Romantic Violence

by Christian Picciolini

  Thanks to Zia Lina, to whom I owe all my creative and artistic ambitions. To Zia Mary, whose arms I remember being held in and whose melodies sang me to sleep. She was the friend I needed growing up. I owe my sense of adventure, my street savvy, and inventiveness to Zio Nando. To you I say, sometimes it takes a bunch of wrong turns in life to eventually stumble back on the right path. These three were my real heroes when I was growing up, and I owe much of my inspiration to them. I hope they continue to influence those around them with their positive presence and caring natures.

  I owe a great deal to my indelible memories of Nonno Michele, the grandfather I so admired as an impressionable child. He not only built tables and chairs, but also helped build me. And where would I be without Nonna Nancy, who will forever remain in our hearts as the foundation of our family. I miss her toughness, her delicious meatballs, and her constant concern for my untied shoelaces.

  My old friend Mike W., who passed too early in life to fully complete his own transformation, showed me that actions truly speak louder than words, even if the actions are those of two misguided, troublemaking kids. He taught me through his unselfish actions that loyalty and support for family and friends are things you uphold first and ask questions about later. From him I learned that having someone you can trust and rely on makes you strive to become a better person yourself, so you can become someone they can trust and rely on when they need you.

  To Sarge, my old friend, it was me who drank all your beer that night. I hope you are finally free. Rest in peace, fella.

  Peace, love, and gratitude go to my extended Life After Hate family—some of the most remarkable and transformed human beings on this planet—Angela King, Frankie Meeink, Tony McAleer, T.J. Leyden, Tim Zaal, Robert Örell, and Sammy Rangel. Thank you for your continued human goodness, your kindness, and your daily inspiration. Live and love.

  Joan Jett, what can I say? You are as awe-inspiring to me today as the first day I heard your voice and music all those years ago. What you said to me in 1996, old friend, struck a chord, and I have never forgotten it. You are an amazing woman and an inspiring human being. On behalf of all those you’ve touched and stood shoulder to shoulder with over the decades: thank you.

  Many thanks to Nora Flanagan, the coolest and most tattooed English teacher I know. If not for her friendship and invariable nudging, this book may never have been completed.

  To my editor and my friend Michael Mohr. I’m so grateful we finished this journey together. Your invaluable insight and constant encouragement every time I threw my exhausted hands up pushed me to become a better writer and a better person. You also taught me to “kill my darlings” and, in the process, made me love the art of writing. Thank you.

  Jill Bailin, my proofreader extraordinaire, I may not be as cool as your client Hunter S. Thompson, but I’m likely just as grateful as he was to have had the pleasure to work with you. You were the perfect exclamation point to my giant run-on sentence of a manuscript. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to bring this baby home.

  To all those supporters and friends who came together and helped me fund the initial pressing of this book, I could not have done this without you. Thank you for believing in me.

  And lastly in mention but always first in my heart, this book is for Alex. My brother. My Buddy. The greatest regret in my life is not being there for you when you needed me. You inspired me to write about my story and your tragic death showed me that life is something to be respected, cherished and remembered, never taken for granted or forgotten—no matter how dark some of the memories might be. We have not been the same since you left us.

  Christian Picciolini (Photo by Mark Seliger)

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Christian Picciolini is an award-winning television producer, a visual artist, and a reformed extremist. His work and life purpose are born of an ongoing and profound need to atone for a grisly past, and to make something of his time on this planet by contributing to the greater good.

  After leaving the violent hate movement he was part of during his youth, he began the painstaking process of rebuilding his life. While working for IBM, Picciolini earned a degree from DePaul University and later began his own global entertainment media firm.

  In 2010 and 2011, he was nominated for three regional Emmy Awards for his role as executive producer of JBTV, one of America’s longest-running music television programs. He has worked as an adjunct professor at the college level, and as the community partnerships manager for Threadless.

  Most notably, in 2010 he co-founded Life After Hate, a nonprofit dedicated to helping others gain the knowledge necessary to implement long-term solutions that counter all types of racism and violent extremism.

  An explorer by nature, Picciolini loves to learn new things and thrives on challenging himself with “positive disruptive thinking.” He values kindness, sincerity, and respect for all people, and believes that small ideas can change the world.

  If you, or someone you know, is in the dark, lonely world that racism takes you to, ExitUSA can help.

  No judgment. Just help. There is life after hate.

  Find out more at: www.exitusa.org