The Harder the Fall

by Lauren Barnholdt

  “How do you know?”

  “Because,” I say. “It wouldn’t have.”

  “What are you two crying about?” Micah asks, walking back over to us. He’s holding a cardboard container of french fries in his hand, and he picks one up, drags it through a pile of ketchup, and pops it into his mouth.

  “I’m not crying,” I say.

  He looks at Rachel. “Well, why is she crying?”

  “Can I tell him?” I ask.

  She shrugs. I decide to take it as a yes.

  “Because she thinks that if she’d been around your sister more before she died, she might have been able to save her life.”

  Micah shakes his head. “That’s ridiculous. Lyra died because her heart condition was a lot more serious than anyone thought. No one could have stopped her from dying.”

  Rachel frowns. “But I read that her heart thing could be exacerbated by stress.”

  “Yeah,” Micah says, “but like I said, what she had was a lot worse than the doctors initially thought when she was born. There was nothing anyone could have done for her.”

  “Are you sure?” Rachel asks.

  “Yes, I’m sure. I’m her brother, for God’s sake.”

  Rachel manages a small smile. And even though Micah is totally annoying, at that moment I want to hug him.

  “You thought this whole time you had something to do with it?” he asks Rachel. “Because you didn’t. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Lyra would be really upset if she knew you were thinking that.”

  “She would?”

  “Of course. She was always going on and on about how, no matter what, you would always be her best friend. She had a fight with that ridiculous Talia girl anyway. I’m pretty sure they were done being friends. And besides, Lyra always said, no matter what other friends the two of you guys had, you’d always be her best best friend.” He thinks about it. “Which is a very girly thing to say, and I don’t quite understand it, but whatever.”

  “Thanks, Micah,” Rachel says, beaming.

  “Feel better?” I ask her.

  “I do.”

  “I have an idea,” I say. I take my phone out of my bag. “What’s Talia’s number?”

  “Oh, God,” Micah says, rolling his eyes. “I only went on one date with her. You don’t need to text her to find out about it. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  I look at him incredulously. Is this guy for real? Why would I care about his dumb date with Talia? I will be so glad when Lyra moves on and I can go back to my life. “This has nothing to do with you. Talia’s been texting Rachel, being really mean and telling her all these bad things your sister was saying about her. Things that are obviously untrue.”

  “What?” Micah looks really mad. He sets his french fries down on the table that’s in front of our alley and shakes his head. “My mom would freak out if she knew.” He thinks about it and then nods. “Yeah, she should definitely call Talia’s parents and tell her to cut it out.”

  “I don’t want anyone’s parents getting involved,” Rachel says. She shakes her head and twists her hands in her lap. “Then Talia will just find another way to torment me, and probably even worse.”

  “You might not have to get her parents involved,” I say. “What’s Talia’s number?”

  Rachel hesitates, but then finally rattles it off. “Why?” she asks anxiously. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to take care of it,” I say. I start to type a text into my phone. Lyra looks over my shoulder as I do it.

  This is Lyra, I type. I found out what you’re doing to Rachel, and I am NOT HAPPY. Stop doing it or I will haunt you forever.

  The reply comes a second later, and it’s just as I suspected. Yeah, right. Get over yourself.

  I look at Lyra and raise my eyebrows. She knows exactly what I’m thinking.

  “Tell her about how she kissed Simon Moncello at her party, and how I caught them and she made me promise not to tell anyone,” Lyra says.

  APOLOGIZE TO RACHEL, I type, OR I WILL TELL EVERYONE HOW YOU KISSED SIMON MONCELLO AT YOUR PARTY.

  A second later Rachel’s phone beeps. She reads the text and looks at me, her jaw dropping. “She said she’s sorry,” she says. “And that she won’t do it again. How did you do that?”

  “I told you to leave it to me,” I say, smiling as I slip my phone back into my bag. Score one for me! And for Lyra.

  I turn to give Lyra a high five. Or as much of one as you can give to a ghost. I don’t even care that it’s going to make me look totally crazy.

  But when I turn around, Lyra’s gone.

  Now that Lyra has moved on, I’m actually able to relax. All I have to do is get through this night, and then there will be no more trips to the salon, no more lying to Brandon about why I’m there, no more lying to Ellie. And with everything settled, I’m actually able to start enjoying myself. Even Rachel starts to get into it.

  We order some nachos and mozzarella sticks, and are just about to start on our second string of bowling when it happens.

  I look up from high-fiving Rachel after I throw my first strike to see Brandon, Ellie, and Kyle walking into the bowling alley.

  “Oh my God,” I say, looking around wildly for somewhere to run.

  But it’s too late. I lock eyes with Ellie, and a second later Kyle turns to see what Ellie’s looking at, and then he sees me, and then he elbows Brandon, and then the three of them are looking at me.

  We all freeze, just staring at each other for what feels like forever but is probably only a few seconds.

  Then Ellie glares at me and starts to come over. Kyle and Brandon follow her.

  “Oh, hey, guys!” I say brightly. “What are you doing here?”

  “What are you doing here?” Ellie asks. Wow. She looks really mad. Like, the maddest I’ve ever seen her, maybe.

  “I thought you were doing homework tonight,” Brandon says.

  “I was,” I say. “But, um, I decided to go bowling.”

  “You decided to go bowling after blowing off the texts I sent you?” Ellie asks. “The ones where I told you I was getting home from my grandma’s house early and asking if you wanted to hang out?”

  “Um,” I say. “Well, it was the funniest thing. You see, I ran into Micah and—”

  “Save it,” Brandon says. “There’s no way.”

  Ellie nods, then crosses her arms over her chest. Her eyes bore into me, and I’m so embarrassed that I have to look away. “Um,” I say, “it’s complicated.”

  Kyle shakes his head. “Not cool, Kendall,” he says. “Not cool at all.”

  “Whatever,” Ellie says. “If you want to lie to us, that’s fine. But don’t insult our intelligence by coming up with ridiculous excuses when you get caught.”

  And then, before I can stop them, they go walking to the other side of the bowling alley without looking back.

  “Who was that?” Rachel asks.

  “Just, um, some friends from school,” I say, forcing a smile onto my face.

  “That was her boyfriend,” Micah says, slinging his arm around my shoulders. I duck out of his embrace and blink hard. The last thing I want is to start crying in front of everyone.

  Micah shrugs and then walks back up to get his bowling ball. He tries to pull it off the little conveyer belt that returns the balls to you, but when he does, the belt reverses direction and his ball starts going backward down the track.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he says. He’s trying to get his fingers out of the ball, but he can’t. In fact, he’s getting carried along with the ball, like the conveyer has a life of its own. Finally he breaks free. “Jeez,” he says. “Talk about being dangerous.” He shakes his head. “We totally have to switch lanes.”

  And that’s when I see her—Mrs. Dunham. She comes whooshing out of our alley from the back, where the pins are. Her energy must have started making the whole conveyer belt go wonky.

  She starts jumping up and down on the lane faster and faster, twirli
ng around happily in a circle before disappearing again. Obviously she’s thrilled about what just went down between me and Brandon.

  Suddenly I feel completely overwhelmed with how much of a big mess everything is. Ellie’s mad at me. Brandon’s mad at me. I might have lost my best friend and my boyfriend in the same night. And even if they weren’t upset with me, it wouldn’t matter. Mrs. Dunham is determined that Brandon and I shouldn’t be together, so much so that she’s willing to do anything to keep us apart. But why? Does it really have something to do with my mom? And if so, what?

  I feel like the walls are caving in on me, like the whole room is spinning. I can’t take it anymore.

  “I think I’m going to go,” I say to Rachel, gathering up my bag. “I, um, I’m not feeling good.”

  “You’re not?” she asks. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think it’s something I ate.” I kick off my bowling shoes and slip my street shoes back onto my feet.

  “Oh, no,” she says. “Let’s call my mom or Micah’s mom to come and get us.”

  She goes to signal to Micah.

  “No, that’s okay,” I say. “I can walk.” And then, before she can say anything else, I’m running out of there.

  When I get outside, the cool night air hits my face and instantly makes me feel better. But not too much. I start to head home, running as fast as I can. When I get inside, there’s no sign of my dad or Cindy.

  There’s a note on the counter, letting me know that they couldn’t find anything good on TV and decided to go out to a movie. For once I’m thankful they’re on a date. That way I won’t have to deal with them.

  I head up to my room and change out of my clothes and into a tank top and a pair of pajama pants. I shut the light off and climb under the covers. It’s dark and I’m in the house alone, but I’m not even afraid of Mrs. Dunham coming back. I’m too upset to feel anything else, even fear.

  I start to cry then, and I cry so hard and for so long that my head feels heavy and I start to get a headache. I pull out my phone and text Ellie and Brandon both, telling them that I’m sorry and that I want to explain. But neither one of them texts me back.

  I try to fall asleep, but I can’t. I end up tossing and turning, kicking at my blankets. I hear my dad and Cindy come in at around eleven. They seem happy and chatty, and when my dad knocks on my door and peeks in to check on me, I pretend to be asleep.

  At around two in the morning, when Cindy’s long gone and my dad’s in bed, and I’m still lying there staring at the ceiling and trying to fall asleep, I come to a decision.

  I’m going to have to tell them. Brandon and Ellie.

  I’m going to have to tell them everything.

  I’m going to have to tell them about how I can see ghosts.

  Chapter

  13

  I’m up and in the shower at eight the next morning. My dad’s bedroom door is shut, and so I’m assuming he’s still sleeping. That’s good. I don’t want him asking me questions about last night and what I did.

  I dry my hair and then get dressed in jeans and a soft gray sweater. Then I sit on my bed and wait until the clock says nine o’clock. If Ellie isn’t going to return my texts, then I’m going to have to go to her house and talk to her in person.

  And even though I’m eager to get this over with, I think that showing up at someone’s house before nine in the morning on a Saturday is probably pushing it. I want to show her that I care, but I don’t want to come across as a stalker.

  I write a quick note to my dad telling him I’m going to Ellie’s for breakfast. Which isn’t exactly a lie. I am going to Ellie’s. Just not for breakfast. Although, maybe if we make up, she’ll invite me in for a snack or something.

  It’s a little bit of a long walk to Ellie’s house, and I’m anxious to get there as soon as I can, so I grab my bike out of the garage and start pedaling toward her house. It’s cold out, and the wind nips at my face. Fall is in full effect, with no trace of summer left, a fact that’s made all the more clear as my bike tires crush the leaves that are littering the sidewalk.

  When I get to Ellie’s house, I park my bike in her driveway, climb her brick steps, take a deep breath, and knock on the door. It’s way too early for doorbells. I don’t want to wake the whole house up.

  “Kendall!” Ellie’s mom says as she opens the door. “What are you doing here so early? Is everything okay?” She looks behind me, like she’s half expecting me to be chased by kidnappers or something. She’s not that far off—Mrs. Dunham is lurking in the bushes.

  “Oh, everything’s fine,” I say. “I just wanted to see Ellie. Is she here?”

  “No,” Ellie’s mom says. “I’m sorry, Kendall, but she went swimming at the Y with Brandon and Kyle.”

  “Oh, that’s right.” I snap my fingers, like I just forgot that’s where she was, and not like the three of them obviously made some kind of plan without me. “I forgot that I was supposed to meet them there.”

  “Okay.” She frowns, still looking a little confused and worried. “Would you like me to drive you?”

  “No, that’s okay,” I say. “I have my bike.” I scamper back down the steps before she can ask me anything else, especially, God forbid, if my dad knows where I am. Adults are always asking you if your parents know where you are. It’s kind of annoying.

  The Y is three miles away, and by the time I get there, the morning free swim is letting out. A bunch of kids are coming out the door, their hair still wet from the pool. I have no idea why Ellie, Brandon, and Kyle decided to go swimming this morning. They’ve never mentioned it to me before, so it must be something they just came up with last night. The thought of the three of them talking and making a plan, a plan that they were intentionally keeping me out of, makes my heart hurt.

  I head into the Y. There’s a big sign in the lobby that says FUND-RAISER FOR HAILEY THAYER TODAY. Hailey Thayer is a girl at the high school who had a kidney transplant last year. She’s fine now, but she has a lot of medical bills that need to get paid.

  I forgot that the Y was doing a fund-raiser for her. Kyle, Ellie, and Brandon must have decided to come at the last minute.

  I peek into the pool area and see the three of them joking and laughing with a couple of other kids from our school. I take a deep breath and decide to wait out here. I don’t think I should walk in there in front of everyone and ask Ellie if I can talk to her. But as soon as she comes out, I’ll ask her if I can have a moment to talk to her alone.

  I sit on a bench, swinging my legs under me, ignoring Mrs. Dunham, who’s in the corner, glaring at me. I kind of want to glare back at her, because that’s just the kind of mood I’m in, but I don’t want to antagonize her. She’d probably start a tidal wave or something.

  So instead I just sit there, inhaling the scent of chlorine that’s wafting from the Y’s Olympic-size pool, watching as people come out the locker room door and into the lobby in groups of twos, threes, and fours.

  When Ellie, Brandon, and Kyle finally come out, they’re talking and laughing. Ellie’s hair is pulled back into a sleek ponytail, and her cheeks are rosy from exercise. Brandon’s hair is still damp, and he’s wearing a fleece pullover that makes him look so cute, my heart squeezes.

  “Ellie,” I say. I mean to call her name, but it comes out as almost a whisper. “Ellie,” I try again.

  She looks around, confused. But the smile on her face disappears when she sees that it’s me. “Kendall,” she says, walking over to me. “What are you doing here?”

  “Your mom told me you were here,” I say.

  A look of guilt flashes across her face, and it gives me hope. If she’s feeling guilty that she made a plan without me, then there might be a chance that we can be friends again. “We just decided to come last night,” she says. “It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

  I nod. I’m not going to give her crap for making a plan without me. I have no right to do that. And besides, that has nothing to do with why I’m here. “Hey,
do you think we can talk for a second?” I ask.

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Kyle says, putting his arm around her. “You lied to her and made her sad.”

  I glance over at Brandon, who has moved a few steps away and is looking down at the ground.

  I take a deep breath. “Ellie,” I say. “Please? I have to tell you something really important.”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think so, Kendall,” she says. “I’m really tired from swimming, and I kind of don’t want to deal with this right now.”

  She turns around and starts to walk away, Kyle following behind her. I call her name, but she doesn’t answer. My eyes fill with tears. So that’s that. I really might have just lost my best friend. The thought of it burns deep in my soul.

  I thought I was doing the right thing, but maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have been helping Lyra move on to wherever it is she went. Or maybe I could have figured out a way to help her without lying to everyone who’s important to me.

  I would have dealt with Lyra haunting me forever if it meant that Ellie would still be my friend.

  I turn away. I’m not going to follow them, because that would just be too humiliating. I’ll wait until their ride shows up, and then I’ll go outside and get my bike.

  I sit back down on the bench and put my head in my hands, wondering how everything got to be such a big mess. Seriously, a month ago my life was—well, not perfect, but definitely not this much of a disaster. How did this happen? Maybe I need one of those life coaches. You know, the ones who help you navigate through your life when you’re too messed up to do it on your own.

  I’m just about to get up and check to see if the three of them have left yet when I feel someone sit down next to me.

  I turn to look, my heart racing, hoping that it’s Ellie, that she’s come back to tell me that no matter what, we’re always going to be friends, that she’s mad now but of course she’s going to listen to what I have to say.

  But it’s not Ellie.