* * *
During the next three days, I went through the motions of what I had to do in order to close the book on Mom’s short life. Nathan remained by my side, reminding me to do simple tasks, such as taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I took no interest in any of it and spoke only when required to. Even when Carrie’s and Tree’s mom came over to give their support, I was incoherent.
They brought food and sat with me for hours while I stayed balled up in the corner of the couch, hugging the blanket Nathan wrapped around me, staring off into space. Nothing seemed real or made sense in this thick fog that distorted everything around me. And when I heard my name being called, I’d glance at the person saying it, and tried to focus on the movement of their lips, but couldn’t comprehend what they were saying. Their words became foreign to me, but their touch broke through the numbness, pulling me back into my skin, and I’d collapse in their arms.
“You’ve always been like a second daughter to us.” I thought I heard their tearful voices say. But it was competing against the humming and whimpering noises reverberating from my chest, so I wasn’t sure. They left shortly after, and I dragged myself back into Mom’s bed, ignoring Nathan’s plea to eat something.
When Carrie and Tree came, I refused to see them, knowing if I saw their distraught faces, it would bring me to my knees. There was no way I could bear to see some of my own pain reflected in their eyes. So I stayed in Mom’s bed in a state of disbelief while Nathan spoke to them downstairs. I tried to grasp at the reality that I’d never see Mom again. Tomorrow, her body would be turned to ashes and eventually cast into the sea where my father’s ashes had been placed. But acceptance was far out of my reach.
“How can this be?” I moaned to myself. “This time yesterday she was here, but now she’s gone. Why? I don’t understand … I don’t understand … I DON”T UNDERSTAND!” I seized a pillow and sent it hurtling across the room on top of Mom’s dresser, smashing into the trinkets and empty glass perfume bottles. Without thought, I hopped out of bed, hearing thundering footsteps coming up the stairs, and snatched a vase off the night stand. I lifted it and forcefully brought it down on the nightstand, shattering it.
“Omigod, Paige!” Carrie screeched after Nathan busted down the locked door and seized my wrist, raising it above my head. The look on his face was a combination of horror and anguish.
“I’ll get a towel,” Tree said in the hallway.
I shook my hand in Nathan’s grasp. “Why can’t I feel anything?” I cried, eyeing the blood trickling over his hand and down my arm. I dropped to the floor, bringing him with me. “Why did my mom get taken away from me? Wasn’t my father enough?” I sobbed, and glanced at Carrie. She slid her back down the wall, burying her face in her hands, sobbing along with me.
I didn’t want her or Tree to see me like this–to feel my pain. But everything happened so fast, like I had no self-control. My emotions not only took me as its prisoner, but those I loved as well. It wasn’t fair.
“There’s a reason for all of this,” Nathan murmured, his eyes gleaming with tears. Tree handed him a towel and stepped back. I looked up at him. Tears were rolling down his face. A sob escaped my lips. “It’s not deep,” Nathan said, wrapping the towel around my hand. “But we need to clean it out.” He embraced me.
“I can’t deal with this anymore,” I said between sobs. “This is too overwhelming, and it’s killing me.”
“No, Paige, you can’t allow this to destroy the life inside you,” Nathan’s tearful voice whispered. “Remember what your father said. You must be strong and get through this.”
Carrie and Tree crawled over to me and encircled their arms around us.
“We’ll help you, Paige,” Tree said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
“We’ll always be at your side,” Carrie cried.
I wanted to ease their minds and tell them I’d be okay, but I couldn’t. I mean, honestly, throughout this past month, I’d been nothing but a blubbering mess due to my spirit being stripped from the armor that had been protecting it since my father died. And now I was defenseless and losing my will to fight. I knew it, but didn’t want them to know. The last thing I wanted was to cause them more pain. So I pretended to make an effort to get through this when really I could feel myself shutting down.
Beyond the Eyes: YA Paranormal Romance Page 47
