sobering manner, he told her “I know I should have called you but my mom passed away several years ago.”

  Sherry stopped walking and stared at him with a look of disbelief, “Billy, why didn’t you call me, you know I would have come right down to be with you?”

  “She passed in 2015, but it seems like yesterday. You know Sherry, it doesn’t matter how old you are, when your mom dies, you still feel like an orphan. I know you would have come, that’s exactly why I didn’t call. I know you go through so much with your mother, and I guess I didn’t want to sadden you. I always felt a little guilty that I had such a great relationship with my mom and you never got to experience that. I didn’t want to open that wound for you again.”

  She just shook her head and said, “Regardless, you know I would have been here for you, I am so very sorry for your loss.”

  They walked for a bit without exchanging any words. They were both navigating through their thoughts, but without much effort, they again pulled themselves back to the moment and began exploring the neighborhoods they had both left behind a lifetime ago.

  By this point, they were nearing a small triangular park, surrounded by pretty little trees and shrubs that were designed to surround a little sitting area. Billy prompted, “Remember when it was just this big triangle that was painted green?”

  It was the most awkward area, but for some reason, it made for the perfect meeting area for teenagers. The locals referred to the area as, “The Green,” for obvious reasons. Okay, not the most original description but aptly named none the less. The Green was located right at the base of a rather large hill that descended between two rows of houses. It was a great sledding hill, and Billy’s dad took him there a few times when he was a kid. It was some of the best memories Billy had of his dad.

  It was a rare occasion when Bill would shed the serious, practical persona and just have fun. They would wax up the blades, and his dad would let him ride the sled all the way to the hill while he pulled him along without effort. The hill was known as Gould’s Hill named after a family that lived at the top of the hill, but most of the kids called it Goose Hill. Bill would stand at the bottom of the hill to make sure no cars were coming. Billy would sit at the top of the hill and wait for the “All clear,” from his dad. Then pick his feet up and push off the ground and for the brief moment that it took to reach the bottom Billy felt like he was flying.

  “Sherry, one of the most significant lessons I ever learned from my dad, took place right where we’re standing. I was flying down this hill on my sled, admittedly, a little out of control. There was a woman here sledding with her little girl that was probably about three years old. The toddler began to run up the hill as I was on my way down. My dad yelled, “Look out,” and I turned real fast to avoid her and flipped my sled. The blade ran over my fingers and gave me a nasty cut. I started to cry, and my dad scooped me up and immediately wrapped my hand in his handkerchief. He sat down on the ground and held me on his lap while putting pressure on the cut.

  “The little girls’ mother was crying as well and said to me, “I’m so sorry, are you okay honey?” She then turned to my dad and said, “Sir, I’m so sorry, she just got away from me.”

  “My dad reassured her, ‘Ma'am, It wasn’t her fault. My son wasn’t paying attention. He’ll be fine, nothing a little pressure and a hot cup of cocoa won’t fix. I’m just glad your little girl wasn’t injured.’

  “After the woman was out of earshot I whispered to my dad, ‘It was that stupid little girl's fault.’

  “My dads’ voice suddenly went from very compassionate to very serious.

  “He said, ‘Billy, you need to take responsibility for your actions. That little girl was just doing what toddlers do; she was just playing. You know damn well that you weren’t paying attention or you would have seen her before I even yelled at you. Son, you will learn that there are t
wo kinds of people in this world. Some people accept responsibility for themselves and their actions, and then there are those who constantly try to point the finger at someone else. This fact is true in every area of our lives. You’ll learn this lesson more and more as you get older. You need to pay close attention to your surroundings. You are as responsible for the people around you as you are for yourself.

  “Your actions and inactions have a direct effect on the people and world around you. When life hands you the gift to do good you need to embrace it. When life grants you a moment to be kind, grasp it. And when life blesses you with the opportunity to make a positive impact on the world, you owe it to the world to seize that opportunity. What I’m trying to teach you son, is that we are all here for a limited time and in that time we are all responsible for leaving this garden more beautiful then we found it.”

  “When my dad was done talking I got up and went over to the woman and her little girl and told them I was okay and that the accident was my fault, not her little girls. My dad said he was proud of me for accepting responsibility for my actions.

  “Standing here now, I can’t help but draw the comparison between this hill and life. Neither one of them see-

  ms so big and overpowering anymore.”

  Billy gave an embarrassed smile and said, “Enough walking down memory lane, let’s go grab a bit to eat.”

  Sherry just responded with a kind smile and said, “Okay Billy.” As they began to walk, she felt blessed to have had this opportunity to get to know him on such a personal level. It did, however, give her added pangs of guilt that she hadn’t stood up for him when he was younger. It saddened her that he never learned to defend himself as a child, whereas she spent her entire life fighting back, not on the street but within her own home. She thought if she had stuck up for him perhaps things would have been different for the both of them. Disappointed in herself, she thought, “No sense digging up those bones.”

  They continued talking, and for the first time, they were truly getting to know one another. Although visits in the past were always pleasant, they had never plunged so deeply into each other’s personal lives. Sherry was intrigued by the peek she was getting into who Billy was as a person and a man. He was equally as impressed with her inner beauty. Before they knew it, they were standing at the bandstand that they had visited so many years earlier. However, this time there was a different feel in the air. They weren’t there as two people who simply shared a painful youth. They were there as friends, and that was something Billy had never experienced before, and he was rather surprised at how much he was enjoying himself.

  They sat and talked for hours and were so deeply lost in conversation that they had failed to notice the onslaught of what Billy referred to as sun worshipers. He was sorely disappointed by his observations.

  He shared his thoughts, “Sherry look around us, other than a handful of people our age and older, no-one is really enjoying this beautiful day.”

  Sherry looked around and asked, “What do you mean? They all look like they’re having fun.”

  “No Sherry, what I mean is no-one is engaged in the moment. They are all taking pictures of themselves or talking on the phone. None of these parents are playing with their kids. Look at that woman, her son is trying so hard to build a sandcastle, and she is completely oblivious to him. Both those parents over there have had their faces buried in their phones since they sat down. I haven’t seen them say one word to their kids. I’m telling you, Sherry, this whole social media thing is going to destroy families, mark my words.”

  Their conversation was abruptly interrupted by someone laying on their car horn. The driver screamed from his window, “Put your friggin phone down and watch where you’re going; you’re walking around like a freakin zombie!”

  Billy just shook his head and said, “I stand corrected, it’s going to destroy families ‘and’ get people killed.”

  Sherry nodded in agreement.

  Billy redirected the conversation, “Well we’ve done it again, we’ve managed to slide through yet another day lost in each other’s company.” It was a nice feeling, and Billy couldn’t remember the last time he spent this much time with anyone and didn’t feel like he wanted to rip his hair out. Sherry was different, and as always she had a way of making him feel important.

  “Billy, you’re a special guy, and honestly I could spend every day talking with you.” When she called him special, it gave him the same warm feeling as when his mom used to say it. Anytime someone else called him that, their words came with a sting that rang in his ears like an out of tune microphone.

  They decided it was getting late and they wanted to start heading back before it got dark. Unlike back when they were children, the beach took on a completely different element at night. Billy thought it was best that they not be there after dark. As they made their way back to the shop, although they both felt blessed to have shared this day with one another, they also felt sad that it was nearing an end. Each held the thought private that it reminded them of a first date, neither wanting to say good-bye.

  Billy knew she had a long ride ahead of her and he was a bit worried that she may be too tired to drive. Billy asked, “Would you like to go get a cup of coffee first to help you stay awake for the ride?”

  Without hesitation, she said, “That’s probably a good idea,” although in her heart she knew she didn’t need any help staying awake, she hadn’t felt this awake in years, but it gave her the opportunity to prolong her visit a little longer.

  They went to a little diner that wasn’t too far from Billy’s shop. When they walked into the diner, they noticed a group of men sitting in the end booth. They immediately recognized them but chose to forego any greeting. Each man, one by one, glanced over their shoulder, clearly trying to place a name to the somewhat familiar face. They all recognized Billy, but they had never seen him out with a woman, and although she looked vaguely familiar to them, they couldn’t recall her name. Billy maintained his poker face, but his mind was irritated that these nosey son of a bitches were intruding on this evening. Despite the fact that none of them said anything to Billy he felt their mere presence was an intrusion. Billy and Sherry sat and drank coffee until the shop was ready to close.

  The waitress joked with them, “I could just leave the keys for you if you want to lock the place up.”

  They finished up their coffee and left a hefty tip for the waitress, “Thank you for being tolerant of us confiscating one of your booths for so long.”

  The waitress just smiled and said, “Anytime, enjoy your evening folks.”

  As they began their walk back to Sherry’s car, the approaching evening brought with it a chill in the air and Billy draped his jacket over her shoulders.

  “Billy I don’t want the evening to end, but it’s getting late, and I have a ride ahead of me. I’m afraid I need to call it a night.”

  “When can I see you again Sherry?”

  Sherry was quick to answer, “I’m on vacation for a week beginning next Friday.” She hoped she wasn't too presumptuous, but she also hoped he would take the hint and he did.

  “That’s great,” Billy said, “We should plan on going to Boston next weekend. Other than when I’ve taken a cab to appointments I haven’t gone to Boston in years.”

  As Sherry handed Billy back his jacket, she said, “Thank you so much for a lovely day, I really enjoyed myself.” They stood staring at one another for a brief awkward moment, and then Billy leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. As Sherry got into her car, he told her, “Drive carefully and please give me a quick call when you get home, so I know you arrived safely.”

  “I will Billy and thanks again for a great day,” reluctantly she drove away.

  Billy’s mind was more alive than it had ever been. He walked the short distance to his apartment with a little spring in his step that was very foreign to him, yet he embraced it. He retrieved his mail and made his way up to the third floor. He entered his apartment and hapha
zardly sorted through the mail. Bills, junk mail, life insurance offers and a few checks from clients for his programming work. He tossed the mail on the dining room table and walked into the parlor. He flipped on the parlor light and sat down to catch the end of the news and wait for Sherry’s call so he would know she made it home okay.

  He listened to the weather report, and only half paid attention to the sports segment. When the news anchor began to report on a multiple shooting that had taken place in one of the communities that bordered Boston Billy turned up the volume. Sadly there were two fatalities, one being an elderly woman who was simply sitting on her front steps, undoubtedly just trying to find some relief from the summer evening. Billy thought it was so sad that this simple decision to sit on her front steps would end up being the last decision she ever made. He prayed the shooter would be apprehended and brought to justice, but he was disgusted with the knowledge that no amount of justice would bring this woman back to her family.

  He sipped his tea and unintentionally drifted off to sleep in the chair. He was awoken by the ring of the phone a little while later and the sweet voice on the other end of the line.

  “Hi, I hope I didn’t wake you, but you asked me to call, so I just wanted to let you know I am home now.”

  “No, you didn’t wake me,” he fibbed so she wouldn’t feel bad. “I’m glad you’re home now, I had a lovely time today, thanks for coming down. Well, you get some rest now, and we’ll talk next weekend.”

  They both said goodnight and hung up the phone. Sherry took awhile to drift off to sleep. She had such a great time and felt so honored that Billy had chosen to share as much with her as he had. She was extremely baffled as to why the sudden change but she learned a long time ago that if you wait for the other shoe to drop, it inevitably does. So she decided not to question it but rather to revel in it.