“Well, I want you to be better than fine,” Kathy said. “Have you ever even been in love, Reid?”
He stared out at the field unblinking. It was odd she would ask that on the day he first uttered that word to anyone.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said after a few moments. “I’ve chosen my career, my dreams.”
“It doesn’t have to be one or the other,” Sam said. “You can have your dreams and love.”
“Oh? How did that work out for you two?” Reid asked. “Because of me, you didn’t get to go off to college.”
“That doesn’t mean we gave up our dreams,” Kathy said.
“Right,” Reid said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.
“We didn’t,” Kathy said. “It’s true we had to delay our career dreams a little, but it was worth it to have you. Family was always part of our dream. You just came earlier than we expected is all. But we still got everything we wanted.”
Reid turned and studied both of his parents.
“She’s right, Reid,” Sam said. “We didn’t give up anything to have you. At least that’s not how we look at it.”
“Well, I’m sure you haven’t felt that way the last few years,” Reid said.
“You’ve made mistakes, but we still love you,” Kathy said. “We were only disappointed because we expected better out of you.”
“I did too,” Reid said. “I don’t know what happened to my bat.”
“We’re not talking about baseball here. You’ll always be an All-Star in our eyes,” Sam said. “Your off-field antics were what bothered us.”
“Oh,” Reid said. “Yeah, I didn’t deal with the pressure and stress well.”
“Clearly,” Kathy said. “Are you sure you want to go back to that? The pressure of playing?”
“Definitely,” Reid said. “A year away from it has been really hard. I’m ready to go back.”
“Have you found a new way to cope with stress?” his father asked. “Other than alcohol and women?”
Reid opened his mouth to say he had, but then he remembered the night he went to Kate’s. That night had been about jealousy, but that was just another unpleasant emotion, right? Maybe he really hadn’t learned a new stress management strategy.
“I’m seeing a therapist now,” Reid answered finally.
“That’s a good start, but maybe you should be sure you’re ready to handle the stress before you get back on the field,” his dad advised.
“I’ll be fine,” Reid said firmly.
He was glad when his parents dropped the subject. They didn’t have much choice. Their visiting time was over. Reid had obligations with Fan Appreciation Day, and he was due at an autograph table. He walked his parents back to the main concourse so they could go meet Ron and Sharon. A quick phone call told them the elder Marks couple was still with their daughter on the executive level. Reid gave his mom a hug and shook hands with his dad before they got on the elevator.
There was already a line at Reid’s table, which surprised and humbled him. All season, some of the players had told him he should be out there signing autographs with them before the game, but he thought they were just teasing. Surely no one wanted his signature. This line said otherwise. He waved to the gathered crowd and sat down. For the next few hours, he wrote his name more times than he could count and his cheeks hurt from smiling for so many photos.
When a security guard told him his time was up, Reid looked at those still in line. There were still about 20 people, and they looked sincerely disappointed that they hadn’t made it to the table. Reid didn’t like disappointing people – despite what his track record might imply – so he quickly went down the line and signed for the last few people.
He heard a familiar voice call his name as he handed the last baseball to a fan. His parents and the Markses were walking toward him.
“I’d love to chat more, but I have to get to work,” Reid said to them.
“We know. Kate just told us the same thing,” Sam said. “But we’re all going to dinner after the game.”
“Who is?” Reid asked.
“All of us plus Kate,” Ron said, gesturing to himself and his wife, Sam and Kathy, and then Reid.
“Is she on board with that?” Reid asked.
“Of course,” Sharon said. “Why wouldn’t she be?”
All four of the elders looked at Reid curiously. He could see the questions whirling in their minds. He didn’t want to give them enough time to voice them.
“No reason,” Reid said shaking his head. “I’ll see you guys in a few hours.”
Reid hurried off before they could press him for answers. And he prayed they would forget about his comment before the end of the game.
“Did something happen between you and Reid?”
Kate looked up from her phone in surprise. She’d been checking the scoreboard and standings while they waited for Reid, but her mother’s question caught her off-guard. She hadn’t expected that. Their visit in her office earlier had gone smoothly and there hadn’t been much talk about Reid then. Why were they bringing him up now? What had happened between the time they left the executive offices and the end of the game? The other three adults were also looking at her, awaiting her response.
“Why?” Kate asked, hoping she sounded casual. “Did he say something?”
“Not really,” Sharon said. “He just seemed surprised that you agreed to have dinner with all of us.”
“What exactly did he say?” Kate asked.
Sharon recapped the conversation they’d had with Reid after his autograph session.
“I don’t know why he would say that,” Kate said, looking back at her phone quickly.
Honestly, she’d been hesitant to go to dinner with both families, but when her parents suggested it, she didn’t have a good reason to decline. She couldn’t tell them why she didn’t want to face Reid. Her conversation with him – or rather his monologue – had shaken her deeply. His words were still fresh in her mind. She just kept hearing, “I was in love with you, Katie.” Her whole body had warmed at those words and she was surprised he didn’t notice the change in her. Then again, he’d bolted as soon as the words were out. Typical Reid. Get a little closer and then run away. Things had always been that way between them.
Hours later, she still didn’t know what to say when she faced him again. She’d have to figure it out, and now she’d have to make extra effort to appear normal with their parents as an audience and a suspicious one at that.
Thanks a lot Reid.
She hoped they could manage friendly conversation long enough to convince their parents nothing was going on. It was only an hour or so. Surely they could pull that off, right?
Her mental pep talk did nothing to prepare her for the moment Reid walked up to them.
“Anyone else hungry?” he asked. “After a win like that, I’m starving.”
They all started talking about the game as the group headed out to the parking garage. Reid sounded proud as he talked about the solid hits and plays from the Pioneers, who had needed a walk-off home run from Ian Davis to secure the victory.
They split into two vehicles – the men in Reid’s SUV and the women in the rental car. Kate prayed the mothers wouldn’t ask her more about Reid. Thankfully, the women were more focused on getting to the restaurant than inquiring about any awkwardness between their children.
At the restaurant, the baseball talk continued for a while. After they placed their orders, Kate asked her parents about her siblings, hoping to keep the conversation in a safe zone. She was hyperaware of Reid’s presence. He was at the other end of the table and she had barely looked in his direction all night, but she could still feel him there.
She was relieved when dinner was over and the parents declared their eagerness to get back to the hotel to sleep. The only downside was that their hotel was in the opposite direction of the ballpark where her car was still parked.
“I can give you a ride back,” Reid said, addressing her for
the first time all night.
They hadn’t talked directly to each other, but there really hadn’t been a need for it either. With their parents there, it was easy to talk to the whole group. But now they would be alone in a confined space. She didn’t know how she felt about that, but it really was her best option for getting back to her car. Calling a cab would be silly and it would probably require more waiting than she wanted to do. So she accepted Reid’s offer and tried to keep her reluctance hidden from their parents, who were watching the interaction.
After a few hugs, the group split up again. Kate climbed into the passenger seat of Reid’s car. His scent was everywhere in the vehicle and apparently he still wore the same cologne as he had in high school. She was immediately inundated with memories of prom and their first kiss, which segued into a mental replay of their most recent kiss in her living room. Reid was silent as all of this ran through Kate’s head. She wondered what he was thinking about but then decided maybe it was better she didn’t know. In fact, part of her wished she could go back to not knowing how Reid had felt about her all those years ago. Somehow, believing he hadn’t cared was easier than knowing he’d been in love with her and left anyway. While she understood his fears, especially after losing a friend, it still didn’t justify the way he’d ended things with her.
“It was fun seeing our parents, huh?”
His voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
“Yeah, I didn’t realize your folks were coming too or I would have given you a heads up,” Kate said.
“That’s alright. It was a nice surprise,” Reid said.
“I know you hadn’t seen them in a while.”
“No, but it won’t be that long again. I feel like we put the past behind us today.”
“That’s good.”
“I wish you and I could do that too.”
Kate didn’t know how to respond so she just looked out the window. Reid didn’t push her either, and neither of them said another word until he stopped his vehicle next to her car.
“Here we are,” Reid said.
“Thanks for the ride,” Kate said to him.
“No problem,” Reid said. “And Kate …”
She was halfway out of the car when he said her name. Against her better judgment, she turned back to face him.
“I know it might take time, but I do hope we can put our past behind us at some point. You still mean a lot to me,” he said. “I’ll wait as long as it takes and be ready when you decide you’re not mad at me anymore.”
“Reid, I’m not mad at you,” she said. “Trust me, I wish I was.”
Chapter 12
Kate meant what she said to Reid. She wished she could be mad at him. That would be so much easier to deal with than what she was really feeling.
Mostly, she was just hurt. That’s really all she felt when it came to him. Years after his actions, she was still just hurt. Even though he had apologized numerous times, she still couldn’t let go. She was starting to think she might never, and that bothered her more than her anger. Why couldn’t she invest her emotions in someone who actually deserved it? Someone more like Neal.
She tried to be mad at Reid, but it was no use, and she knew it. She had tried to be mad at him for years, but she never quite mastered it. There were times she thought she was mad at him, but when she looked closer, she realized she only wanted to think she was mad at him. It was better than facing reality.
Reid wasn’t to blame. She was.
Reid had broken her heart, but she’d never bothered to repair it. Instead, she just put up walls in the name of protecting herself. But it hadn’t made her stronger at all and she had only hurt herself more in the process. She had allowed Reid to control her emotions and every dating decision she’d made in the meantime. Or non-decision, as it was in some cases. In addition to rejecting a few suitors, there had been many she simply avoided. She’d always thought that made her look stronger and more in control. Now she realized it was quite the opposite. She’d never been in control. She had given that over years earlier and never really took it back.
She didn’t need closure from Reid. She didn’t need an apology from Reid. She needed those things from herself. And that was way harder than getting them from Reid.
Believing Reid had been the bad one all these years had been comfortable for her. She still believed he had done her wrong and she would probably always believe that. But she also needed to admit and accept that she’d been wrong too. And she didn’t like that. She’d never been good at accepting when she made a mistake. In this case, it meant she’d been wrong more than once and she’d made the same mistake over and over for a very long time. There had been no strength in her decisions and actions. Only weakness. Admitting she’d been wrong and weak for so many years was rough. It made her doubt her judgment in many areas, and she wondered what all she had missed out on because of her bad decisions. Dwelling on that was just as pointless as blaming Reid. And also quite exhausting. But she did it anyway.
While Kate battled her inner emotions and thoughts, the Pioneers were battling for a postseason berth. This meant she spent a lot of time at the ballpark – looking at contracts and numbers during the day and watching games in the evening. There were even a few extra inning affairs that kept her in her seat until after 11.
She didn’t mind those long days at all. The team was exciting to watch and the fact that they were playing meaningful games in September was even more exciting. In the final week of the season, the Pioneers enjoyed their first-ever champagne celebration in the clubhouse as they clinched a wild card spot. October baseball was coming to Pioneer Stadium.
Kate was grateful for the distraction. The busy days left her too exhausted to deal with her Reid-related worries. Most days anyway. She occasionally ran into him in the ballpark, which seemed smaller than ever lately. Their interactions remained civil, but Kate could tell Reid wanted to continue the conversation about their past and how it had leaked into their present. The way he looked at her and lingered a little longer after their brief business discussions seemed to let her know the door open for that conversation. She just wasn’t ready for that yet, and she was glad when he didn’t push it. He wasn’t shying away from her either. He was letting her decide when she was ready.
Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy. Sure, he’d been selfish and made some bad decisions, but that didn’t mean he was inherently bad.
The players certainly didn’t seem to think he was. In just a few months, Reid had made a powerful impression on the team. Kate shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, Reid had gotten to her pretty easily too – even if it was in a completely different realm. Reid just had an aura about him that made him easy to like. People gravitated to him without realizing it or understanding why.
As talk began swirling about the possibility of Reid leaving after the season, several Pioneers players approached Kate and begged her to do whatever she could to keep him. No one was more insistent about it than Derek Beaman. He even offered to transfer some of his pay – which was at the major league minimum – to Reid if it meant he would stay.
“That’s quite the sacrifice,” Kate said to Derek. “It’s not possible for me to do that, but I’m glad you like Reid that much.”
“Is he leaving because of his past with you?” Derek asked. “I saw some of the stories that came out after that night at your house, and he’s told me that you two have a bit of a rocky past.”
Kate’s face flushed a little. She didn’t know what Derek knew, but she sensed it was more than she wanted him to know.
“I hope you haven’t mentioned that to anyone else in the clubhouse,” she said.
“No ma’am,” he said. “I told Reid anything he told me that night was between us. Just like he’s kept secrets for me.”
Kate nodded, and now she wondered what all Reid had said. And what secrets of Derek’s Reid had kept. She decided none of it was relevant at the moment.
“Good,” she said. “And for the re
cord, my past with Reid has no bearing on his employment – one way or the other.”
“I didn’t figure … but I had to ask,” Derek said. “I think you could convince him to stay though. He obviously listens to you. Please. We need him. I need him.”
“Reid and I will have that discussion when the time is right,” Kate replied. “But at the moment, I don’t think Reid is thinking much about next season. And neither am I, honestly. We’re both just focused on the postseason. That’s what you need to be focused on too, Derek. Especially since you’re starting the first game.”
Derek grinned. “Yeah, I know. Trust me. I’ll be ready.”
Kate smiled and nodded. “You worry about the Tigers. Let me worry about Reid.”
The young pitcher seemed to feel better when he left her office. Kate hoped her answer hadn’t given him a false sense of optimism. She hadn’t decided whether she wanted Reid to stay or not. On one hand, he had given their offense the boost it needed and clearly his impact reached beyond just field performance. Players trusted him and counted on him. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure she could take another year of her emotions being in such upheaval. Then again, she had let her feelings for him rule too many decisions in her past, and it hadn’t done her any favors. She needed to approach this issue from a purely professional angle. With that in mind, she knew she needed to at least offer him another year as hitting coach. With that in mind, she knew what she needed to do.
Kate couldn’t think about next season yet though. The Pioneers’ current season was still very much alive.
Derek kept his promise to Kate. He was lights out in in Comerica Park. He shut down the Tigers’ offense almost completely, allowing just four hits through seven innings. He wanted to finish the game, but the manger didn’t want to take chances with Derek’s arm, so he let the bullpen take over. They quickly gave up three runs, but the Pioneers’ offense had already put five runs on the board. Derek and his team won the wild card game, enjoyed another clubhouse party, and advanced to the division series to take on the Yankees.
Dropped Third Strike (Portland Pioneers #1) Page 25
