Derek nodded. “That’s what I intend to do. I plan to spend as much of the off-season with her as I can. I even told Keely I’d like to keep her while she and her new husband go on a honeymoon.”
“Wow … that can’t have been easy to say,” Reid said.
“It wasn’t,” Derek admitted. “I still love Keely, and I think I always will. But I messed up. I let her believe I didn’t care enough about her, so she found someone who will treat her the way she deserves. I’ll regret that forever, but there’s nothing I can do to change it now. The only relationship I can still save is the one I have with Brynn, so that’s my focus.”
Reid nodded as he listened. And the look in the younger guy’s eyes as he talked about regretting the way he treated his wife, the woman he loved, hit Reid hard. Maybe it was too late for him to fix things with Kate too, but he at least had to try. He needed to apologize and explain to her what had happened to him all those years ago.
It seemed the hardest part would be finding an opportunity to talk to her. Work was insanely busy, and he’d started seeing a therapist about his drinking and other problems.
Plus, he couldn’t find Kate. The only time he saw her was in her seats during the game. He went to her office a few times, but each time she was in a meeting or on the phone. At least that’s what her secretary said. He didn’t know how true it was. He thought about going to her house, but that hadn’t gone so well last time, so he decided against it. That would be a last ditch strategy, and as the weeks went on, it looked like he might have to use it.
The season was quickly winding down. The regular season, that is. The postseason was on the minds and tongues of everyone in baseball, including the Pioneers staff and fans. For the first time in franchise history, the team was poised to play beyond game 162.
The Angels had crumbled, losing 13 straight games and surrendering their division lead to the Rangers. Now the Pioneers were in second place, just three games behind the Rangers. The two teams would face off for a four-game set to end the season, so the Pioneers still had a chance to win their division.
There was also a wild card at stake. The Pioneers had grabbed the top spot at the end of August and hadn’t let go. As long as they won 15 of their next 24 games, they would retain that lead and stamp their first trip to the postseason.
As a result of the team’s success and also by her own design, Kate was a very busy woman. There were some increased demands on her time at work, but she’d also returned to the Reid avoidance strategies she’d employed when he first arrived in Portland. She realized now – too late – that she should never have stopped avoiding him. Now he was under her skin again. If she was being honest, she would have to say he’d always been there. But now he was even deeper. His drunken visit had rattled her more than she wanted to admit to anyone – and not just because of the press attention.
The media had dropped the subject, but she was fielding questions from other sources – namely her family and a few friends.
Jill called Kate one night to ask why she’d broken things off with Neal. Kate tried using the excuses about work and distance – the same ones she gave to Neal – but Jill pressed on.
“Neal seemed to think there was someone else,” Jill said. “And then that story about you and Reid came out …”
“There’s no one else,” Kate said. “I promise you. I don’t have time for anyone else. And there’s nothing going on with Reid.”
“You know, I know your history, so I was surprised when I heard you hired him,” Jill said.
“He knows baseball, and he’s a good hitting coach. That’s why I hired him,” Kate said. “That’s it.”
“Are you sure?” Jill asked. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if there were still some lingering feelings.”
“Oh, there are lingering feelings – mostly anger,” Kate said. “Seeing him has brought back memories of the way he just used me and left me.”
“But he was your first love, Kate,” Jill said. “You can’t tell me you don’t still have a little of that for him. And you told me about how hot you two were together. Aren’t you a little curious about if that’s still there?”
“No,” Kate said.
And she wasn’t curious. After the way he’d kissed her, she didn’t need to be. The heat between them was definitely still there. She hadn’t slept much after he left that night. Part of it was from the emotions and memories he’d stirred up, but there was more. Reid’s kiss had awakened parts of her that had been dormant for years – parts even Neal’s expert kisses hadn’t been able to rouse. And she hadn’t even been aware of it until his lips and tongue had coaxed them back to the surface. Her body had been buzzing with desire and the mere thought of that kiss still turned her on more than a kiss from any other guy. In fact, Reid’s kiss had affected her more than most of the sex she’d had since him. So, yes, there was certainly still plenty of heat between Kate and Reid, but she wasn’t about to let herself get burned again.
Even though she did not intended to explore things with Reid, she knew she had to break up with Neal. Staying with him wouldn’t be fair to him or her. She’d dropped the news on him in a phone call, which she realized made her just as bad as Reid. Neal had pleaded with her to give it more time and even suggested more frequent visits, but Kate knew that wouldn’t change anything and she told him as much. He finally stopped calling and texting, although she still wasn’t sure he’d accepted the break-up. She had a hard time accepting it too, and she hated that she had let Reid ruin this for her.
Thankfully, she only needed to avoid Reid for a few more weeks. She had already been looking into hiring a new hitting coach. It wasn’t that she planned to fire Reid. She certainly had grounds for it after the incident at her house, but she had opted not to exercise it to spare her own humiliation and any extra media speculation. She didn’t expect him to stay on as hitting coach, however. Reid’s agent had contacted her already to discuss his contract. Reportedly there were at least four teams interested in Reid’s services – as a player. Kate knew there was no way Reid would stay on as a hitting coach when he had a chance to play. As soon as the season was over, he would be out of her ballpark and her city. She just had to steer clear of him until then.
Her reprieve ran out when she arrived at the ballpark early for Fan Appreciation Day. He was just getting out of his Mercedes when she pulled into the parking garage. She took her time parking, hoping he would head on inside. Of course, that was not in Reid’s plans. As she got out of her white Audi, she saw him waiting near the elevator.
“Good morning,” he said. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
“Good morning,” she answered, keeping her tone even.
She pushed the button on the elevator, and her hand inadvertently brushed his arm.
“Kate, we need to talk,” he said.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said.
“I want to apologize again,” he said.
“I don’t want to hear it,” she said.
The elevator arrived, and she stepped on. Reid wasn’t about to let her escape. He scrambled into the elevator just before the doors shut, and Kate sighed in annoyance.
“You need to hear it,” Reid said. “I’m sorry about the way I handled things years ago. I had no idea it hurt you so much.”
Kate felt her whole body tense up. She hated that he had affected her then, and she especially hated that he affected her now. She wanted to say that, but she said nothing. She didn’t want to have this conversation, so she was fine letting it be a one-sided affair. Let him say what he needed to say and then he could just go away.
“A lot of things happened to me back then. I went through some tough times and I didn’t handle them very well.”
“Oh, and my life was a piece of cake,” she spat. So much for just letting him talk.
“Fair enough. But will you give me a chance to tell you?”
“I really don’t see the point. It won’t change anything.”
The elevator stopped on the floor where her office was. She stepped off without looking in his direction. He followed her down the hall and into her office, shutting the door behind him.
“You’re right. It won’t change anything. I can’t change what I did, but maybe you’ll understand why I did what I did.”
“I don’t want to understand,” she said.
She finally turned to face him as she spoke. She was determined to stare him down.
“I don’t want to understand what makes someone treat another person like that,” she continued. “I don’t want to understand why you thought it was okay to just toss me aside like I was no one. I’m not no one, Reid. I was not one of your little groupies. I deserved better than that.”
“I know you did, but you scared me,” Reid said.
“Scared you?” Kate asked. “What could I have possibly done to scare you?”
“You existed,” Reid said simply.
Kate frowned in confusion. “Are you drunk again?”
“Not at all,” Reid said.
“Well, you aren’t making any sense right now,” she said.
“I’m trying, trust me,” he said. “Here’s the deal, Katie. I decided a long time ago that I was never going to fall in love. It just messes up people’s plans and steals their dreams. I saw too many people get hurt.”
Kate could not disagree with that reasoning. She had experienced plenty of that.
“But then you happened,” Reid continued. “When you offered to tutor me in math, I had no idea I would start to like you so much. But you were so smart and nice and funny and beautiful. Damn it, the worst part is that you didn’t know you were any of those things. That just made me fall harder. When I kissed you that night after prom, I knew I was in danger of losing myself in you. That’s why I left without saying anything. I thought it would be easier.”
Kate just blinked, too stunned to speak. Plus, he was clearly not finished. Even though she’d been fighting this for weeks, she suddenly wanted to hear what else he had to say.
“I really thought I would be able to forget all of that when I went to college. Out of sight, out of mind, you know? And it worked a little. But when we got together that summer, everything came back to me. I realized I was absolutely in love with you and that scared the shit out of me. You were everything I wanted and everything I feared all in the same package.”
He paused and Kate swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to respond. She had not expected any of this out of him. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, Reid stopped her.
“My roommate in college committed suicide over a girl. I’m the one who found him. Everyone else thinks his death was an accident, but I know it wasn’t. He ended his own life,” he said. “Kate, he was one of the best pitchers I’d ever seen. There was no chance he wasn’t going pro. And he threw it all away over a girl. I decided I never wanted to let a girl have that much control over me. I knew the only way to make sure of that was not to fall in love. So I had to let you go.”
“Reid, I don’t know what to say,” Kate said.
“You don’t have to say anything. It was my turn to talk,” Reid said. “I’m really sorry I hurt you back then. You deserved better, and I regret that I couldn’t give it to you.”
He waited for a few moments, but Kate still didn’t know what to say to him.
“So … that’s everything. And I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “I need to get downstairs anyway.”
Kate nodded and watched him turn to go. She felt like she should say something, but she still couldn’t find the words. After the door closed behind him, she leaned against her desk and let out a long breath. She sat like that for a long time after he was gone, still letting all of his words sink in.
In the elevator, Reid leaned against the back wall and closed his eyes. He let out a shaky breath and was suddenly grateful for the slow elevator. He needed time to reflect on what he’d just done and get himself together again.
He had never poured his heart out to someone like that before. It had been a little scary when he started, but by the time he was done, he felt good. He’d heard that saying about getting something off your chest, but he always thought it was just a saying. Now he knew why the saying had been born. He felt decidedly lighter after saying all of that to Kate.
Kate had looked a little shell-shocked at his spiel. He didn’t blame her. He had unloaded a lot on her. If he was still reeling over it, there was no doubt she was as well. When all of his words were out, he’d waited for a response from her, but she’d been silent. He decided maybe she needed a little time. Or maybe she would never have a response. But now she knew how he felt and hopefully understood why he’d acted the way he did in their younger years. There were no guarantees, but he’d done his part and said everything he needed to say. What she did with the information was up to her.
He exhaled as that realization washed over him. He felt a little more composed by the time the elevator doors opened on the main concourse, but his relief was short-lived. Standing there, apparently waiting for the elevator, were Kate’s parents. And they weren’t alone.
“Mom? Dad?” Reid managed to choke out. “What are you doing here?”
His parents glanced at each other but didn’t answer him. Kate’s mom spoke up.
“I got in touch with them after we talked in Arizona and invited them to come with us this weekend,” Sharon said.
“We kept reading and hearing about how well you’re doing, and we wanted to see it for ourselves,” Sam said.
It was the first time he’d heard his father’s voice in months and the first time he’d heard it in person in more than a year. And it’d been much longer since he’d heard any semblance of pride, but there seemed to be a little in there.
“It’s not like I’m playing,” Reid said. “There’s really nothing to see.”
“We wanted to see you, Reid,” Kathy said. “We’ve missed you.”
He looked at his mother for a few moments as though trying to gauge her sincerity.
“We’re on our way up to see Kate,” Ron said. “We’ll give you three some time to catch up.”
He took his wife’s hand and they stepped into the elevator. Reid watched the doors close on Kate’s parents before he turned to face his own.
“Do you want a quick tour of the ballpark?” he asked them.
Sam and Kathy nodded, and Reid pushed the button for the elevator. As they waited, none of the Benjamins spoke. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence though. Quite the opposite. As Reid showed his parents the clubhouse, press room, batting cages, and dugout, he almost felt as though the last few years had disappeared. All of his mistakes that had brought his parents shame seemed to have been washed away.
They ran into a few of the players who had shown up early for the day’s festivities. Each one stopped to chat with Reid and shook hands with his parents when they were introduced. Carson Slater lingered the longest with Reid, talking about his swing and timing. Reid agreed to meet him in the cages early the next morning.
“The players really like you,” Kathy said.
They were seated in the dugout now, just looking out at the field. Some members of the grounds crew were out getting the field prepped for the game even though first pitch was still four hours away.
“Yeah, I think so,” Reid said. “They’re a good group of guys. They listen well and take my advice. Carson’s deal really isn’t his swing or timing. He’s just in a little bit of a slump, so I think it’s gotten to his head. I’m going to try and get him to relax.”
“They trust you,” Sam said. “That’s huge.”
“I guess,” Reid said shrugging. “It’s going to be hard to leave them.”
“You’re not going to stay here next season?” Kathy asked.
Reid shook his head. “Coaching has been fun, but I’m not done playing yet. My agent said there are a few teams interested in me. I won’t talk to any of them until the season’s over, but �
� I definitely plan to play again next season.”
“I see,” Kathy said. “Have you talked to your boss about that?”
Reid thought about Kate. They really hadn’t talked about anything work-related lately. They’d both been too preoccupied with their personal past.
“No, but I’m sure she won’t be surprised,” Reid said. “Kate knows I want to play.”
And he wasn’t completely sure Kate wouldn’t be glad to see him go, but he wasn’t going to tell his parents that.
“Well, you should probably discuss it with her directly,” Sam said. “After the favor she did you by hiring you, you owe her that.”
“I know,” Reid said. “And I will discuss it with her. Right now though, we’re both just focused on our playoff run. No one’s even talking about next season yet.”
Maybe it wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie.
“We always liked Kate,” Kathy said. “I thought maybe you two would date at some point. Is she still single?”
“Yes, but … that’s not going to happen, Mom,” Reid said. “I’m not interested in a relationship and I don’t think she is either.”
“You’ve always said you’re not interested in a relationship, but I don’t get that at all,” Kathy said. “Don’t you want someone to share your life with?”
Reid shrugged. “I don’t really have time, Mom. I need to focus on baseball.”
“And what will you have when baseball’s over?” Sam asked. “You know it won’t last forever.”
“I’ll still have friends and maybe I’ll even come see you two more often,” Reid said, hoping it would lighten the mood and change the subject.
It didn’t work.
“It’s not the same. And if you ask me, it’s not enough,” Sam said. “Sooner or later, your friends will all be married too. And we’d love to see you more, but we aren’t going to be around forever either. And then you’ll be all alone.”
“I’ve been fine alone,” Reid said.
Dropped Third Strike (Portland Pioneers #1) Page 24
