“I guess you were right about my father not taking immortality,” I told Nathan while loading the dishwasher, “and I really can’t blame him, but it still makes me sad.” I pushed the dish rack back inside a little too hard, causing the dishes to rattle and clink.
“Of course it does. You love your father, and it’s natural for you to feel the way you do.” He was leaning against the counter, watching me. “Do you realize this explains the premonition you had when you were four?”
I stood rooted to the floor and stared as what he said sunk in. I replayed that premonition in my head, and I could feel the pieces of the puzzle finally snapping into place.
“You’re right,” I said and repeated it out loud. “He’s going to leave you because he loves you, and it’s his choice.” I sat and rested my elbow on the kitchen table, holding my head in my hand. “He chose to stay mortal because he couldn’t bear living in this world without Mom and me. He probably thought when he did die, we would eventually join him. But if he became immortal, he’d have to exist without us.” Talking to Nathan about this was making me feel a little bit better about it.
“That’s right, and I have to be honest with you.” Nathan pulled a chair out, scraping it against the floor, and sat next to me. “I would have done the same thing if I were in his shoes.”
“You would?”
“Without a doubt,” he said earnestly. “There is no way I’d want to live without you, and I’m thinking that’s how your father felt about your mom.”
“They really do love each other,” I said. “I just wish Mom would find a way to deal with her loss. It hurts me to see her so sad.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “And I have an idea of how she feels.”
He held my hand. “Me, too. That whole week without you was pure hell.”
I looked at our hands and remembered what my father had told me to tell him. I told him everything else, but this somehow slipped my mind. I wiggled my fingers between his.
“I just remembered something.”
“What’s that?”
“My father told me to thank you for taking care of his little girl.”
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “My pleasure.” He paused and looked toward the living room. “I think your mom is home.”
I glanced at the clock on the microwave, amazed at how time flew by. She’d been gone for almost five hours, but it felt like she just left.
Several loud bangs came from the front door, startling me. My head automatically turned in that direction, and I saw a blurry version of Nathan, zipping out of the kitchen. I stood to follow him, and my chest suddenly felt like someone placed a huge ice cube inside it, raising goose bumps on my arms. Everything around me expanded and contracted in slow motion, and when I stepped forward, my feet felt like they were in quicksand. Nathan called to me when I edged toward the hallway.
“Stay there, Paige.”
I stopped when I heard his troubled voice and held onto the wall. The sound of the door closing punched through my gut, causing me to hold my stomach, as if I had a bellyache. My mind raced with questions: Who was at the door? What did they want? Was Mom okay? I shook my head to clear it, telling myself she was with her friends, having a good time.
But then I thought about the premonition I had yesterday and what my father had told me today. Another blow to the gut knocked me on my hands and knees. My forehead pressed against the cold tile, and my body quivered. I pushed myself into a sitting position and hugged my knees to my chest.
Was this really happening? Or was I being melodramatic? With everything that had happened in these past few weeks, it would be understandable for me to respond this way. But why did Nathan sound so upset?
Maybe I imagined him sounding that way; I tried to rationalize, while nervously exhaling. I rested my cheek on my knees and rocked, repeating in my head I was being paranoid, shutting all other thoughts out but that one.
I really didn’t know how long I sat waiting for Nathan, but when I heard the door open and close, it felt like he’d been gone for hours. I remained on the floor, though, in a perpetual state of rocking. I didn’t even look up when he entered the kitchen and got on his knees in front of me.
“I need to talk to you, Paige.” His voice rattled with emotion. He cleared his throat. “Your mom–”
I slapped my hands over my ears, violently shaking my head. “Noooo! Don’t say it!” I cried, the tears already flowing. He reached for me, but I jumped to my feet and marched through the house, calling for my mom.
“She’s not here, Paige,” his voice cracked. He went to take my hand, but I jerked it away and ran upstairs to her room.
“Mom!… Mom!… This isn’t funny,” I yelled between strangled sobs, running through each room, checking the closets and bathtub as well. She wasn’t there. I ran downstairs, still calling for her. Where in the hell was she?
“Please, Paige, listen to me,” Nathan’s voice choked behind me when I ran to the front door. “A police officer and Carrie’s mom was at the door. They wanted to talk to you, but I insisted they talk to me instead. They told me your mom was in a car accident, and she–”
I turned and pointed at him, refusing to allow his tearful eyes get to me. “I don’t want to hear it. She’s fine.” I spun, wrenched the door open, and ran into the cool night. “Mom!… Mom! …Where are you?”
The bright moon illuminated everything around me. I stopped in the middle of the street, mildly aware of a hooting owl in the distance and cupped my hands around my mouth. “MOOOOOOM!” I screamed, throwing my hands in the air and dropping them to my knees, sobbing.
Nathan held my shoulders. “Paige. Baby, please. She’s gone.”
I twisted my shoulders out of his grip and ran toward the forest, thinking maybe her car broke down, and she took a shortcut through the forest instead of walking the long stretch of road, but he grabbed me and picked me up. He felt cold, and his body was shaking, but I refused to give in. My mom told me she’d be back later, so she had to be out there.
“Put me down!” I pounded on his back with my fists. “She might be lost in the forest. I need to find her,” I sobbed. “Please, Nathan, she’s my mom.” She has to be out there.
“I can’t allow you to do that. It’s too dangerous,” he said.
“I don’t care!” I half shouted. “She said she’d be back. I need to find her.”
We were in the house now. He sat on the edge of the couch and pulled me down into his lap, still holding onto me. He sniffed a couple times and moved his hand across his face.
“I need to find her,” I repeated, sobbing silently on his shoulder.
With his hand on the back of my head he rocked me. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
My fingers went to my earlobes, and I touched the earrings she had given me today. None of this seemed real, and I couldn’t grasp my mom no longer existed in this world. I mean, she’d been here today, in this house, and now she’d never walk through the front door again. How could that be? Her bag still sat on the floor, next to the stairs, waiting for her to take it to her room, proof of her existence. But now she was gone and with my father …
“Oh, God!” I wailed, clinging tighter to Nathan’s shoulders. “They will reunite, and a new life will begin.” I covered my mouth, stifling the sobs.
“I know, baby. I know,” he hushed, still rocking me.
Suddenly, the phone rang with an urgency that bounced around us.
“Don’t leave me,” I said when I felt his body jerk.
His arms tightened. “I’ll never leave you.”
I rested my wet cheek on his shoulder as the phone continued to ring. The answering machine finally clicked on, and I heard my own cheerful voice saying to leave a message. It beeped loudly, and Carrie’s sobs filled the room. Fresh tears poured down my face.
“Paige. I’m … I’m.” She broke off, crying again.
“We’re sorry,” Tree croaked. “If you need anything let us know.” He paused. “My mom started her
night shift at the hospital when she saw them bring your mom in. She identified her right away and … ”
They were both crying, and I whimpered on Nathan’s shoulder.
“My mom and I stopped by your house,” Carrie’s scratchy voice said. “I’m sure Nathan told you. She called Brayden’s mom. They’ll be here Monday for the– ”
“I got off the phone with Brayden a few minutes ago,” Tree said. “He’s going to call you any minute. He’s devastated. We all are. We love you, Paige, and we’re here for you.”
I could hear Carrie bawling in the background before Tree hung up the phone.
“The funeral is Monday,” Nathan said. “Carrie’s mom knows the director. I spoke to him on the phone when you were in the house. I told him the sooner the better.”
“But I don’t know what to do.” I coughed and sniffed at the same time.
He rubbed my back. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”
Just then, the phone rang, and after the beep, Brayden’s husky voice came on the answering machine. I felt Nathan’s arms twitched around me, and for some reason, Brayden’s voice tugged at my heart.
“Hey, Paige, I heard what happened, and I’m sorry you have to go through this.” A long silence followed, and I thought maybe the phone line disconnected until I heard a weird noise come out of his mouth. And then he blew a deep “ah” sound out. “Sorry,” he said in a rough voice. “I… I wish I was there with you. When I heard what happened, I grabbed my stuff and hopped in my car to go to you, but my mom stopped me because she wants us to go together. We’ll be there Monday morning. I miss you like crazy, Paige, and I love you. See you in a few days.”
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I mumbled, not knowing what to think about seeing Brayden after two years of him being gone.
But right now I didn’t care. All I wanted was for this horrible nightmare to end. All I wanted was… my mommy back.
Nathan held my face in front of him. “We will get through this,” he vehemently asserted. His eyes were red and glassy, thick with emotion.
I dropped my gaze and wormed myself off his lap, not wanting to hear about it. Nathan didn’t say a word or moved when I dragged my feet up the stairs, avoiding looking at Mom’s bag.
I didn’t want to hear things would get better and as each day passed it would get easier for me. My mom was gone, and I’d never get to see her again. And so help me, if somebody says it was God’s plan to call her home, I’d rip their head off. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything right now.
Somehow, I found my way into her bed, barely recalling being in the bathroom. Heavy curtains hung over her windows. I welcomed the darkness, hoping I would fall into it so I’d never have to feel this insurmountable grief and despair again.
I crawled into the center of the bed and pulled a blanket over my shivering body. The cover didn’t provide enough warmth, but instead of getting another one, I curled into a fetal position and shook uncontrollably. The bed bounced and squeaked when Nathan climbed in. He curled his body around mine, spooning me.
“You’re so cold,” he murmured, pulling another blanket over us.
“What happened?” I asked in a feeble, tired voice.
He moved his hand gently along the side of my face, pushing my hair back. “Are you sure you want to hear this now?” I could tell by his tone he didn’t think it was a good idea.
“My eyeballs feel like sandpaper, and I don’t think I can cry anymore tonight. Besides, I need to know.”
He let out a slow, unsteady breath. “On the way home, a deer ran in front of her. She swerved to miss it and flipped the car several times. It went off the road and smashed into a tree. She died instantly.” He kept it short and to the point, probably to spare me the agony of having to endure all the details.
My eyes closed to the vision of her driving down a dark, desolate road, listening to her radio. I could see a deer darting out in front of her, and her car swerving to the right, then flipping several times. A scream bellowed out of me:
“MOOOOM!” I reached for her, but then realized when Nathan held me tight against him, I was doing it for real. My body jerked as dry sobs seized it. “Wh-why did she have to die?”
“I don’t know, baby.” His voice was low and woeful. “But I’ll help you through this.” He nestled his chin into the crook of my neck. “You’re not alone. You’re not alone,” he whispered, and began humming a Celtic song I think he made up in a desperate attempt to soothe me.
The ghost of Mercy must have shown up and taken pity upon me since that was the last thing I remembered before falling into an oblivious sleep.
Beyond the Eyes: YA Paranormal Romance Page 46
