Turning Point

by Danielle Steel

  “Maybe around six or seven,” Andy said in a hoarse voice. Everything was moving so quickly. It was one-fifteen in the morning, so he’d been sick for seven hours. She knew that children his age often died six to twelve hours after the onset of symptoms. It was one of the fastest moving, most lethal illnesses children could get. They were playing “beat the clock,” and Stephanie knew it as tears filled her eyes and she glanced at Andy. They took Ryan away five minutes later to do the spinal tap, and Stephanie asked to go with him, but the pediatrician wouldn’t let her. Parents were not allowed, even if she was a doctor and worked in the ER.

  “He’ll be out from the anesthetic in a few minutes. We’ll get him back to you as soon as we can. I want him in Peds ICU,” he said firmly and she nodded.

  “We’ll meet you there.” She squeezed Andy’s hand as they watched Ryan wheeled away on a gurney. He suddenly looked tiny. If he had meningitis, she was afraid Aden would get it, although it wasn’t certain he would. But worst case, they could lose both their children within hours. Mostly it was just terrible luck that Ryan had caught it, and unlikely lightning would strike twice.

  “Is he going to be okay?” Andy asked her as they went to the elevator to go upstairs to the ICU.

  “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “It’s not good.” She got a text from Gabriel then, wanting to know what was happening, but she didn’t answer. This was her time with Andy and she didn’t want to be distracted by anyone. They paced the halls together while they waited for Ryan, and didn’t speak to each other. There was nothing to say.

  “What do we do, Steph, if it is meningitis?” he finally had the courage to ask, and she shook her head.

  “Nothing. We wait and we pray. We’re already giving him an antibiotic. They’ll give him steroids after the tap.”

  They brought him back forty minutes later, still groggy from the anesthetic. They rolled him into a room and put him on a bed. A nurse took his vital signs, and another one hooked him up to monitors. He was still blazing, and they tried to cool him with damp cloths and added something to his IV to bring the fever down.

  The pediatrician came back to confirm what Stephanie already knew. Ryan had meningitis. It was viral, so he had a better chance of survival, but nothing was sure, especially at his age. He was dozing from the fever and the anesthetic, as Stephanie stood next to him stroking his hair. She couldn’t bear the thought that he might die, but she was praying he’d survive it. He was too little and too sick, and when she looked up, Andy was crying, and she was too.

  “How did this happen? He was fine this morning. And now he’s…” Andy choked on the words.

  “That’s how this happens, especially in kids his age.”

  “Can they do something?”

  “Not much,” she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  The doctor came and went for the next hour, and they brought in an infectious disease specialist, who spoke to both of them. He basically told them that although viral meningitis was less serious than bacterial, he still might die in the next few hours and they needed to prepare themselves. Andy broke down in sobs, and she held him. They didn’t leave Ryan for the next two hours. Stephanie wanted to be there if he died. She had seen patients die through her work, but this was her baby, her youngest child. It was unthinkable, but it was happening. And then his skin started coming up in boils.

  “What is that?”

  “It’s from the fever. He’s boiling inside,” she explained.

  They stayed there all night. And at eight in the morning he was still alive, but barely. It had been the worst night of her life. She had thought of everything she had done wrong, everything she wished she had done differently, the times she wasn’t with them because she was working, the marriage that had gone so wrong, while Andy got bitter and she got bored and they lost each other somewhere in the process.

  At ten o’clock, Ryan opened his eyes and smiled at them, and looked like an angel. She thought he was dying, but he sighed and went back to sleep and kept breathing. At noon he was still alive.

  The fever was down to 102, but he was still fighting for his life. She texted Valérie and told her what had happened and where they were, so she could tell the others. Gabriel was texting her frantically, but she didn’t have the heart to answer him. What if this was her punishment for having the affair with him? It all seemed so stupid and irrelevant now. She thought she loved Gabriel, and she was going to divorce Andy and move to France. But what difference did any of it make if Ryan died? It put everything into perspective.

  One of the nurses suggested that they go to the waiting room and lie down for a while. There was no one else there, and they’d been on their feet all night. They hated to leave him even for a minute, but the nurse said she would get them right away if anything happened. They sat down in chairs next to each other and looked like they’d been shipwrecked. He had survived for eighteen hours, which wasn’t enough.

  Andy was staring at her as they sat there. “I just want to tell you that whatever happens, I love you, Steph. I know everything has gone to shit with us, and it’s my fault. I got lost somewhere along the way, and jealous of you. You’re a star, Steph. You have a right to everything you’ve earned. And whatever happens with us, I’m going to get a job. We can hire someone to take care of the kids.” His eyes filled with tears as he said it and so did hers. Their marriage was over anyway. “I’ve been a shit husband, trying to hold you back. You have a right to all of it. I don’t know what went wrong for us. I don’t know what happened in Paris, and I don’t want to know. If you want a divorce, you can have it, and I’ll move out. But I don’t want to lose you, I love you and our boys. If you give it another chance after this, I’ll be better, I swear. You’re an amazing woman.” She was sobbing when she went to hug him, and they held each other for a long time, trying to face the reality that their child was dying. Stephanie just prayed that Aden didn’t get it too. They couldn’t lose them both. Or even one of them. She couldn’t bear it. But Aden was fine when she called Mrs. Sanchez to check on him.

  “I haven’t been a great wife either,” she said, as they sat holding hands. “It’s hard to do both. I want to be the best doctor, but then I’m a lousy mom.”

  “You’re not a lousy mom. And one day they’ll respect you for what you do. Other kids have working parents, and they do fine.” She nodded. That was what she had hoped but it was harder than she’d thought it would be. Someone was always getting short shrift, their marriage if not their kids. “I think I just gave up somewhere along the way. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself and being pissed at you. Do you want out, Steph?” It was a big question at the wrong time, but as she looked at him, she knew she didn’t. If Ryan died, they would need each other. They would either way.

  “No, I don’t,” she said in a voice raw with emotion, and knew she meant it.

  “Let’s try to make it work. I don’t know if we can, but let’s try. Not for them, for us. And they need us both.”

  They sat with his arm around her for a long time, and when Stephanie looked up, she saw Valérie and Tom in the doorway. They had come to check on them and sat down quietly next to them.

  “How is he?” Tom asked Stephanie.

  “Not good, but he’s still alive.” Tom nodded. They had brought some soup and sandwiches, and they only stayed a short time. They didn’t want to intrude, and they said the others sent their love. They’d canceled their meetings for the day, and they’d all had lunch together. Valérie had postponed her mysterious lunch. And Gabriel was beside himself and said that Stephanie wouldn’t answer his texts. But if her child was dying, she wouldn’t. She and Andy needed this time alone with him, whatever they did after that. Valérie wasn’t sure what was happening after she saw them, and she and Tom talked about it. He had the feeling that they were making peace, but it was hard to tell during the crisis.

  Th
ey went back and sat with Ryan after Tom and Valérie left. He woke up a few times, and the fever was slowly coming down. They had him down to a hundred by that night, and in the morning his temperature was normal. They had had Aden seen by his pediatrician by then, and he was fine. And Ryan had survived for thirty-six hours, which seemed like a miracle given how sick he was. It was Tuesday. Andy looked at her as a nurse brought them coffee in the waiting room.

  “Did you mean what you said, or was that just terror talking?” Andy asked her. He didn’t want to hold her hostage, and he knew she was in love with someone else. He’d known it since she came back from France. “About our marriage, I mean.”

  “I want to try. That’s all we can do. Let’s give it a shot.” She smiled at him. “I’m still me and you’re still you, the good and the bad parts. We used to love each other, and we still do. Maybe we can figure out how to make it work again.” He nodded. It was what they had to work with. It wasn’t perfect, but it was worth another try before they gave up.

  Andy went home that night and got Aden from the Sanchezes. He was fine. He wasn’t sick, and probably wouldn’t get sick now. She had promised to call Andy if anything happened and Ryan got worse again. He wasn’t completely out of the woods yet, even with viral meningitis. With bacterial, he would have been dead by then. She slept in a chair in his room that night, and she stroked his hair and kissed him, and thanked God that he didn’t die, and hopefully wouldn’t now.

  Andy relieved her in the morning, and she went home to shower and change, and then she called Gabriel. He sounded frantic when he picked up. They were continuing their meetings and had had the earthquake drill the day before.

  “My God, I’ve been worried sick about you. How is he?”

  “He’s still very sick, but I think he’s going to be okay. He has viral meningitis. Thank God it wasn’t bacterial, but he’s been very sick.”

  “I know, Valérie told us. She said you’d get in touch with me when you could. Thank you for calling me, my darling.” He sounded near tears.

  “I want to see you,” she said quietly.

  “Of course. Come to my room. I’ll meet you there.” She didn’t want to do that. She didn’t trust herself. She still loved him. But she loved Andy too. She knew that now. And it was too soon to let go and quit. If Ryan had survived and beat the odds, maybe they could too. And she knew something else now. Whatever happened with Andy, she couldn’t give up her job at UCSF. Not for Andy or Gabriel, or anyone. She couldn’t move to France. She wanted to stay here and do what she was doing there. It was too much to give up. She couldn’t give up her job any more than she could give up her kids. She didn’t want to start over somewhere else. She needed to stay here.

  “Let’s take a walk,” she suggested. “I need some air.”

  She met him at the Ferry Building and they walked along the Embarcadero while she told him what she had to do. She had to try again with Andy, even if it didn’t work in the end, but it might. And she couldn’t give up her job. She didn’t want to. It meant too much to her. He cried when she told him and told her she had broken his heart. He said he was going to get divorced for her, and she wondered if it was true. If he were, he’d have called a lawyer when she left Paris before he came to the States, but he hadn’t, and she might have ended up like Wendy, waiting years for him to leave his wife, if he ever did. She’d never know now. But the sacrifices would have been too great on her side anyway, a man, a marriage, a career that she had built for years and sacrificed for. She hoped that she and Andy could put the broken pieces back together. It was possible, but nothing was sure in life. She had almost lost her son in the last three days, almost left her marriage. She felt as though she had lost her mind for a while, and she had found it again. Whatever happened with Andy, she had found herself.

  “I won’t survive this,” Gabriel said dramatically. “I’ll go back to Paris tonight.”

  “Don’t,” she said simply. “We can do this. We’re adults. I love you, but not enough to give up my whole life for you. And maybe you don’t love me that much either. Stay, and finish what you came here to do.”

  “I can’t, you’ve destroyed me,” he said, and she tried not to smile. He sounded very theatrical and very French. Ryan almost dying made everything else seem very small in comparison. And if he had died, she wouldn’t have been talking to Gabriel at all, she would have been with Andy, who would have needed her more than Gabriel then.

  “Let’s try to do this nicely,” she said simply, but she wasn’t sure he had it in him. She left him at the Embarcadero, and walked back to her car and drove to the hospital. She had called Valérie before she got there and told her what had happened, and asked if she thought Gabriel would be okay.

  “He’ll be fine, he’s just being histrionic. We’ll talk to him. You’re right. He should stay. Things happen in life. Your boy almost dying is a big reminder of that. Things can change in the blink of an eye. And I’m not sure he would have gotten divorced. He’s too used to the life he has with his wife. We’ll never know now. But I think you did the right thing.”

  “So do I. However it works out. And I’m not giving up my work for anyone, and they shouldn’t expect it of me. He didn’t volunteer to move here, and he’s not even practicing anymore, he has a government job.”

  “Good point.” Valérie sounded happy for her, and most of all that Ryan had lived.

  Ryan was smiling when Stephanie walked into the room. Andy was with him and she smiled at both of them.

  “We have a young man here who wants ice cream,” Andy said happily.

  “I think that can be arranged,” she said, and asked the nurse at the desk to have some sent up from the kitchen. A bowl of vanilla ice cream came up a few minutes later.

  “That was fast,” Andy said as she handed it to Ryan, and he dug into it. There were still marks from the boils on his skin, and he was still very pale, but the worst was over, and he was going to survive. Maybe they would too. She hoped so. The doctor had said he could go home at the end of the week. Andy was going to watch him, while she did the rest of the conference, she didn’t want to miss it and Andy agreed. The housekeeper was going to sleep at the house to help with Ryan, while she was busy.

  Andy didn’t ask what she had worked out with Gabriel, but he could tell that she had. She seemed quiet and at peace, and she felt back in her right mind. She had gone crazy for a while. The school shooting, being in Paris, not having her husband or children around, their marriage being in trouble, but she had come back to earth and landed on her feet. It felt good to be her again. And Ryan was alive.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Marie-Laure and Paul went to Squaw Valley that weekend to ski, with the understanding that they were both free agents. They were fabulous skiers and he had fun skiing with her, and prowling the local bars at night.

  Valérie and Tom went to the Napa Valley for the weekend. He waited until they were at their hotel, standing on the balcony of their room, looking out over the valley, to ask her the question that had been tormenting him all week. He knew she had met up with her old friend on Thursday.

  “So how was your lunch date with your old boyfriend?” Valérie was an independent woman, and he knew he would never control her and didn’t want to try, but he didn’t want to lose her either. And he had fantasized a gorgeous French boyfriend who might stir up old embers again and cause a spark.

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you. He was never my boyfriend. We went to school together.” She grinned at Tom and he wanted to shake her. He’d been worried about it since she told him. “I just wanted to keep you interested.”

  “You have my interest, and my heart. You didn’t need to torture me,” he scolded her, and wondered if what she said was true. She was not above using feminine wiles, and she had on him. “So why did you have lunch with him?”

  “I did a little exploring before I came ove
r here,” she said, gazing at the valley, and then at him. “Jean-Louis teaches at Stanford at the medical school. He married an American, and they live here. He suggested something to me a few years ago that I wasn’t interested in then, but I might be now. It depends on you actually. He offered me a guest professorship, teaching psychiatry. I thought it was boring compared to what I was doing with the post-trauma programs. But they can run them without me now. Everything is in place, and the kind of situations we are seeing today take a lot out of you. They’re ugly. The world is more savage than it used to be. I think I’d enjoy being a guest professor for a year or two, and it would give me time to write another book while I’m here. I wanted to know if the offer would still be open to me.” Tom was listening to her, fascinated and holding his breath.

  “And what did he say?”

  “He said it would be,” she said softly and smiled at Tom. “I didn’t know how you’d feel about it. I wanted to ask him first. I can’t practice medicine in this country, or if I could, it would be a long, complicated process and I don’t want to do that now. But I can teach. I think I’d like that. I could start in September, if that seems like a good idea to you.” She had been saving it until she knew for sure, and she was planning to tell him over the weekend.

  “You are a busy little bee, aren’t you, Dr. Florin. I think it’s a fantastic idea. I’ve been trying to think of ways to get you over here, but you trumped me on this one.”

  “And I can get a work permit to go with it.”

  “You might have to marry me to get a green card,” he teased her, but it sounded like she didn’t need one. “So are you going to do it?”

  “Do you want me here? It’s not just my decision.” He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.